Don't Make Me Beautiful

  She stomps her foot in frustration. “Of course I’m serious. Why would you ask that?”

  He jumps down the stairs and reaches up to grab her, swinging her around in a big circle.

  She screams with fright and delight. “Brian, stoooooop!”

  He puts her on her feet and then drops to his knees, breathless as he scrambles to get the ring out of his pocket. Once it’s out, he opens it and holds it up.

  She never breaks eye contact with him, even as she gets down on her knees too.

  “What are you doing?” he asks, smiling at her quizzically.

  “Fifty-fifty, right?”

  He winks at her as he takes the ring out of the box and slips it on her finger. “Yeah, babe. All the way.”

  She stares down at the small stone that winks up at her as it catches the sunlight in its facets. “It’s so beautiful.” She looks up. “You’re not worried that Kitten is related to … you know … him?”

  Brian frowns. “Of course not. Why would I be? All babies are born perfect and grow up to be like the person they spend the most time with. That’s going to be you and me. She’ll be amazing. Strong, loving, smart, and probably slightly goofy.”

  Nicole throws her arms around his neck and falls with him to the grass. “You’re my hero.”

  “And you’re my angel,” Brian says, rolling over on top of her and giving her a kiss that promises all kinds of things that will happen once Liam is sound asleep and the lights have all gone out.

  Chapter Sixty-Six

  NICOLE IS READY TO THROW up. Brian can see it in her expression, in her pasty-white skin, in the way her hand rubs her stomach slowly.

  “You’re going to be fine,” he says, pulling her closer and kissing the top of her head.

  “She’s already seven months old. What if she hates me? What if she cries every time I hold her?”

  Brian reaches over and wipes away the one tear that has escaped her eye. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re her mommy. She’s going to love you. Just give her time to get used to you, okay? Don’t expect too much right away. We’ll just take it one day at a time.”

  He sends up his hundredth prayer that the woman who took Kitten from John at least kept her fed and clothed and somewhat stimulated. A complete medical and psychological evaluation so far has shown no damaging effects and no abuse that they can find, so the chances are decent enough that she’s okay.

  The only thing remaining is to move past the broken heart Nicole is suffering at the idea of another woman being cruel enough to take her child from her and keep it a secret for so long. Brian is glad they’ll never meet her; he’s afraid what Nicole might do to her and not that sure about what he might do too.

  The door opens and a social worker walks in, holding the baby dressed in the outfit that Nicole picked out for her. It’s a pink onesie with tiny flowers and frills on the bottom. Nicole has a blanket that matches sitting on the table in the small office they were given at the police station to manage this reunion.

  Nicole moves forward immediately, one trembling hand on her mouth for a moment before her arms open and she begs silently for the woman to give her her child.

  The woman hands the baby over, grunting with the effort. “They’ve been calling her Sharon, but I started calling her the name you gave me as soon as I took custody of her. It’s much prettier.”

  Brian frowns at Nicole. “What’s this all about?” This is the first he’s hearing about a new name.

  Nicole is crying silent tears as she hugs the baby to her.

  The woman shrugs. “I have some paperwork, but I left it in my car. I’ll be back. Don’t leave ’til you sign it, otherwise, you’ll make my job ten times harder when you make me track you down.” She huffs and puffs out of the room and leaves them alone.

  “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” Nicole whispers, swaying back and forth as she strokes the baby’s back. The little girl rests her head on her mother’s shoulder, looking at her mother’s face. Her tiny hand reaches up to take a lock of Nicole’s hair. She twists it slowly around her fingers and pulls, trying to bring it to her mouth.

  Brian comes over and carefully unwinds it as Nicole winces with the pain. “Hello, Kitten. It’s nice to meet you,” he says, leaning in to kiss her soft cheek.

  “She’s so beautiful,” Nicole whispers, full-on bawling now. “I can’t … I can’t … I can’t breathe.”

  Brian holds out his hands. “Can I hold her?”

