Close to You

  “That’s good.”

  She’s saying the right words, but her voice is flat and she sounds . . . wrong.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m sorry.” She sighs. “I’m actually not feeling great today. I’m nauseous and a little crampy, which my doctor assures me is normal for this stage, and I must have slept on my shoulder weird because it’s killing me. That’s when I slept, because I don’t sleep well without you.”

  “I know. I’m so sorry that you’re not feeling well, sweetheart. I hate that I’m not there to take care of you.”

  “Well, you’re not. And I don’t mean that as snarky as it sounds. I’m just bitchy.”

  “I get bitchy when I don’t feel good too; trust me.”

  “Oh, I’m sure I’ll find that out firsthand eventually,” she says, sounding a bit like herself. “I’ll wear a sexy nurse outfit to help you feel better.”

  “That sounds like a great deal to me.”

  Ringo sticks his head out of the conference room door, indicating they’re ready to get back to work.

  “Baby, I have to go. I’m sorry. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

  “I know.” She yawns. “Love you.”

  I hang up, feeling guilty as fuck for not being at home with her. I don’t like that she’s having cramps. Even if her doctor says it’s normal, it doesn’t sound good at all. I send Mia a quick text and ask her to look in on Cami for me, then turn my ringer off and return to the meeting.

  “Everything okay?” Ringo asks.

  “I think so,” I reply, and sit across from him. “How much more do we have to discuss?”

  “We should be able to wrap things up here in a few hours, and you can be on a flight home this evening.”

  “That would be great.” I nod and open my laptop. “Cami’s not feeling great.”

  “Civilian life sure is different, isn’t it?”

  “Man, that’s the truth.” I nod and look over at my old friend and former wingman. “Priorities change so much. Two years ago, all I could think about was getting in the air and maybe getting laid once in a while.”

  “And now you just want to stay home and be with your girl,” Ringo says with a grin. He mindlessly fiddles with the ring on his left hand. “I understand. I loved the Navy. I loved the travel and the rush of the flying, the thrill of it all. But then I met Suzanne, and the thrill changed.”

  “Exactly.” It occurs to me that I haven’t picked my ring up from the jeweler yet and mentally put it on my calendar for this week. It seems there’s a lot to do before we get married in less than a week, but I can’t wait. “I was so pissed after the wreck,” I say quietly. “I didn’t want my flying career to end. Not like that.”

  “Like I said before, you got a shitty deal.”

  “I didn’t even really want to come home. I felt so lost when I was still in the hospital and they told me that I couldn’t fly anymore. But there was nothing else to do. So I came home, and worked with my dad. I’m thankful that he gave me the work, but it didn’t drive me. It was Cami that really healed me. I may have been fine physically when I first got home, but she’s the one that helped me get my head on straight.”

  “Well, let’s wrap this up so we can get you home to her.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  We dig in for several hours, going over potential employees, looking through résumés, and deciding who I’ll call in for interviews next week when Linda, Ringo’s assistant, pokes her head in the door.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, but, Landon, you have an urgent call from a Mia.”

  I frown and my gaze immediately meets Ringo’s.

  “You can take it on this phone,” he says, and hands me the receiver, punching the button for the correct line.

  “Mia?”

  “Landon, I’m sorry to call like this, but your cell kept sending me to voice mail.”

  “It’s fine, what’s up?”

  “First, I don’t want to freak you out. I went to Cami’s to check on her like you asked, and she looked horrible. She started throwing up and couldn’t stop, and kept complaining about her shoulder. I finally talked her into going to the ER, and she’s been admitted. I really think you should come home as soon as possible.”

  Ringo, who can hear everything, says, “I can fly you up.”

  “I’m on my way. Is she okay now?”

  “They’re still assessing,” she says. “Just come home.”

  “Can I talk to her?”

  There’s silence for a minute, then Mia returns. “No, she’s talking to the doctor.”

  “Mia, what aren’t you telling me?”

  “Nothing. Just get here.”

  “Tell her I love her.” I hang up and immediately gather my things. “How fast can you have me up there?”

  “Three hours, max.”

  “That’s too long.”

  “Sorry, man, I can’t control geography, and I’m flying a Cessna, not a Navy jet.”

  “Fuck,” I mutter, and rush behind him out of the building. “She didn’t sound good when I spoke to her.”

  “Beating yourself up won’t solve anything.” Ringo pulls out his phone. “I need the Cessna ready to go in fifteen minutes. I don’t give a shit, make it happen. There’s an emergency.”

  He clicks off and leads me to his car.

  “I appreciate you doing this.”

  “You’re my friend, Landon. This is the least I can do. We’ll get there.”

  I nod and stare at my phone, praying Cami’s okay.

  BECAUSE OF THE fucking weather, it took us almost four hours to get to Portland, then it was another thirty minutes of finding my car and busting ass to get to the hospital.

  When I finally find Mia and the others, I’m going crazy with worry.

  “Landon!”

  Mia jumps out of her chair and rushes to me, hugging me tight.

  “Where is she?”

  “She’s in surgery,” Riley says. Her eyes look tired. Steven is sitting with Addie and Jake, and Kat is on her phone.

