Jake Understood

  My daughter’s legs and arms flailed through the plaid flannel shirt wrapped around her tiny body as Nina handed her to me. I felt like I was about to have a heart attack.

  Panic-stricken, I yelled into the phone, “She’s still bleeding. She’s losing a lot of fucking blood. You need to tell them to hurry! Please!”

  “Does it look like more than a pint? Listen, Mr. Green, you need to massage her lower abdomen immediately.”

  Suddenly, her head slumped over.

  “No! Nina!” I cried.

  Holding our baby in one arm, I repeatedly tapped Nina’s cheeks with my other hand. “Baby, please. Stay with me. Nina. Please.”

  “What’s happening, sir?”

  “She’s passed out. She’s unconscious.” My vision was blinded by the tears in my eyes. My lips were trembling as I spoke, unable to catch my breath, “Nina, wake up. Wake up. Please!”

  It felt like the middle of a nightmare, my baby’s deafening cry a reminder that this was very real and not something I was going to wake up from. Bonnie’s voice became jumbled in the midst of my panic.

  Then, came a jolt followed by sudden and steady movement downward.

  As Nina continued to remain unconscious, looking like she was bleeding to death, the descent felt more like a downward spiral into the depths of hell.

  The doors slid open, and even though light streamed in, darkness surrounded me.

  The darkness of men rushing in.

  The darkness of someone taking my crying infant away.

  The darkness of Nina being put onto a stretcher with an oxygen mask over her face.

  The darkness of their voices. “She’s hemorrhaging.”

  It was all happening at lightning speed, the fate of everything that mattered to me hanging in the balance in the hands of total strangers.

  Nina’s words from years past haunted me.

  There is nothing that could make me leave you.

  You brought me back to life.

  Yet, I was helpless to save her now.

  How I’d gotten from the hotel into that ambulance and to the hospital was a mystery to me. Those twenty or so minutes were a blurry montage of terrifying sounds, voices and flashing lights as Nina lay semi-conscious and bleeding while paramedics tended to her and the baby.

  Once at Saint Andrews, I tried to barge my way into the operating room, but they wouldn’t let me inside. Medical staff in masks pushed me away from everything that mattered to me. Too afraid to take any focus off of the job they needed to do, I backed down and stayed in the waiting room as they instructed.

  Now, as I sat with my head in my hands, I didn’t know if she was dead or alive. They’d taken our daughter to the nursery, but my shock paralyzed me, making me unable to move from my spot long enough to go visit her.

  Nina had to be okay. Not only for me but for our son and daughter.

  A flash of her beautiful smile from when she first woke up this morning hit me. Life had changed in an instant.

  It wasn’t possible to imagine life without her. Before today, I thought I understood how strong my love for her was. Faced with the threat of losing her forever, the depth of that love was truly realized. Because even with my healthy baby girl and son at home, the future was blank without Nina. I didn’t just love her. To me, she was love, was life.

  My life started the day she entered it. It would end the day she left it. There was no gap between where I began and she ended. We were one.

  I’d always accepted whatever hand I’d been dealt, especially with Ivy. I never blamed God or anyone else for the tragedies in my life. But if something happened to Nina, I knew I would never recover. I wouldn’t be able to forgive Him. And that terrified me, what that would mean for my kids if their father was just an empty shell for the rest of their lives.

  For the first time in my life, I was truly scared.

  “Mr. Green?”

  My head flew upward as I stood up to meet the doctor’s face which held an indecipherable expression. My heart was struggling to keep up with the fear driving it to beat faster than what it could sustain.

  “Your wife is stable.”

  Stable

  Alive.

  Every muscle in my body relaxed at once as the breaths I’d been holding for what seemed like an eternity released out of me.

  Thank you.

  Thank you.

  Thank you.

  “As you know, there was an excessive amount of bleeding from the hemorrhaging. We were able to compress the arteries supplying blood to the uterus without having to do a hysterectomy. There shouldn’t be any long-term implications on fertility. She is very lucky to be alive given the circumstances you were found in.”

