RoomHate

  “Yes.”

  “I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Susan. I live in the blue house next door.”

  “Oh. Did Roger move?”

  “No. I’m actually his wife.”

  Wife?

  “Oh. I thought he was—”

  “Divorced?” She smiled.

  “Yeah.”

  “He is…technically. We reconciled when he came to Irvine to visit our daughter recently. It was supposed to be a one week visit, but it turned into three weeks. Alyssa and I ended up coming back here with him.”

  Really surprised by this news, I said, “Wow. I had no idea. That is fantastic.” I waved my hand. “My gosh, where are my manners? Come in. Come in.”

  “Thank you,” she said, wiping her feet and entering the house. “Our daughter is sleeping now, but I’d love for you to meet her as well. She just turned eight.”

  “My daughter, Bea, is also sleeping. She’s almost nine months.”

  “Roger mentioned you had a baby.”

  “I’ve heard so much about Alyssa as well.”

  “Roger also mentioned that you and he were friendly.”

  “We’re just friends, in case you were wondering.”

  She hesitated. “It’s okay if it was more than that. We weren’t together at the time.”

  “No. It wouldn’t be okay. At least for me, it wouldn’t. I would want to know. I understand what it’s like to wonder about stuff like that when you care about someone.”

  A look of relief washed over her face. “Well, thank you for clarifying. I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t wondered.”

  “I’m sort of in love with my roommate, actually. He’s currently on tour. A musician. I totally understand jealousy.”

  She pulled up a chair and sat down. “Oh man. You want to talk about it?”

  “Do you drink tea?”

  “I do. I’d love some.”

  Susan and I became fast friends that night. I opened up to her about my history with Justin, and she offered to help me out with Bea if I ever needed a babysitter. She said Alyssa would get a kick out of watching Bea with her. It made me thankful that nothing ever did happen between Roger and me, because that would have made things awkward.

  I had to admit, when she first showed, finding out that Roger was back with his wife made me feel even more alone. But that selfish thought was quickly replaced by the happiness brought on by a newfound female friendship, something my life had been seriously lacking.

  ***

  Susan and I hung out regularly. She encouraged me to try new things and to get out more. I joined a Mommy and Me class with Bea and started utilizing the daycare at the gym to be able to work out a few times a week. I was doing the best I could in developing a new routine with Justin gone.

  The daylight hours were becoming more bearable; nighttime was the tough part. With Bea asleep and Justin busiest in the evenings, I always felt the most alone when darkness fell.

  Late one night, around midnight, a text came in.

  Justin: We’re in Boise. One of the crew members is from here and brought his baby into the bus before the show tonight. It made me miss Bea even more.

  Amelia: We miss you too.

  Justin: The tour is stopping in Worcester Massachusetts in a couple of weeks. What are the chances you could come see me?

  That was only a little over an hour away from me. It would be the closest and only tour stop anywhere near Newport for the remainder of his time away.

  Amelia: I don’t think the noise and environment would be good for Bea. But maybe I can find a sitter.

  It was likely that Susan could watch Bea for me, but I specifically hadn’t told Justin about her for selfish reasons. I quite liked his jealousy toward Roger. It was the only upper hand I had at the moment. So, I decided to keep the information of their reconciliation to myself for a while.

  Justin: I agree. It would be too loud and crazy for her.

  Amelia: I’ll work on it.

  Justin: It’s only one night unfortunately. The bus leaves for Philly sometime after the show.

  Amelia: Fingers crossed I can make it.

  Justin: It’s not just Bea I miss.

  My heart fluttered.

  Amelia: I miss you too.

  Justin: Sweet dreams.

  Amelia: xo

  ***

  Since it was unclear whether I would be able to secure a babysitter in order to see Justin in Massachusetts, he’d sent me a laminated backstage pass that would allow me exclusive access in the event something came through at the last minute. He said he wasn’t sure he’d be available to greet me if and when I arrived. Having the card would be a safer bet in case he was in the middle of a sound check or even in the middle of performing depending on how late I got there.