  Nicole shakes her head. “Not yet.” She takes three deep breaths to calm herself. “I need to feel her against me. I need to hold her right now. I can’t let her go.”

  He nods and rubs her back. “You going to be okay?”

  The baby lifts her head suddenly and looks at Nicole, her tiny eyes searching her mother’s face as if trying to place her.

  Nicole stops crying immediately. “Hello, my angel,” she says. “Did you miss your mommy?” Her face crumples as more tears come out.

  The baby reaches up and pats Nicole on the cheek. Her movements are awkward and jerky, but it’s almost as if she’s trying to comfort her mother. She makes no sounds, she doesn’t cry, she just stares at her mom like she knows her.

  “She remembers you,” Brian says. “You can see it in her eyes. She does.” He knows nothing will make Nicole happier than to believe this, so he hopes she does. She needs so much healing to happen right now. He cannot imagine the pain she must be in knowing that someone kept her baby from her for nearly eight months. The cruelty is unfathomable.

  Nicole nods as she takes the patting hand in hers and kisses it. “I think she does too. I know I remember her. I remember that little nose.” She shifts the baby so she can kiss it. Looking up at Brian when she’s done, she says, “Do you want to hold her now?”

  “Of course.” He holds out his hands. “Come on over here, Kitten. Come to Daddy.”

  Nicole smiles through her tears. “Daddy, I’d like you to meet Briana. Briana, this is your daddy.”

  Brian’s heart stops beating for a few seconds as he takes the baby and holds her against his chest. “Briana?” he asks, as he looks at her and then her mother. His face burns and his heart swells to twice its size.

  “Kitten can be her nickname. I wanted to give her a name that we could be proud of. One that means something special to me.”

  He kisses the baby on her fat cheek. “Hello, Briana. Daddy’s little kitten. Are you excited to meet your big brother?” The last word almost doesn’t make it out, on account of the tears that have begun to flow for Brian too.

  Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that catching a baseball at a Marlins’ game - the one thing he’s been trying to do his whole life - would end up catching him a wife and a daughter too … and a little sister for his beloved Liam. But he’s not complaining one bit. Not one.

  “You never did tell me about your sister,” Nicole says, rubbing the baby’s back as Brian holds her.

  Brian clears his throat so the words will come out clearly. “She was in a car accident with me when we were little. We were Liam’s age. She didn’t make it. I did.”

  “Oh, that’s terrible.”

  “Yeah,” he says, touching foreheads with the baby. “I lost my sister and my best friend that day. The guy who hit our car was a mean drunk. My parents tried to shield me from most of it, but he showed up at our house several times before he was put in jail. After that I swore I’d never be like that guy. Never be angry and pushy and … I don’t know. It was a long time ago.” Kissing the baby on the cheek, he closes his eyes. “I truly believe it was her who led me to you two. You picked the perfect name.”

  He opens his eyes and stares at the woman he loves. “Thank you, Nicole. Thank you for staying and becoming a part of my family.”

  Nicole is crying happy tears now. “Thank you for wanting me. And Briana.”

  “How could I not? You’re my heart, babe. My heart. Without you I don’t know what I’d do now.”

  “I think I’m r
eady now,” she says, almost shyly.

  “Ready? For what?” He backs away a little to see her face. He can’t tell her how beautiful it is because she gets so upset, but he thinks it, every time he looks at her. Her inner light shines out from her eyes and makes her positively glow. Motherhood looks really good on her.

  “To go to that therapy you’ve been bugging me about. I’m ready to talk to someone besides you and Helen and Agnes. You’ve helped me past my trust issues, but I have so much more to deal with. I think I need a professional to step in.”

  He hugs her to him gently. “Good for you, babe. You can do this. I’m so happy for you.”

  “For us.”

  “Yeah. For us.”

