Promise Me Light

  “Don’t we have some unfinished business to take care of? Something that started in your apartment bathroom?” he asked in a deep, husky voice that I felt in every fiber of my being. How did he do that?

  “I think we took care of that a few times,” I said, my own voice sounding sexy. I have a great morning voice. All sexy and full of desire. Or maybe it’s because I’m thirsty… But I liked to think it was the first one.

  Ryder leaned down, his mouth going to my neck as his hand disappeared beneath my shirt again, running lightly over my abdomen.

  “I want to take you on a bathroom counter, Maddie. I want to stand between your legs and tell you how much I want you. How much I want to fuck you. Remember that?”

  When I nodded, he continued, torturing me with his words. “I think we need to repeat that moment,” he said, his lips leaving a warm path down my neck. “A few times.”

  I blushed, my skin becoming heated.

  “Come on, you two! We’re waiting!” Brody yelled, banging on the door with the palm of his hand.

  Ryder’s head fell against my neck as he let out a deep groan of frustration. I held his head, keeping him next to me as a smile crossed my face. He is so impatient when it came to sex.

  With a growl, he jumped out of bed, throwing the covers off and cussing under his breath the whole time. Picking up his jeans from the floor, he jerked them on, staring daggers at the door.

  When Brody knocked again, Ryder headed for the door but stopped. I sat up, watching as he turned back around. Suddenly, he was back beside the bed, looking down at me with heat in his eyes. His hands went to my hair, delving into the tangled mess he had created last night.

  I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing but his mouth was there immediately, covering mine. Letting me know what I would miss when he walked out of the room.

  His tongue tasted me. His teeth nipped at me.

  I was lost.

  Pulling away, he kept his hands in my hair. Both of us were breathing hard, wanting more.

  “I love you, Maddie,” he whispered.

  “I love you too.”

  Letting go of me, he turned away. I watched his body move with grace. A man in control of himself, everything, and everybody around him.

  Yanking open the bedroom door, he faced Brody who had a hand raised, ready to knock again. Brody’s mouth dropped open, seeing the fierce look on Ryder’s face.

  “What the fuck, Brody! We were kind of busy,” Ryder said, pulling the door shut behind him. Their voices faded away as they walked down the hallway.

  I laid back down and pulled the covers up to my chin. I was cold without him. The bed, the room, it all felt empty without Ryder beside me.

  Smiling, I remembered his hands on me. He was my addiction and I was his obsession. We couldn’t get enough of each other.

  We never would.