  I wasn’t going to know until the last minute whether I would be able to make it, since my only babysitter option was Susan. She happened to have an important appointment in Boston that day that she couldn’t cancel. Depending on traffic, she wasn’t sure if she’d make it back in time.

  It was the day of the concert, and I was getting really antsy. I’d toyed with the idea of driving up there with Bea during the day, but that was no longer an option, since she’d come down with a cold. Taking her out in the freezing weather and to a crowded venue like that was not a good idea; she could catch pneumonia.

  By the time evening rolled around, Susan called from the road to say that she’d gotten stuck in traffic and hadn’t even made it out of Boston’s Ted Williams Tunnel yet. At that point, I knew I would miss the start of the show if I were lucky enough to make it at all. I was honestly heartbroken. This was my one chance to see Justin for the entire tour. It didn’t seem fair.

  Nevertheless, I had gotten myself dressed up anyway, continuing to hold out hope. Donning a short and tight satin blue dress with black lace accents, I looked more like a lingerie model than a stay-at-home mom. In the event that I got to see him tonight, I wanted to knock his socks off. I was, after all, competing with an entire world of models and groupies vying for his attention. That thought made my stomach turn as I curled my hair into long, loose tendrils and put on my matte plum lipstick. Something told me all of this effort was in vain, but I needed to be prepared to fly out the door if Susan ever made it back here. When the clock struck eight, it became clear I was going to miss his performance no matter what happened.

  At eight-forty-five, Justin called right before he had to report to the stage.

  “No luck?” he asked.

  “I’m so sorry. I wanted to make it work so badly, but she’s not here yet. There’s no way I’ll get there in time tonight.” My voice was shaky, but I refused to cry or else my mascara would have run down my face.

  “Fuck, Amelia. I’m not gonna lie. This is a major disappointment. I was looking forward to seeing you so much. It was what got me through this week. Of course, I understand though. Bea comes first. Always. Kiss her for me. I hope she feels better.”

  We stayed on the line, the disappointment heard loud through our silence and the long sigh of frustration that escaped him.

  I heard a man’s voice before Justin said, “Shit. They’re calling me.”

  “Okay. Have a good show.”

  “I’ll be thinking of you the whole time.”

  Before I could respond, the line went dead.

  Fifteen minutes later, there was a frantic knock at the door. When I opened it, Susan was panting. “Go. Go, Amelia!”

  “It might be too late. The show will be over when I get there.”

  “Yes. But you’ll get to see him before they take off, right?”

  “I think so. I’m not sure exactly when the bus leaves for the next city.”

  “Don’t waste time talking to me. Just tell me where Bea is.”

  “She’s sleeping. I left a long note with instructions on the counter.”

  “I’ve got it.” She waved me off. “Go get your man, Amelia.”

  Blowing her a kiss, I said,
“I owe you big time. Thank you for this.”

  It had been a while since I last drove on the highway at night. The beginnings of a panic attack started to creep in as I sped up I-95. Trying to focus on seeing Justin and not the cars whizzing past me, I was able to keep the panic from escalating into a full-blown attack. The GPS served as my co-pilot because I had no idea where I was going. This part of Massachusetts was completely foreign to me.

  Sweat permeated my body as I got closer. Even though it was cold out, I turned on the air conditioner for circulation to calm myself. What was I doing? The show was over. I hadn’t texted him. I told myself it was because I wanted to surprise him, but a part of me wanted to see what things were like when he wasn’t expecting me.

  Parking in the large lot outside of the venue, I wrapped my arms around myself. I’d rushed out of the house so fast, I’d forgotten a coat. Running in my high-heeled boots—the same ones I’d worn with my Catwoman costume—I made my way to a tall chain-link fence which separated the VIP area from the parking lot.

  Two black tour buses with tinted windows sat just inside the gate. A guard wearing a headset stood at the entrance. Groups of women gathered nearby, probably hoping for a glimpse of the artists.

