The Impossible Vastness of Us

  I hated him.

  I tightened my arms around my knees and shoved my face against my skin to block him out.

  “I gotta go to work.”

  “She ain’t going to school?”

  “Nah. They’d feed her.”

  “She could just eat while you’re gone.”

  “I emptied every inch of the place.” He laughed, a wheezy sound I hated just as much as I hated him.

  “You’re sick,” she said.

  If she thought so, why didn’t she do something?

  I felt a stinging burn against my head, the crack of his hand echoing in my ears. I winced and looked up at him.

  He sneered down at me. “Don’t move a muscle or I’ll know.”

  I nodded, so relieved when they were gone.

  I waited a while before I dragged my tired body over to the trash can. I pulled the doughnuts out, wiping cigarette ash and some spicy sauce off a few of them before I shoveled them into my mouth. And I cried the whole time.

  * * *

  By the end of second period the next day, I knew bulimic had been added to my roster of fictional problems after a girl I didn’t know leaned across her desk as I finished an energy bar before Calculus 2 started.

  “Bryce Jefferson told me all about you so I need advanced warning if you’re going to puke that up, because I don’t handle vomit very well.” She wrinkled her nose at me.

  I blinked at her, confused for a few seconds, before it dawned on me that Eloise had told Bryce about my kitchen escapade the night before, and Bryce had clearly told everyone else. It was bad enough the whole thing had given me nightmares I didn’t want—I didn’t need this crap.

  “I’m not bulimic. But it’s good to know you are so concerned about a possibly life-threatening disorder affecting a classmate. You should win an award or something for most compassionate student. No, wait. I mean the most self-centered dipshit award.”

  Her mouth fell open in outrage and she shifted her entire desk away from mine with a screech across the hardwood floors.

  That probably wasn’t the best way for me to go about making new friends.

  As it turned out I shouldn’t have worried too much about alienating one of my classmates. By Day Four at Tobias Rochester, Eloise’s friends had done that for me. I had not made one friend and the only classmate that spoke to me at all was Gabe, and that was to flirt with me briefly in the cafeteria. It didn’t make me feel too special, however, because it became clear as he mingled with other students that Gabe flirted with a lot of girls.

  I’d also exhausted all avenues regarding extracurricular activities. It turned out every team was full—the debate team, yearbook, events committee... I’d even asked about the math and science teams but apparently only geniuses were allowed and I was rejected because of my mere above-average brain. As for athletics, they had no soccer team so I was already at a disadvantage. I couldn’t play basketball or lacrosse, I couldn’t fence or dance (at least not at the level Tobias Rochester dance team could), I couldn’t sail, row or play rugby or squash. The only thing I was good at was running but the cross-country team was full, which left me with just plain old running. Not exactly a team sport but I signed up, anyway.

  Tobias Rochester was a small and competitive school. If you didn’t get your foot in the door of a team the first day of the school year it was doubtful you ever would.

  The only other extracurricular options left to me were the Tobias Rochester Chronicle and whatever Eloise could rustle me up in the theater. I still hadn’t heard from Franklin and every time I walked into Modern European History I braced myself for disappointment.

  On Friday I did just that as I strode into his class.

  “India,” Franklin said as soon as I stepped into the room, “see me after class, please.”

  I sucked in a breath and nodded, not wanting to get my hopes up. Part of me wished he would just tell me before class started so I knew one way or the other if my school career was destined for the toilet.

  Settled at my seat, I kept my head down, not looking up when the seat next to me scraped back. My breathing came a little faster and I hated that Finn made me apprehensive. I refused to acknowledge his presence just as he’d ignored my existence for the last four days. We’d passed one another in the hall and, like Eloise, he’d looked anywhere but at me. He never spoke to me in the three classes we shared and he’d also ignored me last night when Eloise had her crew over to hang out by the pool and eat pizza. Thankfully Theo and Hayley hadn’t been home so I wasn’t forced to go out and sit with them all.

  I did think it was weird that last night was the first time I’d seen Finn at the house since my first day there. Plus, he’d never been there alone. It bugged me that I was so curious about his and Eloise’s relationship. Why should I care?

  I cut Finn a look out of the corner of my eye. He was wearing a dark blue Henley with black jeans. All week I’d seen him in shirts that were rolled up at the sleeves and suit pants. Today his top was more fitted, highlighting his broad shoulders and slim waist. I’d discovered Finn was the only junior on the school’s very distinguished rowing crew, and to top that he was the stroke, the most important position in the boat. The stroke was the rower closest to the stern and set the stroke rate and rhythm for the rest of his crew to follow. In a way he was kind of like their leader, their captain.

  Turning my focus on Franklin, I listened as he went over what we’d been discussing all week. Toward the end of class he sat on his desk and grinned at us in a way that made me wary. That was a grin that wanted something from us.

  “So,” he said, “I’m going to split you into pairs and each team is going to give the class a verbal and visual presentation in two weeks.”

