Jake Understood

  Jake spit out his drink then answered, “No. Mr. Heath just drinks too much beer.”

  “Oh.”

  “Only women can have babies in their bellies,” I said.

  “Why? I don’t get it. Why does God only give them to women?”

  “That’s a good question.”

  “Aidan from school said you lied to me about how babies are made.”

  Jake’s fork dropped. Looking like he was going to lose it, he downed his water to keep from cracking up.

  “What exactly did Aidan tell you?” I asked.

  “He told me Daddy plants a seed in you and waters it. And that makes a baby. Kind of like a Chia pet.”

  “Oh.”

  Jake’s shoulders shook in silent laughter.

  A perplexed look washed across A.J.’s face. “But how does he do it? Plant the seed. I don’t get it. That sounds kind of difficult.”

  Thoroughly amused, my husband’s face lit up. “It’s a lot of hard work, son.”

  A.J. looked back and forth between the two of us, his spiked Mohawk sticking up in the air. “So, Daddy does all the work?”

  Jake shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t mind.”

  Crumpling a napkin, I threw it at him jokingly.

  “When did you do it?” A.J. asked.

  My face must have been a deep shade of pink. I was at a total loss for words and just let Jake take over the conversation, which turned out to be a mistake.

  “I’ve planted and watered several hundred, actually. Technically, we should have a massive crop.”

  “Can I watch next time you plant one?”

  My eyes were bugging out as I threw my fork down. “Okay. I think we’re done with this conversation. After lunch, Daddy is going to take you for a walk to the bookstore. They have a book there that will explain exactly how babies are made.”

  Jake flashed me a shit-eating grin. Even when I wanted to kill him, I loved him so much.

  CHAPTER 22

  JAKE

  Seven Months Later

  It was hard as a rock, looking ready to burst and always moved when it got excited.

  There was nothing better than time alone with Nina’s gigantic belly while she slept. It was like a beach ball wrapped in silk.

  Dim sunlight peeked through the heavy sliding curtains in our room. We were at a hotel in New Hampshire on a babymoon and were scheduled to head back to Boston early this evening.

  Nina was sleeping soundly through the noise of the rickety air conditioner. She was eight months along now. We’d decided to let the gender of our baby be a surprise. I was sure it was a girl. Nina and A.J. thought it was a boy. It didn’t matter to me as long as it was healthy.

  My sister had taken A.J. for the weekend so that Nina and I could have one night away before the big arrival next month. Since the pregnancy with A.J. had been problematic, resulting in a C-section, Nina’s doctors scheduled her for another one this time around just to be on the safe side.

  “Hello, my little alien,” I whispered against Nina’s belly as the baby did what looked like slow breakdancing. It was impossible to resist softly kissing the taut skin whenever it moved. It was just the two of us up now, after all, while Nina snored.

  “You’re a morning person like Daddy, eh? Well, your brother and Mommy like to sleep in. So, when you come out, maybe we can watch the sunrise together sometime. Would you like that?” I ran my lips along the smooth skin of her stomach again. “It’s probably pretty dark in there right now, huh?”

  “Hmmm.” Nina stirred before rolling over toward me and asked in a sleepy voice, “Who are you talking to?”

  “The little alien. We hang out sometimes when you’re sleeping.”

  “Who?”

  “Our kid. She was showing me her moves.”

  Nina flashed a joyful smile. “She, huh?” Her mood seemed to quickly shift. “Oh my God.”

  “What?”

  “Jake, I’m so wet.”

  “Giddy up.”

  “No!” she said, jumping up and patting the sheets. “Not that kind of wet. Feel.”

  The sheets were damp, the spot right under her completely soaked.

  “Shit.”

  “I think my water broke! Oh no. No, no, no. This is not good.”

  I frantically searched for my phone. “Can we call your doctor?”

  “She’s just gonna tell me to go to the hospital. I don’t even know where the nearest one is to us right now.”

