J R
—Sounds to me like you’re . . .
—I mean you’re supposed to be this big important novelist and you don’t even get that? I mean he’s got this book so screwed up with this free dance lesson he comes out feeling like I said I don’t need your hand right there man if you . . .
—No relax I just meant, I just meant she sounds like an elegant woman hear him talk about a neater sweeter maiden it all sounds romantic enough but she sounds a little chilly, a little bit . . .
—Chilly? I mean it’s this black haired chick he’s been balling right?
—Has he told you ab . . .
—Like what does he need to tell me I mean he was right through that window over in Schramm’s balling her wasn’t he? And I mean if you think she was look I mean I’m not kidding get your . . .
—No relax look I just meant, I mean meeting somebody like you who doesn’t lay down all kinds of old-fashioned conditions like commitment and intimacy on something that’s as healthy and natural as . . .
—Look man if this spills I mean get your . . .
—What is it, is it . . .
—What does it look like snow? I mean look I don’t need your . . .
—I’ve heard it’s kind of an aphro . . .
—Afro nothing man look I said I don’t need your fing . . .
—Just, look relax don’t be, don’t get excited just . . .
—Don’t get excited I mean then what’s your finger trying to look man I’m not kidding I . . .
—What’s the matter just . . .
—I said nothing’s the fucking matter I mean I just don’t need your finger . . .
—Then how, how about this . . .
—Oh wow, wow I mean come on . . .
—What’s the matter what’s so . . .
—Look I, I mean come on get your, I mean the telephone’s man you’re hurting my mean I’m not kidding I’m expecting this very . . .
—You damn it, you . . .
—I mean I said I’m not kidding!
—Go ahead damn it! go . . .
—I mean let me past . . .!
—Spread it for Schramm for Jack why can’t you . . .
—Hello . . .? this is her yes, I mean . . . Like whenever you want Mister Cibo, I mean now . . .? No I mean I’ll come down there now if you want like all I have to do is . . . this dress with these little checks on I already got it yes I’m coming right . . . At suite what . . .? Yes I’m coming right down . . .
—Spread it for Schramm for Jack for any, Bast probably for Bast too why can’t you . . .
—Look I mean go back in there man leave me alone, I mean I need to get on this dress . . .
—What’s the difference just tell me what’s the difference you spread for . . .
—I mean look man are you going to stand there like that . . .
—Just tell me what’s the difference you’re the, you’re what the young man from Racine invented aren’t you no intimacy no, no commitment nothing, concave or convex to fit either sex aren’t you . . .
—Man you’re, I mean you’re this real bastard aren’t you . . .
—Beefy face and grubby hand didn’t Jack ever quote the rest of it to you? Ever quote anything to you ever talk to you at all? So jealous of this woman who just called you can’t see straight can you so stupid it’s the only intimacy you can offer anybody isn’t it, easier to get laid than try to talk about something isn’t it just a, a mechanical lay aren’t you you . . .
—I mean this, this real bastard aren’t you . . .
—Aren’t you no ideas no passion the world’s no bigger than your, than your dumb appetites why you have to sniff that stuff the only way left you can feel anything isn’t it, getting laid’s about as interesting as a, as washing your face no more feeling than a, than a milking machine just a . . .
—Like go get one then! Man I mean standing there like that go get one of those plastic things with hair on you put warm water in it that’s all you been grabbing for that’s all you . . .
—Joke was on Schramm wasn’t it all he . . .
—Man like get away from me I mean what Schramm . . .
—What Schramm wanted that’s how much you know listen what Schramm wanted was a woman he could trust with everything he had, wanted it so much he knew if he thought he had it and lost it he’d cut his throat so he found you instead didn’t he, took the safe way no commitment no intimacy no passion no conversation but fucking this and fucking that nothing to hold back but your slit just to prove you can offer it to anybody who goes by and he finds he’s even jealous of you you, you couldn’t even give him that could you came back here that night you couldn’t even . . .