  But my daddy always said, ‘Never say never.’

  ~~~~

  Things seemed perfect in our little bubble of a world. We were sheltered from the outside and hidden from the terror that consumed the rest of the country. Our lives were as close to perfect as possible considering that a war raged around us. But the perfection was only an illusion. One that could break in a minute. Crumble in a second. Die in a moment.

  In the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and washed my face with ice-cold creek water that had been sterilized then brought into the house. Brushing my hair, I worked the knots out of it, blushing when I remembered why there were so many tangles. Ryder and his hands.

  Picking up his jacket lying nearby, I pulled it on before leaving the bathroom. As I walked through the house, I pulled a beanie hat on my head with cold, numb fingers. Someone must have let the fire go out again. It’s freezing.

  I rubbed my hands together then cupped them around my mouth, breathing into them. The overcast sky outside gave the house a dark, dreary feeling. It made me want to grab Ryder and spend the day in bed cuddling. Yeah, right. Ryder didn’t cuddle he just fu–

  I stopped in the kitchen doorway, my thoughts of being in bed with Ryder disappearing.

  The room was cast in shadows. Someone had lit a lantern, placing it in the middle of the table. It brightened the room but didn’t chase away the chill in the air.

  Or the tension in the room.

  Ryder and Gavin faced each other, looking like giants in the tiny kitchen. The table was between them, overflowing with water bottles, plates of powered eggs that had congealed into a smelly mess, and what looked like pieces of beef jerky that Janice had made when we butchered the cattle.

  “We’ll leave Cash and Brody here with the girls. Dad’s at their house, double checking everything,” Gavin said, glancing at me when I walked in.

  Fear rolled through me. They’re leaving? No! Ryder couldn’t leave again! He just got back!

  “Where are you going?” I asked, trying to control my panic as I walked over to stand near Ryder.

  He glanced down my body then over my freshly combed hair. His eyes had craving in them but his words were hard, his tone flat.

  “We’re going to ride the property line. Cash thought he spotted some squatters so we’re gonna check it out.”

  Gavin grabbed the shotgun lying on the table. With an impatient flip of his wrists, he opened the barrel.

  “You up for this?” he asked, glancing at Ryder as he grabbed a couple of shotgun shells from a box. His black hair fell over his eyes as he pushed the shells into the chamber of a double-barrel shotgun.

  With a cool, detached expression, Ryder watched Gavin load the gun. Another shell went into the barrel, the sound of the shell scraping against metal ominous. Deadly. Using both hands, Gavin snapped the shotgun back together, the noise loud in the small kitchen.

  Ryder’s body tightened, his back growing stiff. Glancing down at the gun in Gavin’s hands, his face was blank. His emotions closed off to everyone. I knew the nightmares still bothered him. They were still there, never letting him go. The sound, the sight of a gun, may have made the memories come back, sending his mind into a dark place that only he could see.

  “You sure you’re okay?” Gavin asked, watching Ryder carefully. “You’re looking a little pale.”

  Ryder picked up a knife, raising his shirt just enough to put it in the back pocket of his jeans. Before he dropped his shirt back down, I saw two small white bandages covered his bullet wounds, reminding me that he was almost completely healed.

  Staring at Gavin, he ground his teeth, keeping his anger in check. Barely holding it in.

  “I’m fine,” Ryder said in a deadly, don’t-mess-with-me voice. His eyes never left his brother as they stared at each other, the animosity between them building to a point I’m surprised fists didn’t fly.

  Ever since Ryder had cornered me in the bedroom, causing me to hit my head, the tension between Ryder and Gavin had grown. You could feel it when you were around them. You could see it when they looked at each other. And right now, the tension was massive, threatening to explode and take all of us out with it.

  I wasn’t sure what was going on between the two of them. I thought finding out they were cousins, not true brothers, might take some of the competition away but it hadn’t. It seemed to be getting worse.

  “I just want to make sure you’re not a liability for me out there,” Gavin said with a shrug, smirking as he handed the shotgun to Ryder, almost daring him to take it.

  “I don’t need a fucking babysitter,” Ryder growled, grabbing the gun out of Gavin’s hands.

  The back door opened, breaking up the pissing contest between the two brothers. Cold air wrapped around me, making me wish we had some heat. I would give anything right now to feel warm air blow from the vents in the ceiling, chasing the chill away. Never again. That’s a thing of the past, Maddie. Get over it.