  I opened Google and started searching for hospitals close to the lake region where we were staying. We were far from a major city, which was unsettling. “Saint Andrews is the nearest one. It’s five miles away.”

  The words were spilling out of her mouth so fast. I could hardly understand her. “This isn’t supposed to happen. My body is not supposed to go into natural labor. I’m scared because I’m more prone to uterine rupture because of the prior C-section. What if we don’t get there in time and something happens to the baby?”

  “Is there a chance you’re not actually in labor?”

  “I think once the water breaks, that means it’s happening.”

  “We’ll get you there, baby. Don’t worry. Everything is gonna be fine.”

  Now, if I could only convince myself of that.

  Nina scrambled to throw some of her things into the suitcase then said, “I’m gonna take a quick shower. It might be a while before I can do that again.”

  “Yell if you need me. I’ll pack the rest of our shit in the meantime.”

  About ten minutes later, when Nina returned from the bathroom, she was leaning back into her hands, grasping the bottom of her hips. “I think the contractions are starting now. They seem to be coming from the back. I never had them with A.J., so I don’t know what they even feel like, but I’m getting these sharp pains.”

  Fuck.

  “We’d better go.”

  The loud click of the heavy suite door locking behind us echoed through the hallway. Our suitcase rolling along the carpet of the desolate hotel seemed like the only sign of life. It was still early and a Sunday. We were probably the only people awake in the entire building aside from the front desk staff downstairs. Our room was located on the tenth floor. I pushed the down button and prayed that the elevator came quickly. The busy floral pattern on the rug made me dizzy as I looked down in an attempt to calm myself. I couldn’t let Nina see how freaked out this situation was making me.

  Rubbing her back, I tried to soothe her. “Don’t worry about anything. I’m with you. We’re gonna get through this. We’ll get to the hospital in no time.”

  She nervously nodded and let out a long breath but said nothing.

  The wait seemed to be taking forever. When the doors slid open, I placed my hand on the middle of her back and gently led her into the elevator.

  Nina’s back was pressed against my chest as we started to descend. Using my palms to gently massage her belly, I whispered into ear, “Everything is gonna be fine.”

  Almost as soon as the words came out of my mouth, the elevator made a jerking movement that caused us to lose balance before slamming against the wall. The car was no longer moving. The door was still shut tight.

  What’s happening?

  No.

  No.

  No.

  “Jake! Are you kidding? Don’t pull this on me now, please!”

  “It wasn’t me. I swear,” I said, frantically pushing all of the buttons repeatedly.

  “My eyes were closed. I didn’t see. I assumed you pushed the stop button as a joke. Oh my God! Please…no. This can’t be happening!”

  She had every reason to suspect that I’d made the elevator stop on purpose. In the past, I’d intentionally done that twice, first during our fear excursion way back when and then again when I proposed to her. But joking about something like that under these circumstances would have been pretty sick and not funny at all.

  “I wouldn’t do that to you, baby. Unfortunately, this looks to be the first time w
e’ve actually ever gotten legitimately stuck in one.”

  Inhaling and exhaling loudly, she said, “That’s a pretty horrible irony right about now.”

  Pressing the emergency call button with one hand, I looked up the number for the front desk with the other, having to dial it several times because my nervous fingers kept screwing up the numbers.

  The phone kept ringing and went to a general voice mailbox. No response from my pressing the button ad nauseum, either.

  Are you fucking kidding me?

  Slamming my hand against the wall, I yelled, “How the fuck could there be no response?”

  Nina held onto her back with both hands as if they were keeping her from falling to the ground in pain. “Oh my God. This is so bad, so very bad.”

  “Don’t panic, baby. What are you feeling right now?”

  “The pains…they’re getting closer together.”

  Banging on the door frantically, I yelled at the top of my lungs, “Can anyone hear us? We’re stuck. Help!”

  Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

  After several minutes, it seemed useless.

  “I’m calling 9-1-1,” I said.

  Clutching her stomach and practicing her breathing, she slowly slid down onto the floor.

