Divided

  Once inside the small wooden lodge, which looked to Becca like a grown up version of the tree house her brother used to have as a child, she had finally been able to relax. The hostile natives were down on the ground and the cold wind had been shut out. She felt safe here and much more welcome than she had been with the other Rai’ku she’d met. Now if Truth and Far would just hurry up and come back, she’d be perfectly happy. Well, almost.

  “Are you well, lady? Can I offer you a bowl of chii?”

  Becca looked up from the crackling blue and green flames and saw that Garron was holding out a small palm-sized wooden bowl halfway filled with clear green broth. A delicate steam rose from its surface conveying a strange but delicious smell to her nose. It was slightly herbal and vaguely sweet with hints of exotic spices she couldn’t name.

  “Thank you,” she said, taking it from him. “That’s very kind of you. All of this is very kind. I mean, you offering us hospitality.” She made a gesture with the hand not holding the chii meant to encompass the entire small, bachelor-neat, wooden lodge.

  “It is nothing. The least I could do for my brother,” Garron murmured.

  “It’s not nothing,” Becca protested. “I saw the way those people were looking at us. I just hope offering us a place to stay won’t cause you any problems.”

  “If you’re worried that your presence here will affect my standing in the community, don’t be,” Garron said quietly. “My status was already ruined long before the three of you came.”

  Becca remembered him saying something similar to his mother when she’d first objected to Becca and her men staying with him.

  “Is everything all right?” she asked carefully. “Is there anything we can do for you while we’re here? Anything—?”

  “I thank you but no, there is nothing anyone can do. Do you like your chii?” Garron asked pointedly, obviously changing the subject.

  “Oh, let me try it.” Fearing she might have offended him, Becca took a big mouthful of the steaming green broth…and nearly choked. From the scent, she’d been expecting something that tasted like slightly sweet herbal tea. But her mouth was telling her something completely different from her nose. The liquid was like a cross between cream of chicken soup and hot chocolate with an alcoholic aftertaste that made it burn going down.

  Somehow she forced herself to swallow but the strange broth brought on a coughing fit that wouldn’t stop.

  “Are you all right?” Garron hovered anxiously, offering her a glass of plain water. “I’m so sorry! Nella always says I make my chii too strong. Well, she used to say that, anyway,” he added, almost as an afterthought to himself.

  “No, no—it’s delicious,” Becca assured him in a choked voice. “Just…not what I expected.” She put the small bowl of chii down carefully on the low table beside the fire. “So tell me, who’s Nella?”

  “No one.” Garron looked away. “She is…gone.”

  “Gone where?” Becca asked softly. She could tell that Truth’s brother had some secret pain. He’d been so kind to offer them a place to stay when everyone else hated them, she wished she could make him feel better.

  “To the sky. More chii?” Garron asked, reaching for her bowl. “You still have a little left.”

  “I, um, I’m watching my figure,” Becca said weakly. “So maybe in a minute. First tell me about this Nella. What do you mean, she went to the sky?”

  “To be with the Father of Flight.” Garron sighed. “It’s the way we say someone is deceased. She’s dead.”

  “Oh!” Becca put a hand to her mouth. “I’m so sorry! I feel like such an idiot for prying. I know how your people are about privacy. I just thought that maybe if you wanted to talk…” She shook her head. “Never mind, it’s stupid.”

  “No, it’s not.” To her surprise, Garron pulled up a small seat which looked like a log with a padded blue cushion on top. “Will you sit?” he asked courteously, offering it to her.

  “Yes, thank you.” Becca settled herself on the cushioned log, which was surprisingly comfortable. Garron simply sat on the wooden floor beside her and crossed his long legs in front of the fire.

  “Forgive me if I sounded unwelcoming of your questions. It’s just that…no one asks questions here. Not personal ones anyway. It is…not the Rai’ku way.”

  “So I gathered from Truth,” Beca said dryly. “He’s an intensely private person.”

  “Then he probably hasn’t told you much about our society,” Garron said.

