Our Gravity

  “You guys need this time.”

  “But what about you?”

  “She’s already told us what she wants.” Kate’s smile looked sad. “She sent us money a couple of months ago. More than enough to pay for the hotel room while we’re here. We’re five minutes from you guys. But she knew we’d all need quiet corners to escape to for now, and asked us to stay there and not at the house.”

  “I…I didn’t know that.”

  “We know.” Steve patted his shoulder. “She didn’t want you to. She said you’d try to argue with her and she didn’t think she had the strength to fight you on it. Don’t worry, Dustin didn’t know, either.”

  Bryce knew he could ask Lara or Kimbra to put out the word amongst the Suncoast Society group and they’d have a flock of volunteers to help them, more than they would know what to do with.

  That wasn’t best for Kira. She wouldn’t know most of them, even if Bryce and Dustin did. More importantly, it wasn’t what she wanted.

  Insurance would take care of her end of life care.

  And he sensed the end of her life wasn’t far away. Now she didn’t have to hold on. She’d achieved her goal—to deliver a healthy baby, and she got to meet her.

  Now…

  Now she could let go.

  Bryce dreaded the next stage. Not because he was terrified of taking care of a baby and being a father, even though he was, but because it was the beginning of the end.

  Kate was happy to work with the men, getting them comfortable bathing Jenny, everything they needed to know. The hospital staff was wonderful, everyone already informed about the situation and being very careful and respectful in how they talked with Kira.

  No references to what they might usually discuss with new parents, future activities she wouldn’t even be around for.

  Keeping everything anchored on the present and the baby.

  On the fourth day, as expected, Kira was discharged. Dustin took care of getting the car loaded and everything ready before they brought Kira downstairs to the front entrance in a wheelchair. They’d taken Dustin’s car today, because the back seat was wider and more comfortable, and Bryce wanted to sit back there with Kira and Jenny even though it wasn’t a long ride home. Steve and Kate followed in their rental car, and Dustin hurried inside the house to bring their wheelchair out to get Kira while Bryce took care of Jenny.

  An hour later, Kira was napping in her bed while Bryce had Jenny settled in her crib next to Kira’s bed. Yes, it crowded the living room, but it meant Kira could see her daughter.

  The unspoken point—that no one expected it to be an issue for long.

  Archer had immediately jumped onto Kira’s bed and settled in at her side, issuing a silent challenge to anyone to dare move him. He sniffed a little in the direction of the crib, but made no move to investigate. During Kira’s absence, Archer had greeted them at the door with plaintive howls, as if wondering why they’d taken his favorite human from him. He’d spent her time away sleeping in the hospital bed, curled up in the middle.

  Keeping it warm for her.

  Now that they were home, Kimbra, Lara, Victor, and others could come to visit. Kira had okayed a short list of people she’d come to meet and know, and people she knew cared about Bryce and Dustin. Kimbra wasted no time showing up, complete with two chicken meals from Publix for lunch.

  Something Bryce hadn’t even thought about, although now with the delicious aroma wafting through the house, he realized he was starving and hadn’t eaten anything since the night before. Dustin took everything from her to set up in the kitchen.

  Kira slept through her arrival, and Kimbra kept her voice down as she admired the baby. “May I hold her?”

  “Sure,” Bryce said. “Of course.” He dropped the side of the crib and picked her up, settling her in Kimbra’s arms.

  “Aww, she’s beautiful, Papi.” She smiled at him, playful. “You will bring her to work, won’t you?”

  “Sure. On non-court days.” His office was plenty big enough for a portable crib for her.

  “Good, because everyone’s been crawling up my business wanting to know when they can get their hands on her.” She gently rocked her. “Lord, I love being an auntie.” She smiled down at the baby. “Put me down for Saturday night babysitting, if you ever need me.” The sly smile she gave him told him what she really meant.

  If they wanted to go to Sigalo’s and the club.

  “Thanks. I probably will.”

