Into the Garden

  "We'll both go. If I was left alone in this room with her, I don't know what I'd do. Maybe I'd smother her in the middle of the night." Her words were angry, but she just looked sad. "I'm sorry about all this."

  "It's okay. I had a great time with your grandmother," I said.

  She nodded.

  "Do you have money for a cab on you?"

  "Yes."

  "All right. call one for us. I don't like leaving Granny with the dishes so I'll try to help her clean up," she said. "You want to stay here a moment or go join Rodney in the living room?"

  "I'll wait here, but I would like to help, too."

  "She won't let you. You're our guest," Star said, and slipped out.

  I sat on her bed and gazed around the small, dark room. How hard it has to be for her, I thought. No wonder she seems so angry all the time. I guess I would be too, I concluded. She wasn't gone long.

  "I called us a cab," she said. "Ma'ama's not upset about having the room to herself. It's best we leave."

  "What about Rodney?"

  "He'll be all right sleeping in the living room. The way it looks, that's going to turn into his bedroom. I don't hold out much hope of my mother getting any sort of decent job and finding us a place to live. I'm too mad to think about it all right now. Let's just get out of here."

  "Is your grandmother upset?"

  "She'll be fine. Ma'ama's still afraid of her," Star said. She smiled. "Misty will be happy. You and I are going back to sleep with the ghost. We'll call her and Jade when we get to your house," she added. "Sorry this turned out this way."

  "I'm fine with it," I said. "Don't worry about me."

  When we emerged, I saw how Star's mother looked small and remorseful. Granny Anthony had been quietly taking her to task and bawling her out for her lifestyle, I imagined.

  "I'm sorry you had to go to some mental doctor," her mother told Star when we appeared. "Ma'ama just told me some of it."

  "I'm not sorry," Star said. "At least I learned how to deal with you."

  "I was hoping you and I could be friends again, honey," her mother said.

  "When were we ever friends, Ma'ama? I was only a bur- den to you."

  "Well, I've changed, honey. I'm different. You'll see." "Right," Star said. She kissed Granny.

  "It was a wonderful dinner, Mrs. Anthony. Thanks again," I said.

  "You're welcome, honey. Be careful out there, hear?"

  "Yes, ma'am."

  I stopped at the living room door to say goodbye to Rodney. He suddenly looked his age. His mother's shocking appearance had turned him back into a little boy.

  "Just stay out of her way tonight," Star told him, "and be a help to Granny."

  He nodded and looked at the television set, but I didn't think he heard or saw anything. His eyes were glassy and full of fear.

  The cab was waiting for us outside. Star hurried me to it and we gave the driver my address.

  "The faster I get away from her, the better I'll feel," Star muttered.

  Minutes later, we were out of her

  neighborhood, but what she was trying to leave behind, was still wrapped around her, making her stiff and quiet. All the memories and pain could be resurrected in seconds, I thought, and nothing prevented it from washing over her and leaving her like someone drowning in a sea of nightmares.

  All the way back to my house, she muttered about her mother, reliving some of the events she had revealed in our group therapy sessions. I sat silently, waiting for her temper to cool. Just before we reached my house, she stopped talking and pressed her forehead to the window.

  "I'm sorry, Star," I said, and touched her arm. She reached back to take my hand.

  The house was pitch dark when we arrived. I had forgotten to leave on a light, even in the hallway. The whole house reeked of the paint we'd used. We should have left a few windows open, I thought.

  "I need something cold to drink," Star declared when I turned on the hall lights. "Then we'll call Jade and Misty and tell them that we're here."

  "Okay."

  I followed her down the hallway to the kitchen. As soon as I turned on the light, we both stopped dead in our tracks and stared. The rear door was wide open and it was obvious from the chips of wood on the floor that it had been forced. Star turned to me and shook her head.

  "It can't be. No," she said.

  My heart was pounding so hard, I thought my chest might just explode. I actually couldn't speak. My throat was that tight and my feet felt nailed to the floor.

