Our Gravity

  More heartbreaking that she realized it, and would frown, hold up a hand to silence them, and struggle to find the right word.

  He’d changed into shorts and had dinner underway when Bryce arrived home, looking haggard and drawn. When he walked into the kitchen, he hugged Dustin from behind, his face pressed against Dustin’s back.

  “I’m so glad to be home.”

  “What happened?”

  “Fucking mistrial. We have to start all over again picking a new goddamned jury tomorrow. At lunch, three of them decided to walk over to the crime scene, since it was only four blocks away. They then proceeded to tell the other jurors all about it when they got back. Fuck having two alternates, we had to toss the whole damned jury.”

  “Shit. Sorry.”

  “Another three goddamned days out of my life, and that jacks me up with Kira’s appointments.”

  “It’s okay. I can take her.”

  “But you have to work, too.”

  “Please don’t be mad at me.”

  “What?”

  Dustin turned in his arms. “I’m taking a leave of absence. I told George today. Someone needs to be home with her. I can take a leave like this without it killing me in terms of my job. It’s a hit to my income, but I can step out and step in as I need to. You can’t.”

  Bryce stared up at him, like maybe he didn’t comprehend what he’d said. “Leave of absence?”

  “Yeah.” Dustin sighed. “We’re…going to be cutting it close,” he gently said, trying not to be a dick. But with Kira refusing any radiology scans that didn’t specifically have to do with the baby, it was difficult for the oncologist to make any kind of accurate prognosis. “I’ll take her to all her appointments. If you can make some of them, great. If not, I’ll be there. I’ll take care of her, I promise.”

  When Bryce didn’t respond for a long time, Dustin thought maybe he was mad.

  Then Bryce grabbed him by the hand—not gently—and silently dragged him out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bedroom, where he closed the door behind them.

  Fear slammed into his gut. “I’m sorry, Bryce. I know I should have talked to you first, but—”

  Bryce grabbed him by the head, pulled him down, and kissed him, hard.

  Confused, Dustin went with it. Especially when Bryce backed him toward the bed. A hard shove, and Dustin fell onto his back. Bryce climbed on, pulled down Dustin’s shorts, and proceeded to give him a blowjob.

  A damn good blowjob, deep-throating him and all.

  Now even more confused but not about to interrupt him, Dustin held Bryce’s head and enjoyed the hell out of it, including assuming he was allowed to come.

  Bryce didn’t waste any time, either. This was a hard-sucking, full-on humming blowjob meant to get him off fast.

  Dustin lifted his head to see Bryce’s blue gaze focused on him, the full force of it hitting him square in the heart. As he filled Bryce’s mouth with cum, he could see the hints of a smile at the corners of Bryce’s lips.

  He dropped his head back onto the bed, relishing the pleasure, catching his breath as Bryce crawled up him and kissed him, hard and deep.

  “I fucking love you so goddamned much.” Bryce sounded like he was close to tears. “You know that?”

  “I love you, too, but what’d I do?”

  “Taking care of her.”

  “You’re not mad?”

  “You want another blowjob?”

  Dustin started laughing. “Sir, I’m gonna need a few minutes, at least.”

  He lay next to Dustin, propped up on one elbow. “Why today?” he quietly asked.

  He couldn’t lie to him. He told him about how he’d found Kira earlier, and Bryce rolled onto his back, brushing tears away. “Dammit.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No. It’s okay. It would have upset her if you’d called me. It’s okay. She’s not hurt?”

  “No. That was the first thing I found out. She’d forgotten to lock the wheels on the wheelchair. Fortunately, she’d been on her way back from the bathroom, not on her way to it. She missed the couch and slid down it and couldn’t get up again. And she couldn’t reach her phone.”

  “Does she know yet?”

  He shook his head. “She’s been asleep.”

  He didn’t tell Bryce that when he’d first arrived home he walked over to the couch, worried that she lay so still, and watched to make sure she was breathing.

  That was a preview he didn’t want to share with Bryce. He knew the man would have his own fears to worry about without added burdens.

  Later that night, as they lay in bed after getting Kira put to bed, Bryce rolled onto his side and draped an arm over Dustin’s chest.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t given you a collar yet.”

  Dustin nuzzled his head against Bryce’s. “I don’t need one to know you love me. I just need you.”

  “I wanted to do a ceremony at Venture and everything. After that first night, I started trying to figure out what to do, and when to do it, and then…Kira. I’m sorry.”

  “Bryce,” he gently said, “we have other things to worry about. I know when life settles down that you’ll do something. You’re in my bed every night. You tell me you love me. If I thought I needed something tangible from you, I’d tell you that. You give me what I need. That’s enough.”

  “How’d I get so lucky?”

  Dustin almost defaulted to playful snark, except with everything else spinning around them, he knew that wasn’t the best choice. “I’m the lucky one, Sir. I get to be a part of your life, and hers. Thank you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The next week, Dustin and Kira had returned home from her doctor appointment, and he helped her into her bed for a nap. He returned to the couch to go through e-mail on his phone and found his expected direct deposit notice from his bank.

  But when he looked at the amount, it was way larger than he’d expected it to be.

