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  —Been on a bender, look at him! Do you need color tv to see how red his eyes are? And the muslin wing flapped heavily in the direction of the image just then paused to preen a crease and raise the dirt line on the pocket handkerchief square into view,—been on a bender with that friend of his that cut off his ear with a pencil, look at him! If there’s one thing I’m going to see while I’m still on this school board Whiteback, it’s to see him fired.

  —Yes well of course we ahm, can you turn that up just a little Dan? see what Article he’s up to? Of course if we tried to fire him now we ahm, in terms of the ongoing situation anything that might touch off the ahm, precipitate a strike that is to say, Dan you were going to feel out your ahm, your wife’s ahm . . .

  —Touch it off then, why not! The budget was just voted down wasn’t it? Let them strike. Lock the doors, turn off the heat and save some money, see it at the corporate level all the time. What do you think U S Steel does when a new contract’s coming up? Goes into full production, builds a big inventory, no contract no work and they’re out on strike, would have had to fire half of them anyway. By the time they’ve sold out their inventory these red unions are banging down the gates to get back in, just like these parents will eat up your budget and march their kids back in just like Vern said they would. Somebody at the door there.

  ——or engage in war, unless actually invaded, or in such imminent danger as will not admit of delay. Article two section one. One. The Executive . . .

  —Did he say two? He can’t only be up to, come in? How many do you think there, oh come in come in Senator . . . and the door fell ajar on the flurry of cloth, introducing silk in the muted iridescence of a famous name suit,—we were just discussing the United States ahm, Hyde, you remember Major Hyde on the school board and, yes no this is Major Hyde here Senator, that’s Dan our ahm, Dan diCephalis, our psycho . . . and the flurry subsided.—Maybe you read about their accident in the papers?

  —Smear stories, the papers . . . and the flurry renewed in newspaper streamers from an inside pocket—I say it myself right here in my statement, smear stories, they find the Cultural Center is a rider to my highway bill so they smear me because they stoop to nothing to smear Parentucelli. Look, right here they try to tie his state contracts to my highway bill through Flo-Jan Corp but right down here they admit Catania Paving pays Flo-Jan Corp eighteen cents every yard of asphalt landed at the town dock, minimum five hundred dollars monthly, you see? They stoop to nothing.

  —Yes well of course in terms of the ongoing situation down to the bank we ahm, excuse me . . . hello?

  ——United States. Six. In case . . .

  —Because he is represented by Ganganelli, Pecci and Peretti? Because he is Italian American he should not have the best legal counsel?

  —Yes well of course I know it doesn’t make you look good Vern but of course we ahm . . .

  —This teacher woman from your television sues him for a million dollars, he is not entitled to defend himself?

  —Yes well of course she’s suing the school too, she . . . what? Oh yes, Vern? Yes I’m sorry I was listening to something else, we ahm . . . yes to bring you solutions of course but in terms of the ahm . . . that you didn’t want to hear about it yes, but of course we . . . Yes no Mister Pecci is right . . . No no right here that is to say, he dropped in to discuss the ahm . . . want to hear about it, no I . . . no I’ll tell him, yes . . .

  —That Vern, Whiteback? Here, I’d better just speak to him about the . . .

  —Yes well he ahm, he hung up.

  —Well what was that he wanted you to tell me.

  —Yes well it was not you, no, no he wanted me to tell Mister ahm, tell the Senator here to ahm, of course I can’t repeat it but he seemed quite put out at the reference in the newspaper story to what Mister Parentucelli did to his yard as ahm, as a gift.

  —What I said? they stoop to nothing? Because Parentucelli tries to make a gift they smear him with the District Superintendent?

  —Yes well of course I don’t think it was a gift that Vern especially ahm . . .

  —So to say there is no gift he sues Parentucelli for damages? Parentucelli comes to do a nice job, maybe too much enthusiasm, all his work to do the nice job, all the trees out, all the blacktop, how does he offer to settle? Free, no bills, nothing. You take out one tree, one elm tree, one oak tree seventy feet, eighty feet high, how much it costs to take out one tree? Two-inch pressed blacktop the best, indestructible, no grass to mow, nine thousand square feet no more grass to mow, no leaves to rake all the time, he parks the car anywhere, no trees to smash the fenders, no birds shitting the Simoniz . . .