—Look man I mean, I mean how do I know what he’s going to do like he’s down in your apartment you’re the one, I mean you’re the one man you’re who knows what he’s . . .
—No no I’d talked him out of it he thought you’d be here, only way I could talk him out of it he thought you’d be here waiting and you couldn’t even . . .
—Talked him out of bullshit man I mean you’re leaving out this whole fucking step, I mean you talk him out of it so he jumps out your fucking window he comes up those stairs blood all down him his bandage all . . .
—How do, wait you were here . . .
—Leave me alone get your . . .
—You were here when he came back weren’t you!
—Man you’re tearing my, look I have to go to this job if you screw up this dress man you’re hurting my . . .
—You were weren’t you!
—Like what if I was!
—You you what did you . . .
—Man get your ow, I I hear him dragging up the stairs I see him through the rails all this blood this hole where his bandage was these, these noises he’s, he’s making these noises what am I supposed to man you’re tearing my . . .
—Why couldn’t you couldn’t even . . .
—Get your ow! I’m, I’m in these dark shadows he gets up the stairs and I, I get back in this dark landing till he’s inside I’m scared I mean I’m scared I creep past his door for the stairs how am I supposed to know what he’s you’re, you’re hurting my . . .
—You couldn’t even . . .
—How am I supposed to know what he’s doing in there! No get, get away from me you’re . . .
—Pretend you’re, try to pretend you’re crying you’re just . . .
—No get away you’re you’re, man you’re like some, you’re like some fucking graverobber aren’t you you’re . . .
—What do you, listen you . . .
—No I mean you’re like this fucking graverobber aren’t you man I mean like all you want me for is I was Schramm’s isn’t it . . .
—Don’t you, you don’t know a damn . . .
—No I mean you’re telling me I’m so stupid like man like, like when you know as much as I do there’s no place to go I mean what about his get away! I mean what about his stepmother that’s the ass he really wanted go dangle it for her you come in here with your . . .
—Shut up listen you don’t even, you’re so high on this stuff you’ve been sniffing you don’t know what you’re . . .
—High man I mean I’m flying like I mean I’m really flying, I mean you come in here where’s my tea stain folder get away from me! my tea stain folder I may have mislaid it like you think I don’t even know whose fucking tea stain folder with everything he ever wrote’s in it that’s all you . . .
—Just, just shut up relax look . . .
—I mean that’s all that’s left for you isn’t it my ass and this tea stain folder isn’t it, I mean you’re telling this chick on the phone how you’re this big important writer how Jack’s this big friend of yours all the time you’re putting him down like he’s some schmuck like you’re telling me she’s this cold stiff I mean I saw those scars down him man, like I mean all this passion and intimacy you’re telling me I don’t know what it is man I mean that was some free fucking dance lesson you don’t trust h
im none of you trust anybody you’re all scared shitless of it aren’t you, I mean he’s so hung up on this book he’s scared to lose this lousy opinion of himself that’s why none of you can . . .
—Look Rhoda just, look just relax wash your face and . . .
—I mean like what are you calling me my name all of a sudden for get away, I mean you don’t think I wanted somebody that will talk to me that will, that will still like me anyway after we screw?
—Look you can’t leave this way come back in and, you can’t go to a job this way you’re . . .
—Man I’m not kidding let me get my raincoat I mean get out of my I’m not kidding man get out of my way . . .
—Just, get out . . .
—I mean answer the phone man maybe that’s her calling back, I mean maybe she’ll give you a free dance . . .
