DIchotomies: Poetry From Bipolar Disorder

  HIS help

  The Light's Last Fading

  It was a bright and sunny day

  Til the light began to pass away

  The sun, his journey complete,

  Sinks into his nightly seat

  The light grows dim and dark

  As I watch the sun's last spark

  How I hate the fading of the light

  How I dread the coming of the night

  My day has lasted 3 days, this is true

  But the approach of the night has me so blue

  I can feel the light passing away

  I'm hoping it'll be there another day

  It's yet there, though it has grown dim

  Oh my sun, how I'll miss him

  As always it does, the night approaches

  And for me it always reproaches

  I fear the night and what it will bring

  I know that for joy I will never sing

  As the light fades away so do I

  I'm down off that emotional high

  Down in the dumps I'm off of that top

  It doesn't even help that I am a pop

  Oh how I dread that light's last fading

  It drains my soul, the darkness is shading

  The Maelstrom

  Gentle rain tip toes across the roof of the screenhouse

  The peaceful sweep of the rocker back and forth

  The cool touch of the mild air under a dim sky

  Lush greenery of fresh spring growth surrounds all

  Mild emanations of peace and calm and serenity

  Flowing easily, gently insistent

  Intent on on quieting the riotous roar

  That is pitched far above an ear's range

  On one side all is peaceful and relaxing

  On the other nothing but jagged madness

  The line between the two a malevolent tear in reality

  Violent all out war waged across the frontier

  The gentling force cannot penetrate the maelstrom

  Fails to weaken the tornadic forces

  Gives it's all and is viciously consumed

  Torn asunder to feed the raging insanity

  Arcing flashes of energy

  Short circuit across the synapses

  Flash burning the nerves themselves

  Neural lightning powering the madness

  Nothing can quiet raging storm

  No measure of will power restore control

  Nor any force bring forth order from the chaos

  The madness is all, alpha and omega

  Destiny not to be denied

  Fate written at conception

  The pit and the madness of hell

  Too powerful to be mastered

  Home for all the days remaining

  The Man Who Lived In Layers

  Once upon a time there was a man

  who lived in layers.

  The outer one most everyone saw.

  Next the one only special people saw.

  Inside that the one reserved

  for true friends and family.

  Beyond that the one he himself saw.

  Each succeeding layer got darker and darker

  Next the final layer, the one no one saw.

  Not even he himself.

  For the smell of decay and rot,

  The palpable darkness

  The intense evil kept anyone

  from getting close enough to see.

  Then the layers began to flake away

  One by one they fell away to dust

  And every one began to see deeper

  Until one day the unthinkable happened

  That evil, cold dark was revealed

  And the man vanished,

  never to be seen again.

  The Maze

  Wandering, lost in the endless maze

  Fearing what in the next room lays

  A son, a brother, a husband, a friend

  A father, grandfather or maybe the end

  Footsteps fill emptiness with hollow echoes

  Icy cold darkness where not a candle glows

  Stumbling onward for time without end

  Ever fearing what lies around the next bend

  Keenly aware of someone who must be found

  Yet certain that he will never again be around

  He ended in torment many years in the past

  From existence he was by the beast outcast

  Hopeless and forlorn him I know I'll not find

  Lost anywhere in this lonely maze in my mind

  The Night Is Dark And Full of Terrors

  The night is dark and full of terrors

  The most terrible are my own errors

  Evil beasts feast upon brightest light

  Birth icy hot tears that blot all sight

  Tendrils buried deep in creviced mind

  Rewire the ego leaving self maligned

  Shadows need light for their production

  Dark is eternal after the light's destruction

  The Pane Of Glass That Separates

  Outside the glass the bright light of day

  Green leaves on trees in a gentle breeze sway

  Flowers bathed in colors from the rainbow

  So vivid and bright they're all aglow

  Puffy white clouds dotting a cyan sky

  Way up atop the world flying so high

  People strolling, chatting, kids at play

  Out there where life holds the night at bay

  But it dare not try to penetrate the glass

  Through the pane light dares not to pass

  This side black darker then midnight holds sway

  The cold chill of the grave over all does lay

  Alone in the black one soul that's long dead

  Longing for the peace of the six foot deep bed

  Alone in agony. light and life is it's fear

  From a lifeless eye burns tracks of one fat tear

  When will it stop? Will it never, ever end?