  Star moved first, slowly, glancing back at me, and then reaching the door and opening it further.

  "Get that flashlight," she ordered. "Cat, c'mon." I think I whimpered like a mouse.

  "Cat!"

  I moved as quickly as I could to the drawer, seized the flashlight, and thrust it at her. She took it quickly and aimed the beam outside, running the light quickly toward Geraldine's grave. I inched up beside her and, leaning on my crutch, gazed out. Nothing had been disturbed. I think we both released a lung full of boiling hot air.

  "For a minute I thought we were in a Stephen King movie," Star said, and then turned to the door with more scrutinizing eyes. She ran her fingers along the jamb. "Whoever did it just pried it out without concern. You've been burglarized, girl."

  "What did they take?" I wondered aloud.

  We looked at each other and both thought about the safe.

  "Jade closed it and locked it again, but we took the money and the jewelry out," I reminded her. "And I took it with us to your house in my purse. All we left inside the safe were the documents."

  Star led the way through the house, up the stairs, and into what had been Geraldine's room. We paused in the closet doorway and I pulled the chain to turn on the over- head fixture. Again, we both gasped.

  The safe was gone.

  "Whoever it was couldn't get it open and decided to just carry it off and maybe blow it open someplace else," Star imagined aloud.

  "It was heavy."

  "Yeah, but not that heavy." She gazed around the empty room and freshly painted black walls. "What else could they take?"

  "I don't know. There isn't much that's worth a lot," I said.

  Nevertheless, we went to check my room. This time I gasped aloud when I opened the door. My room had been torn apart: dresser drawers opened and emptied, my bedspread pulled down and cast on the floor, the mattress pushed off the bedsprings, the closet open and clothing tossed about.

  "Who would pull a bed apart like that? No burglar I know," Star remarked. She stared at me as my eyes widened with a terrifying thought. Then she nodded. It was as if she could read my mind. "You think it was him?"

  I couldn't keep the tears from escaping my lids. They were cold tears, tears of fear rather than tears of sorrow.

  "He must have come by, seen the house was dark and tried to get in. Geraldine changed the locks after she threw him out because she was worried he had an extra key somewhere."

  "So he broke in the back and came up here because he knew about the money, probably," Star continued. "When he couldn't get into the safe, he just carried it off." She gazed around my room. "Why did he tear your room apart? What else was he looking for?" she wondered.

  I started to shake my head and stopped, shifting my eyes guiltily away.

  "What?" she cried. "Damn, girl, don't be keeping secrets from me now, not after all this!"

  I nodded, fighting to get the breath to speak. She waited, impatiently.

  "Remember when I told you all about the trip he took me on, that time up in Santa Barbara?"

  "Yeah, sure," she said. "So?"

  "I was ashamed to talk about the pictures. It was so hard telling about it as it was. I thought it wasn't necessary to give all the details."

  "What pictures?"

  "Of me. He made me pose. He had one of those instant cameras. Then, he... he didn't want to keep the pictures on him or anywhere he thought Geraldine might find them, so he made me hide them in my room and promise to let h
im have them whenever he wanted to look at them. He told me they were beautiful pictures and he was proud of them."

  I shook my head so vigorously, the tears flew off my cheeks.

  "Okay, okay, don't go crazy on me," Star pleaded. "Where are they? Did he find them?" she asked, gazing at the room.

  "I don't know," I said. "They're in the bathroom in the cabinet under the sink. Geraldine cleaned this room after I went to school, but I knew one place she would never go, one thing she would never touch," I said, walking to the bathroom.

  The cabinet doors were opened.

  "Did he find them?" Star asked when she stepped up behind me.

  Resting my crutches against the cabinet, I bent down and reached in, bringing out a box of sanitary napkins. Star smiled.

  "Geraldine never would look in there, huh?"

  I shook my head and pulled out the napkins. Between the third and fourth were the pictures. I held them up and smiled

  "Serves him right for not thinking like a woman," she said. Her smile faded quickly. "Now get rid of them. Tear them up and flush them down the toilet where they belong."

