Halfway to Forever

  Hannah studied the band of beads and saw a silver plate on top that read, “Sisters Always.” The words were barely legible through her tears. “That’s wonderful.” She straightened and grinned at Jenny. “I’m sure Jenny won’t take it off for a minute.”

  In the days since then, Grace had established a nighttime ritual. Hannah and Matt would walk her up to bed and pray with her. Then they’d give her a chance to pray, and almost always her prayer was the same.

  “Dear Jesus, thank you for giving me a family. Please don’t ever take me away from here because this is my home. And I want to live here forever and ever.”

  Once in a while, Hannah and Matt exchanged a glance as Grace finished praying. A glance that, in a moment’s time, spoke both their greatest fears and their greatest faith that certainly God would grant the child’s request. Not once in the past three weeks had they voiced concerns that Grace would be anything other than their forever daughter.

  With a sigh, Hannah let the memories fade as she worked the sponge into the countertop. They had heard nothing but good news from Mrs. Parsons. The termination process was on schedule, and within six months Grace would be free for adoption. The path ahead looked smooth and without trouble.

  Still …

  She paused and stared once more out the window at the sea. It would be good when the process was over. When Grace Bronzan would forevermore and legally be Grace Bronzan, and her little-girl prayers could be about schoolwork and making friends and having a good day. The way other little girls’ prayers were.

  Then they could get on with life.

  The thought sent a piercing reminder through Hannah’s heart. Once the adoption was complete, they could indeed move on. But what about Jade and Tanner and Ty? What about their unborn baby?

  It was still almost too much to believe. Jade had cancer? How could she? After all she and Tanner had been through? Hannah pictured Jade in the hospital room the other day. If anyone could make it through brain cancer it was Jade. Hannah smiled. Her friend always fought for what was right, whether as a parent volunteer in Ty’s classroom or by encouraging Tanner in his legal work.

  Certainly she would fight now. After all, there could be nothing more right than seeing Jade well again, seeing her baby safely delivered, seeing the four of them become a family, the way Jade and Tanner had always dreamed they’d be.

  She thought of the hundreds of conversations she and Jade had held. Together they had shared their life stories, sometimes in laughter, sometimes in tears. They marveled often at how much they had in common, how God had brought both of them through the flames of loss and heartache.

  But this time … the situation was as grim as it had ever been. Hannah’s heart skipped a beat as she considered the possibilities. It wasn’t right that Jade was sick. Hadn’t they had enough grief in their lives already?

  Hannah held her breath and then exhaled long and slow. As her anxious thoughts faded, she closed her eyes, and with everything in her, she thanked God for the friend she had in Jade Eastman. A friend she had come to love.

  Then she begged God to move mountains and part seas … whatever it took, so that one day very soon Jade would be well again.

  Nine

  The Fourth of July dawned without a trace of fog and by midmorning Jade had stirred together her famous potato salad. She was ready for taste testers.

  It had been a week since her diagnosis, a week since she’d taken her first dose of anti-seizure medication, and so far she was holding her own in the battle. There had been no personality shifts, no changes in her gait or speech. She was tired and less focused, but she was determined not to let Tanner and Ty see even that. It was important that they think she was making progress. Their enthusiasm was bound to make her feel better, which would make the few symptoms she was experiencing all but disappear.

  Jade didn’t know if it was the holiday or the fact that she was one week closer to a safe delivery for her baby, but she felt particularly upbeat. She expected the picnic at Matt and Hannah’s later that day to be a huge success.

  Jade took a bite of the potato salad and licked her lips. “Okay guys …” She raised her voice so Tanner and Ty would hear her upstairs. “I need tasters.”

  A moment later there was a galloping sound above her. “Coming!”

  It was Ty. Jade smiled and filled a clean spoon with more of the salad just as he pounded down the stairs and rounded the corner. He took the spoon from her and grinned. “I already know it’s good.”

  Jade lowered her chin and put her hands on her hips. “Humor me, okay.” She tousled his hair. “I can never get the spices right till someone else tastes it.”

