Halfway to Forever

  After four long, empty years, Jenny was finally a sister again. And no matter their age difference or the fact that Grace was adopted, Jenny knew something else.

  The feeling would last forever.

  The group was making their way into the house, folding chairs and commenting on the dazzling display and the fact that another Fourth of July was behind them. Jenny stood and took Grace by the hand. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s go inside.”

  After a cup of milk and two more chocolate chip cookies, Jenny led Grace toward the adults. “Grace and I are tired.” She smiled down at her sister. “We’re turning in for the night.”

  There was a round of good nights and Jenny helped Grace up the stairs and into the bathroom where they brushed their teeth. After Grace had her nightgown on, Jenny tucked her under the covers and kissed her forehead. “You wanna pray or want me to?”

  Grace grinned. “Let’s both pray.”

  When they were finished, Grace blinked twice. “Can I keep the lights on for a few minutes? I want to look at my Bible.”

  Jenny smiled and reached for the bright blue children’s picture Bible near Grace’s bed. “Sure, honey.” She pointed to the wall adjacent to the child’s bed. “I’ll be on the other side of that wall getting ready, okay? I’ll check on you in a few minutes.”

  Grace locked eyes with Jenny and smiled the sweetest smile Jenny had ever seen. “I love you, Jenny.”

  A rock settled in Jenny’s gut, and for a long time she stood there, not sure what to say. She did love Grace, didn’t she? But those words had never been something Jenny said lightly. In all her years, she’d only said them to four people: her parents, Matt, and Alicia. The people who were permanent in her life, people she could count on. It was her way of maintaining the meaning of the words.

  Don’t let her notice, Lord. Please. I’m just not ready …

  Jenny swallowed quick and smiled as big as she could. “You’re my favorite girl, Gracie; you know that, right?”

  The corners of Grace’s lips fell a bit. “Yep. You’re my favorite girl, too.”

  Jenny clenched her fists as she left Grace’s room. What’s wrong with me? I do love her, don’t I?

  She wasn’t sure and she was too tired to dwell on the issue. Five minutes passed and Jenny was taking out her earrings when it happened. Three soft thuds sounded on the wall between her room and Grace’s. Jenny’s heart stopped, and her breath caught in her throat. Suddenly she was four years younger, and the girl in the next room was not Grace, but Alicia.

  It had been a different house, of course, but a similar wall had separated their rooms, and from an early age they designed a code. One thud meant hello; two meant come quick. And three thuds represented the three words she and Alicia shared every day for as far back as Jenny could remember. The words Jenny reserved for only a select few.

  “I love you.”

  Of course there was no way Grace could have known that, but still, the sound of the thuds had been almost like hearing Alicia’s voice again, like having her alive once more and as close as the next room.

  Before Jenny could unfreeze her legs, the thuds came again. Once, twice, three times. And in that instant Jenny wanted nothing more than to go to her little sister and hold her, share with her all the love that had been building in her heart for the past few weeks.

  Without hesitating, she rounded the corner into Grace’s room, sat on the edge of her bed, and took her small hand. “Hi, honey. Did you want something?”

  Grace nodded and yawned, setting her Bible back on the nightstand. “I wanted to tell you I love you.”

  This time a partial cry came from Jenny’s mouth before she could silence herself. She leaned over the little girl and held her close, feeling a dam of emotion breaking free within her heart. “Sweetie, is it okay if I sleep with you tonight?”

  Grace grinned. “Like a sleepover?”

  “Right.” Jenny stroked the child’s soft hand.

  Grace slid over and made room as Jenny turned off the light, crawled in bed, and cuddled up to Grace. “Can I tell you something?” Jenny whispered.

  “Yes.” Grace wiggled her nose against Jenny’s.

  The tears were coming now and Jenny knew she had to say it before she was weeping too hard to speak. “I love you, Grace. You’re my sister and I love you.”