  “I know a little,” Becca said cautiously. “I know you have a second nature—that your people can turn into some kind of, um, animal when they want to.”

  “Males only. Females do not have a dr’gin within.”

  “They don’t?” Becca was surprised. “Truth never mentioned that.”

  “Being pure bred Kindred he has no dr’gin within to speak of.”

  “And you do?” Becca asked without thinking. “I mean, being only half Rai’ku…oh dear, I probably shouldn’t have asked that,” she said, seeing the closed look in his turquoise blue eyes. “It’s way too personal, isn’t it?”

  “It would be coming from one of my own people but you are an outsider,” Gannon said stiffly. “You’re entitled to some curiosity.”

  “But if you’d rather not answer…”

  He sighed. “No, I don’t mind. Everyone else knows—why shouldn’t you? The color of my eyes proclaims that I should have a dr’gin within me—one of exceptional size and power.”

  “But?” Becca prompted gently when he fell silent.

  “But I don’t,” Garron said bluntly. “Or if I do, it has yet to manifest and it is long past the time when it should have come to light.” He ran a hand through his thick, black hair. “I cannot tell you how many times the virgins have been gathered for me and yet…nothing seems to bring it out.”

  “Virgins? What does gathering virgins have to do with it?” Becca asked uncertainly.

  “When it comes time for a male’s first change—his first turning as we call it—all the unmated females of the pack must be called together so he can pick one.” Garron shook his head. “To be surrounded by a group of very expectant females over and over again and not be able to turn…” He trailed off, staring into the fire.

  “That must be really frustrating,” Becca said softly.

  “It is humiliating.” He sighed. “But also…something of a relief. I’m only half Rai’ku—I suppose that’s why I have no taste for blood.”

  “Um, what?” Becca coughed to cover her confusion. “I’m sorry but what does that have to do with anything?”

  Garron looked up at her. “Oh, I suppose that’s another thing Truth never told you. It’s the real reason the Kindred High Council won’t sanction a formal trade with the Rai’ku.”

  “Do you bite the girl you pick as a mate?” Becca asked, fascinated despite herself. “Because I know the Blood Kindred—”

  “We kill and eat them. One at least—sometimes several. It depends on how long the dr’gin has been waiting to surface and how bloodthirsty it is when it finally emerges,” Garron said in a low voice.

  “You…eat the virgins?” Becca felt a little sick to her stomach and it wasn’t just the chii she’d had that was making her ill. “Seriously?”

  “Unfortunately, yes.” Garron looked into the fire again. “You may have noticed that there are many more females than males in our society.”

  “I, uh, mostly noticed the way they were looking at me and Far and Truth,” Becca said in a low voice.

  “There is a ratio of about three to one. It is nature’s way of making sure the race doesn’t die out completely,” Garron explained. “When at least one or two females must be sacrificed for every male who comes to maturity, you must have many more females to start with.”

  “I suppose that makes sense,” Becca said faintly. “But why…why do you kill them?”

  “It’s not intentional,” Garron said. “It’s simply that the dr’gin is a mindless beast—
especially the first time it emerges. Like any other newborn creature, it is ravenous. Its first instinct is to feed, its second is to breed. Only after both of these things are accomplished can any kind of thought process begin.”

  Becca was horrified though she tried not to show it.

  “So every time one of the males is about to…to change for the first time the girls are all gathered together knowing that one or more of them isn’t…isn’t going to make it?”

  Garron nodded. “That is what happened to Nella. She was…sacrificed during a First Turning.”

  “Oh, no.” Becca put a hand on his arm and Garron stared at it curiously. Suddenly she remembered that the Rai’ku were very touch-me-not. Her gesture of comfort would probably not be welcome. “I’m sorry!” Quickly she withdrew her hand.

  “Don’t be. I take no offense.” He looked away. “You’re the first person besides Truth to express any kind of sorrow for Nella’s death. I…appreciate that.”

  “What? But how can that be?” Becca asked. “Her family must have mourned for her.”