  Ty ate the mouthful in one bite. “Tastes great.” He hesitated. “Well, maybe a few more spider legs.”

  He ran from her just as she reached out to paddle him with the spoon. When he was a few feet away, he spun around. “Hey—” his teasing expression faded—“You look great, Mom. I’m praying for you.”

  Joy filled Jade’s heart, and she studied her son as she hadn’t in months. He was taller, looking more like his father every day. And he was thirteen. A teenager now, with more maturity and wisdom than most boys his age—maturity and wisdom born of a painful past they’d survived together.

  But those days were behind them. They were together now, a family like they always should have been. These were the good days, the times of their lives. Jade clenched her teeth. Nothing would change that, not even her cancer.

  “Thanks.” She walked the few steps that separated them and set her hands on Ty’s shoulders. In a year or so he’d be taller than her. “That means a lot.”

  Ty winked at her. “I’ll be out back.”

  “Okay.” She gave the muscles along his shoulders a couple of quick squeezes and raised her brows. “Impressive. The girls will be lining up at the door.”

  “Girls can wait.” He grinned. “I have hoops to play.” He kissed her on the cheek and headed for the backyard and the half-court where he spent much of his time.

  “Ty …”

  He turned back. “Yeah?”

  “Where’s your dad?” Jade hadn’t seen Tanner since that morning.

  “Upstairs. We were playing Nintendo, but I beat him right before you called me.”

  “Oh.” Jade felt her smile fade. Why hadn’t he come down with Ty? Was it her imagination or had he been avoiding her? When they were together, all he wanted to talk about was her health, how she was feeling and what changes she was noticing from the medication.

  She hid her frustration. “What’s he doing now?”

  Ty shrugged. “I think he’s working.”

  Jade nodded and Ty disappeared through the back door. She felt suddenly tired, but made her way up the stairs and found Tanner in his office, writing on a legal pad.

  The sound of her footsteps caused him to look up. “Hi.”

  The tension in Jade’s shoulders eased. Tanner’s tone was cheery. Maybe she was only imagining the distance she sensed between them. “Hi.” She came up behind him and worked her hands along the base of his neck. “I called for testers on my potato salad.”

  Tanner’s muscles stiffened beneath her fingers. “I had to work.”

  “I know.” Jade stooped so their cheeks were touching. She spoke softly, her voice a whisper. “But it’s my famous potato salad. It won’t be the same without your professional tasting ability.”

  Tanner stared at his notepad for a moment, then back at her. “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine.” Jade straightened and walked around his chair. She knelt in front of him and sighed. “But why does it seem like that’s the only question you ask me lately?”

  For a moment Tanner said nothing, then he set his pencil down and wheeled his chair backward so there was some distance between them. “Is this how it’s going to be?”

  Jade let her hands hang at her sides. “How what’s going to be?”

  “You have cancer, Jade. Brain cancer.” Tanner crossed one leg over t
he other and leaned back in his chair. He narrowed his eyes, his voice loud and frustrated. “Last time I checked that was something serious.” He gestured toward the door. “But there you are, making potato salad and getting ready for some big Fourth of July picnic like everything’s fine.”

  Jade folded her arms. “What do you want me to do, Tanner? Lie down in bed and wait until I get sicker? Turn out the lights and give up on you and Ty?” She placed one hand over her abdomen. “On our baby?” A huff slipped from her throat. “I’m sorry, honey, but I can’t do that. I won’t do it.”

  Tanner uncrossed his legs and dug his elbows into his thighs. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

  “What do you mean?” Jade threw her hands in the air. “Ever since you heard the c-word you’ve been different. Like you’re afraid to touch me, to love me.”

  “That’s not true.” Tanner’s tone was softer as he stared at her with helpless eyes. His gaze fell to his feet, and he covered his face with his hands. “Ah, Jade. You have no idea.”