  “She’s conscious now?”

  “Yes. The fainting happened because of a sudden drop in blood pressure as a result of the bleeding.”

  “Can I see her?”

  “Yes. But she should get some rest soon after. We had to give her oxytocin to help the uterus contract in order to stop the bleeding that ensued after the placental delivery, so she’ll be tired from the drug not to mention the ordeal. We’ll be keeping her here a couple of extra days over the norm for observation.”

  “Thank you, doctor. God, thank you so much. You saved her life. I could never repay you. Never.”

  “No need for thanks. It’s what I do.” He smiled. “I’m told your daughter is doing just fine, too. You’re a lucky man, Mr. Green.” He gave me a single pat on the shoulder and said, “Follow me.”

  Eagerly following the path to Nina’s room, I said a silent prayer to the man upstairs for coming through when I needed Him most.

  Her hair was splayed across the pillow, and her eyes were closed. An IV was connected to her arm. My poor baby was exhausted.

  Exhausted but alive.

  I wanted to be strong. She’d been through enough without seeing me break down. But the moment my face landed in the crook of her neck, I came apart. Smelling the scent of her skin, listening to the breaths I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to hear again, my body shook. An endless flow of tears poured from my eyes and onto her hospital gown.

  “Jake…”

  “Shh. Yes, baby. I’m here. You don’t have to say anything.”

  “Is the baby okay?”

  “Baby’s great.”

  “Why are you crying?”

  “Because I love you.”

  “I don’t remember much after I blacked out. Am I gonna be okay?”

  “Yes. They stopped the bleeding and fixed it.”

  “Can I still have babies?”

  “Yes. That’s what the doctor said.” I held her tighter. “You mean, you would want another one after all this?”

  “Only with you.” Teardrops were streaming down her cheeks. “You were amazing. You delivered our baby!”

  “Nina…you were the amazing one, so brave. We have a daughter. I couldn’t even truly appreciate her because I was so terrified to lose you.”

  “Where is she?”

  “She’s in the nursery. I haven’t checked on her because I couldn’t move from outside the operating room until I knew you were okay.”

  “I want to see her.”

  “I’ll go check if they can bring her to us.”

  The door opened just as I was getting up. A nurse carried our baby girl who was swaddled in a blanket. She was wearing a pink hat and had white mittens covering her hands.

  Nina cradled the baby to her chest. Our daughter immediately started to search with her mouth for sustenance, her little head twisting back and forth over Nina’s breast as she tried to locate the goods.

  “Look at her!” Nina laughed. “She knows who her Mama is. She’s not wasting any time.”

  “She’s like her Daddy that way.”

  The nurse coughed and smiled awkwardly. “Are you planning to breastfeed?”

  “Yes.”

  “The baby had a little formula. But if you like, we can try seeing if she’ll feed right now.”

  Nina
lowered the hospital gown, revealing her swollen breast. Amazingly, our daughter latched on almost immediately. Couldn’t say I blamed her one bit.

  “I’ll leave you alone with your daughter,” the nurse said before exiting the room.

  Nina lifted the pink hat. “She looks like you, Jake. She’s got the same dark hair as A.J. I guess I have weak genes.”

  “You just can’t escape me. Now, I’m multiplying inside you.” I ran my thumb along the baby’s soft fuzzy hair as she continued to devour Nina’s nipple like there was no tomorrow. The suckling sound was freaking adorable. “My little alien. You wreaked havoc today.”

  “Is that what you want to name her? Aliena?”

  “That would be fitting. But I think we should come up with something else.”

  “Actually, I kind of had a name in mind,” she said.

  “What is it?”

  “Kennedy.”

  “Kennedy Green. I like the sound of that. The two of us.”

  “Yes. Exactly.”

  “It’s perfect, baby. Perfect.” Tears were returning to my eyes. She had a name. I was finally able to absorb the magnitude of my daughter’s entry into the world now that Nina was safe. “You like that, Kennedy?”

