Divided

  Far kept his head down, his broad shoulders hunched.

  “Didn’t you hear him? I could give him a century and he’d still want nothing to do with me.”

  “He’s just got a lot of issues to work out—you heard what he said,” Becca protested. “His father—your father—”

  Far raked a hand through his long hair.

  “I never should have brought him up. All this time I’ve been so jealous, thinking that at least Truth got one true parent to guide and guard and love him. I had no idea…”

  “How could you?” Becca said softly. “How could anyone? But it certainly explains a lot.”

  “Such as why he wants nothing to do with Twin Kindred culture and doesn’t wish to be near another male? Yes, of course.” Far laughed bitterly. “You know, I thought it was simply that he was a product of Rai’ku society. And now this…he’ll never come to me now.”

  “Don’t be so sure,” Becca said, although privately she was beginning to wonder if anything could heal the rift between the brothers. “The two of you were beginning to get so close back, uh…” She felt her cheeks heating. “Back before we had that vision, I mean.”

  Far stopped and turned to her. “You mean when you were allowing us to share you. Yes, I did think we were getting close. Of course, that was before I pushed him too hard and made him admit that our father was actually some kind of a…a monster.”

  “There’s no excuse for what he did to Truth,” Becca said. “But he was probably traumatized. I didn’t even know that Twin Kindred could survive the death of their twin.”

  “They usually can’t,” Far said soberly. “And even when the body survives, the mind is not always intact.”

  “That’s probably part of what happened, then,” Becca said. “But even if the grief of losing your mother and his brother didn’t make him crazy, that kind of loss changes people. It…it breaks something inside them.”

  “You sound like you speak from experience,” Far said softly. “Did you lose someone in the past, mi’now?”

  Becca shook her head and looked away.

  “No one I want to talk about.”

  “All right.” He cupped her cheek, turning her face up to his. “I want to thank you for giving of yourself tonight. And for helping me save Truth, though he wants nothing to do with me now.”

  “Give him time,” Becca said again. “And some space.”

  Far shook his head sadly. “I will give him both but it won’t do any good. I pushed too hard and now I’ve lost him. Lost any chance I ever had with him forever.”

  Becca felt a lump form in her throat at the desolate look in his dark eyes.

  “Oh, Far, honey,” she whispered but he simply sighed and took her hand.

  “Come. This part of the ship looks clear of dust but let me take you to your suite to be sure you’re safe.”

  “I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting you from the dust, remember?” Becca reminded him.

  A ghostly smile curved one corner of the light twin’s sensual mouth.

  “Indeed. But the dust is not the only thing to worry about.” He looked suddenly serious. “I also wonder if Commander Sylvan managed to contain all the possessed warriors behind the shield barrier he erected around the Unmated Males area.”

  Becca shivered and looked around the empty corridor.

  “I don’t see anyone with glowing red eyes roaming around.”

  “That’s the thing—you probably wouldn’t see them until it was too late,” Far said. He took her hand and laced their fingers together. “Come, let’s get safely back to our suites and we can worry about everything else tomorrow.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Truth tossed on the sleeping platform but sleep wouldn’t come. Instead he kept seeing the hurt look on Far’s face, the desolation and rejection that he, Truth had put there.

  He deserves it! He’s the one who spied on me—the one who tried to seduce me into a life of perversion. The one who made me admit what our rather was… what he did…

  But he couldn’t finish the thought, even to himself. How many years had he spent pushing down those memories? Pretending they never happened? Feels Pain hadn’t struck him since he was fifteen cycles old and had gotten his full growth. Not because Truth was getting too big to beat, but because that was when his body began to shut down from years of alcohol poisoning. He had lingered a few more years in a half-life of pain and misery and then, finally, mercifully, had passed.

  In the end, Truth had felt nothing but relief.

  Feels Pain had finally gotten what he wanted—death. Kindred were incredibly tough and hard to kill but his father’s constant drinking had been nothing less than slow, systematic suicide. Truth had only wished it could have happened sooner. In fact, he had prayed for his father’s death for years—a fact that haunted him.