  The tops of my ears got hot at Franklin’s announcement. This could either be a very good thing for me, or a very bad thing. If Franklin teamed me up with someone I didn’t know, then there was a chance I could straighten out a few of those rumors and actually make a friend. But if Franklin teamed me up with—

  “Finn and India, you’ll be partners. Your topic is the Lisbon earthquake of 1755 and its social and political effects on the rest of the world.”

  I was screwed.

  I tensed as Franklin smiled at us, completely unaware of the major disaster he was creating.

  I didn’t hear a word he said after that.

  Bracing myself, I turned to Finn.

  The muscle in his jaw ticked.

  So he was pissed.

  Well, that just pissed me off.

  “Looks like you’re going to have to make eye contact with me,” I said.

  He turned his head slightly to look at me. “Looks like it.”

  “You know I’m not really a drug addict, right? Your good buddy Gabe made that crap up.”

  His lips quirked at the corner.

  My God...was that an actual semismile?

  “I know,” he said.

  “So that should make working with me a little more reassuring.”

  I got no reply.

  “You do also know that there is actual talking involved in a verbal presentation?”

  “Was it the word verbal that gave it away?” he said.

  I smirked. “I’m just pointing out that you’re going to have to work on this whole brooding monosyllabic thing you’ve got going on if we’re going to get a good grade.”

  “Noted.”

  “I guess you’re going to start working on it tomorrow, then.”

  He sighed and sat back in his chair to look at me fully. “Do you have a smart reply to everything?”

  “Not to Toaster Strudel.”

  If I wasn’t mistaken that little quirk at the corner of his lips came back.

  Did Finn actually have a sense of humor?

  B
efore I could say anything more the bell rang, ending class. Finn immediately gathered his stuff.

  “Before you go, we should arrange a time to meet up for this presentation.”

  “After school Monday? I don’t have rowing then.”

  “Sure. Where?”

  “Front gate.” And with that clipped response he strode away.

  Once the class had filtered out to head for lunch, I made my way over to Franklin. My heart rate was a little fast.

  Do not get your hopes up. Do not get your hopes up, I chanted over and over in my head.

  “India, thanks for staying behind,” Franklin said when I approached.

  “Of course.”

  “I’m sorry I’ve taken all week to get back to you. I was hoping to let you know what the situation was sooner but one of our students on the Chronicle surprised us by quitting. Too many after-school activities apparently.”

  That meant there were two spots open on the paper, which gave me a better chance.

  Do not get your hopes up.

  Franklin smiled widely at me. “India, I have to admit that I’m really impressed by what you accomplished at your school paper. The stories you oversaw were current, important and on point. I particularly loved the article you wrote on your interview with the mayor. You asked some hard questions about city council budget cuts. Relevant questions.”

  I flushed with pride at his compliment. “Thank you.”

  “The other candidates were good but they weren’t good enough. I doubt any of them are truly interested in the Chronicle as much as they’re interested in adding as many extracurriculars to their schedule as they can to impress the Ivies.”

  I raised an eyebrow at the comment and he laughed.

  “I never said that.”

  “I never heard it.”

  “No matter my theories, the truth is at the end of the day you’re the best candidate. That’s why I’d like to offer you a place on the paper.”

  Finally I was getting somewhere. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I see you doing well with the Chronicle. I think if you work hard enough this year the goal of making editor in your senior year wouldn’t be a fanciful one.”

  Just what I had in mind. I grinned. “That would be wonderful. I’ll be the best book reviewer the Chronicle has ever seen.”

  Franklin chuckled. “I’m sure you will. You’ll hopefully also be our final reader...our Ethics Maven. If you like?”

  I was stunned by the offer. The Ethics Maven may not be a reporter but it was the person that gave reporters and editors the third degree on their stories, made sure they’d done their research properly, that their sources were legit and basically that they’d covered all their bases before the story went to print. It was a much better position than I’d hoped for because it meant I was involved in the process of mostly everything that went into the paper.

  “Yes.” I gave a huff of pleased laughter. “Yes, of course. That’s great.”

  “You can cope with both? Of course, I’ll be the final reader for your book reviews to keep things fair.”

  “Fine, great.”

  Franklin nodded and started to walk me toward the door. “Fantastic. Then welcome to the Tobias Rochester Chronicle. We’ll see you Monday after school in the newspaper office.”

  “Great,” I agreed, and strode out of there feeling much happier than I had in a while.

  It wasn’t until I hit the cafeteria and caught sight of Eloise’s table that I remembered I was supposed to meet Finn after school on Monday.

  Crap.

  * * *

  I failed to find Finn to rearrange a time to meet to start on our presentation, but I’d probably see him over the weekend at the house or first thing at school on Monday.

  For the first time ever I returned to Theo and Eloise’s house feeling not entirely grim about my new situation. For once Hayley was home when Gil delivered Eloise and me to the house but she was with her wedding planner. They were surrounded by magazines, pieces of material and a couple of large folders overflowing with what I could only assume was mind-numbing wedding “stuff.” Not wanting to get dragged into it I called out a quick hello and ran up the staircase. From what I could hear Eloise didn’t make her escape quick enough and had been drawn into the wedding zone.

