DIchotomies: Poetry From Bipolar Disorder

  Make them mine on this wonderful day

  And if tomorrow dark clouds does bring

  I will always try to remember

  That once upon a time I did sing

  For God alone has given me this day

  And always and forever more

  Bright in my memory it will stay

  The Stranger In The Mirror

  I wait in darkness sublime

  For the end draws near

  In this place and this time

  I am alone, so alone it's true

  There is no one here

  I am alone, so alone and blue

  The darkness breathes and grows

  I batter it's walls

  And almost come to blows

  I hate the dark but it's my lot

  It eats and consumes me

  As I sit here in this spot

  In this dark I've lost my way

  I can't find the way out

  Though I try night and day

  There's a mirror there and in it I see

  The eyes of a stranger

  Staring soullessly back at me

  That stranger I hate more then the dark

  He sucks away my soul and life

  Then he snuffs out the spark

  Who is this soul crushing one?

  How'd he get in my mirror

  And from where does he come?

  Familiar are the lines of his face

  But his eyes are so empty

  Of his soul there's no trace

  All there is is pain so vast

  Not a hint of a future

  Nor a trace of a past

  Tortured is he that much is clear

  He has paid a price

  That must have been dear

  Why in the mirror is it he that I see

  When all that I search for

  Is a glimpse of what's me?

  The Tide

  The flames stretch out so high

  Way up into the darkened sky

  To step into them, oh so sweet

  Exquisite pain from head to feet

  All this would end, never more

  Losing all despite the score

  The black will reign ever supreme

  Cease to exist or so it will seem

  Pain and darkness call my name

  Nothing will ever be the same

  Why Oh Lord can't I die?

  Ascend to You in the sky?

  I just can't take it no more

  My soul a tide eroded shore

  The Wings Of Time

  Across the wings of time

  I can only speak in rhyme

  Of the torturous depths of hell

  The ringing of death's own bell

  The loss of every tiny hope

  End of the ability to cope

  Loneliness that bleeds the soul

  Despair extracts a heavy toll

  No other soul can understand

  Lest they've lived it first hand

  It's clear no recourse is there

  To cease to be is all that's fair

  The Unquiet Mind

  It never sleeps

  It never stops

  All over the map

  In great big hops

  Round it goes

  And round again

  Never pausing

  I just can't say when

  Turning that way

  Turning this

  Even though

  The wheels go hiss

  Restless thoughts

  Running around

  No peace is there

  It cannot be found

  No sleep for it

  No rest at all

  It'll never stop

  Yeah though it fall

  It never slows

  Though it falls behind

  That's why it's called

  The unquiet mind

  The Vortex

  The current pulling, round and round

  The air vibrates with intensity of sound

  Trapped by it's evil chilly mighty grip

  Far too late to hope to give it the slip

  Spinning ever quicker the spiral tightens

  Gasping for air the fear inside heightens

  Dragged inward, downward by omnipotent force

  Fate set in stone, no escaping this course

  Surrender now, the path for which was longed

  Taps has played, siren's sung, bell has gonged

  The time is now, for each beginning an end

  No pain, no tears, nowhere more love to send

  There at the core a ravenous icy dark mass

  Devours all life, letting nothing get past

  Writhing, seething evil, blacker than black

  Malignant, chaotic, with no need to attack

  An overpowering vacuum that lets nothing escape

  Even rainbows of light does it shred and rape

  Ripping, shredding, destroying all that's held dear

  Nothing left at all, no love, life, pain and no fear

  The Walls Keep On Growing

  The walls keep on growing

  But cracks are now showing

  To each one I apply plaster

  Going faster and even faster

  They spread ever quicker

  Keep growing ever thicker

  Soon the walls will shatter

  It will no longer matter

  Leaving me no place to hide

  At last I will have died

  The Wheel

  The wheel turns and you never know

  Where it will stop or when it will slow

  Come one, come all, everyone must play

  There can be no bystanders, now or any day

  It knows your desires, It decides your fate

  You cannot escape, it's already too late

  So step on up and lay down your best bet

  Come lay it on down there, see what you get

  Hold nothing back, It will not avail you

  It's all at risk, even life's on there too

  For you what does this devilish wheel hold?