  Chapter Sixty-Seven

  NICOLE IS SEATED NEAR THE front of the courtroom on the far end of the long wooden bench-seat. She looks at the side of John’s face as he sits in the chair wearing an orange jumpsuit. His expression reveals nothing but contempt for the court process he’s being forced to endure. She breathes another sigh of relief that the charges against her were dropped; she’s not sure how she would have been able to handle sitting in his position.

  The judge speaks out with a commanding tone. “What say you to the count of kidnapping of a child under age thirteen?”

  “My client pleads guilty, your honor,” responds John’s attorney, standing.

  “What say you to the count of false imprisonment of a child under age thirteen?”

  “My client pleads guilty, your honor.”

  “What say you to the count of felony battery?”

  “My client pleads guilty, your honor.”

  Nicole’s mind wanders as the judge continues down the list of over ten charges being brought against John. She expected he’d plead guilty as part of the deal his lawyer put together. With his former girlfriend confessing to everything and giving them a ton of evidence against him, he had no choice, really; he would have lost big time, facing life in prison. Nicole’s not sure how she feels about him getting out in twenty years, but at least Briana will be old enough and smart enough to defend herself against him if he ever shows up. Nicole will make absolutely sure of that.

  She thinks back on the horrible story that unfolded and unraveled as the woman who had kept Briana began spilling her guts. Dating John for only a month before getting pregnant, she panicked when she went into early labor. He’d never hurt her or hit her, but she knew he was an intensely private person and would want to be the one to take her to the hospital. By the time he got to her to bring her there, she’d already gone into labor.

  They did everything they could to help the baby, but she was born lifeless, with a full head of dark hair. John had left the woman at her apartment, making her swear not to call anyone or do anything. He said he could fix everything. A day later, he showed up with a tiny bald baby in his arms, and she’d never asked any questions. Distraught over losing her child, she’d been only too happy to take this one instead.

  The relationship with John became strained, but even so, they had an unspoken agreement: Don’t ask, don’t tell. As long as she kept her mouth shut, she could have the daughter she had lost and no one would be the wiser. Her nightmares about the real mother to this baby she held in her arms only bothered her when she was sleeping, or so she said.

  It was easy enough to show up at the hospital and get a birth certificate when it was all over. She had the puffed-out belly and all the other signs of a recent birth to back up her story. A week later she had a birth certificate and a social security number declaring the child hers and John’s.

  Nicole wakes up out of her voyage down memory lane as the judge shifts some papers around and then stares at John, the stern woman’s expression revealing the revulsion she feels just looking at him.

  “In all my years of serving on this bench, I have never seen such a despicable excuse for a man such as you before me. And believe me, I’ve seen some real losers.”

  Nicole’s shocked at the woman’s candor, but couldn’t agree more. She glances at John and sees his lip curl. She’s seen that happen before, as he’s pounded his fist into her face. She’s glad he’s doing it at that woman up there with the black robe and not her.

  “You deprived a woman of her freedom, of her child, of her very identity as a human being. You deprived a child of the love of her own mother for almost a year. You not only allowed but you contrived to have another woman subvert the rights of another new mother who desperately wanted her baby. If you have something to say for yourself, I’d love to hear it.”

  His lawyer leans over and whispers into his ear, but Nicole can tell that John isn’t hearing any of it. He stands, his hands and feet shackled.

  John speaks with a tone Nicole has heard a thousand times. She doesn’t flinch or turn away in fear this time, though. This time, she watches him dig his own grave right here in the courtroom.

  “You can say whatever you want about me. It doesn’t matter. I know the truth. I know who I am. I did what I had to do. I did what any man would have done in my situation.”

  “No, sir, you did not,” she argues. “You did what a monster would have done in your situation. That’s what you are. You …,” she shakes her head, “…are a monster, nothing more.”

  She glances over at Nicole briefly, barely registering her presence, but letting Nicole know that she knows she’s there. She looks back at John. “I hereby sentence you to twenty years in prison without eligibility for parole, as agreed between you and the district attorney. I’m also adding mandatory anger management counseling and domestic violence offender counseling to your sentence.”