  He found the corresponding e-mail from the agency detailing his payments and found two sales he wasn’t expecting.

  He called George Dougherty. “Hey, you got a minute?”

  George laughed. “Don’t even ask me about it.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because I promised Victor and Lara I’d make you take the money, one way or another.”

  Now Dustin felt guilty. “I wasn’t expecting them to share commissions with me.”

  “Yeah, but Lara insisted, because you wouldn’t take a cut of the sales you closed for her while she was out with her baby. Victor seconded it. They’re tag-teaming your listings.”

  Of all the things to finally drive him to tears. “Thanks. I’ll call them.”

  Once he got his emotions under control, he called Lara first, and she answered almost immediately. “Yeeeesss?”

  “Thank you.”

  “I wish I could do more. If you need someone to come sit with her during the day, or if you guys want to go out for the evening or something, let me know. If I’m busy, Brad or Mark might be able to come by. Or Ev or Wiley.”

  “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

  “Yeah, I do. You’re a good guy, both of you are, and this is a bad situation. It’s the least we can do. Besides, I still feel guilty you and Victor wouldn’t let me split commissions with you while I was out.”

  “We were happy to help out.”

  “Well, so are Victor and I, and I have a husband who can pay the bills without my help, so it’s fine. Seriously.” She sighed. “I don’t suppose she wants a baby shower, does she? I’d love to give her one.”

  “No, but thanks. I asked her about that. She said she’d rather people do something for us at the wedding…after.”

  “Ah. Gotcha.”

  When he got off the phone with her, he called Victor and basically got the same response. He suspected they were going to not only sell his listings, but maybe even give him cuts of some of theirs, depending on how long he was out.

  At
least, that was the impression he got from Victor.

  I’m damned lucky.

  No way in hell would he have found this level of camaraderie in Miami.

  Leaving that city had been the best decision of his life, even if it meant part of his soul would get ripped out in the process.

  Still wouldn’t change a thing.

  * * * *

  Bryce pulled off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. He should go home, but he was almost finished reading the opinion on his screen and he wanted to be done with it.

  He put his glasses back on and glanced at his phone, at an alert he’d received from his bank.

  But when he opened it, it was…

  What the fuck?

  Standing, he walked down to Kimbra’s office. They were the only two left in their building right now, so he didn’t bother closing the door.

  “Um, hey, got a minute?”

  She turned from her computer. “Sure, boo. What’s up?”

  He held up his phone. “There’s a problem with my direct deposit.”

  “Problem?”

  “Yeah. I need to cancel this or refund it or something, so—”

  “Don’t you fucking dare, kiddo.”

  He focused on her and realized she was smiling. “What?”

  “Every cent of that is yours.”

  “Um, no, it’s not.”

  “Sure it is. You have a benefactor.”

  “Kimbra, this is twenty-five thousand fucking dollars more than I should be getting!”

  “I know.”

  He stared at her, jaw agape. “What the hell?” he finally asked when he could say something.

  “You have friends who have means and who mean to show you you’re not alone. Didn’t come from me, but I was asked to be an intermediary and pass it to you. They wish to remain anonymous, but let’s just say they more than have the means. That’s maybe a week’s worth of interest of their net worth. And if you need more, I’m to tell them that.”

  He blinked. “What?”

  She leaned back in her chair and steepled her fingers. “You might not have met them personally, but I know them. Let’s just say they have made a habit of investing in worthy causes that tug at the heartstrings.”

  It hit him. “Lynn…what’s her name. Durran. The writer who hit the lotto and paid for the DNA testing for Louis Olson’s case. Her?”

  Kimbra smiled but wouldn’t answer.

  “Shit, I didn’t ask for this.” He suspected Ed Payne had said something to Lynn. He was her attorney, too.

  “You didn’t have to. And no, I didn’t ask for you. It came as a pleasant surprise to me, too. I need you to finish handing off your cases by next week. I want you on an official leave of absence. Now you have no excuse that you can’t afford it.”

  He didn’t realize he was crying—damn, sometimes it felt like all he did was cry—until she was up and moving and enveloping him in a hug. “I need to work.”

  “You need to stay home.”

  “I…” He choked back a sob. “It’s keeping me sane.”

  “She needs you. You can take a couple of the pro bono cases home, if you want, and work on them from home. Honey, I called Dustin this morning and talked to him about how she’s doing and how you’re doing. Hiding from this with work isn’t helping. You’ll kick yourself in the ass later that you weren’t home.”

  She cradled his face in her hands. “Go home,” she gently said. “Take your stuff and go. That’s where you’re needed. We’ll be here, your job will be here, when you come back. All this shit will be here.”

  He knew she was right.

  He just didn’t want to admit it.

  “Thank you.”

  “I’ll pass it along.” She gave him a hug, turned him around, and marched him to his office. “Go home. Now. Don’t even bother coming in tomorrow.”

  “I have to come in tomorrow to finish some of this.”

  “Fine, but you’d better be handing stuff off to everyone.”

  “I will.” No use arguing. He closed everything down and took what he needed. When he arrived home, Kira was asleep on the couch, her head in Dustin’s lap.