  Jade’s anger cooled and she crawled closer, resting her head on his knee. Of course Tanner wasn’t put off by her illness or bent on being negative. He was simply afraid.

  Scared to death at the thought of losing her.

  She reached up, peeling Tanner’s fingers from his face until she could see his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  He studied her, his gaze layered in pain and fear. “Don’t pretend everything’s okay, Jade. Please.”

  “I’m not pretending.” She forced a smile despite the tears that stung her eyes. “I feel good, Tanner. Better than I thought I would.”

  “But you’re sick. You can’t act like you’re not.”

  “Yes, I can.” She uttered a single laugh. “I can act happy and normal and crazy in love. Don’t you see, Tanner? You and Ty and our baby, all of you matter more to me than being sick.” She brought her lips to his and kissed him long and slow, working her hands along his sides and dusting his neck with her fingertips. “Ty’s outside.” Her voice was deep with desire as she rose to her feet.

  Taking his hand in hers, she led him out of the office toward their bedroom, where she did everything in her power to make Tanner forget about cancer and surgery and the medication’s devastating side effects.

  Everything except the way she so desperately loved him.

  The picnic was going strong and so far Matt thought it had been a huge success.

  Jade and Hannah were inside washing dishes, and Jenny and Ty were on the beach playing Frisbee with Grace. Matt cleaned the barbecue while he watched Tanner run a dishrag over the picnic table. The usual afternoon breeze had kicked up and Matt decided against getting his guitar. They almost always sang after dinner, but he wanted to give Tanner a chance to talk

  They finished their jobs, found their sunglasses, and took seats in adjacent beach chairs. For a while they watched the kids as they ran through the surf, chasing the Frisbee and splashing each other.

  “Grace looks happy.” Tanner kept his gaze on the child.

  Matt studied her, amazed at how she’d become part of their family. “She’s a special little girl.”

  “Any word from her birth mother?”

  Matt shrugged. “She’s in jail. The termination should be finished up in four months.”

  Tanner shook his head. “Amazing.”

  They fell silent again, and Matt watched as Jenny swept Grace into her arms and ran from Ty. The boy was a miniature of his father. Strong and agile. Beautiful in motion. He caught the girls in ten strides and the threesome tumbled to the sand, laughing and tickling each other.

  There was a full feeling in his heart and Matt realized what it was: He was a father, really and truly. Not just to Jenny, whose heart would always belong in part to another man, but to Grace as well. No longer was the child’s presence in their home something of an experiment or a way to help a child in need. She was his daughter, through and through.

  She had moved into his heart, where she would always remain, regardless of what the months ahead brought. He no longer had even the slightest emptiness in the father’s heart that beat within him. That place was filled with a little girl he loved more with each passing day.

  A little girl who—regardless of her biological makeup—was absolutely his own.

  The wind stung at Matt’s eyes and he shifted his gaze to Jenny. Good for you, Jenny girl. She was two months from starting college and could have turned her back on the idea of Matt and Hannah adopting a child. Instead, she’d been determined to be a part of the process from the beginning. And now that Grace was part of their family, Jenny had blossomed in ways Matt had never seen before.

  He studied her again. What was it exactly? Something in her carefree expression, or the twinkling in her eyes.

  Just then Jenny threw her head back and laughed with abandon as Grace took her by the hand and tried once more to outrun Ty.

  That was it. Her laughter. Jenny laughed more easily than before. Suddenly Matt remembered a conversation he and Hannah had shared not long after they were married. They were walking together and Matt had commented that Jenny seemed back to normal, content and happy with life.

  But Hannah cast him a sad smile and shook her head.

  “She’s not the same as before the accident.”

  They kept walking, and Matt asked Hannah what she meant.

  “The way she laughs is different. She doesn’t throw her head back and giggle like she used to before Tom and Alicia died.” Then Hannah had said something Matt still found utterly sad. “You want the truth?”

  “Yes.” Matt tightened his grip on Hannah’s hand.

  “I don’t think she’ll ever laugh that way again.”