  Cash ambled in, slamming the door behind him. He wore an army jacket full of holes, one of the sleeves barely hanging on by the threads. His light-colored eyes were hidden behind the cowboy hat he alway
s wore. They touched on each of us, analyzing the situation in seconds like only Cash could do.

  Taking off his hat, he ran a hand through his hair, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

  “You got something to say?” Ryder asked him, holding the shotgun loosely in one hand.

  “Nope,” Cash answered calmly, sitting his hat on the table and picking up a piece of jerky. Biting off the end, he chewed slowly, silently challenging Ryder to say more.

  Despite my reassuring that Cash was harmless, Ryder still wasn’t happy he was here. He said he just couldn’t let go of the fact that Cash had taken me to prom and wanted to date me in high school. Yeah, it was years ago but I guess I couldn’t blame him. I don’t think I would have wanted to live with one of his ex-one nightstands either.

  “I want to come with y’all,” I said, breaking up the testosterone-filled tension in the room.

  Three sets of eyes glanced at me. Two no’s and one particularly strong ‘hell no’ were my answers.

  I huffed with frustration, tired of people bossing me around. If it wasn’t Ryder, it was Gavin. If it wasn’t Gavin, it was Janice. I was tired of it.

  “Why can’t I go? I’m tired of being stuck in this house,” I pouted. “And you’re just riding the property line anyway. I rode all the way to town. I can handle a couple of hours in the saddle.”

  So maybe I was a little stubborn. At least I went after what I wanted.

  Ryder’s face turned dark. With a calmness that didn’t quite match his eyes, he took a step closer, putting me on eye level with his chest. Glaring down at me, he seemed intimidating with the hardness lining his face and the firm set of his jaw. But it didn’t work. Well, it almost didn’t.

  I fidgeted nervously, my gaze dropping to his chest. I remembered the muscles hidden there. His skin against mine. My breasts pressed against his chest, rubbing across his skin.

  Dammit! Okay, I was lying to myself; intimidation, Ryder style, did work.

  “First of all, you can’t go because you’re pregnant,” he said, his eyes dropping to my rounded stomach. “I don’t want the mother of my baby injured riding a crazy-ass horse. Second, what the fuck were you doing in town?”

  Gavin came to my rescue. “We weren’t in town, per se,” he said.

  Ryder whipped around to face him. “And what per se were you doing in town with Maddie? You know what they would have done to her if she had been caught? They would have raped her then killed her,” he said, enraged.

  Gavin opened his mouth to answer but Cash cut in. “Listen, man. It was a while back. We were going to attempt to get you out and Maddie wanted to go. It was either take her with us or let her follow. She was going one-way or the other.”

  Wow. I hadn’t heard that many words from Cash in weeks.

  Ryder kneaded his forehead, letting Cash’s words soak in.

  “I know how stubborn she can be. I’ve known her my entire life,” he said, his eyes skimming over me before turning his attention back to Cash and Gavin. “And I’m glad you two kept her safe. Hell, I owe you my life for it but if you put Maddie and my baby at risk again, you’ll be limping around here with some broken bones and missing some balls.”

  “We hear you loud and clear, Ryder. Now can we get out of here?” Gavin asked, appearing bored and unfazed by Ryder’s harsh words.

  “Yeah, just give me a second.”

  Holding a shotgun in one hand, Ryder reached for me. His arm wrapped around my body, pulling me close. His lips went to the top of my head. I felt strands of my hair catch on the stubble of his jaw. Holding me close, his hand traveled beneath my coat, out of sight. The layers I wore couldn’t protect me from the desire that flared between us, raging out of control whenever we were near each other.

  “I’ll be back. You still got the pistol?” he asked, his lips moving against the top of my head.

  I nodded and grasped his shirt tighter, not wanting him to leave. I know it sounded silly but I had this awful feeling that things were too good to be true. Every day, I waited for the anvil to fall, crushing us. Ending what we had.

  I pushed the thought away and started to tell him not to worry but Gavin interrupted me.

  “She’ll be fine, Ryder. Let’s go before this weather turns crappy,” he said over his shoulder, heading for the back door.

  Ryder’s hand lingered a second longer before letting me go. I watched him walk away, his faded jeans riding low on his hips and his shirt pulling taut across his shoulders.

  He stopped to grab a jacket that had been tossed over the back of a chair. Pushing his arms through the sleeves, he eyed Cash with warning.

  “Keep her safe,” he said. “With your life if you have to.”

  “Understood,” Cash said, nodding.

  Ryder started to walk away then stopped. Turning on his booted heel, he faced Cash again, his eyes hard.