  “She doesn’t care what her name is right now. She’s too busy eating.”

  “I can relate. You make me forget my name all the time when I’m feasting on you.”

  “It will be a little while before that happens again. I have to heal.”

  I groaned, “Don’t remind me.”

  She lifted her brow. “We can be creative.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “I think your delivering our baby warrants a pretty damn epic blow job when we get home.”

  “I’m gonna be pushing for an early release then.”

  “Seriously, Jake. You were incredible in that elevator.”

  “We do elevators well, baby, don’t we?”

  ***

  The following day, Nina was extremely sore, but thankfully, all of her vitals were checking out normally. She was taking a nap while I held the baby in the seat next to the bed.

  Earlier in the day, I’d gone out to purchase a car seat for the long ride back to Boston. We were counting the minutes until we could take Kennedy home to meet her big brother. We’d told our families not to bother travelling up to New Hampshire, to save their energy instead for when we got back. Nina needed her rest now anyway. Her mother was planning to stay with us for a couple of weeks, so we’d have plenty of help.

  There was a light knock at the door. A woman walked in with some paperwork.

  “Hi, Mr. Green,” she whispered. “Your wife filled in the information for the birth certificate earlier today. You weren’t in here at the time. She wasn’t sure of exactly how you wanted your occupation listed. Would you mind adding it in for us?”

  “Of course.” I kissed Kennedy’s head as she lay cradled in my right arm. “It’s official, little alien. I’m your Daddy on paper, too.”

  I moved Nina’s plastic water jug to make room on the small table for the piece of paper and took a pen from the woman.

  “You’re a lefty.” She smiled.

  “Yup. My son, too.”

  Filled with pride, I looked down at my daughter’s first name on the form. Nina and I hadn’t discussed a middle name. I wasn’t even sure if we were going to give Kennedy one. So, when I noticed that Nina had filled that line in, it took me by surprise. But what really shocked me was the name she chose. She’d told me the story, so I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. It was a beautiful sentiment meant to give us some closure. More than that, it spoke volumes about the kind of person my wife was. It was a bigger level of acceptance than she’d ever gifted me with before. It touched me so deeply that the pen was shaking in my hand.

  Kennedy Aria Green.

  CHAPTER 23

  NINA

  Four weeks later, our house had turned into a virtual zoo. Somehow, in the midst of the baby coming home, A.J. had convinced us to get a dog. We ended up adopting a black pug. We came up with the name Luna because it’s the Spanish word for moon.

  So, we had a newborn baby, a pug yelping at all hours, and now Skylar and Mitch were arriving for a weekend visit to meet Kennedy for the first time. They were bringing their entire family: three kids and their aging blue-fronted Amazon parrot, Seamus. A.J. had gotten on the phone earlier this week and begged them to bring the talking bird who always provided hours of entertainment.

  On his way home from visiting Ivy, Jake was out stopping for beer and wine. So, I was alone with the kids when our friends arrived. The noise that emerged from behind the door was evident before the doorbell even rang.

  I lifted myself off the couch with Kennedy attached to my breast before throwing a blanket over her head to hide myself. Luna raced me to the door as her tiny scurrying paws scratched against the hardwood floors.

  I opened the door. It was quite a vision to behold: Skylar, Mitch, three kids and a caged parrot.

  “Pick a lane, ballbag!”

  “Ugh…what did the bird just say?” I asked, stepping out of the way to let them enter.

  Skylar sighed. “Sorry. We have no way of controlling what things stick with him. Mitch got a little bit of road rage on I-95, and Seamus just won’t let it go.”

  The bird squawked. “Pick a lane, ballbag!”

  “Well, that’s just great for the kids,” I said, sarcastically.

  Skylar kissed me on the cheek. “Welcome to our lives, Sissy. How’s your fiery vagina, by the way?”

  “Only you would ask me such a question right off the bat. It’s actually a lot better. Thanks for asking.”

  “Let me at her.” She lifted the blanket to get a peek of Kennedy, who was still suckling on my breast. “She looks just like Jake.”