  Ross and Loren arrived then, and he wasn’t altogether sure there might not be a catfight between her and Kimbra over who got to hold the baby. But Kimbra handed her over to Loren, who blinked back tears. “She looks just like Kira.”

  The rest of the afternoon was filled with people dropping by to visit. Bryce sat back and tried to filter everything, his emotions ragged and raw. It was a blessing Kate and Steve were there because they stepped in and took over while Bryce collapsed onto the couch and tried to focus on breathing.

  Even Dustin seemed wrung out. Kira mostly slept, waking up briefly for him or Dustin to help her to the bathroom, and then back to bed to take her painkillers, sip some water, and go back to sleep.

  It was nearly ten that night when Steve and Kate finally convinced Bryce to let them return to their hotel.

  And then…

  Even with the TV on, the house felt achingly empty, silent.

  Waiting.

  Preparing.

  Archer refused to give up his spot next to Kira, as if he was keeping watch. Any attempts to move him met with resistance, and getting him out of bed usually meant as soon as he was put down, he was scrambling and trying to get back into the bed with her.

  She awoke long enough for another bathroom trip, then back to bed. They’d prepared and purchased adult diapers for her, her idea, so she wouldn’t soil the bed. They also positioned the baby monitor right next to the head of her bed, where they could hear her speak or hear the baby if she stirred.

  Because Kira refused to let either of them sleep on the couch tonight.

  “Go to bed,” she said. “Please. Don’t fight me on this. You both need to sleep.”

  “That’s not going to happen tonight,” Bryce snarked.

  “You’re exhausted and look like shit,” she said. “Please, sleep. If I need you, I’ll speak up.”

  They’d already tested the baby monitor and knew it was sensitive.

  Finally, they retreated to their bedroom, leaving the door open, Bryce wishing she’d change her mind.

  * * * *

  Dustin knew what Kira was doing, because she’d told him the last night he’d slept in the hospital with her.

  She wanted Bryce in his own bed, with Dustin, not her. He needed to start getting used to not being there with her all the time.

  Time to process the separation.

  He couldn’t snuggle up with her and hold her much longer, and she wanted him ready for that. She wanted him holding and snuggling with Dustin.

  “He needs to learn to lean on you instead of trying to be the strong one.”

  “How did you get so smart?”

  “I don’t feel smart.” She’d sadly smiled. “If I was really smart, I would have dumped Shawn a long time ago.”

  They settled in bed, Bryce wearing a thousand-yard stare that worried Dustin.

  “Talk to me, Master.”

  He couldn’t call him that with everyone around, but ever since the day of Jenny’s birth, when he’d settled the issue in his heart, he’d mentally shifted into that mode. Most of the time when they were alone, that was how he now referred to Bryce, not just as Sir.

  He didn’t need a collar or a ring, because in his heart, Bryce owned him.

  When he was honest with himself, he knew Bryce had owned him since that very first night, crazy or not.

  There never had been any other path, no other choice. Dustin thought there’d been, but looking back, everything else was a false trail. It would have led him back to Bryce’s side anyway, because
his heart and soul were so thoroughly tangled with Bryce’s there was no way he could ever figure out how to get loose.

  His gravity completely pulling Dustin into a comfortable orbit he never wanted to break free from.

  “I…” His weary sigh spoke of grief and fear and resignation in one ugly ball. “I feel helpless. Lost.”

  “I wish I could do more for you.”

  Tonight Bryce lay nestled in Dustin’s arms, facing him. “You’ve done way more than anyone could ever ask, buddy.”

  He could sense an ever-present tension in Bryce now, the waiting, the unknown.

  “Make sure you don’t shut me out.” Dustin nuzzled his head. “Please don’t shut me out.”

  “I won’t.” A pause Dustin waited out. “How long do you think?”

  “She’ll let us know.” The hospice nurses would start tomorrow, checking on her at first, then coming in full-time until Kira was ready to transfer to their facility.

  Kira didn’t want to die there, in their home. She didn’t want Bryce having that memory, or perhaps never wanting to sell the house in the future for fear of disrespecting her memory somehow.