  Grace’s smile lit up the dark room. Jenny’s words seemed to settle something deep within the little girl’s heart. She was asleep in five minutes. The moment she was, Jenny’s tears began spilling onto the pillow. Dear God, I can’t believe it. These feelings I have for Grace … it’s like what Mom means when she says Your mercies are new every morning … thank You. Thank You.

  Without making a sound, she wept until she could barely breathe, holding tight to Grace and stroking her hair. And for the first time, the tears weren’t because she missed Alicia, but because she had a sister again.

  A sister she loved with all her heart.

  Ten

  Only one antidote could dim the fear in Tanner’s heart: work.

  As far back as he could remember, Tanner had wanted to be a religious freedom fighter, and now that the symptoms of Jade’s tumor were being managed by the medication, it was easy to convince himself she would be fine. That this whole episode was merely some wild and crazy speed bump on the road to forever, and that if he buried himself deep enough into his caseload, one day he’d wake up and Jade would be better, the cancer behind them.

  With those thoughts holding the reins to his emotions, Tanner flew to Denver, Colorado; rented a car; and drove to Benson to determine exactly what had caused the Benson City Council to pull the permit on the church’s contract to meet there.

  What he learned proved without a doubt that they had a case.

  He visited Pastor Casey Carson at home. The man who headed the First Church of the Valley had eyes that sparkled and a contagious energy. Tanner had a feeling the pastor would be easy to work with.

  “Just a minute—” Pastor Carson pulled something from his file cabinet and handed it to Tanner—“Here. It’s our lease agreement.”

  Tanner leaned forward and read it word for word, searching for the place where Carson and his congregation might have violated the lease.

  On the eighth page, four paragraphs down, Tanner found what he was looking for. There, listed as a stipulation of the lease was this statement: “City Hall may not be rented by any group who teaches faith in Jesus Christ as the only way to salvation.”

  Tanner had seen the copy, but now, holding the original, he was speechless. He let the document settle to his lap, and for a moment his mouth hung open. He lifted his eyes toward Pastor Carson and shook his head. “I still don’t believe it.”

  “I didn’t notice the clause before we signed the agreement.” The pastor’s face was relaxed, humble. “I’m no attorney, but even I couldn’t believe that was right, that a clause like that was legal in a city-sponsored rental agreement.”

  “It’s not.” Tanner was on his feet and he read the clause once more. Suddenly an idea hit him, a simple idea that truly could make the case a national landmark. His insides relaxed. This was going to be fun. He sat down once more, smiled at the pastor, and tapped the contract with his finger. “Here’s what we’re going to do …”

  That meeting led to others with the associate pastor, and then with the elders at the church. All of them said the same thing: one Sunday, several members of the city council visited their church service. That next Monday, the pastor received notice that they could no longer hold Sunday services at City Hall because the church had violated the terms of the rental agreement.

  At night Tanner got back to his hotel room and used his laptop to research case precedent. He talked to Matt the second night and shared his idea.

  “Brilliant.” Matt’s tone held awe, and the excitement bubbling in Tanner grew. Maybe this was the case that would sway public opinion away from dismantling the country’s religious freedoms. Maybe more people would be wi
lling to fight for the cause if they could see what was happening in local government, the extreme to which elected officials were willing to go to squash Christianity from any place remotely public.

  “We’ll handle it together.” Tanner’s mind raced as he imagined the soundness of the argument they’d have to make on behalf of First Church of the Valley. “Clear your caseload and you can start research next week.” He rambled through a list of ideas and stopped only to catch his breath. “Sound good?”

  On the other end of the line, Matt hesitated. “Okay.”

  “If you have a minute, I’ll go over the interviews with you; that way you’ll be—”

  “Tanner, stop.” Matt’s voice was stern. More stern than Tanner ever remembered hearing.

  “What?”

  “Have you called Jade?”

  At the mention of her name, Tanner felt the blood leave his face. “Why? What’s wrong?”

  Matt huffed. “She has cancer, remember? You leave her alone with Ty to do research in Colorado and you haven’t even called her? In two days?”