  Yet despite the beatings and the distance between them, he had loved his father desperately. He could still remember looking up to the tall male and feeling pride in his father’s strength. Wanting to be like him. And then there were the rare gestures of affection—the few times when Feels Pain had ruffled his hair when he thought no one was looking. Once he had even put a hand on Truth’s shoulder and squeezed. It was an unheard of gesture among the Rai’ku— Truth had replayed in his mind over and over.

  He had desperately craved his father’s approval, the touch of the big male’s hand, a few words of praise and once in a very great while he got them. But mostly there was only terror in the dark. Hearing the front door open with a thunk and close with a slam, wondering how much his father had been drinking, praying to the Goddess that the big male wouldn’t come tramping up the steps of their treetop lodge with that sour-sweet smell on his breath, his huge hands clenched into fists and rage in his eyes…

  Stop thinking these things! They serve no purpose!

  Truth tossed angrily again, punching his pillow until a fine cloud of the soft stuffing inside it came spraying out. He wished he could punch the bad memories out of his head as easily.

  Giving up his abortive efforts to sleep, he called for the lights, got up and sat on the edge of the sleeping platform. So much had happened tonight and yet all he could seem to think about was his father. Even though he had been dead for years, Feels Pain was always with him, whether Truth wanted him to be or not.

  What would he think of you if he could see you now? a mocking little voice in the back of his head hissed. Would he be proud to see how you’ve been acting? Betraying the customs of your people and allowing yourself to be tempted by perversion?

  No. Truth wished he could push the voice out of his head but it wouldn’t go. He knew exactly what Feels Pain would think if he could see Truth now. He would think what a disappointment his one pure blooded Kindred son was.

  He would be shamed by you—by your actions. By your desires, whispered the little voice.

  Truth knew it was true. There was no escaping it. No burying it. Feels Pain had embraced the Rai’ku ways and trained Truth to do the same. The few times he’d broken with them, Truth had always paid the price later. If his father ruffled his hair in the morning, he would be certain to come home drunk and angry to beat him that night.

  And I’m still paying the price now, Truth thought angrily. If I hadn’t allowed Far to get close, to get under my skin, I wouldn’t be thinking of Feels Pain now. I would be sleeping soundly, these thoughts and memories still buried where they belong. Well, no more!

  Rising quickly, he walked across the room to the full length viewer against the wall. In its silvery, reflective surface he stared at himself. He saw a male with a haggard face and haunted eyes. A male whose unquiet past and uncertain future tormented him. The future doesn’t have to be uncertain, the little voice whispered. You know what to do.

  Indeed he did. Truth looked intently into the viewer and made himself a promise.

  “It won’t happen again. I won’t touch Far or let him touch me and I will not allow him to entice me into sharing Reb
ecca no matter how good it feels. I will remain true to the ways of the Rai’ku.”

  He went back to bed and lay there, sleepless, until morning.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “The ship is secure—for now.” Commander Sylvan ran a hand through his spiky blond hair. It was still early and Becca knew he had been up all night in an emergency meeting with the rest of the Kindred High Council. Still, he had been willing to make time for them when they asked. The Council members were taking a short recess and she and Far had begged to speak to him regarding their vision of the night before. They were sitting in the small antechamber beside the Council room and Sylvan was listening patiently though his pale blue eyes looked beyond tired.

  “What happened to the dust?” she asked. “I haven’t seen any of it floating around.”

  “The shadow dust has been eliminated,” Sylvan assured her. “I ordered the air cyclers working at double capacity so it never reached further than a few corridors down from the Unmated Males area, thank the Goddess. As for all unmated males who were affected by it—”

  “Possessed, you mean,” Far said.

  Sylvan nodded heavily. “Yes. Possessed. Anyway, they have all been confined to the Unmated Males area.”

