J R

  —You say this new home ec equipment’s in north seven? I’d like to take a look at it Whiteback, matter of fact I thought I might take a couple of pieces, a couple of the appliances maybe, take them off your hands at cost, might help you out a little on your space problem.

  —Yes well at cost of course I ahm, I thought they were gift from your subsiderary, a subsiderary of your ahm . . .

  —Matter of fact that’s what I meant yes, after the way they cleaned us out in that robbery . . .

  —If you’re going to look at it now I’ll go with you, we can make sure the . . .

  —You go ahead Dan, one of us going around bandaged up with an arm in a sling is one thing but the two of us these kids would think was a comedy team. Anyhow I want to talk to the Senator here for a minute about your proposition thirteen, Senator? Your bill to get the schools out of the entertainment business, make closed-circuit systems . . .

  —That bill, we tabled that bill.

  —What do you, what do you mean you tabled it, you . . .

  —When the Foundation announced it’s dropping support for the school televisions we tabled it, too much . . .

  —The Foun, what? What do you, what the hell do you, what’s he talking about Whiteback?

  —Yes well the ahm, of course I forgot you’d been in the ahm, out of circulation that is to say Major but the Foundation has apparently decided to put its support into educational broadcasting ahm, community stations as opposed to school, educational television as opposed to instructional television that is to . . .

  —But what do they think they, they stick you with a million dollar setup like this and then pull out? Put us in the entertainment business where every brokendown jobless retired radical welfare freeloading Tom Dick and, and, and that writer they sent out here, you remember him? Messy looking kind of a, I gave him a whole armload of research material he never returned, what kind of a write-up do you think he gave the whole thing after that lesson by that, that Bast, that, that’s what did it, that, owww . . .!

  —Yes be careful Major that desk corner is ahm, no I’ll pick up the papers Dan why don’t you just go ahead and check on your ahm, excuse me . . . hello? Oh, oh yes Mister Parentu . . . yes he’s right ahm . . . A flash of nails and the blue stone intervened.—Right, right yes well of course he just said you’re right but he just ahm, unfortunately Mister Pecci just left, he . . . yes well of course I can give him your message about the story in the . . . yes, yes go ahead, yes . . . the phone dangled.

  —And that Gibbs that, that what do they expect when you’ve got somebody like that up there representing the school to every jobless old retired welfare watch your, your pants there Dan, looks like they’re going to . . .

  —Listen, at the door there somebody? listening . . .?

  ——to go shit in their hats . . .

  On the screen was Smokey Bear.

  —Here, what are you doing there!

  —What, me . . .? The door opened far enough to admit a torn sneaker toe.

  —You, yes, there’s no one else there is there? What are you doing at the door there.

  —Nothing. I got sent.

  —For what was it now, typewriters again?

  —No it was, I was using this here adding machine up in the . . .

  —Using it? You didn’t happen to ahm, take it home with you?

  —What? What like, steal it?

  —Three typewriters and one adding machine disappeared over the weekend, do you know anything about it?

  —Me? No I mean holy, I mean if I stole one why would I get caught using this here one up in the . . .

  —What makes you think you have a right to play with expensive school equipment like typewriters and adding machines? Do you know how much one of them . . .

  —No but I was real careful Mister Whiteback but see I had all these here big numbers to add up which I had to be sure it came out right see so I . . .

  —This is the last time, do you understand? This is the last time I want to see you sent to my office for something like this, do you understand?

  —Me too but I, yes sir but I just wondered, see this list of all these numbers I was adding up in this here adding machine I wondered if I could just get it back because like I thought maybe then Mister Glancy could . . .

  —Mister Glancy’s not in today and you can do your homework the way everyone else does it, with a pencil, now get to class or wherever you’re supposed to be and, and look out there, you’re dropping that whole pile of ahm, Dan if you’re going you might ahm, if you see Mister Gibbs in the halls anywhere you might tell him I’d like to see him as soon as he ahm, he can . . .