  Is it health and prosperity, riches and gold?

  Is it joy and happiness, love stronger then steel?

  Is contentment for you to be found on this wheel?

  Or is there heartbreak and pain in the next turn?

  Will the outcome of this spin make your heart burn?

  Will madness and insanity be there where it stops?

  Will crippling disfigurement show up at the top?

  You've risked it all whether you like it or not

  So watch the wheel closely to determine your lot

  Spin after spin it laughs at us mortals

  And waiting for all is death's portal

  The World Tipped And I Fell Off

  Flipping and spinning and whirling

  Into the cold, empty vastness of space

  Where, desperate, I hooked a moon beam

  Threw a leg over and climbed aboard

  Grasping tightly I mastered it

  Turned it to my own designs

  Together we headed outward

  Onward to the stars

  Perchance to pause at Pluto

  Dad always said we were from Pluto

  Maybe family awaited a reunion

  Even though it's no longer a planet

  But the maelstrom stuck out a tentacle

  And snatched me right off my moon beam

  Dragging me into the storm

  I was buffeted and beaten

  Tossed about like flotsam in the rapids

  Gale force winds tore at me

  Mad currents took me as slave

  To do with what they will

  Jaggedly sharp streaks of lightning

  Cracked and shattered it all

  Vicious flames of hell scorched my soul

  While storm lashed downpours soaked my flesh

  East, West, North, South

  Up, down, left, right

  Lost all meaning, time
lost all meaning

  Reality lost all meaning

  As all descended into utter chaos

  And seconds, minutes, years, eons later

  I was regurgitated into a strange, new universe

  One I no longer recognize

  No wonder I feel out of place

  I am an alien here... this is NOT my world

  Nor is it my universe

  Then He Sat Back And Laughed

  He was all powerful, all seeing

  All knowing, the great and powerful Oz

  He created a land of milk and honey

  And gave light unto that land

  And He filled it with the birds of the air,

  The fish of the seas and all manner of beasts

  He filled the fields with flowers and grasses,

  and caused vast forests to grow

  He made great and beautiful mountains to spring up

  And vast chasms of awe and majesty to form

  There were deserts and grasslands,

  Rivers and seas, vast reaches covered in ice

  And everywhere life teemed.

  He saw it but was not pleased.

  Something was missing,

  This would not serve His purposes

  So he filled all the lands with people

  Made in His own image

  He gave them dominion over all

  And the power to love and care for all that He'd created

  And it was good.

  But still He was not pleased.

  All was good, too good for His purposes.

  So He created the night, the black

  And He gave to mankind hatred and warfare

  And all manner of black and vile things

  He released despair and loneliness

  He set forth as much evil as He'd released good

  Evil to torture those souls that He'd created

  Then He sat back and laughed.

  There To Peruse The Lands Of Oz Once Again

  Drifting lazily under a bright summer's sky

  Tiny wavelets lapping the side of the boat

  Lines cast out from the rods dangling over the stern

  Oars tucked snugly inside the boat, safe from the water

  On the horizon trees cast shadows upon the water below

  Quiet and stillness, solitude and serenity, peace

  Calm suffuses my body, reaching down to my very bones

  Muscles relaxed I drift in a daze,

  Nodding off at times to amazing dreams,

  Dreams of the world of Oz where all is right with the world

  Stressors forgotten all that remains is peace

  Peace and the softy muted sounds of the water,

  The quiet chirps of birds as they pass over head

  The splash of a duck as it lands upon the stillness of the water

  Disturbing it for a brief time only, the disturbance rapidly passes

  And once again all is stillness and calm, serene solitude

  A bobber dips, the line it's attached to quivers

  But it's ignored in order to maintain the peaceful perfection of it all

  Such total relaxation as can only be found here, in solitude

  Away from the worries of the world, away from pressing needs,

  Needless deadlines, stressed out bosses, excited kids,

  Needful spouses.