—Get out! and, and don’t come back either you don’t need to come back either . . .! he stood between the torrents there getting breath before he turned, tripped on a film can reaching—hello . . .? No what do you . . . what Indian uprising no you’ve got the wrong . . . I said you’ve got the wrong number! and he got as far as 36 Boxes 200 2-Ply—now what . . . ripped his foot from a tangle of film,—hello . . .? He’s not here no, who . . . lawyer for who . . .? Wait no you’ve got the wrong one, this Mister Gibbs never worked for a general . . . oh, oh a company yes, yes he worked once for some small family comp . . . Eigen yes, I’ve known him for . . . Mrs Angel? No I don’t think I, wait yes that’s Stella? Yes he’s . . . I usually do yes but . . . yes I’ll tell him it’s urgent don’t know when he’ll be back though, he’s been . . . No he’s mentioned it to me but I don’t know the . . . no, no I think he just signed the stock certificate over to his ex-wife in a lump settlement, I’m having a similar kind of what . . .? No I doubt it no their relations are hardly cordial, she’s got custody of his daughter makes things pretty difficult for him the way my wife just walked out took my son with her and she thinks she’s granting me a privilege letting me see him can you imagine that? I went out to see them yesterday a house I’d rented myself when I still thought we could what . . .? Oh, oh yes yes I just . . . yes what kind of a misadventure . . . yes I’ll . . . minute he gets in yes I’ll tell him to call you Mis . . . ven one four seven I’ve got it yes c, o . . . oh without the h? Yes I’ll tell him, goodbye . . . And he got no further than 24-12 Oz Btls Fragile!—Yes hello . . .? Wait no wait who do you . . . if who? To defend what paternity suit look who do you . . . No look you’ve got the wrong . . . look damn it you’ve got the wrong number!
And rain took up again against the pane where he came sweeping Dun’s Review and the Journal of Taxation before him with the crunch of slides underfoot, emptying Tonic Water Twist Cap into Won’t Burn, Smoke or Smell raised to the heap and squared, lifting, stacking, sorting—Grynszpan, Eigen, Bast, Bast, Gerst . . .? The long hand rose to drive the short behind the silence of the cat posed there unblinking as it dipped to NO RETURN, emerged from NO DEPOSIT—E Berst? Grynszpan, Miss Bertha Klupp where the, God what a mess . . . Light filled the punctured shade, was gone, came on again as though enlivened by some demented electric eye scanning the gloom beyond the glass where the gum wad leaped and splashed on the sill. The typewriter clattered, failed, clattered and was still. The long hand dipped to NO RETURN. He edged closer, abruptly pulled up the sash grabbed the dancing string and yanked hard.
— —provide a meaningful way of life for older persons so they may continue to contribute to their community in a dignified and productive manner. This is Senior Citizens’ Month . . .
He freed the second head string, held the controller up and turned it to the side, the marionette’s head nosed the tangle of hand strings and he followed one to its source in the back string’s tangle, held the thing up and bit a shoulder string free, shook the controller and held it up tipped forward, pulled the back string and the marionette sank slowly seated on Hoppin’ With Flavor! arm hanging numbed, leg drawn indifferent in the tangle that remained to spring up clearing Moody’s in a single vault and tread the Journal of Taxation laocoön in the small.
—Just wait out here a minute Freddie not sure what’s, Rhoda? Anybody here . . .?
—Jack? The marionette dropped back in a tangle with the broken music box and red mitten, maimed Virgin and sheep,—is that you?
—Tom that you? Any calls? Look Freddie wait out here a minute let me get this box in help me get this box in Tom?
—Yes but what’s, who’s that . . .
—Tell you inside just get this box in careful don’t break it, looks like another case of matchbooks, just get that corner in past the sink listen Tom be nice to him, knew him in boarding school a little bit simple but he’s one of the sweetest . . .
—But what’s he, why’d you bring him up here he’s . . .
—Bumped into him outside Grand Central soaking wet look at him, knew me the minute he saw me he hasn’t changed since he was ten look at him, what the hell could I do leave him there? Bronze plaque outside the station standing there in the rain reading his family names all over it probably still own the whole God damned block looks like they keep him put away somewhere, Freddie? No come in come in doesn’t matter if you’re wet look at me Christ get that wet jacket off, where the hell he got it says Bob Jones U across the back wait watch that bag, brought in some groceries whole bottom of it’s falling out here put the, wait look who left the God damned phone off the hook . . .