  "Yes," I said, and did exactly what she said. "I guess even after Geraldine threw him out and everything, I was still afraid and just pretended these didn't exist," I said as I tore them to shreds.

  "He's got to be one sick man to come in here and tear this place apart just for those." She thought a moment. "Maybe he was afraid they might be used as some kind of evidence against him. That's probably what Jade will tell us," she concluded.

  "Do we have to tell the others about them?"

  "Not if you don't want to," Star said, "but, Cat, I'm beginning to really believe we should trust each other. Completely," she added.

  "Yes, you're right," I said. "It's good to stop lying, at least to each other."

  I rose and gazed around my room.

  "I better start fixing this up. We have to sleep here tonight," I said.

  Star laughed.

  "I'll go call the girls and then we'll do what we can with the rear door."

  She started out.

  "Star?"

  "Yeah?"

  "Do you think he'll be back?" I asked. "I mean, he's got to be wondering why Geraldine's room is painted black, why all her furniture is out in the hall." She thought a moment and nodded.

  "Yeah. He'll be back," she said. "We'll have to talk about it and decide what to do, but for now," she said, looking up at me, "he's not about to talk to anyone. After all, he wasn't supposed to be here, and he broke in and stole the safe. I'm sure he's really confused and doesn't know what to do himself. For the time being, that's good for us."

  "Yes, but I'm worrying about after the time being," I said. "I mean, we can't call the police or anything now, right?"

  She nodded, but offered no words of encouragement. Then she left and I turned back to my room.

  What sort of rage, what sort of madness drove him to do this? I wondered.

  And when would he be back?

  12 Wedding Belles

  Star let Jade and Misty in and they rushed through the house to look at the back door. Then they came pounding up the stairs to my room. I had most of it put back together and I was working on the bed.

  "What went on in here?" Jade asked. "Why did he tear the room apart?"

  I looked at Star and then explained about the pictures. "They're down the toilet now," I concluded.

  "Good, but why would he break in?"

  "He could have been watching the house and could have seen me leave with Star," I conjectured. "We shouldn't have left it all dark. When no one answered the doorbell and he saw no lights were on inside, he decided to break in, probably to get his hands on the money."

  "Star says he took the safe?"

  "It gone," I said. "He probably took it because he couldn't get it open."

  "Either that or it walked out," Star added.

  "Lucky we took the money and jewels out of it. You still have them, don't you?" Jade asked me quickly.

  "Yes. I took them with me when I went to Star's house for dinner and they're still all in my purse."

  Misty was the first to realize we had returned from Star's house early.

  "I thought you were sleeping over. What brought you back here?" she asked.

  "My mother," Star replied, and described her mother's dramatic sudden entrance and return to their lives. "I guess it's more like I'm running away than just coming back here," she told us.

  "Wow," Jade said, and plopped on my yet-to-be straightened bed. "All this just when everything was going good."

  "What will we do? Her father has seen everything:' Misty moaned.

  "Not everything," Jade reminded her.

  "How can you be sure?"

  "If he knew anything, he would have called the police by now, wouldn't he?"

  "But the house, what we've done," Misty said. "He could tell someone."

  "He just can't go complaining about what we've done in the house. He wasn't supposed to be here and he broke in and he stole the safe," Jade said. She looked at me. "Right?"

  "Yes," I said. "That was a major part of the agreement: he wasn't supposed to come here ever again."

  "But he did and he might come back," Star reminded us. "Or call and ask for Geraldine," Misty suggested. "He's got to wonder what's going on:'

  "So? We'll just have Cat tell him that redoing the room was Geraldine's idea, if he asks"

  "Redoing it black?" Star pointed out with a skeptical grimace.

  "Geraldine's weird, isn't she?" Jade said.

  "Was weird," Misty corrected.

  "Was. He'll believe it. He has no choice," Jade insisted.

  "And if he demands to speak to her?" Star wondered.