  “Well that’s good news, right?” Becca asked hesitantly.

  “It is. Although I don’t know how long it will be good. The Unmated Males who have been possessed cannot be kept confined forever. They are restless—already there have been several attempts to break down the shield barrier. There are many of them and they are strong—I don’t know how long it will hold.”

  Becca put a hand to her throat.

  “And if it breaks…”

  “If it breaks you’ll have a hoard of demon possessed warriors determined to kill, rape, maim, murder and take over the ship,” Far said flatly.

  Sylvan nodded. “Unfortunately, you’re right.”

  “What happened to Kor?” Becca asked. “Did he…make it?”

  Sylvan rubbed a hand over his face. “It was touch and go for a while but yes, we managed to save him. He’s lost a lot of blood but he’s resting in the Med Center.”

  “Oh good!” Becca breathed a sigh of relief. “I was so worried for Maggie. If something had happened to him…”

  “He was very lucky,” Far said.

  Sylvan nodded agreement.

  “So what can you tell me—you said you might have a way to help?”

  “This may sound strange,” Becca said hesitantly. “And it involves another vision…”

  “Please, continue.” Sylvan looked at her intently. “It is because of your previous vision that the entire ship isn’t completely overrun. If we hadn’t put the shield barrier in place, the Mother Ship would be in a state of civil war right now and we would have a lot more casualties.”

  “How many did you have?” Far asked.

  Sylvan looked sober. “Only fourteen. Three mated males who were guarding the area and ten of the unmated who had been possessed.”

  Becca frowned. “You said fourteen. That’s only thirteen.”

  “The last one sustained serious head trauma and is in a coma.”

  “Did he have a family?” Far asked quietly.

  “Sadly, no but it’s still a grave loss. He’s Head Council member Terex—the Council is unbalanced without him and we don’t know if he’ll wake up or not.” Sylvan shook his head. “And yet, it could have been so much worse. Considering what you’ve done for us, the rest of the Council is prepared to entertain any idea the three of you have.” He frowned. “Speaking of which, where’s Truth?”

  Far looked uncomfortable.

  “We’re not sure if he’s coming or not. We extended the invitation to this meeting…”

  “But he wasn’t very receptive to it,” Becca finished. Actually, he had slammed his door in their faces—as much as the automatic whooshing doors on the Mother Ship could be slammed, anyway. She still hoped that the dark twin might have a change of heart and show up, though. After all, they needed him if they were going to go to Orthanx and try to find Vashtar.

  Sylvan shook his head. “But I thought Truth—”

  “I’m here.” As though he’d heard his name, Truth appeared in the doorway of the small antechamber. He had the haggard look of a man who’d been up all night but despite his obvious weariness, his gray eyes were sharp, focused and very, very cold.

  “Ah, Truth. Good, I’m glad you’re all here.” Sylvan steepled his fingers on the small desk in front of him. “Now, tell me about this vision.”

  It only took a few moments to explain. When they were done, Sylvan nodded.

  “And you say this was a true vision, like the last one?”

  “I felt the veracity of it,” Truth confirmed. “This male—this Vashtar—said the people of his world had fought against the denizens of the Black Planet and won. They should be able to teach us to do the same.”

  “But he wouldn’t speak about it in detail because he thought that U—that the demon who tried to take over Truth might still be around,” Becca said.

  Sylvan frowned. “What? What happened, Truth?”

  The dark twin shrugged uneasily. “It tried to take me over and failed.”

  “But why?” Sylvan asked. “Why were you successful in casting it out and no one else was able? In fact…” He frowned. “Why is every other unmated male on the ship possessed but you and Far?”

  “I claimed Far and then we helped Truth fight off the demon together,” Becca said. “We claimed him and we cast it out. But it said it would go someplace else and wait.” She shivered. “It was probably smart of Vashtar not to talk to us here.”

  “You were fortunate, Truth, to have a close enough bond to Far and Becca that they were able to help you regain control,” Sylvan said soberly.