  —Yes well of course Vern ahm, since all Vern had in mind was a small driveway I think that seeing the newspaper refer to all the ahm, all Mister Parentucelli’s fine work that is to say as ahm, of course he did a fine job on the addition he put on over to our place that is to say even though the French doors don’t open exactly the way we’d ahm, don’t open yes but of course that has no connection with his bid for thirty-two thousand dollars for blacktopping the studio parking lot and replacing the ahm, the stone lintel over the main door for twelve ahm, it’s right here somewhere in those papers you just picked up Dan? Something the Citizens Union people circulated just before the budget referendum in an attempt to embarrass right under there yes, The Citizens Union on Neighborhood Teaching wishes to call your attention to no, no this was something about an example of the smut circulating in the junior high they said they sent me but I haven’t seen anything that might be ahm, anything supporting the Senator’s campaign that is to say, Stamp Out Smut for . . .

  —Quart of glue two fifty-one for which the school pays three fifty-seven, masking tape one forty-nine for which the school pays two . . .

  —Yes that’s it Dan, just a, Dan? The Senator’s handing you an SOS button to ahm, yes thank you Senator it’s ahm, it’s a catchy design, the SOS against the background of stars and be careful Dan you’re spilling all those checks.

  —These? I thought it was just . . .

  —Yes well of course they’re wadded up and dirty because the youngsters seem to have carried them around in their ahm, their attempt to embarrass the school by paying for lunch with a thirty cent check, but of course if we permit them to bring lunch to school we lose the federally subsidized cafeteria lunch program and in terms of the ongoing budget sit . . .

  —Mention education and they grab for their wallets, was I right Whiteback?

  —Yes well of course the figures Dan has there are ahm . . .

  —Ladder eleven ninety-eight for which the school pays twenty-three . . .

  —Yes sending their people out to ahm, sending them out dressed like spies that is to say making one shot purchases at Jack’s Discount Appliance to discredit the school’s policy of dealing with ahm, utilizing dependable, reputable sources of supply like Mister ahm, Gottlieb’s brother-in-law is hardly fair to excuse me . . . hello?

  ——from office on impeachment for and conviction of treason, bribery, or other high crimes and . . .

  —I think the school phone is ringing there Senator, could you reach the . . .

  —Oh yes. Yes hello . . .?

  —Yes this is Mister Whi . . . what? Yes no not at the bank right now no, no I . . . No no yes it is the bank telephone line yes but . . . yes I have another call that, just a minute . . .

  —He says it is urgent, he says to tell you the Constitution is two hundred and four feet long.

  —Two . . . just a minute. What?

  —Hundred and four. He says do you want the beam too? Forty-four feet eight . . .

  —No no no just, hello? Yes just hold on a minute, let me . . .

  —Built of live oak and red cedar . . .

  —No just hang up yes, tell him never mind, thank no no not you, hello? Yes hello? Yes . . . yes well of course we saw it in the paper too but digging up a minor building variance he got three or four years ago just to make the point that he was represented before the
town board by Gangan . . . and Peretti yes, his attorneys, yes they just seem to have dug it up in an attempt to . . . Yes but of course the variance itself is so minor that . . . yes a matter of eight inches one way or the other can’t be that . . . what? Oh. Oh yes no I didn’t quite get your ahm . . . Yes I never heard that one, it’s quite funny yes . . . Yes well as a matter of fact Mister ahm, Assemblyman Pecci happens to be right here, I think he . . . Pecci, yes, his law form, his former law firm that is to say represents the builder who . . . yes I think he wants to say something . . .

  ——crimes, except in cases of . . .

  —Hello? You’re calling about this smear story in the paper look, these lies they print to smear me because they try to smear somebody higher up, you understand what I mean? This little variance they say the builder saved six hundred dollars every house, that’s a lie. Twelve hundred houses they say, that’s a lie, they print them to smear me because they try to . . . what? No, ask Whiteback the correct figures, Mister Whiteback. Here.