  Tanner’s heart resumed a normal beat. “I worked too late last night. Besides, she said she had projects to catch up on before …”

  “Before she got sicker?” Matt’s voice was quiet but his words brought a sledgehammer down on Tanner’s heart. “If she’s going to get sicker, then these are the days she needs you most. While she’s still well enough to love you.”

  Tanner let his head fall into his free hand. “How’d you know I hadn’t called her?”

  “Hannah told me.”

  “So she’s mad at me?”

  Matt groaned. “She’s not mad; she’s hurt.” Matt paused and Tanner knew him well enough to know he was searching for the right words. “You’re running. It’s only going to hurt worse if you don’t stop.”

  Tanner clenched his fists. “I’m not running; I’m working. We own a law firm, remember?”

  “Your wife is sick, Tanner. There’s no case more important than that.”

  “Fine.” Tanner had heard enough. What did Matt know of having a sick wife? What did he know about Tanner’s fear that any day Jade’s personality could change or the tumor could grow and before they had time to prepare for any of it both Jade and their unborn baby could be gone? Matt had no right telling Tanner how to handle the situation. If Tanner wanted to devote this time to his work while Jade was still well enough to leave at home, then that’s what he’d do.

  Regardless of Matt’s feelings.

  “I’ll call her. Then you and Hannah can stop worrying about us.”

  “Tanner. No one blames you for being afraid. We’re all scared.” The compassion in Matt’s tone made Tanner regret his unkind thoughts. Matt was only being his friend.

  “You’re right.” He leaned back against the hotel wall and massaged the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Sorry for snapping.”

  “It’s okay. Just don’t isolate yourself. We’re all in this together.”

  Tanner hesitated. “Right. Thanks.”

  Matt meant well, but Tanner wanted to disagree, to tell his friend there was no one who could really understand how he felt. Jade was his entire world, the reason he had chosen to follow his dreams, the only woman he’d ever loved. There was no one who could truly understand her place in his heart, no one who could share his pain if he lost her.

  He made the call as soon as the conversation with Matt was finished. Although it was after eight o’clock, she sounded upbeat and happy to hear from him. “How’s the research going?”

  “Great.” Had Hannah really heard from Jade? Maybe the Bronzans were only imagining that his silence had hurt Jade. “I can’t wait to share it with you.”

  “Think it’ll be big?”

  “Truthfully, Jade …” His mind shifted to the legal plan he’d been forming those past two days. “It could be the biggest of all.”

  “That’s great.”

  There was silence between them then, and Tanner thought her tone was perhaps too upbeat. “Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t call yesterday. Time got away from me.”

  When Jade didn’t answer him, he knew Matt had been right. He hunched over his knees and stared at the hotel carpet. Why hadn’t he called? Was it like Matt had said? Was he running from her? There was hurt in her voice when she answered him. “Ty wanted to tell you good night. Me, too.” She drew a sharp breath and sounded peppy once more. “But that’s okay; I know you’re busy. At least you called today.”

  “Yeah, well, I should have called yesterday.”

  “It’s okay, Tanner. Really.”

  He dug his elbows into his knees and tightened his grip on the receiver. What was wrong with him? Why wasn’t he home with her where he belonged? “How are you?”

  “Fine. Ty and I went to the zoo. The baby giraffe was on display for the first time.”

  “That’s nice, but it’s not what I mean.” He swallowed back his frustration. “How are you feeling Jade? You.”

  “I told you, I’m fine. No side effects, no more headaches. Everything’s okay.”

  Her response made him want to hang up the phone and dive back into his research. Maybe this was why he was running. She refused to discuss her illness or any of the symptoms, almost as though she could pretend away something as life-changing as cancer. And as long as she wasn’t willing to talk about it, Tanner didn’t have anyplace to share his fears. No wonder it was easier to invest his time at work. It was the only way to silence the terrifying questions that Jade didn’t want to talk about and no one else could answer.