  “This isn’t high school anymore. She isn’t your prom date. You’re not giving her a corsage and hoping to score at the end of the night. She’s the mother of my baby. The woman I plan to marry. Got it?” Ryder said, his threat apparent.

  “Roger that,” Cash answered, sarcastically.

  “Hey, I’m standing right here,” I said, pouting. “Stop talking about me like I’m invisible.”

  Ryder glanced at me one more time before turning away. A second later, he disappeared outside, letting in more cold air but leaving behind an emptiness that always gripped me whenever he was gone.

  Cash’s loud snort grabbed my attention, making me look at him with curiosity.

  “If he only knew that the one he should be worried about was riding alongside him, we might have a murder on our hands,” he muttered.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, my heart thumping harder.

  “I’m talking about that kiss you and Gavin shared. Gavin can’t keep a secret. He’s going to spill his guts, Maddie. And when he does come clean,” Cash paused, pushing his cowboy hat further back on his head, “watch out. It ain’t gonna be pretty.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip, glancing back at the closed door.

  He was right. I just hoped today wasn’t the day that the shit hit the fan.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Hit it again.”

  Brody leaned over the table and slapped the handheld radio on top, making the static disappear and a garbled voice break through the silence.

  “The ground is painted red. I repeat, the ground is painted red,” a man’s voice said, breaking up every few seconds.

  We listened, hoping to hear more but the national Anthem started playing, a tinny sound that made me wonder how in the world it was being played since most electronics were fried months ago.

  “What the hell does that mean ‘the ground is painted red?’ Sounds like something from a bad spy movie,” Eva said, her eyes wide as she looked first at Brody then at the rest of us.

  “Sounds like some kind of secret code to me,” Cash said, his fingers flipping a knife open then closed. Open then closed.

  I watched the movement of his fingers, growing irritated. He had been doing that for the last few minutes, driving me insane. Reaching my limit, I leaned across the table and snatched the knife out of his hands.

  He looked up, shocked. Holding his palms out, he looked at me as if to say ‘what the fuck’ but I knew Cash would never utter those words.

  “You’re driving me crazy with this thing!” I said, shaking the closed knife at him.

  The side of his mouth quirked up in a boyish grin he sometimes let slip when he thought no one was looking.

  “I think what’s really driving you crazy is knowing Ryder is out there with his brother,” he said, “talking about Lord knows what.”

  I narrowed my eyes at Cash, giving him my best don’t-go-there stare.

  He chuckled and reached into his pocket for something. A moment later, another knife appeared in his hands. Ugh

  Eva rubbed her hands together with eagerness, ignoring the dirty looks I was throwing Cash?
??s way. “Oh, that’s right! Finally some excitement around here. I’ve been missing my TV shows but I can always count on my good friend, Ryder, to bring me some drama.”

  I rolled my eyes. Eva was being typical Eva, which was good considering everything she had been through, but I really didn’t need her attitude right now.

  “It’s not funny, Eva. I don’t think you would be smiling if you found out I kissed a girl, thinking you were dead,” Brody said.

  “What are we talking about?” Janice asked, walking into the room with a few cans of soup in her arms.

  “So what are you saying, Brody?” Eva asked, ignoring Janice’s question. “Are you saying that you would kiss someone else if I wasn’t here? Is that what you want? Someone else?”

  Janice froze, looking from Brody to Eva with confusion. Like her, I was wondering what was going on between these two.

  Brody rubbed a hand over his face, exasperated. “No, I don’t want someone else. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m trying to say that Ryder’s going to be pissed. Any normal guy would be. It’s not a joke, Eva. They have a baby on the way.”

  Eva crossed her arms over her chest, sticking her chin up. “I’m fully aware of that, Brody,” she said. “I’m going to be a pseudo aunt soon and I’ll be holding Maddie’s hand when she pushes that thing out so I don’t need you to remind me that she is going to have the devil’s baby.”

  “Nice, Eva. You have such a way with words. Maybe you deserve Ryder instead because you’re a witch!” Brody snapped, looking annoyed.

  Whoa.

  I saw hurt cross Eva’s face. Brody looked away, his own face red with either embarrassment or rage. I couldn’t tell which. I knew I needed to step in before Eva jumped across the table and strangled Brody.

  “I don’t know what’s going on between you two but I think we all need to--” I never got the chance to finish the rest of my sentence.

  WHAP! The back door slammed open, hitting the inside wall. It immediately bounced back, a hole appearing in the wall’s sheetrock from the door handle.