Off Course

  Lying on his side, he hands it to me. "Put it on."

  There's my controlling Cillian, and his command causes me to shiver. I slowly roll it on his length, taking my time and squeezing him when I'm done. He lets out a soft moan before pushing me on my back and covering me again.

  He enters me slowly while his face hovers over me, his eyes boring into mine. He moves with care and a calmness I didn't know he possessed. It makes my heart swell just a little, wondering if this man is capable of something more.

  He moves inside of me, all the while staring into my eyes. I'm helpless to look away, although I have to fight the urge to close my eyes every time he hits me deep. Our breaths come out a little louder, punctuated every so often by a groan from one of us. We build up higher, both on the same path, and when I feel myself start to tighten around him, he links our hands together and kisses me lightly on the mouth. His lips stay there, resting softly against mine, as he starts to climax, and I follow right behind him.

  When our bodies finally stop shuddering from pleasure, Cillian kisses me again. "Give me just a second, okay?"

  I nod and he leaves the bed, walking to the bathroom. He's back within a few moments and crawls back in bed, drawing me into his arms. Placing his lips on my forehead, he murmurs, "My cailin alainn."

  "What does that mean...you keep saying it to me?"

  He runs his tongue over my lower lip. "It's Gaelic for 'beautiful girl'."

  "Oh," I say, warmed by the endearment. "You make it sound so lovely."

  "Lovely sentiment for a lovely girl."

  I stroke his chest. "I don't know if I can handle sweet and cuddly Cillian. It's a bit weird."

  Cillian just grins at me. "You handle me just fine, Renner. Much better than I deserve half the time."

  I'm silent for a moment, still basking in the amazingly sweet sex we just had, and also relishing this new, softer Cillian. I know it's not his truly deep nature, but he's not faking this. He definitely has a gentleness buried underneath the controlling, sexy, rock-star personality.

  "What do you need from me?"

  He looks at me with surprise. "What do you mean?"

  "Well," I say carefully. "I don't think things are going to be easy with Maeve. I offered to step back but you said that's not an option. What role do you want me to play?"

  Cillian runs his finger along my jaw, considering my request. "I don't want you to play a role. I just want you to be you. I want us to continue doing exactly what we're doing."

  "Status quo, huh?"

  "Well," he says deviously. "I wouldn't mind if we add a little more sex to the mixture."

  His hand comes up to my breast and he tweaks a nipple. Pleasure courses through my blood.

  I jab him in the ribs. "You're rotten."

  "Every fucking day, baby. Every fucking day."

  Then he kisses me again and I let myself get lost.

  ***

  It was bound to happen--I realize that now. After the countless times Cady has barged into my flat unannounced, it was bound to happen while Cillian was here. And this time, it just so happened while we were eating naked pizza in my kitchen.

  "Hey, Renner... I have a need to do some shopping. Get your lazy ass in gear and let's go."

  I screamed at her invasion, partly scared out of my wits when the door flew open and partly mortified to be standing there naked while Cillian was feeding me a bite of pizza. I jumped behind Cillian, who didn't even have the grace to be embarrassed, facing Cady.

  She at least slammed her eyes shut and spun around so fast I'm surprised she didn't get dizzy and fall over.

  "Oh, fuck," she said. "What the fuck are you two doing?"

  Her voice is filled with bewilderment and an underlying hint of disgust.

  "Come on, Cady," Cillian says in a teasing manner. "You know exactly what I'm doing to lovely Renner here."

  I jab him in the ribs with my finger and he yelps.

  "Cady, just give us a second to get dressed."

  Grabbing Cillian's hand, I drag him back to my bedroom. As soon as the door is closed, the idiot grabs me in his arms and tries to kiss me.

  "What are you doing?" I say in exasperation as I push him away. "Get dressed so we can go smooth this over."

  He grins at me but at least picks up his jeans and slips them on. "Why are you so bent out of shape? There's nothing to smooth over."

  Well, that's true. We've done nothing wrong, but Cady's going to be pissed I hadn't told her about this.