  “Your mom and dad are on their way down,” she says to Steven, who nods wearily.

  “What the fuck is happening?” I demand.

  “They won’t tell us much,” Mia says. “But there really wasn’t time.”

  “Why?”

  “Right after I hung up with you, the doctor told me that they needed to take Cami in for emergency surgery, and then everything happened so fast, before I knew it, they all rushed off, and I was escorted in here. I called the others, and that’s really all I know.”

  “They didn’t say if the baby was okay? Or what she was having surgery for?”

  “No,” she replies, visibly frustrated. She pulls Cami’s ring out of her pocket and passes it to me.

  “Why do you have this?”

  “They wouldn’t let her wear it in surgery.”

  I march over to the registration desk.

  “I’m here regarding Cami LaRue. She’s been in surgery for a few hours. Can you give me any information?”

  The woman smiles. “Let me call back.” She speaks with someone briefly, then hangs up the phone. “The doctor should be out shortly. Cami was just taken to recovery.”

  I sigh in relief. If she’s in recovery, she must be okay. “Thank you.” I return to the others. “She’s out of surgery.”

  “Thank God,” Riley says just as a man in green scrubs comes through the electronic doors.

  “Are you friends of Cami’s?”

  “Yes,” I say immediately. “I’m her fiancé.”

  He shakes my hand and frowns slightly. “Cami’s surgery went well, and she’s in recovery. As soon as we make sure she’s handled the anesthesia well and she’s settled in a room, you’ll be able to see her.”

  “Thank you. What happened? Is the baby okay?”

  He sighs. “Cami came in with symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy, meaning the embryo had implanted in her fallopian tube rather than her uterus. We did an ultrasound to co
nfirm. Unfortunately, her tube ruptured and we had to perform emergency surgery. She lost her fallopian tube and the baby.”

  I drop into a chair and stare at my feet.

  We lost the baby.

  “The good news is, the surgery went well and we were able to clean up all of the infection. She’ll have some recovery time of a few weeks, but she’s going to be just fine.”

  “Thank you,” Riley says.

  “I’m very sorry for your loss.”

  Someone is rubbing circles on my back. The girls are talking about making calls and what they can do for her once she’s home.

  It’s all just noise to me. I need to see her.

  Finally, after what seems like hours, a nurse comes to get me and leads me to Cami’s room. She’s asleep, and I’m told that she’s been given a strong dose of pain medicine so she’ll probably sleep for a couple of hours.

  I sit next to her and take her hand in mine. Jesus, she looks so small in this hospital bed. Aside from some circles under her eyes and the IV in her arm, she looks no different from when I left her yesterday morning.

  And yet, our whole world just changed.

  She’ll be devastated. Fuck, I’m devastated. After the shock wore off, we were both excited about the baby.

  But we can have another. We have our whole lives ahead of us. I pull her ring out of my pocket and slip it onto her finger.

  “I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper as tears fall down my cheeks. Suddenly there’s a hand on my shoulder, startling me.

  “She’s a strong girl,” my mother says, tears falling from her own eyes. “I’m so sorry about your bambino.” She kisses my head and sits across from me.

  “Me too.” I can’t take my eyes off of Cami. “Why did this happen? And I don’t want to hear that everything happens for a reason, because that’s bullshit.”

  “Watch your mouth,” Mama orders, making my lips twitch. “We don’t know why this happened, and I know that makes you angry. Did you know that your father and I lost a baby after Mia?”

  My eyes whip over to hers. The room is softly lit, making it difficult to see her face. “What?”

  “We did,” she says softly. “And there was no logical explanation. It just happens, Landon. And it breaks your heart.”

  I nod and lean my forehead against Cami’s hand. I’m ready for her to wake up. I want to see her beautiful eyes and kiss her. I need her.

  “It will make you stronger, and one day, when you are blessed with other children, it will make you that much more thankful for them.”

  “I just need to make sure that Cami’s okay,” I reply. “As long as she’s healthy, that’s all that matters.”

  “She’s a strong girl,” Mama repeats, and reaches across to pat my hand over Cami’s. “And she loves you more than anything in this world. She always has. She’ll blame herself.”

  “It’s not her fault.” I frown and shake my head. “That’s silly.”

  “Grief isn’t logical. She’ll blame herself and she’ll feel that she’s let you down. Be careful with her for a little while.”

  I nod. “Thank you, Mama. Will you tell the others that they can come in to see her after she wakes up?”

  “I guess that’s my dismissal, then,” she says with a smile. “I’ll leave you with your girl.” She circles the bed and stops to kiss me once more. “I’m so sorry for your hurt, my sweet boy.”

  I want to weep in her arms, comforted the way only a mother can, but I nod and gruffly say, “Thank you.”

  Mama leaves, and I lean on the bed, Cami’s hand firmly in mine, and close my eyes, listening to the rhythm of her breathing until I’m lulled to sleep beside her.

  Chapter 19

  ~Cami~

  Everything is fuzzy. My head, my thoughts, even my fingers feel fuzzy, but someone is holding my left hand.

  I think I’m sore. I try to open my eyes, but they’re so damn heavy. Everything is fuzzy and heavy.