  “I know.”

  Mitch was holding their one-year-old son. “Do you know your Wi-Fi password? Henry needs the internet.”

  “Sure. It’s written down next to the cordless phone in the kitchen.”

  Mitch and Skylar’s older son, Henry, had autism and was mostly non-verbal. He kept to himself the majority of the time while fixated on electronic devices. Henry had already taken his spot on the couch with his iPad.

  Their daughter, Lara, who was around A.J.’s age, went in search of my son.

  A.J. appeared, holding his tablet. “Hey, Lara. You wanna play terraria in my room?”

  “Sure.” Lara’s long auburn hair swung as she followed him down the hall.

  Mitch lifted a sippy cup to Mitch Jr.’s mouth. “If your son is anything like his father, I think we’re gonna have to put a stop to the hanging out in A.J.’s room in about five to seven years.”

  “We’ll deal with that when it comes.” I laughed.

  “That’s gross. They’re practically like brother and sister,” Skylar said.

  Mitch put his arm around her. “That’s not gonna matter to them when their hormones start taking over. Remember how we felt at that age? You were sort of like my sister back then, and I wanted to do very bad things to you.”

  I interjected, “Well, I’m his mother, and I have to agree. A.J. is just like Jake, and if that’s the case, we could be in trouble.”

  The door slammed shut, and Jake appeared. “Did someone call my name? Trouble?”

  “We were talking about how similar you and A.J. are and how they might want to lock Lara up in about seven years.”

  “Oh, without a fucking doubt,” Jake said, taking off his coat.

  Mitch sat down with the baby next to Henry. “I have to say, having a daughter gets scarier with each year.”

  “Lara’s starting to get boobs already.” Skylar shook her head. “It ain’t even funny.”

  Jake walked over and kissed me before lifting the blanket to peek in on Kennedy. “If this little thing ends up being anatomically anything like her mother, I better start a gun collection.”

  Skylar took Mitch Jr. from her husband and joined them on the couch. ??
?I was just saying how Kennedy is like your mini-me, Jake.”

  “What can I say? Let’s just hope she’ll at least have Nina’s sweet personality.”

  “Pick a lane, ballbag!”

  Jake whipped his head to the left where the bird sat in his cage in the corner of the room. “You brought Seamus?”

  Laughing, I said, “Yes, I told them to bring him, figuring it’s a zoo around here lately anyway. We might as well add him to the mix.”

  Jake snapped his finger and turned to Mitch. “You know what I just bought?”

  “What?”

  “That stuff to make your favorite drink, Bitch.”

  “What drink is that?”

  “What do you call it again? Crying Climax?”

  “Weeping Orgasm.”

  “Well, we’re making it later. How about a beer for now?”

  Jake took two bottles out of the paper bag he’d brought in and handed one to Mitch.

  Mitch twisted the cap off, took a swig and said, “So, Jake, you’ll have to tell us the full story of the elevator birth. I can’t even imagine.”

  “Man, you haven’t lived until you’ve pulled your child out of the woman you love with a Celine Dion song playing in the background.”

  Mitch held up his palm. “I’m pretty sure I’m okay with foregoing that rite of passage.”

  We all got a good laugh out of that one. I looked around the room. The dog was now licking Jake’s face. The bird was shouting obscenities from his cage in the corner. Squeals of laughter from A.J. and Lara could be heard coming from down the hall. Henry was listening to frightening YouTube videos of television jingles playing in slow motion. My best friend, Skylar, was cancer-free, and we were holding the miracle babies we both thought we’d never have. This was life. Life was good and so precious.

  The health and well-being of the people I loved most were all that really mattered. Driven by our egos, we spend so much time worrying about the little stuff while letting what’s really important pass us by.

  ***

  A week after our friends’ visit, I was lying in bed when Jake’s voice streamed through the baby monitor on my nightstand. He was in the other room changing Kennedy, talking to her as he always did and probably didn’t realize that every word that came out of his mouth was being transmitted to me in our bedroom.