  Dustin would have scoffed at that except he’d seen it himself as a realtor, and he knew Bryce too well.

  She could peg him in some ways that Dustin couldn’t.

  Privately, Dustin suspected less than two weeks before that happened. Not before her parents left, but it wouldn’t be long after that. Maybe Bryce hadn’t noticed, but she hadn’t asked for any food today.

  Damn sure wouldn’t point it out to him if he hadn’t.

  It was simply a matter of time now.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Dustin wasn’t sure which one of them got less sleep that night, him or Bryce. Dustin couldn’t sleep, lying awake, bedroom door open and the baby monitor on full volume right next to his head. The slightest noise set him sitting straight up in bed, waiting to see if there was something else.

  Plus he was attuned to how restless Bryce was, worried about him.

  And plenty of times he got up and walked out to the living room to check on Kira and Jenny anyway.

  No more pleasant sleep for her, unfortunately. Even in sleep her face now looked aged, pained.

  He studied her hands, looking for any signs of movement, voluntary or not.

  She reminded him in some ways of an old bird, weary, ready to let go and yet unable to let herself sink into a deeper, permanent sleep.

  Now she had something to live for. Someone.

  Except…she’d set seeing Jenny’s birth as her personal goal. Had told him during some of their private talks that if she could just see her baby, it would amaze and complete her, and…then she could let go.

  How long would the disease tether her to a body that was rapidly failing her? Would it be kind and produce a tumor, or enlarge an existing one, that would press somewhere to quickly stop her breathing and heartbeat?

  Or would it take her life away from her one step at a time, leaving her locked in and cruelly aware toward the end and unable to communicate with them?

  Dustin had stopped researching, because the more he did, the more depressed he felt. He knew there would be no last-minute, TV drama medical miracle to halt this bastard in its tracks and give them more years with her.

  At least Kaden’s cancer had been kinder in some ways, sparing his mind and ability to communicate with his loved ones even as it took his mobility and independence from him.

  The moral dilemma ripped at him. When they finally hit that point with her, she’d made it clear, in writing, that she wanted all life support stopped. Only IVs for pain relief.

  No matter how cruel it seemed to them to watch her fade away like that.

  But it was her wish. She didn’t want to linger in a body she couldn’t control and facing pain she couldn’t express the levels of to seek relief.

  She didn’t want to go, but she wanted to be released.

  * * * *

  Kate and Steve showed up a little after seven the next morning and brought breakfast and coffee with them, donuts, Kira’s favorites, and bagels for the guys. Bryce was in the bathroom with Kira when they arrived, and after he got her settled in bed again, Steve took over helping her eat, including cooling her coffee with ice cubes so she could sip it through a straw while he fed her small pieces of donuts and they talked and smiled over silly memories.

  Dustin wasn’t sure if Bryce would eat at first, but then he finally did, after changing Jenny and getting her morning bottle ready so Kate could feed her. They wanted Kate and Steve to have as much time with Kira and Jenny as they could before they returned to Oklahoma next week.

  Kira had already told them that if they hadn’t moved back to Florida before she died that she didn’t want them returning just to see her die. That she preferred their last memories of her be the best they could under the circumstances, talking and interacting and aware.

  This was her good-bye to them.

  The end she reserved only for Dustin and Bryce and Jenny, not that Jenny would remember it, or her.

  With Kate and Steve there to take care of Jenny and Kira, the men took their coffee into their bedroom and closed the door behind them. Bryce sat on the end of their bed and sipped his, but from his thousand-yard stare he was anywhere except there, with Dustin.

  Dustin wanted to comfort Bryce, hold him, love him, but wasn’t sure exactly what he needed right then, or how to give it to him. And Bryce seemed to be in a kind of zombie mode now that they were home from the hospital and, for a little while, neither Kira nor Jenny needed him.

  Lost.

  Dustin took his own coffee into the bathroom and started the shower. Then he returned to Bryce and stood in front of him, stroked the man’s hair.