  I whip on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt, and head back out to the living room, assuming Cillian will follow. When she hears me, she turns around, her face still red. I glance behind me and see Cillian step back into the kitchen, picking up a slice a pizza to resume eating.

  Cady leans in close to me to whisper. "Sorry for barging in like that...I never would have if I knew you'd be doing the naked tango with Cillian. How long has this been going on?"

  "Not long. Are you mad at me?"

  She gives me a light punch, still whispering. "Yes... I'm mad. Mad that you didn't tell me, not mad that you're... doing it with him." That last part had her wrinkling her nose up.

  I shoot her a grin and decide to freak her out even more. Lowering my voice conspiratorially, I say, "Gosh, Cady... he's an animal in the sack. You should see this thing he does with his tongue--"

  "Stop it," she practically screeches. "I don't want to hear what happens in bed between my cousin and my almost-brother."

  I chuckle and give her a quick hug. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It all happened so fast and it's a bit new."

  "But you're happy with him?" I can see the doubt on her face.

  "Don't worry about me. We're both having fun right now, that's all."

  Cady glances past me into the kitchen to sneak a peek at Cillian. Then she looks back at me. "His tongue, you say?"

  Nodding my head slowly up and down I tell her, "You can't imagine how good that piercing he has feels."

  Her face goes red but she starts giggling. "I'm sure Teagan will want more details than I do. But right now... I'm going to get out of your hair so you can go back to your naked pizza party."

  Apparently, we weren't whispering as low as we thought we were because Cillian calls out, "Good, because you weren't invited."

  Cady sticks her tongue out at Cillian and then gives me a quick hug. After the door closes behind her, Cillian holds a slice of pizza up. "Get back in here and eat. And make sure you get rid of your clothes first."

  CHAPTER 16

  Cillian

  "So, is this like an intervention or something?" Daniel asks.

  "No. Nothing like that. I just think we need to make sure Maeve knows we're all together on this." I stand up from my kitchen table and get a bottle of water from my refrigerator.

  We're at my apartment, waiting for Maeve to show up for a band meeting. I'd asked Sean and Daniel to meet me here a bit early so we could discuss it in more detail. I thought I had made clear though, what this was about. Apparently, Daniel hadn't been listening to me.

  "So, we're going to kick her out of the band if what? She starts drinking again?"

  I sigh with frustration and confusion. "Yes. No. I don't know, Daniel. I just think she needs to understand that we want her to take this seriously. That the future of the band rests on her ability to get sober."

  Daniel leans back in his chair, putting his boots on my table. "I don't see what the problem is. So Maeve likes to party a bit. Who doesn't?"

  As I head back to my chair, I swat Daniel's feet off my table. "It's more complicated than that."

  "Seriously, dude," Sean pipes in. "You've got to admit, she takes it to the extreme. Plus, she tried to kill herself."

  Daniel shakes his head. "I don't think she meant to kill herself. Maeve loves life too much. She did it for the attention. Cillian's attention to be specific."

  I sigh, rubbing my temples. This was so not how I thought I'd be spending my Saturday night. I'd give anything right now j
ust to go sit in The Hibernian and watch Renner work.

  Sean is twirling his pencil in his hands as he talks. "It doesn't matter why she did it. The point is--she did it. And alcohol was involved. She's got a problem, man."

  Leaning forward and resting my arms on the table, I look at each of them seriously. "I just want her to know that we are supporting her and will do whatever we can to get her through this. But I want to be clear with her that she has to be sober to stay with us."

  "And you're prepared to kick her out if she drinks just one drop of alcohol?" Daniel challenges me.

  "If we're all in agreement, then yes."

  "I'm in agreement," Sean says.

  Daniel's quiet for a minute. "Well, I'm not. That's harsh, dude. If she truly has a problem, then she's bound to fuck up. You want to just turn our backs on her the minute she makes a mistake?"

  I stand up again and grab a bottle of aspirin from the counter. Popping two pills, I wash them down with a swallow of water. This headache is getting worse by the moment.

  "I don't know the answers," I say wearily. "But we have to draw a line with her. Maybe we tell her that if she slips, it's either back to rehab or she's out of the band. That at least gives her an option to get back on track."