  The memory faded, and Matt stood to get Hannah. She had to see it, had to watch for herself the fact that Grace had helped Jenny laugh again. But as he turned toward the house, he saw Hannah was already outside, standing a dozen feet behind him, seeing the same thing he’d just seen.

  Her hand was over her mouth and tears filled her eyes. “I never thought …”

  Matt crossed the deck, slipped his arm around Hannah and held her close. “I was coming to get you.”

  “It’s …” Hannah’s voice was raspy with emotion. “It’s because of Grace. Jenny has a sister to love again.” Hannah focused hard on the smaller girl and shook her head. “The resemblance to Alicia is uncanny, Matt.”

  Matt nodded and watched the two girls for a long while. “I love her so much it scares me.” He looked at Hannah. “Ever feel that way?”

  “Yes.” Hannah shifted her gaze back to their two daughters. “All the time.”

  After a minute Hannah went back inside, and Matt returned to his seat beside Tanner.

  “Everything okay?”

  Matt nodded. “It’s Jenny. She’s really blossoming as Grace’s big sister.”

  Tanner stroked his chin and studied the children again. “They look alike, have you noticed?”

  A smile lifted the corners of Matt’s mouth. “Yeah, we noticed.” Matt shifted in his chair and searched Tanner’s face. “Hey, how are things?”

  Tanner filled his cheeks with air. He held his breath, then leaked it out again. “Work’s good. I like the Benson, Colorado case. The pastor’s wife sent me the contract they had with the city. Came in the mail yesterday.” Tanner shrugged. “She’s right. Deep into the document there’s a clause that says City Hall can’t be rented by any group who teaches faith in Jesus Christ as the only way to salvation.” He grabbed a quick breath. “It’s amazing because even without looking at case precedent, we’ve got a winner here, and personally, I think it’ll be—”

  “Tanner.” Matt reached out and took hold of his friend’s wrist. “I wasn’t talking about work.” He hesitated. “I was talking about Jade.”

  “Oh, that.” Tanner seemed to shrink an inch as he settled back in his chair. “Jade says she’s feeling good.”

  Matt nodded. “She looks good.”

  “Righ
t.” Tanner waited awhile then leaned forward again. “Anyway, I told the pastor’s wife we’d set up a conference call after the holiday. That way we could figure out what to do, whether we file suit now and interview people at the church or fly out for a conversation with …”

  Matt let Tanner ramble on about the case, but concern for his friend grew with each passing sentence. Since Jade’s diagnosis, Tanner had responded one of two ways whenever the topic came up. Either he was angry and full of questions or he refused to talk about it.

  Neither response was a solution in a situation like the one Jade faced. The one their whole family faced. Because even if she felt good now, there were dark times ahead. The premature delivery of their baby, radiation, chemotherapy, and brain surgery.

  So while Tanner droned on about the Colorado case, Matt prayed that his friend would stop avoiding the truth and figure out a way to handle the situation.

  Because the hardest days of Jade and Tanner’s lives were just around the corner.

  By the time the two families lined up their beach chairs on the sand at dusk that evening, Jenny was exhausted. Fireworks shot off the pier in Redondo Beach lit up half the sky. Grace cuddled between Jenny’s legs and jumped a time or two when a firework was particularly large or loud.

  There was no way to explain the change that had come over Jenny’s heart in the past few weeks. At first she had been irritated by Grace’s silence, but over the days she’d seen a connection growing. After all, Jenny knew what it was to be withdrawn in the face of loss. Even if Grace’s mother had been awful, Grace was bound to feel sad and uncertain over being taken from her.

  Jenny figured the connection between her and Grace happened about the time they got their sister bracelets.

  But now there was something even deeper, stronger. Something she hadn’t felt since before Alicia’s death. As the fireworks ended, Grace squirmed around and hugged her. It was then that Jenny understood what she was feeling. It was a sense that she belonged to Grace, and Grace to her—a special feeling that couldn’t be replaced, not even with a best friend or a loving parent.