  “I didn’t agree to that!” John shouts, rattling his chains.

  His lawyer grabs his forearm and tries to get him to sit, but John jerks away, knocking the lawyer back a little. “I’m not doing that shit! You hear me! You can’t make me do that!”

  “Yes, I can, and I will,” says the judge very calmly. “And I suggest that rather than considering it a punishment, you consider it the blessing that it is. You need help. I’m getting it for you.”

  “Fuck you and your help!”

  The bailiff moves from the corner of the bench and approaches him.

  “Bailiff, take him into custody please. I’ve heard about enough.” The judge gets up and turns around, ignoring John’s struggles with the police officer and disappearing inside a panel in the wall behind her chair.

  “Fuck you, bitch! I know you hear me! Fuck you!”

  John’s lawyer’s face is beet-red as he packs up his papers.

  John kicks the table as he’s escorted out of the courtroom. “Fuck you too, jackass lawyer. You suck!”

  Nicole smiles just as John turns his head and catches her eye.

  He somehow breaks away from the slightly overweight bailiff and shuffles a couple steps away. He stares at her the entire time, hunched over like an ape.

  As the officer grabs him around the shoulders, John says, “Nikki?” He’s confused, probably trying to figure out why she looks so familiar and then again not at all like she used to.

  She stands up and steps sideways to leave the long bench-seat she was sitting on. She steps out into the aisle and doesn’t look back, even when he’s yelling at her back.

  “You used to be a lot prettier you know that, Nikki?! Beautiful! Now you’re not! Now you’re just … you’re not!” A door slams shut and his voice disappears.

  “Yeah. I know,” she whispers, smiling as she leaves the courtroom and joins her family waiting out in the hallway.

  Taking the baby from Brian’s arms, she buries her face in her tiny neck, inhaling the smell of lotion and baby sweat with every bit of her breath.

  “Everything go okay?” Brian asks as Liam swings on his arm while holding his feet up in the air so they won’t touch the ground.

  Nicole smiles as the scent of her baby and her husband mingle and put her inside a happy fog. “Yes. He’s going to be gone for a long, long time.”

  “Hold up for
a second, Li-Li,” Brian says. “Time for a family hug.”

  “Familyyyyy huuuug!” Liam shouts, throwing his arms around his dad’s and step-mother’s legs.

  Nicole and Brian each put a hand down on Liam’s back and Brian puts his other one around Nicole. “I love my family,” Brian says, looking down at Liam.

  “I love it too,” Nicole responds, kissing him on the cheek.

  “Oh good, I’m not too late,” says Helen, coming up behind them and putting her arms around the group. “How’s my baby girl Briana Helen doing?”

  “She’s good,” Nicole says, closing her eyes as she soaks up the love. “She misses her Auntie Helen, though.”

  “Well, hand her over, then,” Helen says, detaching herself and holding out her arms. “Come see your favorite and only aunt.”

  The baby holds out her arms and smiles, revealing her first tooth.

  Nicole turns her attention to her husband as Helen steps away with the two kids.

  “You did it, babe,” Brian says. “You stood up to the monster and you won.”

  “Yeah, I did. But I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “Yes, you could have. But I’m glad you didn’t.” He leans in and kisses her gently on the lips.

  “Me too.”

  “So what’s next?” he asks. “You have the world at your feet. Say the word and we’ll make it happen, whatever it is.”

  She bites her lip as she considers saying it out loud.

  “What? Tell me.”

  “I think I might like to go to school. To college. I met John in my first semester and never went back.”

  Brian smiles hugely as he pulls her in tight. “I think it’s a great idea.”

  “But I’m going to need help. With Briana. I hate to put anyone out over it...”

  Brian play-frowns at her before responding. “Listen, girl. I don’t know how many times I have to say this. Everyone needs help. And I’m Briana’s dad. What kind of dad holds his baby’s mom back because of a little daycare issue?”