  Jade put Ty on, and the boy shared his latest escapades on the baseball field. “You’ll be home for my game Thursday, right Dad?”

  “Right. Absolutely.” Tanner smiled and realized it was the first time he’d done so that evening. “Listen, Ty, could you do me a favor?”

  “Sure.” Tanner closed his eyes and he could picture his son as clearly as if he were standing in the same room.

  “Make your mom some tea, okay?”

  “Okay.” Worry crept into Ty’s voice. “She’s doing good, right?”

  “Right. That’s what she tells me.”

  “Sure, I’ll make her tea.”

  “Thatta boy. And give her a kiss for me.”

  Tanner talked to Jade once more, but when he got off the phone, he couldn’t get back into his research. No matter how hard he tried, his mind kept drifting back until all he could think of was the way he felt the first time he lost Jade.

  The summer of his twelfth year, the summer Jade and her father moved away.

  That year Jade and he were best friends growing up in the same neighborhood, spending endless days racing bikes and playing together. Scandal and hatred and gossip swirled around them like a typhoon, but they were blissfully unaware.

  “Jade’s family isn’t good people, like us,” he could hear his mother saying. “Her father’s a drunk, and her mother’s run off with another man. She’s always been a harlot. I have my proof.”

  Back then he hadn’t understood what she meant, not that it mattered. With or without her mother, Jade was moving. She had a day to pack her things and tell Tanner good-bye. He could see her still, those green eyes flashing as they sprawled across his front yard picking single blades of grass and staring at a canopy of blue sky above them.

  Tanner hated the idea of Jade leaving. More than once on their last day together, he asked her about when she’d be home again. “You sure you’re coming back?”

  “Yes, I promise.” Her tone had been frustrated. “We’ll meet Mama in Kelso and then when Daddy’s job is done, we’ll come back here.”

  They’d only been kids back then, but she was the most beautiful girl Tanner had ever seen. When they said good-bye an hour later, it took all Tanner’s strength not to cry. It wasn’t until two days after that Tanner heard his mother say she was glad Jade’s family was gone for good.

  “What do you mean?” Tanner remembered being angry at her. He couldn’t begin to
understand why she didn’t like Jade. “They’re coming back. Jade told me so.”

  “They’ll never be back.” His mother patted his head. “Forget about her, Tanner.”

  “Yes, they will! She promised me.”

  But summer turned to fall, and one year led to another without any sign of Jade and her parents. Tanner had no way to look for her, no ability to check her whereabouts. Often in the years that followed, he’d ask his mother about her.

  “I have no idea where the girl is!” His mother would huff and busy herself in the kitchen. “Why must you insist on asking about her?”

  Tanner’s youthful answer was as clear today as it had been all those years ago: “Because I’m going to marry Jade one day, that’s why.”

  Eleven years would pass before he and Jade would find each other again.

  Tanner leaned back in his office chair and doodled Jade’s name on a notepad, taking special care with each letter. It was a miracle they’d found each other at all that summer. He had long since forgotten where she had moved, and his mother pretended the same. Who would have thought his internship with the Kelso Board of Supervisors would place him in the very town where Jade lived?

  A quiet chuckle came from someplace deep inside him. He remembered the first time they saw each other again. Tanner had been asked to suggest at a public meeting that the children’s ward be eliminated from the Kelso hospital as a way of saving money.

  Jade attended the meeting. Her argument that day caused the board of supervisors to change their mind and opt for different budget cuts.

  But not before Jade had a chance to verbally slay Tanner and his ideas.

  Tanner laughed again at the memory. Neither of them had recognized the other at first, but when the meeting was over, Tanner realized who she was. He caught her before she left and when the afternoon was over, they were old friends again.

  Friends who spent the summer falling in love.

  “Ahh, Jade … if only things had been different.” Tanner whispered the words as his eyes found their framed wedding picture on his hotel dresser. He never traveled without it, and now as he studied Jade’s green eyes a piercing sadness poked pins at his heart. “We lost so much time …”