  Daniel and Sean both nod their agreement and none too soon. The doorbell rings and Daniel heads into the living room to let her in. Sean and I pass a serious look between each other. I take a deep breath.

  When Maeve walks in, I'm relieved to see she looks pretty damn good. Her eyes are clear and there's actually a healthy glow to her skin. It's made me realize that she had been looking a little run down in the past few months.

  "What's with all the sour faces?" she asks as she plops down in the fourth chair around my table. "Did someone die?"

  When none of us answers, she leans forward with a frightened look on her face. "Oh, God... did someone die?"

  Sean chuckles. "Nope. All present and accounted for."

  Sighing with relief, Maeve leans back in her chair again and stares at me. "So, lay it on me. Proceed to intervene."

  "Excuse me?" I say, caught off guard by her blunt appraisal of the situation.

  "Don't play stupid, Cillian. You guys are here to tell me that I better get clean, or else... right?"

  "Nothing slips by our girl," Daniel quips.

  Maeve turns to him and blows him a kiss. Then she takes a moment to look at each of us. "Look... I get it. I fucked up and I understand I'm a liability right now. But I'm good. Great actually. I'm feeling good and I don't have any desire to drink... or pop pills... or even slit my wrists."

  I curse inwardly at her casual joking over her suicide attempt but attempt to keep my tone light. "Maeve.. .babe... you know we care about you. We just want you to be healthy so we can all go on and make great music and be wonderfully rich and successful."

  "And I want the same thing, Cillian. No doubt. I'm on board."

  I sneak a glance at Daniel and Sean. Sean gives me a slight nod of his head. "That's good... because we've all decided that if you slip up, then there's only two ways this will play out. You'll have to go back to rehab--and complete it this time--or we'll be shopping for a new bassist."

  Maeve brings her ankle up and rests it over her knee. Crossing her hands over her stomach, she says, "Fair enough. Now can we fucking get to the real meeting. I'm dying to get back to work."

  I let out a long breath of relief that this went rather well. "Sure. First order of business... we need to decide on the song list for our gig at The Hibernian next weekend. Then I have some new material to go over with you."

  ***

  The meeting has finally wrapped up and I glance at my watch. I still have another hour before Renner gets off and a thrill of excitement goes through me that I'll be seeing her soon.

  I bought her a gift and I'm dying to see her face when I give it to her. Then I'm dying to get her naked and make her scream. Maybe not in that order.

  I walk the gang to the door.

  "So, Cillian... what's up with the hot red-head that Sean said you're seeing?" Daniel asks.

  Fuck! I wasn't prepared for that question... not in front of Maeve. I glance at her and she looks curious.

  "It's okay," she says. "I'm cool with it."

  I glance at Sean, and his face holds nothing. Daniel looks like he just stepped into it big time. "I'm sorry, dude. Was that inappropriate or something?"

  "Of course it wasn't inappropriate," Maeve assures. "I'd like to hear more about her."

  Her tone sounds sincere and she looks genuinely curious. But for some reason, I'm not feeling like sharing Renner with her. I think my distrust of her motives runs a little too deep.

  "She's just someone I'm seeing. No big deal."

  But, oh God, is she a big deal. She consumes my waking thoughts and my interest doesn't seem to be waning. If anything, I've been thinking long-term shit. Like, I wonder what it would be like if she traveled with me? What would it be like to know I'd wake up beside her every day? To have her at my ready whenever I needed or wanted her.

  It's a feeling I haven't quite had before. I thought it was something I might have had with Maeve, but when I compare the two, it couldn't be more different. With Maeve, it was all about getting a sexual release. Renner...there's that too. But there's also a desire just to be near her, to talk to her, to have her show an interest in me and I'm definitely interested in her. Those are things I never had with Maeve.

  I open the door and everyone starts walking out. Maeve turns to me and lays a hand on my chest. My body stiffens in reaction but her eyes remain clear, her voice light. "Truly, Cillian. I just want you happy. Maybe you can introduce me to her soon, okay?"