  "To do what? Confess about the break-in? Stealing her safe? No, I think he's going to keep his distance and maybe just give up," Jade said. Her voice had a ring of hope, even prayer in it.

  We were all silent. I glanced at Star who sat on my desk chair and stared down at the floor now. I had been so preoccupied with my problems, I had forgotten about hers.

  "What are you going to do about your mother returning?" I asked her.

  "What can I do? I'll go back in the morning and see what she's up to. She's not going to want to take responsibility for her children, if she can help it. That's my bet and my hope. I would rather Rodney and I went on the road,"

  "Your granny wouldn't agree to your mother moving in with her now anyway, right?" Jade asked

  "What choice does she have?" Star asked with a shrug. "Rodney and me, for that matter, are still her legal children. You're always playing the lawyer, Jade. You know all about that stuff."

  "Let's just wait and see," Misty offered. "Everything has a way of working out in the end."

  Star shook her head and looked at her.

  "You sure you haven't got a head full of bubbles instead of brains, Misty?"

  "I'm just trying not to be depressed," Misty cried defensively.

  "Yeah, well, that's easy for you Beverlies at the moment:'

  "It is not. You don't know anything about anything:' Misty accused.

  "I know you have a comfortable, warm place to sleep tonight," Star muttered, "and you can get your parents to give you practically anything. Just like Princess Jade who's getting a new car from Daddy."

  "And I told you where he can put that car," Jade said. "Yeah, but you'll take it anyway," Star said dryly. Jade didn't deny it.

  "You just don't know everything, Star. You just don't know all about us just because you heard stuff in the therapy session," Misty insisted, her eyes glossing over with hot tears.

  "I know enough:' Star insisted.

  "No, you don't!" Misty screamed. Her hands were clenched into little fists that she pounded against her thighs. "My daddy is marrying his girlfriend Ariel Air- head this Saturday and he wants me at the wedding. My mother is very upset about it and doesn't want me to go. I feel like tearing myself in half and sending one half to the wedding and another t
o ...to hell!"

  We all just stared at her, too shocked to say anything. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with quick flicks of her hands.

  "You know that this month was supposed to be their twentieth anniversary. They were going to redo their vows. We were all going to be a happy little family forever and ever. Well, Daddy's going to take vows all right, only with a new bride."

  "I'm sorry," Star said softly.

  "Damn, damn, damn," Jade chanted. She looked up at the ceiling. "One thing after another! When does it stop?"

  "It doesn't." Star said. "Don't you get it? It doesn't stop until we turn our backs on them and walk away. ...completely."

  Misty sniffled and nodded.

  "Let's make some coffee and think," Jade declared. "We've got to find ways to help each other otherwise..."

  "Otherwise what?" Star asked.

  "Otherwise," she said looking at me, "there was no point in burying Geraldine."

  With our heads bowed, we paraded silently down the stairs to the kitchen, me holding up the rear with my hobble. When I started to make the coffee, Star interceded.

  "Sit down, Cat. I'll do it. The Beverlies expect to be waited on," she added. We couldn't tell if she was being serious or trying to lighten the mood.

  "You know, I'm sorry your mother came bursting in on you, Star, but taking it out on us isn't going to help," Jade said.

  "Yes, thank you for your advice, Doctor Marlowe," Star replied with a smile, letting us know she wasn't mad.

  I looked across the table at Misty whose eyes were bloodshot. She stared at the wall as if she didn't see or hear anything. Look at us, I thought, we're crumbling. Whatever made us think we could help each other? Geraldine was right. Sick people can't help sick people.

  For a while, no one spoke. The silence was heavy. Then Misty snapped out of her daze and looked at me sharply.

  "When we were up in your room, I didn't notice your letters," she said. "I remember you had them on the dresser."

  Star and Jade fixed their eyes on me as I thought and then shook my head.

  "Me neither. He must've taken them."

  "Why would he take them?" Jade asked, her mouth turned down with disgust. "How sick is he?"

  "Sick enough," Star said. "I'll go hack up and look." "I'll help," Misty said, rising.