  He leaned in and kissed Dustin. “Don’t wake her up,” Bryce told him. “Did you eat?”

  “I left you a plate in the microwave.”

  Bryce kissed him again and went to get it.

  Home.

  Yes, this was where he needed to be, even though it meant no respite from facing the future.

  Thank god for Dustin. He couldn’t do this without him and was glad he didn’t have to.

  * * * *

  The next morning, Kira laughed as she held on to Dustin when he helped her out of bed. “I have a hunky private nurse and I can’t even molest him.”

  He’d been an only child and had never really wished for siblings before, but if this was what having a little sister was like, he knew he’d missed out big time. “Well, you can, but you shouldn’t. Your husband has dibs on molesting your private nurse.”

  This had become another running joke between them. Sure, taking care of her had helped him slake his submissive needs, but he didn’t mind taking care of her.

  He’d come to love her, maybe not as intensely as Bryce did, but there was no resentment in his soul over the situation. Not about her.

  Only about how much pain her loss would cause Bryce, and him.

  How unfair it was he didn’t get to have her in his life longer.

  How unfair that Jenny wouldn’t be able to know her mom.

  He helped her with her morning bathroom routine, then out to the sofa. Before he could pull away, she grabbed his hand and pressed it to her belly.

  Fear shot through him even as Jenny made her presence known.

  The only unknown for him—once Jenny was there and Kira wasn’t, could he be everything Bryce needed him to be?

  He’d been purposefully avoiding those thoughts lately, not wanting to devote energy or attention to them.

  Not wanting to pull his focus from her.

  She smiled up at him. “She’s been doing that every morning lately. Like she wants to say hi to Daddy.”

  A wave of guilt washed through him, as if she’d sensed his private doubts. “Yeah?”

  “You’re going to be a great dad.” Her voice held quiet certainty, a level of unwavering surety he damn sure didn’t feel.

  “Bryce is going to be a great dad.” It was a chickenshit side-step, and he knew it.

  So did she. “You love him, don’t you?”

  “You know I do.”

  “Then trust in him even when you don’t trust yourself.” She gave his hand a little squeeze before releasing it. “Because he’s never wrong. That’s one of the frustratingly annoying things about the guy.” Her smile turned sad. “He was right about Shawn. Wish I’d listened to him.”

  “I’ll get your breakfast, sweetie.” He started to step away from the couch when she spoke again.

  “We need to call the medical equipment place.”

  He turned. It was her tone more than anything that did it. Quiet and solemn.

  “For the bed?”

  She nodded. “See if they can get it here today or tomorrow, please. Preferably this morning, before B gets home.”

  He knew this would gut Bryce. At every turn, every point of deterioration, he’d had to adjust and refocus and Dustin could see how it killed him a little more inside, acknowledging one step closer to the end.

  He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Okay, sweetie. I’ll call after breakfast.”

  * * * *

  They’d been able to deliver it just after noon and Bryce was still at the office. By the time the truck backed into their driveway, Dustin had rearranged the living room so that Kira could easily see the TV and into the kitchen. Plus the bed was reasonably close to the hall bathroom, so Dustin and Bryce would more easily be able to help her take care of things.

  Although Kira had already asked the oncologist about things like catheters, to
make it easier on her and the guys. She was starting to have a lot of constant pain now, not just periodic headaches, and moving more than necessary was agony for her.

  “This thing have four-wheel drive or something?” Kira squinted as she studied the remote control for the hospital bed, playing with it, raising it up and down, adjusting it.

  The guy showed her all the adjustments, including inflating and deflating the mattress to help prevent pressure sores.

  When it came time for the guy to have her sign off on the delivery, Dustin didn’t miss that she was having trouble holding the stylus to sign the electronic form on the tablet. He waited, not jumping in, but ready if she called for him to do it for her.

  But she managed it.

  Once they were alone again, she slid over to the far side of the bed and patted the mattress next to her.

  He climbed in and let her snuggle against him. Another thing she loved doing, and Dustin didn’t mind doing it for her.

  “This’ll do,” she softly said. “I was worried it wouldn’t be big enough.”

  Sometimes, she had trouble sleeping, and being cuddled against one of them always helped with that.

  She drew his arm around her and settled in, and before long, from the slow and steady sound of her breathing, he knew she was asleep.

  That’s where they were when Bryce returned home an hour later. Unfortunately, Dustin spotted the shock that Bryce quickly schooled to a smile when he walked in.

  “Hey,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss Dustin hello. “When did this come?”

  “She asked me to call for it this morning.”

  He stroked Dustin’s hair as he nodded, but the pain was right there, just behind his blue eyes, barely contained.

  Slowly and carefully, Dustin extricated himself from her without waking her and tucked a body pillow behind her, where he’d been, helping keep her in the same position. Then he followed Bryce to their bedroom.

  Bryce made it as far as the bed before his knees gave out. Dustin was able to swoop in and keep him from hitting the floor. Getting him onto the bed, he wrapped his arms around him and gently rocked him, Bryce’s face pressed against his shoulder while he silently sobbed.