  And out under the benign reproof in the fixed gaze from the wall they moved at home through crowd and noise, the one pursued by admiring gasps toward east seven, the other abruptly submerged half down the range of lockers to tuck a shoelace and surface to a stride that brought the coins bulging one pocket to a heavy clank each step toward the telephone booth as a clock beyond disposed of the hour with a click and the doors clattered closed on him with the second ring.—Hullo . . .? chin sunk deep as though seeking cords down toward the spleen somewhere, hand mounting handkerchief wad, pencil stub, tugging the torn zipper on the portfolio balanced as a lap desk—this is him speaking . . . handkerchief wad firmly in the mouthpiece,—is this here Mister Wiles . . .? Yes how much could you get me . . . at what? Holy . . . no that’s okay go ahead and get it, I just wondered why this Eagle stock is so . . . no just the common I already got rid of the other, hey I wanted to ask you about this stuff you sent me on these here nursing homes, this . . . what? No, no I can hear you fine, wait . . . he loosened the handkerchief wad,—now can you hear me better? We’re always having trouble on these lines, I know, listen I . . . what? What paper, today’s? No I . . . No just these Series? and Series? debentures, they already . . . what? What . . .? No but what do you mean the whole thing, the whole thing? But holy . . . no but holy . . . What? No but wait a second you just said Alberta and . . . no I know it but what’s Ace Development got to do with Al . . . What do you mean, the both of them? But holy . . . No but holy . . . No but this here Mister Decker which was the underwriter, he . . . What, like when the interest was due on this here Series B he put out the Series C and used that money to pay off the . . . No but like the price of the Ace stock just went up so how come he wanted to merge it with Alberta and Western if they were like already losing ten thousand dollars a . . . oh you mean that’s why it went up? No but first I have to talk to this here lawyer, I . . . what? No I know it’s a bad connection, I said I have to talk to our attorney first but see if you could look up this company called X-L Lithography at Ohio or someplace, find what their . . . No I said Ohio, find their book value and their dividends and all, I’ve got somebody waiting to see me . . . and the door cracked with the cropped head pressed against the outside glass,—the what? Oh that nursing home thing, is that how you pronounce it? No I said I got the stuff you sent me that is to say but I’ll call you later . . . and the door clattered as far open as the lap desk allowed.

  —What are you doing?

  —What does it look like, I’m talking on the telephone.

  —You better hurry up, Mrs Joubert’s going to . . .

  —Look hey tell her I had to go see the nurse okay?

  —Okay, you going to the Post Office after? Boy wait till you see what I’m getting hey.

  —We can go over at gym, hey and tell Mrs Joubert I went to see Miss Waddams okay . . .? and the door shuddered closed on him writhing for the depths of a pocket, stacking coins to size, the black nail crescent in the dial, the coin drop and chin dropped deep,—Hullo? Virginia? This is . . . J R yes I just called to see who called, is Mister Bast there . . .? and a fitful silence, hunched for a thumb to reach a nostril.—He’s not? Okay then who . . . which one . . .? No see there’s this one named Bunky which I don’t want to talk to him but the . . . yes the old one, no I know the number, it . . . No I know it’s long distance, who else? Wh
o . . .? Moon like in moon you mean? e, y, h, Mooneyham? holy . . . no just what’s the number . . . and the pencil stub worked . . . —okay and who . . .? Yeah Mister Crawley, what did he just have some wisecrack to make about Alberta and . . . no sure tell him I already knew it, he thinks he’s so . . . Of what? n, o, b, what is it Italian? No I’ll have Mister Bast look into it, at thirty-eight he said . . .? No but tell Mister Bast to call me at this here new branch number collect at two fifty . . . no that means ten of three exactly tell him it’s urgent, he . . . Okay I know so when he comes in tell him I said he should pay you . . . no sure in cash I know, sure . . . no sure I know what it’s like, sure . . . and a sharp crack at the glass shot a line down it. The door clattered open.—Holy shit hey what are you trying to do, you cracked the glass.

  —Come on hey help me out . . . the jar that had cracked the glass was thrust inside.—A quarter hey, Miss Waddams is waiting, I even had to snitch another bottle.

  —What do you mean, right in here? Go find . . .

  —No come on, there’s nobody hey, look I’ll stand right . . .

  —Look I already went, find Anthony.

  —I already found him, he’s all out. Thirty cents hey?