  “Come on, Master,” he softly said. “Let’s take a shower.”

  Bryce finally nodded and handed his mug to Dustin. Dustin sat it next to his on the bathroom counter and quickly stripped before Bryce had even pulled his T-shirt off.

  Dustin stepped into the shower and let the spray beat down on him. When Bryce joined him, Dustin opened his arms to him, enfolding him in his embrace. Bryce didn’t speak. He laid his head against Dustin’s shoulder and stood there, pressing himself against Dustin as though trying to merge with him. His fingers dug into Dustin’s back as he clung to him.

  Dustin rubbed his chin against the top of Bryce’s head. He hated feeling helpless. Hated it. Anything but not being able to do something.

  Anything.

  After a few moments, Bryce looked up at him and the pain in his blue eyes nearly ripped Dustin’s soul from his body. Dustin nuzzled noses with him but didn’t speak.

  Words were useless at this point.

  Bryce rose up a little on his toes to kiss him, and Dustin instinctively dipped a little in the knees the way he always did, so Bryce wouldn’t have to stretch. While they were kissing, Bryce worked his right arm free and reached up, grabbing the back of Dustin’s neck and holding on. He used the grip to deepen their kiss, taking complete charge, backing Dustin against the shower wall as he did.

  Dustin couldn’t close his eyes, because Bryce hadn’t. His usually beautiful blue eyes were rimmed with red and bloodshot, probably as much as his own were. But they were focused on Dustin, and Dustin didn’t want to miss a breath of knowing his Master’s attention was all on him for this fleeting moment of time, and not on the hurricane swirling around them.

  For now, they were safe within the eye of it, awaiting the backside to come through and lash them from the other direction, likely twice as badly, or more.

  Bryce’s other hand reached between them and found Dustin’s cock. He hardened immediately under Bryce’s fingers. Part of him felt bad about that, and part of him reveled in the fact that his Master had trained him so well that even in this circumstance he could still respond to him.

  Be his good boy.

  Give Him what he wanted.

  Him.

  Their lives would now revolve ar
ound Jenny.

  Dustin’s soul would always revolve first and foremost around Bryce, a satellite to their larger family planet.

  Bryce pressed down with the hand on Dustin’s neck, making it clear what he wanted. Dustin sank to his knees and as he started to suck Bryce’s cock into his mouth, Bryce went completely hard.

  Maybe he wasn’t the only one conditioned now.

  He was aware of Bryce reaching for something as Dustin went down on him, and after a couple of minutes Bryce pushed him back, to the floor, taking complete charge again.

  Bryce pinned him by the throat with one hand, and with the other he fumbled the cap off the lube. As two fingers speared his ass, Dustin lifted his knees and spread his thighs as wide as he could in that position.

  Still, their gazes remained locked, even now. Bryce’s gaze narrowed, just a little, in that cat-like way, the only indication he felt pleased.

  This was going to be hard and fast and maybe even hurt in good ways.

  Dustin didn’t care. It was something he could do. Something his Master needed from him. He’d readily give it, since it was all he could give right now.

  Bryce quickly worked Dustin up to three fingers before he finally released his throat. Then he fisted his cock, lined it up with Dustin’s ass, and thrust hard and fast and deep, bottoming out in him.

  Dustin bit back his wordless cry as his ass adjusted to the intrusion. The slight pinching burn made his own cock twitch, though.

  Bryce threw Dustin’s legs over his shoulders and plowed him hard, all the while kissing him, wordless grunts and moans shared between them, swallowed, absorbed, understood.

  As the shower steamed up it filled with the sound of wet flesh slapping against flesh while Bryce used him, took out his grief and anger and everything on Dustin.

  He’d take it and more. Everything. Every bit of it.

  Dustin had assumed Bryce wasn’t going to get him off and was fine with that, but then Bryce paused and lifted his mouth from Dustin’s to reach between them. No words, just the look, and Dustin let go to him.