  He shook his head. “Until a female is mated she is nothing. Sometimes she isn’t even given a name. Most times girls are named Eldest Daughter, Middle Daughter, Youngest…and so on. That is what Nella means—baby or little one. She was…” He coughed and Becca thought his turquoise eyes were suspiciously bright. “She was the youngest of her siblings. All of her elder sisters had made good matches and none had been sacrificed. People said her family’s luck couldn’t hold but Nella and I were so sure we were meant for each other…”

  He got up abruptly and paced to the other side of the room. Becca’s first instinct was to go after him and comfort him but she sensed that wasn’t what he wanted. Instead she sat quietly, waiting.

  After a long moment, Garron started speaking again.

  “We waited for so long. Every year on the day of my birth—my name day—when the virgins gathered for me, Nella was there. I remember looking into her eyes and being so…” He cleared his throat. “So afraid. I hoped that if my dr’gin emerged he would know her. I knew that if I woke after my turning with her blood in my mouth and found myself mated to someone else, it would drive me…drive me mad.”

  “Does…does that happen a lot?” Becca asked softly.

  “More often than we would like.” Garron’s deep voice was grim. “It has made for some very tense matings. And of course, our people mate for life so there is no turning back once your dr’gin chooses.”

  “But you never turned for Nella,” Becca said.

  “No.” Garron came back to the fire and sat down heavily beside her. “I should have declared myself O’ahn—an adult male without a dr’gin, as the Kindred who interbreed with us do. Then I could have mated Nella and we would already have children of our own.”

  “Why didn’t you?” Becca asked softly.

  “My mother. She wanted me to wait. All of the other Kindred-Rai’ku hybrids have proven to have dr’gins within. And the color of my eyes promised mine would be especially powerful.”

  “Sky eyes,” Becca said. “That’s what Truth said.”

  Garron nodded. “Yes. And so we waited. It wasn’t just my mother though—Nella wanted it too. She knew that our children would never have full Rai’ku status if I declared myself O’ahn. And I…I wanted to be a full male as well—to change my name to the mature form. To at last become G’ron the man instead of Garron the boy. And…”

  “And…?” Becca said softly.

  “And we waited too long. Spun the wheel of fate one too many times.” Garron raked a hand through his hair again, turning it into a series of spikes and whorls. “In the end, it was my own younger brother who took Nella as a sacrifice. He is a full four years younger than me but his dr’gin manifested early. It was…very hungry. No fewer than three virgins were sacrificed to appease its appetite.”

  “How awful,” Becca breathed. “You must have been devastated.”

  Garron nodded. “But a male must not show such feelings. It is weak…wrong. Ever since Nella’s sacrifice relations between myself and my family have been…strained.”

  “Of course they are!” Becca exclaimed. “And Nella’s family?”

  Garron sighed. “They pretend she never was. Because to the Rai’ku way of thinking, that is the truth. She was never mated, never named…therefore she never truly existed. There is no record of her anywhere. Except here.” He put one large fist to his chest.

  “Oh, Garron…” Becca wanted to hug him in the worst way but she knew she couldn’t. She contented herself with laying a hand on his arm again. “That’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

  He shook his head. “Apologies if I discomforted you. I don’t know why I told you all that.”

  “Maybe because I was willing to listen,” Becca said softly. “Have you been able to talk to anyone about her death?” She refused to say “sacrifice” as he had done—it didn’t seem right somehow.

  “Only Truth,” he said in a low voice. “Because of his Kindred nature he…understands things that others do not. He never called me weak for missing Nella. Or for hating myself for waiting too long to claim her.”

  “You can’t feel that way,” Becca objected. “You had a lot of pressure on you to become a…to become something else. Of course you wanted to conform and give your parents what they wanted. What everyone expected.”

  “No justification in the world can undo the past. I cannot place the blame on anyone but myself.”

  “But what if you had changed and you had done, uh, what your brother did?” Becca asked. “You’d feel even worse. This was a no-win situation you were in, Garron. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “Then why do I bear the guilt of it?” He looked up at her, his vivid eyes shadowed with pain. “If I had to do it all again, I would declare myself O’ahn at once and take Nella for my mate. I listened to my pride and my family instead of my heart and I lost her because of it.”