  My breath was visible in the night air as I flashed my special badge and spoke to the guard. “Is the show over?”

  “Almost. Calvin is in the middle of the last set.”

  “Where can I find Justin Banks? He gave me this access card.”

  “Justin is in Bus Two. That’s the one on the right.”

  My heart was hammering against my chest as I made my way through the gravelly lot to the bus.

  I opened the door. To my surprise, no one seemed to be inside. That was what I assumed until noises coming from the back bedroom proved otherwise. There were several coffin-like beds on the sides, but Justin had mentioned that each bus had one master suite in the back. The crew and he alternated who got to sleep in it each night.

  A lump formed in my throat as I approached the closed wooden door. The sound of a woman moaning could be heard from behind it.

  The guard had said Justin was in here.

  I had to know.

  I had to open it. I had to see it with my own eyes.

  My faith might have been blind, but it was about to get an eyeful.

  Slowly turning the knob, I inched the door open a crack. All I saw was a mane of dark hair. A woman was riding him as he lay flat. It looked like Olivia, but I didn’t know for sure. It could have been any woman. It didn’t matter who it was. They didn’t notice me. My stomach started to turn and bile was rising. I couldn’t look anymore. I just couldn’t.

  Exiting the bus, my legs felt wobbly. Too shocked to cry, I walked in a daze as numbness consumed me. My vision was blurry. My heart felt like it was cracking slowly with each step out of the bus. Was I an idiot for thinking he would wait? That he could withstand the enormous temptation being thrown in his face every day? He never made any promises, and that was for good reason.

  You’re a fool, Amelia.

  I would have expected to be crying, but for some reason, the shock seemed to freeze my tear ducts. My eyes felt raw, cold, devoid of any ability to produce moisture.

  My phone chimed from an incoming text.

  I missed you tonight so fucking much.

  CHAPTER 19

  What?

  How could he be texting me while he’s fucking someone else?

  Adrenaline rushed through me, taking my nerves on a roller coaster ride of emotions.

  Amelia: Are you on the bus?

  Justin: No. At Dave and Buster’s down the road from the venue getting a drink. How’s Bea feeling?

  It wasn’t him.

  It wasn’t him fucking that girl on the bus!

  Clutching my chest, I let out the breath that seemed to have been trapped inside, suffocating me a moment earlier. It felt like I’d been shot with a tranquilizer gun full of euphoria.

  Amelia: Still has a cold. She’s with my friend Susan because I’m here. Right outside your bus.

  Justin: Holy fuck! Don’t move. I’m heading back.

  Rubbing my hands over my arms, I stood waiting in the cold for at least ten minutes. The two people who’d been screwing inside of the bus suddenly exited. The man was good-looking, but he was no Justin. I also confirmed that the female participant definitely wasn’t Olivia.

  A crowd of women suddenly gathered toward the entrance. The guard could be heard saying, “Back. Back! Let him by!”

  It was then that I saw Justin break through the swarm of people. He passed through the chain-link fence and was looking around frantically before his gaze locked in on me.

  The commotion around us seemed to dissipate as he walked toward me and enveloped me in his arms. I practically melted into him. He smelled like a mixture of cologne, smoke and beer. It was intoxicating and made me want to bathe in it. I wanted him all over me.

  “You’re cold as ice,” he whispered into my ear.

  “Just hold me. Keep me warm.”

  “I really need to do more than hold you right now.” He pulled back to take me in, giving my outfit a once over. “Fuck,” he growled. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but why do you look like a whore?”

  “I was dressing for the occasion. Too much?”

  “Hell no. This is just what I needed. It just pisses me off that you were waiting around for me in public dressed like that. The fucking guys around here are worse than the girls. Anyone mess with you?”

  “No.” Looking down at myself, I said, “I’m sorry if it’s too much. I just figured I had to compete with all those groupies.”