  Life out there never here, what does it portend?

  The grave's siren call rings out and entices

  It's lure stronger than all of life's vices

  What is the purpose, reason or rhyme? What is the use?

  To continue on this way, there's not one single excuse

  The Passing Of The Light

  The light it shines so bright and clear and then it fades away

  It leaves behind the dark and pain that is here to stay

  And with it's passing it has sucked all the life out of me

  The dark is so compete and full that I can't even see

  Everything once so beautiful and sharp has grown fuzzy and dim

  I cry out to God for help but I've heard nothing from Him

  The light has passed away to everlasting night

  And left naught but pain, and nothing feels right

  Oh but how I shall mourn the passing of the light

  And how I regret the the continuing of the fight

  It's time to surrender, to give up all that's dear

  Forever and a day has ended, that is what I fear

  July 7th the day it ended and the 8th the extra day

  I never thought it could end, that is all I have to say

  Woe to us all at the passing of the light

  Woe to us all at the coming of the night

  For the night holds naught but darkness and pain

  It coats the land like a deep dark ugly stain

  The light has ended, it's gone once and for all

  Now naught but the darkness to hold me in thrall

  Woe to all the land at the passing of the light

  For all of us shall morn the victory of night

  The Paths We Tread

  We were separate and alone

  Drifting, lost, windblown

  Fading stars in the dawn

  Magnetically together drawn

  Circling round, drawing nearer

  Hope rises and it grows clearer

 
Someone to share, to connect

  United our lives can resurrect

  Hearts pounding, we anticipate

  Crushing loneliness will abate

  Twisting fate throws us a curve

  As between us both we observe

  The paths we tread simply touch

  Passing by while we may brush

  But never do they intersect

  Never will we ever connect

  The Peace Of A Bee

  Humanity is at the apex of evolution

  A culmination, the truly final solution

  Capable of surpassing physical limits

  Scaling even the highest if summits

  Answering questions of deepest physics

  Defining solutions that defied specifics

  Metaphysical and mystic realms we explored

  Bursting all limits above all we soared

  While the birds and bees merely survived

  And for eons they went on and they thrived

  Never giving pause to such deep set things

  Focused only on lives bought with their wings

  Shelter and food and reproduction their goal

  For weightier matters they care not for a soul

  No madness weighs down their busy lives

  Depression never locks them into their hives

  Neither BPD nor PTSD locks them in stasis

  Or keeps them from going through life's paces

  Despair, despite, loneliness are not issues

  Never must they wipe away tears with tissues

  Self harm and suicide are not found in their being

  For the wonders of the world they eternally are seeing

  So tell me now who is really at evolution's crest?

  Are humans really the result of nature's best?

  What cost to us to arrive at the top of the tree?

  When not one human can embrace the peace of a bee?