  I just nod in agreement, not sure what to say.

  ***

  Renner opens the door to her apartment, throwing her keys on the table near the entrance.

  "Man, I'm exhausted," she says. Then she turns to me and wraps her arms around my waist, laying her head on my chest. "But not too exhausted to let you take advantage of me."

  I kiss her on the forehead then step back. Taking her hand, I lead her over to the couch to sit down. She follows suit.

  "Before I molest you, I have something for you," I tell her. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the little jeweler's box.

  Her eyes go wide as she stares at it. "You didn't have to get me anything, Cillian."

  "I know. But I did all the same. Open it." I hold the box out to her and she takes it. I notice how delicate her hands are. She never wears nail polish, except on her toes, and her nails are just long enough that they tend to scratch and sink into my skin when she comes.

  Renner opens it and when she sees what's inside, she gasps. "Oh, it's lovely."

  She lifts out the silver necklace with a musical note pendant attached and runs her fingers over it.

  "It's engraved," I tell her.

  She flips the pendant over and reads out loud. "My Beautiful Girl".

  I hold my breath, waiting for her reaction. When she gives it to me, it's more than I could have hoped for. There's appreciation in her smile and warmth in her eyes. I think she cares for me the way I care for her.

  "It's perfect," she says.

  "No. You're perfect. Now, let me put it on you." I make a twirling motion with my hand so she turns around.

  When she does so, I pull her onto my lap, knowing she'll feel the hardness that's lying heavy between my legs. She squirms against me just a bit and unbridled lust surges through me.

  She hands me the necklace and then moves her hair to the side. I lean forward and clasp it around her neck, laying a kiss just above the silver chain when I do.

  "The things you do to me, Renner."

  She leans back into me and I wrap my arms around her waist, breathing in her smell.

  "You do the same things to me," she whispers.

  A warmth spreads through me, suffusing me with a comfort that I have never felt. Not once in my life. It had always been denied to me. Not even
those two years I lived with Keefe's family. No, they offered me respite and although they loved me like their own children, I never had comfort. Not the type of solace that Renner seemed to bring to me.

  I stand from the couch with her in my arms and head back to her room. She wraps her arms around my neck and nuzzles me.

  She causes me to yearn, and I don't know if that is good or bad, but I'm going to give into it right this very moment.

  CHAPTER 17

  Renner

  I step out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around my body. A waft of steam follows me out as I walk down the hall to my bedroom.

  Cillian is standing by my bed, holding my miniskirt in his hand. I had laid my clothes out for the big night... OTE's homecoming performance at The Hibernian, compliments of Teagan's borrowed closet. He holds it up in front of him and I realize how miniscule it is against the background of his broad chest.

  "Are you wearing this tonight?" His voice is thick with something I can't put my finger on. I hope he's not mad.

  "Yes. Teagan picked it out."

  "My compliments to Teagan," he says, a slight smile on his face as he walks toward me.

  When he's standing just a few inches from me, he leans down and places a kiss near my temple. "Do me a favor, okay?"

  I nod, my eyes fluttering closed... my senses completely overwhelmed by his nearness, his voice, his smell.

  "Don't wear any panties under this."

  My eyes open in surprise. "Excuse me?"

  "You heard me. Don't wear anything under this. I want to be on that stage, looking down at you, and knowing that you're bare underneath. Knowing that I could walk up behind you if I wanted and within just a matter of seconds, be lodged deep inside of you."

  Oh, geez. The things he says to me... the things those words do to my senses. My body flushes warm and images flash through my mind of him doing just that.

  I glance over at the bedside clock and see that we have over an hour before we have to be at the pub. I reach out and take the miniskirt from his hands, tossing it to the floor. "Why don't you let me do something that will give you one more thing to think about when you're on that stage?"

  "Oh, yeah? What's that?"

  I don't answer. Instead, I drop my towel to the floor. His eyes go dark and then hot. I reach out and undo his belt buckle and he takes in a shaky breath. His hand comes to my face, stroking my cheek. The softness of the caress is at complete odds with the feral look he's giving me.