  —I told you I already went . . . and the door clattered closed on the turning dial, the succession of quarters raised to the slot, sneaker wedged high against a hinge, finally—Mister Hopper please, this . . . No not him, the old one . . . Hullo? Mister Hopper? This is . . . yes, you recodnized my voice . . .? No my secretary just told me you called, is there . . . No sure I can hear you okay, we been having trouble with the connections from this . . . what? No our mail didn’t come in yet today, what . . . No well that’s too bad, I . . . Yeah well that’s too bad but . . . No well I mean I’m sorry these hometown Eagles lost this here game but when the . . . No but when the Weekly Messenger says it’s because they lost their home field see I think that’s just this attempt to embarrass you Mister Hopper since the bank’s taking it over in this here leaseback deal we . . . No but see in terms of this here loan to Eagle management, we . . . senior management yes see we . . . Yes me and Mister Bast that is to say, see we . . . the what? No well like the status like you call it of this Eagle pension fund buying this here stock in Wonder is . . . this here brewery yes, they make . . . Yes no I’m sorry Mrs Begg doesn’t think that’s exactly the kind of investment we . . . no I know she’s this stockholder but . . . No but like me and Mister Bast we’re neither of us a drinking man so why she thought he looked like he . . . what . . .? No but like being this here banker Mister Hopper you can look at it better in terms of the profit picture instead of just what they make at this here brewery that is to say, am I right? Oh and hey I meant to ask you . . . what? I said say I meant to ask you you know that there big track of land with the railroad tracks which we just found Eagle owns this big right of way around that big cemetery so I was talking to our attorney about . . . no about the cemetery see we . . . What, the cemetery? belongs to what . . .? The Ancient and Loyal Order of what . . .? Honest? of which you’re the Grand what . . .? Honest? Sure no but I mean what would we do with a cem . . . No but what . . . No but sure I mean we don’t want this lawsuit with this here Ancient and Loyal Order and all, like if we . . . How many . . .? Holy, I mean this here Order must be tremendous, do they all come there to . . . No I said like are they mostly old . . .? Oh you mean like from the whole countryside up there who . . . No so okay so while we’re waiting for this loan to management maybe we can just settle this here lawsuit, you understand what I mean . . .? No I mean like on a friendly basis once this here loan is . . . No I know you can’t hear me very good so anyway what I’ll do I’ll talk to our attorney and have him write you the whole deal so we can . . . No that’s our accountant, our lawyer is this Mister Piscator, he already wrote you about all the . . . no Pis cator, pis . . . That’s him yes, Arnold, so anyway I’ll discuss it like with Mister Bast and then he’ll write you the whole . . . who, Bast? No I don’t think he’ll be up there again that quick, see he’s been real busy with . . . No I know, you really wouldn’t think so because he’s . . . I know we’re real lucky to have him with us because like everybody always seems to like him because he’s . . . Yes and he told me all about this neat time he had up there and . . . what? I said he told me how you arranged this here banquet and took him to these baseball games and all and he really . . . Sure well I’d like to once we get some of these hard driving demands of business done but, yes I have to go now . . . A sling paused at the glass, flapped dispiritedly, eyes peered over gauze and were gone.—No I said I’d like to sure but I . . . No I have this meeting yes . . . and one hand scooping the stacked coins into the other, the foot down from the hinge and the pile of books, papers and that battered portfolio pulled together, the door came open slowly and he looked one way up the corridor and back before the silent tread of his sneakers got him to the culvert of the door marked Boys to watch sling and billowing step reappear, pause again at the booth to shake it open on the first ring and get the phone with a free hand on the second.

  —Hello . . .? It’s what operator . . .? No but I haven’t talked any overtime, I haven’t even . . . No I didn’t even, I don’t even know anybody in Union Falls and I . . . But I don’t have sixty cents, even wait wait wait, operator? Operator I wanted to call New York and I just happened to pick up the . . . but I can’t dial again I just, I don’t have the right change, since you’re right there could you . . . No it’s collect, yes . . . and the door clattered closed on the number,—Yes say it’s Mister diCephalis calling in answer to . . . yes, d, i, capital C, e . . . no small d, it’s . . . what? No wait, wait, then let me give you a number they’ll . . . my number yes, it’s zero, zero, six dash . . . No it’s not a telephone number no, it’s my coded . . . No they’ll understand, it’s my coded . . . hello? Operator? hello . . .? hello . . .? and the door struggled slowly open, to clatter closed a minute later on the pile gripped tottering on a knee and that hand rising to drop coins, stack them, knot the handkerchief as the other dialed and dropped to distribute office requisites.