  The emergency line picked up. “What’s the address caller?”

  “Old Ridgewood Estates off Washington Highway.”

  “Please confirm your telephone number.”

  “617-596-9968.”

  “And what is the nature of your emergency?”

  “We need help. My wife is in labor, and we’re stuck in the hotel elevator. She’s feeling a lot of pressure.”

  “Does building maintenance know?”

  “No one is responding to our calls.”

  “Okay, we’re sending a crew over right away, but if you think she’s having the baby, I’m gonna transfer you to someone who can help guide you through in case the paramedics don’t get there in time. Stay on the line.”

  What was actually happening here was starting to sink in. “Jesus Christ.”

  Kneeling down next to Nina, I let out a deep breath before rubbing her back as I waited on hold. “It’ll be okay, baby. We’re gonna get out of here.”

  Then, came static followed by a woman’s voice. “Hello, sir. Can you tell me how old your wife is?”

  “Thirty-one.”

  “How many weeks pregnant?”

  “Uh…thirty-seven.”

  “What is she feeling right now?”

  “Baby, describe what you’re feeling.”

  “Just…a lot of pressure, especially around my ass. It feels like something’s going to come out of there. I’m scared.”

  “It feels like the baby’s gonna come out of her ass.”

  “Sir, you don’t have to worry. That’s never actually happened before.” She laughed. “She’s just having back labor. How far apart are her contractions?”

  “How far apart, Nina?”

  She blew out a long breath and shook her head, looking too pained to even answer. “I don’t know exactly. Less than a minute, maybe.”

  The air felt stuffy. Nina was sweating and lifted the shirt off of her head.

  “Sounds like she’s definitely in labor now,” the woman said. “Does she have any complications?”

  “This was supposed to be a C-section because she had one prior with our son.”

  “Do you have any soft materials that you can place on the ground for her?”

  “Yeah. We have our suitcase here with us. It’s full of clothes.”

  “Place some shirts or whatever you have underneath her to make her comfortable. Make sure you put some aside for the baby. If the baby is delivered, it’s going to be important to keep him warm and dry.”

  “Alright.”

  Keeping the black suitcase vertical, I unzipped it halfway, taking out all of the shirts we had packed and throwing them on the ground.

  “Okay, tell her to just keep breathing. Have her pant in a rhythm of three quick breaths in and one long blow out. This could help delay the birth. I also want you to have her lie on her left side. Her face should be near the floor, and her bottom in the air. Can you do that?”

  Her face near the floor. Her bottom in the air. There was a good chance that position got us into this predicament.

  “Sir?”

  “Yeah…”

  “Everything is going to be okay. Your wife’s name is Nina? What is your name?”

  “I’m Jake. Jake Green.”

  “Mr. Green, I’m Bonnie. We’re gonna get through this together. You’re doing a great job.”

  I looked down at Nina struggling against the brown paneling of the wall. Panic was building inside of me fast, and for the first time in my life, I probably understood what Nina used to feel like before hyperventilating. A long, shaky breath escaped me. “Thank you for helping us.”

  “Continue to keep her on her side. That might help ease the urge to push.”

  “Nina, baby. Make sure you stay on your side.”

  The minutes that followed felt like a dream. Things were quiet for a while, a massive calm before the storm. Up until that point, I hadn’t even realized that there was elevator music. A slow ballad playing on the overhead speaker mixed with the rhythm of Nina’s formulaic breathing were the only sounds as I held my wife’s hand and just prayed.

  “If you can, have her massage the space between her vagina and anus. This will help improve elasticity and decrease tearing.”

  “Say what?”

  Before I could even begin to explain that bizarre suggestion, Nina screamed, “Ow, ow, ow! It’s getting worse!”

  “Help!” I barked into the phone. “The pains are getting worse.”

  With every wailing sound coming out of her, sharp pains shot through me.

  “Okay, have her continue to breathe,” Bonnie said.