  Smirking at her misfortune I got settled in my room and did my homework for a few hours before Hayley stopped by to tell me dinner would be ready in thirty minutes.

  I waited for her to leave and then decided I was done with homework for the night. Taking the back staircase so I could grab a soda from the kitchen before dinner, I was passing the second floor when I heard Theo’s raised voice coming from his office.

  The sound made me tense and without even thinking about it I tiptoed closer to his office door. It was open a crack and when I peeked inside I saw Eloise sitting in a chair opposite her father’s desk. Theo sat behind what was possibly an antique desk, glowering at his daughter.

  “Do you want to know how I know you’re lying?” he snapped.

  I flinched back so I wouldn’t be caught, but holding my breath, I stayed to eavesdrop. I thought eavesdropping kind of sucked, but I’d been dumped into this strange house with a guy I didn’t know at all, and I’d do anything to uncover who he really was.

  Eloise hadn’t replied to his angry question.

  I heard Theo sigh. “I asked Headmaster Vanderbilt to keep an eye on things at school and report back to me on India’s progress. Would you like to know what he told me?”

  More silence from his daughter.

  “He told me he overheard a student aid in the office gossiping with a friend about how you are not only not making India feel welcome but that there are some suspicions you are responsible for a heinous rumor spread about India on her first day at school. Something about her recent stay at a drug rehabilitation center and being a bulimic as well as a recovering drug addict?”

  “Daddy, I didn’t spread those rumors. That was Gabe and Bryce. I told people they weren’t true. I did, I promise.” She actually sounded like she meant it.

  I heard Theo sigh again. “I believe you. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have shirked your duties this week. I specifically asked you to look out for India. Instead you’ve left her out in the cold. Is there something I’m not aware of? Are you unhappy with my relationship with Hayley and taking it out on India?”

  “No, Daddy. I’m happy you’re happy. I like Hayley a lot.”

  She sounded sincere about Hayley and I felt a pang of unease at the thought of the two of them growing close.

  “So why aren’t you being welcoming to India?”

  “I didn’t mean to be unwelcoming. I just... I don’t know how to be around her. We’re very different. It just felt easier to go on as I did before...before she got here.”

  I was shocked by the whole conversation. It would seem Theo did care about how well I fit into my new life. I still didn’t know if that was because it reflected well on him or if he really cared about my feelings.

  “Eloise, you’ve lived a very privileged life.” His voice had softened now. “India has not. You’re right. Our world is very different than the world she’s used to, and I can only imagine how overwhelming it is for her. You have to try to put yourself in her shoes. Compassion, Eloise. Compassion and kindness. You will show both to India. You will help her navigate the academic and social world of Tobias Rochester and you will teach her everything she needs to know in order to thrive here. Next week I expect to hear something very different from your headmaster. Is this understood?”

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  I stepped away quietly, hurrying down the hall and downstairs out of sight. The conversation I’d overheard made me feel unsettled and I wasn’t quite sure why. What I was sure of was that
nothing would change come Monday morning. Sure, if Theo had threatened to cut off Eloise’s allowance, then maybe she would listen to him, but he hadn’t so I suspected I’d still be enjoying my lonerhood come Monday.

  Not too long later I found myself at the dining table with the configuration that called itself my new family. Theo had immediately asked Hayley about her day so we got to listen to her go on about wedding plans again for another night. When she stopped to draw breath, Theo quickly asked me about my day at school.

  I thought about the happy way it had ended. “I got two positions on the Chronicle.” I shot a look at Eloise but she had her head down, her fork moving some chicken around and around her plate, not seeming to hear a word I said. I turned back to Theo and Hayley. “I’m their new book reviewer and their Ethics Maven.”

  Hayley grinned. “Sweetheart, that’s wonderful news! Oh, we should have gotten your favorite dessert to celebrate.”

  “Ethics Maven?” Theo’s grin was almost as big as Hayley’s. “Really? India...that is fantastic. I’m very proud you made that happen in your first week. On your own, too,” he added meaningfully.

  It sort of bugged me that he got how important that was. I didn’t particularly want to like anything about him.

  “What’s your favorite dessert?” Theo asked me.

  “Pecan pie and vanilla ice cream,” Hayley replied for me.

  “Well, Eloise and I love pecan pie and vanilla ice cream, too. We’ll send out for it. One second.” He disappeared from the table before I could say anything and when he came back a minute later he smiled. “The local bakery is closed but Rosa is running out to the store to see if she can get a frozen one. Not quite the same but it should do.”

  Hayley looked at him like he’d just said he’d solved world hunger. She leaned over the table to kiss his cheek. Her eyes flicked to me as she sat back in her seat. “What do you say, India?”

  I just stopped myself from frowning. I hated it when anyone prompted me to act a certain way. Since it was a pretty decent thing he’d done, though, I managed to say thank you without adding a growl of annoyance.