The Circus in Me

  We drove up to the vacant arena filled tonight with orange and silver striped tents. Light bulbs strung across high as flagpoles. The parking lot sizzling with excitement and curiosity.

  We were the last pair to arrive. Talia handing out tickets at the toll booth. Her face in remembrance as it smiled upon me.

  Surprise, I fortified coming back to our home. She finished with the elderly couple ahead of us. Greeted me with an overreaction of a welcome hug.

  “We’ve missed you here Trae Lae. I’ve greatly missed you…” Those words hung on longer than her fingertips on my wrist.

  “Yes, I’ve missed you guys too.” I shifted my mood as well as direction.

  “This is Briggs. Briggs, Talia, the Moon Maiden.” His eyes perked up; her beauty astounded him, momentarily.

  “Hi, Talia. I’m Briggs, junior BYU-I student.” His grin made her look away uncomfortably.

  “I am familiar with who you are, thank you for coming to our show.” Her eyes cast down.

  “Where shall we sit Talia, are there sitting arrangements in order?”

  She nodded with dramatics, pulling us toward her with beckoning fingers.

  “This way.”

  ◊

  We sat on the opposite side of the entrance. The grand stand packed with enthused customers and curators. The make shift magicians taking their place’s up on the podiums’.

  Leonard, amongst them going up in the world of circus entertainment. Velma the fat lady singing her heart out. Every act better than the last and more intriguing then the next in line.

  Briggs seized strong to my hand, I welcomed my former life I eloquently escaped. I saw Tagert in the corner of my eye, staring desperately at me with angry eyes.

  “Excuse me, one moment. I’ll be right back.” I got up and walked over to where he hid backstage.

  “Okay.” Briggs turned his attention to Talia, who was keeping observations on him.

  “What exactly does The Moon Maiden do?” Prying for a simple, but enticing answer as always. His charm captivated her. The dress she wore, a cloak handed down by many fairytale lineages.

  “I am a mistress to the moon. Its needs are met by my whims. Its wants are all I manifest.” Poetic terms of agreement greeting Briggs with a smack on the lips.

  “Yeah, sounds great! Did you see where Trae Lae went?” He looks around to join the escape.

  “Where do you think she is sweet boy? Tagert is in town.” Nice copout Moon Maiden.

  “Tagert?” Scanning to find another exit door he appeared in the alley.

  ◊

  Tagert’s eyes glued over my undeceivable body. The cigarette thrown next to my feet that stomped out the embers.

  “How you been, darling?” Breath icy crisp.

  “I’ve been well. Tagert, I’m well.” My position made it easy for him to understand the somber mood.

  “Looks like you’ve been good, Lae.” Not the one and only to call me by that nickname.

  “Thank you. How are you doing?” Attempts to skimp dirt off leather sandals.

  “I see you brought somebody. Your knight in a college pullover?” Laughter juggled up from his diaphragm.

  I felt all of a sudden foolish. Did bring him consummate bigger mistakes than others in past tense?

  “Not like you would assume Tagert. I am a tiny bit foggy about the rules or regulations on dating. He’s just a friend for the time being.” I was almost convinced myself, friends do things benefitting each other on occasion.

  “It seems like something to me, Amish flower.” Post abandoned, as he came towards me.

  “You can hardly claim dibs on someone you’ve had momentary flirtations with. So we kissed get over it!” Tagert and I did, kiss so why couldn’t I get over it?

  Cold fingers stroked my forearm.

  “I know, baby girl.” Took nearly into his long arms.

  “I’ve missed you… Lai.” Pecks placed on the lower lobe of my ear. Close to let myself go to him. Briggs was there to consider, and another note to consider was WHAT THE HEN OUT OF THE HOUSE ARE YOU THINKING!? Tagert remained a creeper by definition.

  “You’ll have to go on longing for golden locks elsewhere bro. This one is in high demand and what a coincidence I’m first in line.” Briggs grabbed my wrists, reclaiming the property of ownership.

  There I stood in between love and hate. Man and just a guy I once told giving threats with other’s fists.

  Joy we were ten years old again.