  Tip my hat down low over my eyes and drift some more

  Drift into dreamland there to peruse the lands of Oz once again

  There Will Be Not A Trace

  Close the doors, secure the locks

  Latch the windows, lower the shades

  Off with the lights, no more shocks

  Shutter my life, do it in spades

  Let no one see what's real and inside

  Lock them away, keep them at arm's reach

  The mask is my shield, behind it I hide

  Let no one know, there's a story for each

  Very soon to a head will all things come

  Plans come to a head, it all falls into place

  Tiny careful baby steps taken one by one

  And then left of me there will be not a trace

  This Moment In Time

  This moment in time

  Is all that we're given

  Treat it dearly

  Before it is riven

  Don't look back

  Last moment is passed

  Like a stone in the sea

  It has been cast

  There may not be

  A next moment for you

  So worry you not

  Over that one too

  Make this one count

  Live it to your best

  Ability to do so

  Don't take it in jest

  Lord grant you the wisdom

  To live fully today

  So that I missed it

  You won't have to say

  This Time I Made It

  The breeze came a blowing

  And the darkness went a flowing

  It's the same old thing

  same cycle, same ring

  In comes the evil, the bad

  It breaks my heart, makes me sad

  causes pain I wish I never had

  Makes me feel weak and always so bad

  Makes me hate me and more then that

  Makes me want to hit my head with a bat

  Then the darkness fills me

  And nothing thrills me

  But next comes the breeze,

  It comes and puts me at ease

  A breath of fresh air

  And no pain no where

  It blows through my soul

  The darkness pays the toll

  It leaves me to be

  At peace you see

  No hurt, no pain

  It's all been slain

  By that breath of fresh air

  That comes from some where

  Now normal I feel

  I am braced like steel

  For the return of the black

  For it always comes back

  Next time I may not survive

  But this time I made it.

  Thoughts

  The world skipped and I was not.

  You'll shed no tears for me

  For I won't even be a memory

  Eternal night

  Sink, sink until I drown

  A blink and I never was

  The world will little remember

  I'll just fade away

  Into the night

  And the dark will swallow me

  'Twill be as though I never existed

  Never dreamed, never born

  Naught but vapor, a lost memory

  Passing away

  Not lost, not forgotten

  Never existed

  Gone, never was, never will be

  This is reality

  I am but a nightmare

  The answer to my prayers

  Is nothing

  They don't exist

  I don't exist

  The stuff of nightmares

  And dreams, hopes, wishes

  What are wishes but hopes for the impossible?

  Where am I? What am I? WHY am I?

  No purpose, no reason

  I am not. The world has skipped.

  Through A Glass Darkly

  The glass is dark and grungy

  It filters out all of the light

  It turns all beyond to shades of gray

  Darkens all that was ever bright

  Through the glass seen only dimly

  Scenes of a life pass oh so slowly

  The life they show is so treasured

  Even though it be ever so lowly

  The scenes passing by in gray and black

  Reflect a life that lived has been

  One where joy and light once was found

  One that happiness once was in

  But as they roll by they grow darker

  The joy and happiness begins to fade

&nbs
p; The light it is in full retreat

  There's only tears in which to wade

  The black it grows and starts to devour

  All the life that shows in these scenes

  The sanity fades and madness creeps in

  Like a babe as off the tit it weans

  The darkness begins to take over

  Soon all is black and hard to distinguish

  Starving it devours all of the light

  All the fires of life it will extinguish

  Soon this life will reach an end

  Who will mourn it and wish it back

  Surely it's owner will never so wish

  For the fires of life he will lack

  And so we soon come to the end

  All is black, nothing can be seen

  The black of the grave has engulfed it all

  There's nothing left on which to lean

  Through A Raindrop Filtered

  Through a raindrop filtered

  Softened and muted the world

  From the world sunlight pilfered

  Gray shades over soul are furled

  Drowned inside that sodden tear

  Lost amid dead ghosts of past

  Out there is naught but a smear

  While inside a hole so vast

  Through a raindrop distorted

  All things bathed in unreality

  Life has long since been aborted

  Just a twisted, broken fatality

  Today Will Remain Ever The Same

  It's another day, another dollar

  Always the same or so does it seem

  It's never changing, always the same

  Just one more day in an endless stream

  Is it Tuesday today or is it Wednesday?

  Sorry to say but I just don't know

  Everything's the same each step of the way

  Never changing wherever I go