Send Him My Love

that it been a wonderful evening and that the rendition of Handel’s Messiah had exceeded my expectations. She agreed that the evening had also exceeded her expectations. I then spoke from my heart and confessed that it had been wonderful being with her and that I had had really a great time with her. And she said it was wonderful being with me and that she had also enjoyed every moment of the evening that we had spent together. It became clear that she wanted me to kiss her. So I obliged and started to kiss her. We kissed each other intimately and intensely, our lips and tongues moving for what seemed to be an eternity in heaven. I could not believe that I was intimately smooching Cheryl. If anyone had said while we were still at high school that I would one day have Cheryl’s amazing hot body in my arms and her lips pressed passionately against mine, I would have treated that possibility as highly remote, if not completely improbable in every possible world in the universe.

  When we drew back to look at each other, I decided it was time to ask her the question: ‘Where do we go from here?’ She replied smiling seductively, but also affectionately: ‘Where would you like it to go?’ I did not reply directly to her counter question, instead I said that I liked her a lot and thought that she was not only amazingly beautiful, but also a wonderful person. She replied that she was glad to hear that. It made her feel good. Then I said that I would like our relationship to grow. She replied that she would also like that, and it was something that she also really wanted. So it seemed that we both wanted our relationship to grow. It was evident that our feelings and desires were mutual and reciprocal, and now by all accounts we were now in a committed relationship. Things seemed to have moved very fast to get us to this point in one week. But before this we had not been complete strangers, we had been friends for quite a while, and had got to know a bit about each other, we had been alone together on many train journeys, so we had a background of comfortable familiarity on which to build a more intimate relationship. In the back of mind I could not help feeling that she had chosen me to be her new boyfriend, but why me? I filed this worry away in mind and put the matter to rest. I thought to myself: let love prevail!

  The December holidays had started and we both had part time jobs, but at every opportunity we went out for dinner or to see a movie or went somewhere, and at the end of the evening we always parked in the dark under the tree in the park. Our physical intimacy became increasing intense and passionate and it seemed that we were drawing closer and closer to brink of that magical and beautiful moment. I did not know whether she was on the pill and I could not bring myself to place a box of condoms in the car cabby. But I held myself back even though our petting had become dangerously intense and adventurous.

  Of course Sheldon took a keen interest in the progress of my relationship with Cheryl. I disclosed nothing and refused to gossip about Cheryl and when I clammed up he would shrug his shoulders. I would not listen to any criticism and I always defended Cheryl’s honour and integrity. I felt I had nothing to worry or be concerned about, she was always full of affection towards me. And this is what counted most to me in my esteem, it was the warm affection which she showed towards me, it was like a magic tonic to my soul, it always left me feeling elated and very special. Affection, I had discovered, was an unbelievable wonder working emotion and she had so much affection to give. And she said that she loved me, especially in our intensely intimate moments. We had reached the stage in our relationship when we could freely express the fact that we loved each other deeply. When I eventually told Sheldon that we were in love, like always, he just shrugged his shoulders and said: ‘I am glad for both of you.’

  Then one day while we pumping iron in his garage Sheldon suddenly asked if Cheryl had ever placed her hand on my groin and squeezed my private parts while I drove the car. I was shocked at his blatant question. It made me angry, I felt offended by his prying in my private and intimate affairs with Cheryl. I said it was none of his business. Then he said that she used to do this with him and it would get him going and in the end he couldn’t control himself when he was with her. Whenever he was alone with her he lost complete control of his desires, and it was this which led him to becoming very badly burnt. In his relationship with Cheryl he found himself sinking helplessly into an abyss of carnal sin and all-consuming lust. The next thing that Sheldon asked was if she had ever told me about the various male friends that regularly visited her, especially one individual in particular, a person called Grant Saddleworth. Sheldon, Grant and Cheryl were all in the same class during high school. During high school Grant and Cheryl also went out on an on – off basis. Grant was now studying medicine. Sheldon said that Cheryl always said she got this taste in her mouth whenever Grant was about to visit her. I didn’t want to know any more about this kind of stuff regarding Cheryl, so my friendship with Sheldon grew cold and I stopped seeing him. However, he reminded me that he would be around as a good and loyal friend to pick up the pieces when I eventually fell apart.

  I only saw Sheldon at church and apart from greeting, we barely said two words to each other. Cheryl was aware that a rift had developed between Sheldon and me. She would often remark: ‘What is wrong with him!’ And there would be a frown on her brow.

  After we had been going out for almost a year she began to let me know that this male friend or that male friend or Grant had popped in at her home to say ‘Hi’. I would respond: ‘Oh that’s nice!’ And I hid any feelings of insecurity that I happened to feel whenever she divulged this information. I never asked questions. Instead I pretended to be nonchalant. I made a conscious effort to trust her. On week day during the September holiday break I phoned her to let her know I would like to come over. She replied that Grant was coming to see her for a short visit between 12.00 and 14.00 and I should rather come at 15.00 or so. I began to feel insecure, I began to feel extremely agitated. I could not settle down or do anything. I looked at my watch every few minutes. I felt like going over to Sheldon for comfort and advice. But them my pride got the better of me. I remembered what he had said about being around to pick up the pieces when I fell apart. I began to imagine that Grant her old high school flame was banging her, especially because she had developed this taste for him. I had these sudden terrible intrusive mental images in mind that she was performing fellatio on him. The horrifying mental image would not go away. Maybe I did not know her as well as I thought.

  I got into such a state that I began to feel completely overwhelmed with desperation. I became increasingly convinced that I was at the brink of losing everything beautiful that I had in my relationship with Cheryl. I could not wait any longer so at quarter to two I got into my car and sped over to Cheryl’s house. I arrived just as Grant was driving off. Cheryl had already gone back into the house. I knocked on the front door. When she opened the door and saw it was me she could not hide her shock and surprise. She did not expect to see me until three oʹ clock. I barely recognized her. Her face was made up, she was wearing bright red lipstick, her nails were painted bright red, she was wearing pull up stockings and black stilettos, and she was wearing a low cleavage black satin cocktail dress with the hem barely covering her thighs. I didn’t know whether I should shout at her in anger because of her perceived infidelity or embrace her tightly and make love to her right away. I ended embracing her tightly and said that I loved her, and she said that she loved me too. I felt my hand going under her dress, I began to pull her panties off, I lifted her up and carried to the lounge sofa, she said: ‘No not in the lounge, let’s go to my room.’ She locked her bedroom room and I fell upon her like an animal and we make passionate love. Afterwards she said in passing that I should not worry about her becoming knocked up because she was on the pill. We lay on the bed and she held me tight, she stroked my hair, she kissed me and she said that she loved me deeply, and she was glad that I had decided to make love her and what we did from the moment that I arrived was so beautiful, so wonderful, this act of uncontrolled sexual madness was something she found beautiful. I began to believe that this was wh
at she wanted all the time.

  After a while I asked her how many people was she able to love at once. She said she could only love one person at a time and that person was me. She said that has never betrayed me when it comes to love and affection. I didn’t want to ask what she meant by that. In my mind she loved me only, she bestowed all her affections on me alone, but then she could still be fucking every Tom, Dick and Harry while being dressed up as a brazenly wanton harlot. I suddenly realized that I actually knew more about Cheryl than anyone else, and I think she had also realized that. I was hoping that she would realize that she had a good thing going with someone like me who was able to think rationally and logically about intricate matters when it came to love. I think I had acquired the ability to be a bit of a mind reader when it came to Cheryl. She did not betray any sign that I was about be rejected or that she had grown tired of me or that she wanted to break up and move onto another relationship. Because of this I was in reality her emotional prisoner.