  ——them aid and comfort. No . . .

  —Hello yes? Yes I just wanted to say that . . . what? Oh those yes, yes those figures are right here somewhere I just, Dan could you look under those ahm . . . Yes no but of course in terms of the ongoing situation down to the bank the inferences of a story like this one are ahm . . . Yes the suggestion of ahm, of an overabundance of bad home improvement loans and mortgage risks calculated to undermine confidence in terms of the ahm, investment confidence on the part of investors that is to say which is hardly fair to . . . and yes well in the case of home mortgages like these which are insured by County Land and Title there should be no . . . no yes I know the premiums are high but of course the element of ahm . . . Yes no I wasn’t going to say risk of course but County Land and here, here are these figures and apparently the builder saved only ahm, yes only saved five hundred and seventy-two dollars on each of one thousand one ahm, eleven hundred thirty-six houses that ahm, homes that is to say that ahm . . . Yes well no, no I would have called you of course if you . . . yes well no we wouldn’t want anything like that to . . . no, no, yes thank you for calling, yes . . .

  —Who’s that?

  —Yes well that was ahm, that was Mister Fedders Senator he just ahm, he just needed reassurance on this home mortgage situation because of course if anything suddenly precipitated a ahm, touched off a strike that is to say and forced the union to raise a strike fund by liquidating its ahm, trying to retire its home mortgage investments right after this ahm, this smear, this smear to use your phrase about this minor stud variance of course the ongoing situation down to the bank could become quite ahm, Dan, I think Dan was going to look into this, Dan? did you get a chance to feel out your ahm, feel things out?

  —Yes by tapping, I couldn’t really feel anything but by tapping along the baseboard I could hear where the studs were and then I measured between them last night, they were twenty-four inches apart but maybe the . . .

  —Yes well of course your house is ahm, is your home that is to say but your wife ahm, I think you were going to feel her out in terms of her position activationwise in the ongoing strike situation and the ahm, with the idea that she might be a little less active activationwise that is to say if she had the opportunity to expand her, to use her ahm, utilize her talents in more constructive school programs in terms of her own interests that is to say, her ahm, yes I think you mentioned B’hai and some artistic Kashmiri ahm, India I think that is, yes, things they do in . . .

  —Well she, she she has been working on that yes but she, but I thought Mister Vogel was going to . . .

  —Yes well of course Coach Vogel is ahm, we don’t want to improach on his preserve even though I understand she just took a group of youngsters to a basketball game but of course if she enjoys basketball I’m sure that Coach wouldn’t ahm, that no one would object to her taking over as curriculum specialist and implementing the program to ahm, to help actualize the cultural aspects of the arts in depth for our, if we can find a place for our Spring Arts Festival in our ahm . . .

  ——against domestic violence. Article five . . .

  —Yes well no he what did he say? Twenty-five . . .?

  —Meant to ask you about that Senator, when you start looking around for a site to put up this Cultural Center of yours there’s a nice location out there past the Dunkin Donuts, right there on the border with District thirteen. Nothing but some scrub pine and a couple of new little ranch houses would have to go and we had some blockbusting out there so the acreage ought to come cheap if you can get your condemnation proceedings . . .

  —What do we want that, we already got condemnation proceedings, you don’t read the legal notices? right in the paper? Plenty of parking, they just blacktopped it up there right across the street for the new shopping center fourteen acres, Sundays the Catholic church, nights the Cultural Center parks, plenty of people you need plenty of parking.

  —Yes well of course I didn’t mean a place to ahm, I meant a place in the budget that is to say without a continuing grant from the State Arts Committee the Festival can hardly ahm, when the Committee learns that our composer in residence is no longer in ahm, in residence, the grant that’s been helping with our little Ring presentation would ahm, could . . .

  —Look Whiteback what do you want to rip your knickers on him again for. If nobody can find him there goes their excuse for a strike, am I right?

  —Yes well the pressures to fire anyone of course are ahm, of course if someone as active activationwise as Dan’s wife here was busy with ahm, Dan?