  “Don’t apologize. But you don’t have to compete with anyone, Amelia. You never did.” He put his forehead on mine, and time seemed to stand still. “When I was performing tonight, all I could think about was how badly I wished you were here. I was at the bar drowning my sorrows when you texted. I still can’t believe you made it.” He took in a deep breath of the skin on my neck. “I’m hard as a rock just smelling you right now. We need to go somewhere to be alone. We don’t have a lot of time before the buses leave.”

  “Where can we go?”

  He placed his hands on my cheeks. “Fuck. I just want to take you with me on the bus, spend the night with you until the sun rises over the next city.”

  “I would love that so much. I’m sorry I can’t be the kind of girl that can just go on tour with you.”

  “You have bigger things to be taking care of. By the way, you sure this friend watching Bea is someone you can trust?”

  “Yes. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

  He rubbed my shoulders. “Stay right here. Let me just go check what time we’re leaving Massachusetts.”

  I waited as Justin ran to the other tour bus. When he returned, he looked anxious. “We have exactly two hours before the buses take off for Philly. I would introduce you to the band, but they’ll talk your ear off, and I really don’t want to waste this time.”

  “What are we gonna do?”

  “They just told me there’s a small hotel down the road. We can go there to be alone if you want. If you prefer, we can stay here, but then we’d have to socialize.”

  “Being alone sounds good to me.”

  Justin brushed his thumb along my cheek. “Good choice.”

  He took the keys from me and drove us to the hotel in my car. During the ride, he held my hand tightly and didn’t let go. At one point, he flashed me a sexy side glance. “God, you look good.”

  I joked, “Even though I look like a cheap groupie?”

  “Especially because you look like a cheap groupie.” He winked. His gaze returned to the road for a bit before his voice lowered. “I wasn’t prepared for how lonely this tour was going to be. Seeing you makes me realize it even more.”

  We pulled into the hotel, and Justin checked us in and got us a key card. We had exactly one hour and forty-five minutes before he had to report back to the bus.

 
The room was dark, but neither of us turned on the light. Unsure of what was supposed to be taking place here, I waited for him to take the lead after the door clicked shut behind us.

  He slowly prowled toward me then pressed his chest against mine. “Jesus. Your heart is pounding. Are you nervous to be alone with me or something?” Nuzzling my neck, he added, “The way I’m feeling right now, maybe you should be.”

  Scared to admit what was really eating away at me and also not wanting to ruin the mood, I remained silent, just staring at him before my gaze dropped to the floor.

  He took my chin in his hand. “Look at me.” When our eyes met, he said, “I haven’t been with anyone else, Amelia…in case there was any question in your mind. I don’t want anyone else. I hope you don’t, either.”

  “How did you know what I’d been thinking just now?”

  “I guess I’m just in tune to you like that. I had a feeling you needed that reassurance. I don’t want you wondering anymore about that.” He kissed me on the forehead. “Now that we got that out of the way, I do need to be honest with you about something.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Okay.”

  “I somehow thought I could handle five months with no sex, but the reality is…I’m feeling more like an animal in heat than a celibate monk.”

  I laughed. “Oh really.” My tone turned serious. “Maybe I can help. Tell me what you need.”

  “Confession,” he said over my lips. “I didn’t exactly take you here so we could talk.”

  I kissed him. “Confession. I didn’t exactly dress like a dirty groupie so you could sing to me.”

  His mouth was against mine as it curved into a wry smile. Within seconds, he took my face in his hands before his lips swallowed mine whole. A stifled moan escaped from me into his starving mouth as our tongues moved frantically to taste one another. I loved the controlled way he always grabbed my face when he kissed me. This time was different from any other moment we’d been together because it lacked any trace of caution or hesitation. He was unapologetically taking what he wanted, and I was fully letting him. We were both on the exact same page, surrendering to what our bodies needed, and nothing was off limits. If it weren’t for the fact that he was leaving in an hour, this would have been like a dream come true. But we were on borrowed time, and we both knew it.