  “You were following the ways of your people—doing what you had been raised to do,” Becca said. “You were just being a…a normal Rai’ku guy…er, male.”

  “Being what everyone else considers ‘normal’ is cold comfort.” He looked down at his hands. “When you have the chance to be with someone you love you must take it quickly, before it can be snatched away. I see that now. I wish I had before.”

  He stood abruptly and cleared his throat.

  “Forgive me. I’m not usually like this.”

  “You’re fine,” Becca assured him. “You’re just still grieving. Everything you feel is natural, believe me. I lost someone close to me too and for a long time I felt like it was my fault.”

  In fact, a part of her still did feel that way— she had to admit it was the main thing that was holding her back from a full bonding with Truth and Far. It wasn’t just what her parents would say—it was that horrible lingering guilt, the fear that if she let herself really love and commit to them, one or both of them would wind up like Kenneth.

  Dead, you mean, whispered a mean little voice in her head but she pushed it away.

  “It’s normal to feel bad when you lose someone you love,” she said to Garron. “Not weak. Not bad. Normal.”

  “Maybe on the planet where you come from.” He laughed grimly. “But we Rai’ku do not admit to such things.”

  “Well maybe you should come to the Mother Ship,” Becca said. “You’d be welcome there, I’m sure. There are all kinds of Kindred there and no one is nearly as judgmental as your people seem to be. I mean, sorry…” She cleared her throat. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just…”

  “Just what my ama said to you and the way everyone looked at you when the three of you came to my lodge. Of course, I understand.” He nodded.

  “Well…” Becca sighed. “That scene with your mother…I have to admit that’s not exactly how I hoped my first meeting with my in-laws would go.”

  Garron nodded again, somewhat reluctantly this time, Becca thought.

  “Ama
is…very rigid in her way of thinking. I think she regretted marrying a Kindred instead of taking her chances as a sacrificial virgin to find the right Rai’ku male. She wanted more for me—for all her children—than she had.”

  “From what Truth told me, it sounds like she had a lot to regret,” Becca said in a low voice.

  “Oh, he told you that, did he?” Garron sounded surprised. “Yes, our father was…not the most kind or patient male, especially where Truth was concerned.”

  “Did he hurt all of you?” Becca asked in a low voice.

  “Not as much as he would have liked to. Truth was the oldest and he tried to prevent it.” Garron shook his head. “He stepped between me and my apa more than once and took the blow meant for me when we were younger. I am forever in his debt for that.” He sighed and stood up, stretching until his long spine crackled. “It’s growing late. Can I show you to the guest room or would you like to stay up a little later?”

  Suddenly Becca realized how tired she was. Between the mind games Vashtar had played on them, meeting Truth’s family—who mostly hated her—and hearing Garron’s sad story, it had been a long…long day. She yawned. “I guess I’d better get settled in for the night. Far and Truth probably won’t be back for a little while. I wanted to stay up and wait for them but…” She yawned again.

  “It’s all right.” Garron gave her a faint smile. “I probably tired you out with my yammering.”

  “No, of course you didn’t.” Becca got to her feet and stretched, just as he had. “I was happy to listen. I’m just sorry I couldn’t help you at all.”

  “But you did help,” he said earnestly. “After talking to you I feel…well, I don’t feel as bad as I did.” He frowned. “That’s strange. I wonder why that is?”

  “Because talking helps.” Becca smiled and patted him on the arm. “Could you go ahead and show me the guest room now? I’m suddenly so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open.”

  “Of course.” Garron led the way to a small, bare wooden room just off his main living area. There was no furniture that Becca could see but a large pile of thick, waxy green leaves had been heaped on the floor and covered in several blankets. “Apologies for the sleeping arrangements,” Garron said, pointing to the pallet of leaves and blankets. “I have no hammocks big enough for three. This was the best I could do on short notice.”