—I did Jack I took it off, ringing every time I turned around people calling about an Indian uprising somebody’s supposed to be in court to defend a paternity suit what the hell’s going on here anyhow, I came in this morn . . .
—No but God damn it suppose she called how long has it been hanging here suppose she tried to . . .
—She did just listen for a minute, she called this morning she was still . . .
—Amy? she called? Christ why didn’t you tell me! where is she what did she . . .
—She was still at the airport she said she’d call back where the hell have you been, I . . .
—What I’ve got to tell you I’ve wait God damn it how could she call back if the phone was look where can I reach her, did she . . .
—She couldn’t say Jack she’d just got in, she said she had some things to settle she wants out of the way before she sees you may take a day or so, she just wanted you to know she’s back and everything’s . . .
—Day or two! Christ a day or two listen I, something I have to talk to you about Tom wait wait Freddie here, give me the newspaper get the tub closed put that bag down before the whole God damned bottom falls out get those cigarettes Tom, must have carried it three miles in the God damned rain we got in a cab downtown radio playing Gluck’s Orfeo drove all over hell so Freddie could listen to it, just getting into Che farò senza Euridice counted my money and we had to get out at the God damned Museum of Natural History driver so God damned obnoxious about his eight cent tip I left his back door open pouring rain he roars away rips it right off against the back of a bus Christ look at this suit, two hundred dollars two hours ago already looks like the Salvation Army listen something I’ve got to talk to you about Tom, I just spent the whole morning down at . . .
—Wait look out for his, God you’re both soaked look Jack he can’t just, where is he going to . . .
—He’s all right aren’t you Freddie here just come in here watch out for, over here that’s it sit on this box here get that wet sneaker off I thought we could just put him up back in Schramm’s there till I find out what’s . . .
—He can’t no Schepperman’s back there, I was just . . .
—Schepperman where the hell did he come from.
—Standing on line in the unemployment office he’s desperate, detectives after him and everything else what the hell else could I do leave him there?
—No but Christ if he’s . . .
—I mean I feel partly responsible Jack, that big canvas of his the company bought that old Selk bitch claims ever
ything he paints is hers why he’s barricaded himself in back there, a painting he put aside years ago when he was still doing figures now he’s frantic to finish it says its time has come he just moved in with all his junk and two bushels of potatoes, the old bitch even froze his bank account he’d just done a monstrous stabile big David Smith kind of atrocity palmed it off on some corporation and I had to give him ten dollars for potatoes, he . . .
—Christ glad you mentioned that listen I’ve got to have ten Tom or twenty, twenty, same God damned thing I stopped in the bank where Amy had me put what I won on that double keep it safe the God damned Internal Revenue found it there attached every God damned penny, brown nosing banker said they’ve got a lien against me for twenty-eight thousand dollars where the hell they came up with that figure hate to miss the pleasure seeing those bastards sue my estate look I’ve got to have twenty, got to get out and meet her the minute she calls back tell her what I’ve got to tell you about this Tom spent the whole God damned morning down at what’s the matter . . .
—Just his foot here damn it Jack look, it took me two hours just to sort all this mail that whole pile from the West Side where the hell did it come from. I even found a mailbag back there tried to clean things up Jack the place looked like a, it looked like a shipwreck what the hell have you been doing up here I thought you were up here working, I found your notes for your . . .
—Tom it’s not that important now that’s what I’m . . .
—What your book’s not? is that what she . . .
—Yes if you’ll listen I . . .
—Damn it you listen can’t you see what she’s, she told me you hate it you can’t finish it you’re afraid of losing your rotten opinion of yourself she said all of us were . . .
—No but how could, when she called? Christ what did she say you just told me all she said was . . .