  —Hullo? Let me talk to Mister Piscator please, this . . . yeah this is J . . . Yeah this is him, I sound like I’m where . . .? Tell him that yes tell him that’s why I’m in a hurry because I . . . hello? Nonny? look, I just talked to this broker Mister Wiles about this whole Ace and Alberta . . . what? No didn’t she just tell you . . .? No well some of these overseas connections are real good but . . . no I can hear you fine, look I called you to . . . No well that’s what I called about, ljust heard the whole thing went . . . Okay but where does that leave me? I mean if I was the biggest holder they had in both . . . what? I already told you because it was real cheap, now so where does this . . . possible what . . .? But what good are leases on mineral exploration rights if I . . . okay but what good are tax write-offs for mineral exploration if like what am I supposed to do, go out there with a hat and a shovel looking . . . not a hatful of no I said a shovel and go looking for these here virgin . . . what? No I mean these minerals what’s the difference of that and you said probably all Alberta and Western has left is this bunch of rights of way and leases to . . . No I know I can’t so look, when you find it all out you can . . . no now can you hear me? I said tell Mister Bast. Did he call you yet about . . . No I know it but see he’s been doing a lot of reading up on all this and he . . . No, sure I know it’s inconvenient but see we’re changing that office up there over to these picturephones which the telephone company says they take longer to . . . No I know he doesn’t but see we’re still a little shorthanded down there too so Virginia’s been . . . Not down in Virginia, no I said Virginia the secre . . . no I know she’s not the brightest secre . . . No from Mister Bast, he was supposed to call you once him and Mister Wonder got together and got this whole deal all . . . No I know this other brother did but see I just got this call from this Mister Mooneyham at . . . he did? What did you tell him . . .? No but look see instead of just trying to get back that Wonder stock this bro
ther loaned him as collateral for X-L suppose we just take over the whole . . . No but I just told this broker to get me the book value on it and all so see if we . . . Okay can you hear me? look, once the pension fund buys out Wonder it could just sell the stock right back and it would be overrefunded so . . . what? Overfunded I said yes so we’d never have to put anything in it again, see and then the . . . no back to the Wonder employees, see then the pension fund would be all set and these here Wonder employees would like own this stock of their own company and we get to keep this almost three million dollars of these unpaid dividends against Eagle’s tax loss credit carryforward understand what I mean? Which then instead of just trying to clear up that X-L thing we could move in and . . . what do you mean lose the brewery, we . . . Oh. Okay I didn’t think of that but look, if you think they might buy this stock and vote it to put up these new officers that would declare this big dividend and the whole thing would collapse, is that what you said? Okay then look, if we set them up this employees’ stock option plan where they buy this here stock but see we keep the voting rights so we can . . . What do you mean go to jail? why should . . . no now . . . no now look . . . No now look Nonny, see I’m not asking you what I can do, I’m telling you what I want to do and paying you to find out how I can do it, understand what I . . . what? No didn’t you get it yet . . .? No it’s coming to you from Eagle, I just talked to Mister Hopper up there and he said the check’s in the mail and look, he’s got this here old lawsuit up there about this cemetery which it’s right in the middle of this right of way, you can get the whole story on it later from Mister Bast see but the thing is settle it, see but . . . for anything just settle it, see but not till we have this okay on this here loan to management, I mean don’t make it sound like we’re holding out see but like it’s just this like regular thing you happened to . . . Sure I think you know your business or why would I . . . No there’s just a couple of things like this new issue on this string of these nursing homes that this broker sent me all the . . . No because it’s real cheap and then there’s some Italian drug company this other broker says is . . . no I didn’t look into them yet but look . . . A figure loomed in the glass panel over his shoulder,—look . . . he hunched lower,—I have this meeting I have to . . . what? Back in what country . . . Oh, oh sure tomorrow this was just this short . . . for this meeting yes, I . . . to incorporate what? Just a second . . . he cracked the door open, and over a shoulder—You need this here phone Mister Gibbs . . .? and at a nod,—okay just a second . . . and the crack closed,—sure go ahead then if you think that’s . . . In Jamaica? how come you . . . no I said go ahead, you can tell all this to Mister Bast when you and him . . . no well I just think he’s been too busy lately to get a new suit he . . . okay . . . and the door shuddered open.—Just a second Mister Gibbs, let me just get this stuff . . .