  —Yes but I think she thinks Mrs, Mister Pecci’s wife is interested in doing it.

  —Doing it?

  —Yes well of course I believe Janice Pecci was in the original production Senator? of this Rhinegold that is to say this Ring, yes, but it probably doesn’t really matter exactly whose Ring we see because there can’t be that much difference, we’ve all seen Miss Flesch’s that is to say and if Dan’s wife wanted to do it for us I thought ahm, I thought that was probably why you stopped in, Dan?

  —No it was, I wanted to ask about the equipment, all the teaching equipment that I . . .

  —Yes well those were major budget items of course and in terms of ahm, of resubmitting the budget to the voters some of them may have to ahm, that paper the Citizens Union people sent around in an effort to embarrass the ahm, we just had it here somewhere and I think some of your equipment is ahm, your talking typewriter yes I think they found thirty-five thousand dollars for the Edsel Responsive Environment a little, what did he say there?

  ——Pinckney, Charles Pinckney, Pierce Butler, William . . .

  —Wait that can’t still be the . . .

  —Yes well no, no I think he’s finished and ahm, he must be calling roll yes you can turn that sound off but leave it on to see what’s happened to our scheduling, is that it right there Dan? Of course some of the equipment they question is ahm, the burglar alarm at two thousand six hundred dollars for example but of course at the rate typewriters and adding machines are disappearing it probably comes out to about the same ahm, they’ve even put the telephone booth down there I suppose one of their ahm, their spy saw the new one down near the boys’ lockers but of course the telephone company itself is ahm, yes what’s this coming on now?

  —Arithmetic, all the little pluses and minus.

  —No it’s, I think it’s electricity, it must be Coach . . .

  —Vogel’s new ahm, yes but of course if they started the tape at homeroom bell without knowing Mister Gibbs was ahm, yes well then the youngsters will have missed most of the lesson Dan so your testing might not be ahm . . .

  —He said he put an outline on your desk, maybe I can find the place where it . . .

  —Yes well in those papers you picked up it might ahm, that yellow sheet there might . . .

  —Micro Farad yes that’s, farad’s an electrical unit, his resistance at a minimum and his field fully excited, laid Millie Amp on the ground potential, raised her freque
ncy and lowered her capacitance, pulled out his high voltage probe and inserted it into her socket connecting them in parallel, and short circuited her shunt . . .

  —Yes well that’s ahm, he said circuitry didn’t he and that sounds ahm, excuse me . . . hello?

  —bar magnet had lost all its field strength, Millie Amp tried self induction and damaged her solenoid . . .

  —No Leroy, he’s been trying to find out what happened to a shipment from the government in connection with the cafeteria lunch program subsidy, the . . . picnic forks yes, they seem to have ahm . . . well tell him to call me back, yes . . .

  —fully discharged, was unable to excite his generator, so they reversed polarity and blew each other’s fuses . . .

  —Yes well I think you’ll just have to take a look at the whole tape yourself Dan, all that electrical language is a little bit ahm, here just let me initial it and send it back to him we don’t want to take any more of the Senator’s time and we can clear up your ahm, look into your equipment requests later in terms of ahm, of budgetary terms that is to . . .

  —No but it wasn’t that equipment that I, I meant the equipment we already have that was stored in north seven, I came in that way this morning and . . .

  —I think I can straighten Dan out on this Whiteback, with the equipment coming in for this home ec center in east seven you were going to set your little retreads up in business over in north seven, am I right? And then all Dan’s equipment here would be . . .

  —Yes well no we ahm, when the home ec equipment came into north seven we had Dan’s moved over to east seven where we were going to set up the retard ahm . . .

  —Set them up in business in east seven, that’s what I just . . .

  —Yes well we’ve ahm, put them out of business that is to say, in terms of the ongoing situation spacewise the skill builders and the ahm, the reading accelerators ran over two thousand dollars I think didn’t they Dan, in budgetary terms of course damage to equipment like that if we put it in the ahm, out in the cold that is to say the taxpayers would probably ahm . . .