The Irreversible Reckoning

  ***

  Penny was kept in a small cell by herself that was similar to Adam’s, not in size but in grandeur. All the kids on the ship had nice rooms—they were certainly not spacious, but they contained a nicely furnished bed, a full armoire full of their uniforms, and a desk full of paper and pens. Some kids had never seen rooms so nice even when they were free. I suppose the rehabilitation that the kids were supposed to be undergoing was done outside of their rooms. Tyre could not stand to see any child, even the most allegedly evil, sleeping in squalor.

  I am being sarcastic when I say that. I do not know why he allowed the kids onboard the ship to live in such nice surroundings.

  “Alright, stay here.” I whispered to James after he unlocked the door.

  “Okay,” He whispered back as I went inside.

  “Mommy!”

  She rushed towards me. At that point, we had been on the Lapsarian for three years, and it had become apparent to me that my daughter was not going to age. Idan was not aging, either, and if I had not known any better, I would have thought he and Penny had made a pact to remain unchanged, for whatever reason.

  I certainly did not mind her staying young. I loved my little Penny. I would love her when she was teenage and adult Penny, of course. But I loved my little girl, and if she wanted to stay a little girl forever, I would not complain.

  “Mommy, your belly!” She told me excitedly as she gently placed both hands on it. When she found the place where the baby was situated, she kissed it.

  “Is it growing?” I asked her, “Does it look bigger already?”

  “Yes!” She exclaimed, “A little bit! When is she going to be here, Mama?”

  “Not for a while, baby. But there’s someone else here to see you.”

  “Who?” She asked, and then she gasped and asked me in a gleefully conspiratorial tone, “Did you sneak Adam out of his room?!”

  “No.” I said, before turning back and saying to James, “Come in, baby.”

  “I don’t know if she’s going to be excited,” He started to say, “Or if she’s going to be angry that I…”

  But Penny’s reaction to him was resolute and resounding. Before he had even come completely through the door, she had charged him and jumped up into his arms.

  “DADDY!” She screamed, and gently, we shushed her, as James closed the door. Penny was sobbing as quietly as she could, and James had his face turned in to her shoulder so he could cry, too. I stood back, crying because I was so happy that they were reunited, though I wanted to tell myself that the reason why I was crying so much was because of my pregnancy hormones.

  “How are you, turnip?” He asked, “I’ve been keeping an eye on you.”

  “I’m fine, Daddy.” She replied, “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, baby. I’m perfect now, actually.”

  She looked back at me.

  “Can Mommy touch you again? Can you give her hugs like you used to?”

  “Yeah, look. Come here, baby.” He told me, and I came over, nestled my head against his shoulder, and hid the quick shock of pain I felt when his arm wrapped around my back. After the pain had subsided, though, I turned my face closer to him as my tears increased. The three of us were together again, and they were so happy to see each other, and I was so happy for them. I squeezed him, and I squeezed her, and James kissed my forehead as the tears continued falling from his eyes.

  “I love you both so much,” I told them, as I angled my face up so he could kiss me softly, “I am so happy right now that I am never going to stop crying.”

  “Aww, Mommy, don’t cry.” Penny told me, “The baby will think you’re sad.” She looked at James, “Are you excited for the baby, Daddy?”

  “I am so excited, baby.” He replied, “Are you excited to be a big sister?”

  “Yes.” She replied, “I am going to teach her so many things. I am going to read to her, and teach her how to write her name, and then I’m going to teach her how to ride a bike. When we leave here, I’ll teach her that. Daddy, you have to do what you did for me, when you taught me to ride a bike in Shadow Village! We can both hold on to the back of the bike until she learns to pedal, and then we let go, and she’ll be so happy when she does it all by herself, just like I was!”

  I remembered that day very fondly, but the memory had been most pervasive while James and I had been separated. I remembered how James was known (at least to me) for having a short temper sometimes, but with Penny, his patience knew no bounds. They had gone up and down the street, Penny pedaling wildly on the old bicycle we had bought for her birthday, her teeth gritted and her eyes narrowed in a fierce and adorable look of determination, and he had been running behind her, keeping her upright until she told him to let go. By the end of the day, we were watching as she pedaled her way up and down the street all on her own. Remembering that day reminded me of how great of a father he was to her, and how I had not wanted anyone else in that role but him. When he was gone, the memory hurt terribly, but now that he was back, it just made me smile as it had before he had been taken from me.

  “You’ll have to help me teach her, though, Dad.” Penny said, “And Mommy can help me teach her how to read and write and be really smart.”

  “Yeah, Daddy’s no good at that. That’s all Mommy’s area.”

  I laughed at that and kissed his cheek.

  “But if she wants to take her bike apart and put it back together,” I looked at Penny who grinned guiltily, because one afternoon, she randomly expressed the desire to disassemble and reassemble her bike, which she and James had actually done. “She is going to need your engineering expertise.”

  “Thank God we balance each other out: You give her the book smarts and epic knowledge skills, and I give her the engineering prowess. Oh, and you give her the good looks, of course.”

  “Oh, stop.” I said, and I actually blushed, “I forgot how much I missed your compliments.”

  “You never forgot how much you missed him.” Penny said, ratting me out. James looked at me, eyebrows raised, grinning stupidly, and lightly, I punched him in the arm.

  “Shut up, James!” I exclaimed, “And Penelope! Do not give me away! He will surely use this knowledge of how much I missed him against me.”

  “No.” He said, and after he had put her down, and she had scampered off to get the picture she had drawn that she wanted to show him, he turned me to him gently. I reached up, wrapped my arms around his neck, and let him slide his hands from my hips to my butt so he could pull me closer to him. “I could never use it against you. Because though I hid it well, which, believe me, took concentration skills I never knew I had, there wasn’t a minute that went by these past three years that I didn’t miss you. And there wasn’t a minute that passed that I didn’t miss her.”

  We looked at Penny to find that she was rooting through the papers in her desk, murmuring, “Where is it, where is it, where, oh, where did I put it?” absent-mindedly, which made both James and I chuckle at the utter adorableness of it.

  “I don’t ever want to miss you like that again.” I told him, “You’ve protected me all these years by staying away, and now you’re enmeshed with them, and that could be beneficial for us. But whatever you do from here on out, James, even if it is to protect me, I do not want to think that you are gone irreversibly. I do not want there to be any secrets between us ever again.”

  For a long time, he looked at me, his eyes a lighter shade of brown, which told me that his heart was full to the brim with sadness. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him gently.

  “I am not angry.” I told him, “Not at you, anyway. I just would not be able to stand it if you were lost to me like that again.”

  He dipped his head down so he could press his lips to mine, and my hand came up to rest on his cheek as I kissed him back.

  “I promise you,” He said, while his forehead was rested against mine, “That I am going to be here. For the rest of your life, and Penny’s life, and the baby’s
life, I am going to be right here with you. No more secrets. Never again. I swear, Brynna.”

  I smiled, and he smiled, too, because I believed him. I knew he was not lying, and a weight was lifted from me as he made that promise.

  All of mine and James’s problems had been the result of deeply-kept secrets, either mine or his. I trusted him, and trusted his word, when he said that there would not be any secrets anymore. I loved him, so I trusted him.

  I only hoped he would not make me sorry for trusting him, as he had so many times before.