  Truth scowled. “Yes, I was fortunate they were there. But there is no bond between us.”

  “None you’ll acknowledge, anyway,” Far murmured bitterly.

  “Enough bickering,” Sylvan said sternly before they could get started. “So the three of you wish to go to this rogue planet—this Orthanx—and see if you can bring back a cure?”

  Becca nodded hesitantly. “If the Council thinks it’s wise.”

  “A fourth of our males are inhabited by hostile spirits—they’ll try anything at this point,” Sylvan said. “So yes, you’ll be granted permission to go and given a ship and provisions. All I ask is that you try to hurry—as I said earlier, I’m not sure how long we can keep the possessed males contained.”

  Truth nodded. “Agreed.”

  “Good.” Sylvan rose from behind the small desk. “Then go get ready. I’ll speak to the Council but I’m sure they’ll want you to leave immediately.”

  He turned and went back into the Council room. The connecting door slid shut with a whoosh behind him, leaving the three of them together in a space which suddenly seemed much too small.

  “So, Truth…” Becca said tentatively, turning to face the dark twin. “I’m glad you decided to come after all. To the meeting. And to Orthanx, too, of course.”

  He frowned. “I’m a male of honor. I couldn’t allow my Kindred brethren to remain possessed when there is something I might be able to do to free them.”

  “That’s very noble of you, Brother,” Far said, frowning. “But don’t forget Becca and I will be there too.”

  “I haven’t forgotten. Your presence is a necessary evil,” Truth said coolly. “And I’m more than willing to go to Orthanx and do this as long as we have some rules.”

  “Rules?” Becca didn’t like the sound of that. “What rules?”

  Truth ticked them off on his fingers.

  “There is to be no more talk of bonding. Also, no more invitations to “share” in any way. And I will not be touching either of you—especially Far.” He glared at his twin. “Not only that but I expect my brother to keep his distance from me as well.”

  Far shook his head sadly. “Really, Brother? These are your rules? That w
e go back to the beginning, go back to acting as though a casual touch might burn us?”

  Truth’s eyes narrowed. “This is the only way I’ll go to Orthanx with you. Oh, and I almost forgot—no more talk about the past. We dug enough of it up last night. I have no wish to discuss it further.”

  “We can understand that,” Becca said quietly. “Far and I are really sorry if we hurt you.”

  “You didn’t inflict the pain in the first place,” Truth said shortly. “All I ask now is that you restrain yourself from poking it with a sharp stick. I would rather…” He cleared his throat. “Rather forget it. And I would prefer for the two of you to forget I ever spoke of it as well.”

  “We will not speak of it,” Far said quietly. “But, Brother, some things cannot be forgotten.”

  “Or forgiven,” Truth snapped back pointedly. “Enough of this, Brother, we’d all better go and pack.” He looked at Becca. “Bring your warmest clothes. You can’t count on being able to huddle between Far and myself to keep from freezing.”

  “I…” Becca was taken aback by his level of antipathy. “Truth, really, I said we were sorry. Do you have to be so…so mean about it?”

  Truth gave her a cold look. “Apologies, Rebecca. I’m not trying to be “mean,” I’m simply acting as I should have in the first place—as a Rai’ku. I may have Kindred blood, but the heritage of my home world is the one I wish to uphold.”

  “Then why come at all?” Far demanded. “Why all this talk about saving your “Kindred brethren” if you want nothing to do with us?”

  “Because I am not a monster,” Truth shot back. “We three are the only ones who can do this. If there was anyone else who could bring back the cure, I would let them. I would leave this moment and go back to Pax and never see either of you again. But as it is, we’re stuck with each other—at least for now.”

  He left the small room without looking back.

  Becca let out a sigh.

  “Wow. Guess he’s still upset.”

  “I told you he wouldn’t come around,” Far said bleakly. “Well, I suppose we’re lucky he’s willing to come with us at all.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Gods, this trip is going to be hell.”