The Circus in Me

  The chosen words I enlightened him with made his physique dissolve into the dust. It was alright in a manner of speaking. To engage one another in a method of teaching; we were still unsure about whether the connection lived. Precise we both frightened to probe.

  We stayed close. As a couple would, infinite matchmaking in progress. Our touch passed neither stop nor go. We were floating along the lines of safety visors and cautionary tape. If we pressed to deeply would all that perspired, eventually expire? The excitement raised in his eyes every time I opened my mouth to profess language, clarified that I held the switches of control, movements of doing and not doing.

  Time will spell out the moments we wish we could teleport back; roving around like we are lost. Held onto one another like destiny was on payroll.

  I’ll write from the beginning where I first saw the world end. Right as the breath escapes the last bombs, confessions of the story will be told with a point of view from a once Amish follower.

  Briggs turned to me. Couldn’t I just pretend I loved him right then and maybe forever? Till death parted us in spirit and might. I would always long for his capacity of boldness next to me, always aching for me. I to ache for him.

  His shade of blue taunted the water as they crashed upon the riverbanks, defeated in submerging tides. I was white as he held color. My name was the only thing that turned heads, not justifying that state of human I allowed myself to be. My memories are concise. Words from Briggs evolved me into something more than real. I thought back to when I would worship for these days. Every day he saw me, as Trae Lae, not as Tracey Aliza. To others it may seem miniscule, but I promise a magnitude of deviance.

  What are the facts about forever? Are test results creditable? Can such things be proven? Am I the only one wondering if fate will let this one slide? May we decide for ourselves if we are chosen for each other?

  Constructive palm laying atop of mine. It would be unfortunate if I did not grasp onto the muscles and veins pulsing within the tips.

  “Trae Lae…” I am reminded to not speak unless spoken too as he uttered my name.

  Worry painted over my eyes. I tried unraveling myself from the twenty-two year old body.

  “Don’t tell me this was a mistake?” As he held the fragile frame warned to keep my own. Wasn’t every action performed mistakable these days? People rarely satisfied. I assure you, all of us among them in some manner.

  Briggs, my thoughts not deceiving me, rather empowering me. I pick a part every scene and assess you won’t be the one leaving me in the end; I will be.

  “Now, don’t go changing your mind about this every five seconds, Trae.”

  “I love you too Briggs.” I couldn’t resist any longer.

 

  Ρ