  The Pit

  The pit is so lonely, dark and cold

  Saps my will and strength, makes me old

  It grabs me and drags like an undertow

  Down towards the hellfire far below

  Shreds heart, mind and soul for it's dinner

  As mortifications of the spirit for a sinner

  Torturer's rack in a dungeon cannot compare

  When the pit supersizes the crushing despair

  If home is wherever you hang up your hat

  Then the pit is my home and that's a fact

  Four decades ago it first gained a hold

  All time since then a nightmare to be told

  While hiding in the shadows of midnight

  All spirits quaking overpowered by fright

  The Real, True Power

  Shut up in my tiny little room

  Behind a locked door

  All lights turned off

  With only the glow of this screen

  The silence so loud it draws blood from my ears

  The darkness has the mass of a black hole

  And sucks me in, shredding every particle

  Past the event horizon, never to return

  Alone seeps outward through pores

  Filling space all around like plasma

  On the inside it is born

  Yet if fills reality to overflowing

  Out of darkness we are born

  Into darkness we pass in death

  In darkness I exist, never live

  Darkness.... a true friend that never leaves

  Icy cold and evil, composed of self despite

  Contagion, true poison, bearing destruction

  Out of the dark, through the dark, into the dark

  The dark is the true power behind everything

  Never needing exertion to promulgate

  Simply needs be to lie back and wait

  For the light to exhaust itself

  The Redoubt

  Move back behind the walls

  Where no one ever calls

  And no teardrop ever falls

  Never a part of this world

  In the corner I am curled

  Shadows all around me swirled

  Fortifications ever battered

  As if I've ever mattered

  Inside them all is shattered

  Stout door closed behind a veil

  Poised to repel any who assail

  Lest they hear me when I wail

  Never more assault this redoubt

  Where all the world is shut out

  And hope's scarcity rings out

  The Shadows Have Voices

  The shadows have voices

  They're bone chillingly cold

  They restrict all the choices

  Until death comes as foretold

  The shadows pulsate with lust

  Eager to cause shrieks of pain

  To crush every soul into dust

  Until tears fall down like the rain

  The shadows are voracious

  Ravenous to annihilate the light

  In their hunger so predaceous

  Wantonly pressing onward the fight

  The shadows inevitably will win

  For when light's fuel is devoured

  Life's last hope they will do in

  Darkness eternally empowered

  The Return Of The Light

  No more darkness, no more pain

  Feeling better once again

  No longer empty, no longer sad

  Smiles are back, life's not so bad

  Hope has returned and with it the light

  I think that I shall continue to fight

  The battle's not over, the war's not won

  It goes on forever, it's never done

  But it bothers me not, I am prepared

  To fight on no matter how I've fared

  Death's not an option, I shall not quit

  Regardless of what it takes to fight it

  The light has returned, ever so bright

  And with it I feel always so right

  Thank You my God is what I cry out

  To Him as ever, Lord hear my shout

  Lord for this day I thank You

  And for the light I thank you too

  Your love I feel enfolding me true

  And I'm not feeling nearly so blue

  Truly this is a rare moment in time

  The peace that I feel I shall make mine

  For the light is back and though it not stay

  It is here to bless me as ever this day

  The Storm

  Roiling, dark storm clouds

  Twisting and piling high

  Oozing malevolent violence

  Jagged sharp cracks of lightning

  Merciless tears in reality's fabric

  Remorselessly shredding the aether

  Deafening aerial detonations

  Hideous monstrous beastial roars

  Pounding pulses in endless echoes

  A raging torrent pouring down

  The very air itself liquified

  Whipped cruelly by tornadic winds

  Metaphysical manifestations

  Purest evil, anti life

  Death incarnate come to destroy

  Beat down upon a vast gray plain

  Tortured and drowned, near destroyed

  Yet in the center a single tree

  A lonely tree, no life surrounds

  Dead branches nearly torn asunder

  Bowed by the evil monstrous force

  But steadfastly refusing to quit

  For way up atop the highest branch

  One vibrant green leaf refuses to die

  Confident and sure that despite the storm

  The evil cannot win nor last forever

  For the sun will rise again on the morrow

  The Story The Bards Do Tell

  Round and round and round she goes

  and where she stops only the beastie knows!

  When Ahab spied the great white whale

  He gave out with a bellow 'Thar she blows!
'

  Into the depths, deep, dark, icy and cold

  Then up like a shot the legends have told

  Testing their strength and determination

  'Dare you stop me now? Are you so bold? '

  Till Ahab's arm beckoned forward and back

  Calling all of the crew to keep up the attack

  Then turned the great beast to point at the ship

  Driving inward to shatter the tiny craft's back

  Down to Davy Jones' locker all of them fell

  The first steps off their journey into hell

  Leaving widows and children behind to sob

  Forever more their story the bards do tell

  The Sun Peaks Out

  The sun peaks sheepishly out

  To my face it brings smiles

  Without any trace of a doubt

  Yesterday was so gloomy and dark

  It killed my heart and my spirit

  Every single tiny little spark

  But here today the sun does shine

  Weak little rays it is true but

  I'll gather them to me, make them mine

  In the sun I want to run and play

  Live all the good things it does bring