  “I feel something there now, like a big lump!” Nina yelled.

  “Make sure her pants are down,” Bonnie said calmly.

  How the fuck could she be so calm?

  I helped Nina pull her leggings off and repositioned two shirts under her. I put the phone on speaker.

  “It feels like a lump?” I asked, spreading her legs apart. Something was there.

  It was the head.

  “Oh my God. It’s the head.”

  “Sir, okay. Bring her bottom nearer to the floor and place the palm of your hand against her vagina. Apply firm but gentle pressure. This will keep the baby from coming out too fast and prevent her from tearing.”

  Firm but gentle pressure.

  Firm but gentle pressure.

  Nina squirmed as she held her belly. “It’s coming!”

  I looked down. “Holy shit! The heads out. The heads out!”

  Bonnie’s staticky words resonated throughout the small space as she raised her voice. “Okay, you’re gonna want to support the baby’s head and shoulders. Be careful. The baby’s body will be very wet and could easily slip out of your hands.”

  My entire body tightened to gear up as I opened my arms and prepared to pull my child into the world.

  Nina gave one final push. “Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!”

  Within seconds, the baby was in my arms. Celine Dion’s The Power of Love started playing above on the elevator speaker. It was the most surreal moment of my life.

  Gasping for air, I said, “I’ve got it. It’s out.”

  “It’s completely out?” Bonnie asked.

  Tears filled my eyes, and my lips shook. “Yeah.”

  The baby’s cry was strong. I looked down between its tiny legs.

  “It’s a girl. Oh my God. It’s a girl! Baby, we have a daughter.”

  “Really? A girl?”

  Bonnie’s voice interrupted our moment. “Grab a shirt and gently wipe the baby’s nose and mouth.”

  I looked around me.

  Shirt.

  Shirt.

  Shirt.

  Cradling the baby, I grabbed one
of Nina’s tops from the pile and did as Bonnie instructed. “Okay.”

  “Now, wrap the baby in another clean shirt. Make sure the head is covered. This is to prevent hypothermia. Whatever you do, do not pull on the cord.”

  “Alright.”

  I carefully wrapped our daughter in one of my flannel button downs.

  “Make sure your wife is warm.”

  “Baby, are you okay?”

  Nina groaned and nodded her head.

  “Listen carefully, Mr. Green. Can your wife hold the baby? Have her place the baby on her stomach.”

  Nina reached out her hands, and I slowly transferred the baby onto her stomach.

  “Mr. Green? You’re doing great. The afterbirth will probably deliver soon.”

  “The after what? It’s not over?”

  “No. Have her hold the baby against her skin and place something over them both. This will help keep everyone calm until they can get you out of there.”

  I grabbed my coat and draped it over them.

  “You’ll stay on the phone with us?”

  “Of course. You may want to grab a bag if you have one from your suitcase to put the placenta in. The baby will still be attached to it until the paramedics get there. So, you’ll put it inside a bag somewhere close to Nina.”

  Nina muttered, “We have large Ziploc bags that the toiletries are in. Grab one of those.”

  “Ziplocs! Thank God for small miracles.”

  We spent the next ten minutes or so huddled together, cradling our baby before Nina said, “I’m feeling like I have to push again.”

  I hopped up. “She has to push again.”

  Bonnie immediately responded, “Okay, that’s the placenta. Have her move into an upright position.”

  After a few pushes, the placenta came out.

  Holding what looked like a piece of raw meat, I asked, “What do I do again?”

  “Just put it in the bag and keep it next to you.”

  A pool of red surrounded the area underneath Nina.

  “There’s blood everywhere.”

  “That’s normal.”

  “This doesn’t look normal.”

  “The paramedics are almost there. I’m told the fire department is on site working with hotel maintenance right now. They should have you out of there shortly. Try to remain calm.”

  An indeterminate amount of time passed. Nina was starting to sound disoriented. “Jake, I don’t feel good. Something’s really wrong. You need to take the baby.”