  “Tell me again how you are acquainted each other? Oh, right I must have forgotten. You met at Mormon Academy. Did they set the two of you up?” He began to lite another cigarette, “an arranged marriage, everything you’ve ever dreamed about Lae.”

  I grimaced.

  “How about you just back off on the particulars circus boy?” Briggs gently gave him a light shove on the shoulder.

  “Briggs was it? Let me let you in on a little secret. I’m her first and I will always be with her first and last, bud.” He spit at him.

  What the ugly duckling was Tagert ranting on about? We smooched our lips once. Now they are playing who slay the cherry first puzzle.

  “First off nothing happened...” I began to interject.

  “You have a lot of nerves Tag man. The things you say do about a girl like Trae.” His fists became white.

  Talk of me the same way Tagert did just different words, similar in meanings.

  “How about you stop acting like were buddies.” His mouth growled.

  “Both of you please quiet your voices! Lower your insufferable tone!” I covered my mouth in a gasp. Memories of spouting out against men would get you in trouble for the unkind of fellows. Glaring was an act I clearly should have practiced more, my point being overlooked. Anger radiated out of my fingertips, dwelling on the ridge of my nose.

  “Well let’s see how it goes. We might end up best friends swapping inside stories.” Briggs gave out a hand for him to shake. The gentleman in him acting now.

  Tagert grinned an evil gaze.

  “I popped that pretty cherry over four years ago. How do you like my sloppy seconds, bro?” His hands were in his pocket confirming no evidence of true or false.

  Anyone cares to indulge me as to why cats were out of plastic bags? I was allergic to feline creatures.

  We attracted a crowd of no grand scale, but a scale of mosh pit worthiness.

  Heart races, acknowledge the pounding giving me.

  “TAGERT!!!” Tamer yells from the sidelines. “Cool it man!” His grasp escapes the arm of Tagert as he stumbles out of sight.

  “Sorry, man. My brother is just trying to get under your skin.” His arms in surrender, giving up to Tagert’s actions.

  “He is just testing you. I know what he says isn’t true. He would never touch a girl like Lae Lae.” That look told me the truth. Nice to finally know I wasn’t a screwing whore. It was getting pretty hairy there for a moment, predicting which way it was going to end. Man my life story was fascinating.

  His stance soften as his figure began to approach mine. Tamer hugged my shuddering body, and I tapped his back in consolation.

  “I’m sorry. Briggs.” My voice low and toward the ground. My eyes began to water. The works of strength became thin, and I exposed weakness.

  “I know Trae.” Was all he said. He walked away from me and the scattering individuals. I lost him in the cold chill of the evening breeze.

  “You okay Lae Lae? Tagert can be a real baboon!” His curse word made a degree in me shudder.

  “Yeah, fine. Thanks, Tam.” I nestled my head on top of my right shoulder.

  “Let’s go inside.” We turned toward the opening in the tent. A slit welcoming the family of the curious crowd. We made our way back and there in front of me stood my sister. Tamer ran ahead and greeted her with a grand kiss.

  I tried dodging around the merry folk. I scrambled my brain figuring another way.

  “Wait! Lae Lae, this is
my girlfriend I told you about, Aubrie…” His lips pulling apart from her saliva.

  “Aubrie Ayn. Nice to make your acquaintance.” I bowed my head with a little curtsy.

  “Nice to meet you as well, oh you are so proper.” Her voice clinging to a southern fried chicken accent.

  “Lae Lae? Is that short for something?” I knew she would sense my façade of a calling.

  “Tamer is the only one that calls me that.” I smile shyly, hiding my real identity.

  “My name is Trae Lae. A shortened version of a longer explanation.” I glanced at her and I knew she saw me.

  “Very pretty name for a young woman.” Her accent vanishing and her proper upbringing returned. Nodding in agreement I hurried to excuse myself.

  “Thank you for the compliment. This is Briggs.” Nudging the boyfriend who wrapped himself around my waist.

  “I’ve met with him before.” Green swirls convincing me to run and hide.

  “Please excuse us we must wash up for dinner.” I turned my direction and headed for the car.

  “Tracey Aliza. Is that you?” My cover blown. Oh holy shizzer!

  Q