  “Cami?”

  Landon! Landon’s here. But he’s not supposed to be here. I frown and fight harder to open my eyes, but they’re fuzzy too.

  I blink and turn my head, relieved to see that it’s Landon holding my hand. He looks tired, and his blue eyes are worried.

  “Hi, baby,” he whispers, and kisses my cheek.

  “Hi,” I reply¸ but my throat is dry. “Water.”

  “Here.” He lifts a straw to my lips and I drink eagerly, so damn thirsty. I drain the glass and settle back against the bed again. “How do you feel?”

  “Fuzzy,” I reply, my voice more normal, but weak. “Sore.” I frown when tears fill Landon’s eyes, and then it all comes back to me. All of the pain and the fear, and the doctor telling me that I’d have to lose the baby. Oh God, did they tell Landon? I grip his hand in mine and he leans toward me. “Did they tell you?”

  He nods.

  “I lost our baby,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.” Tears fill my eyes now and fall on my cheeks, but I don’t care. Our baby is gone. But Landon just folds me in his arms so I can bury my face in his shoulder, and gently hugs me, running his fingers through my hair and murmuring sweet words to me.

  “It’s not your fault,” he says. “And I’m sorry too. I was excited for the baby too.”

  I know, and I’ve disappointed you. I can’t bear it. I didn’t get the chance to feel it, or hold it, and we’d only known about it for a short time, but I was already so excited to meet him or her, and now we never will.

  The tears come in earnest now, and I cling to him, sobbing against him. Finally, he pulls back and wipes my tears. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

  “There’s nothing you could have done,” I reply, and cup his cheek in my hand. His stubble scratches my palm, but I like it. “There wasn’t anything anyone could do.”

  “I could have taken you to the hospital sooner,” he says gruffly. “I should have taken care of you.”

  “I’m okay,” I reply, and pull him in for a sweet kiss. “I’m sad, but I’m going to be just fine. But I’m so very sorry that I lost our baby.”

  “Sweetheart, we’ll have more babies. We’ll have as many as you want.”

  Before I can answer him, there’s a knock on the door and a doctor walks into the room.

  “It’s good to see you’re awake,” he says, and smiles kindly. “How is your pain?”

  “I’m sore,” I reply, and flinch when I try to shift my hips.

  “We’ll get you some more pain meds so you sleep through the night. You’ll be sore for a few days, but your recovery time should be fairly fast. You’re a healthy woman.”

  “Before surgery, you told me you’d do your best to save the tube,” I say, and see Landon’s gaze whip up to the doctor’s. “Were you able to?”

  The doctor sighs and shakes his head.

  “I’m sorry, Cami. The damage was too great, and there was already infection setting in. I had to remove the tube.”

  “Oh,” I breathe, and close my eyes. “So this means it’ll be more difficult to get pregnant later.”

  “I’m sorry,” he repeats. “But it’s not impossible. Your uterus and the other tube are perfectly healthy.”

  But I’ve stopped listening to him. Not only did I lose the baby, but now it’s going to be a challenge to get pregnant again. We can’t have as many babies as I want. We’ll be lucky to have any babies at all.

  “Cami?” The doctor frowns when I look back up at him. “I’m going to order that medication for you. I think a good night’s sleep will do you good, and you’ll feel better tomorrow. You’re lucky that you came in when you did. If you’d waited longer . . . well, the outcome could have been very grave.”

  “Thank you, Doctor,” Landon says, and shakes his hand, then sits next to me again. “Why did you wait so long to go?”

  “I thought I was just not feeling well,” I reply shortly. I’m sad, but now I’m getting angry too. Why did this happen? Everything that I’ve ever wanted was in the palm of my hand, and in the span
of a heartbeat, it was ripped away.

  I need a few minutes alone. To gather my thoughts, to grieve for just a few minutes on my own.

  “Landon, can you please go?”

  “What?” he asks, surprised. My voice is calm. I’m not being mean or hurtful. Hurting him any more is the last thing I want.

  “I just need to be alone for a little while.”

  “Cami, I really don’t want to leave you by yourself.” The hurt in his eyes is killing me.

  “I only want a few minutes of privacy. Please.”

  But he stubbornly shakes his head.

  “Maybe we should go somewhere when you’re feeling up to traveling,” he says, and I immediately close my eyes. “Somewhere warm,” he continues. “You can take a couple of weeks away from the restaurant and put your feet up. I’ll bring you cocktails and you can soak in some sun.”

  “I don’t need to leave,” I whisper, and suddenly I’m just so fucking mad. At Landon. At the doctor. At Mia for not coming sooner.

  At every fucking thing.

  “Okay, well, you can take some time to stay home—”

  “You know what,” I reply, and glare at Landon. “Maybe this was a blessing.”

  “What?” He scowls and sits back in the chair, surprised.

  “I mean, it’s good that it happened now rather than after the wedding because now you’re off the hook. You don’t have to be saddled with a wife and a kid that just slow you down.

  “All you can talk about is leaving. Take me to San Diego. Take me somewhere warm. Well, you know what, Landon? I don’t want to leave. You do. You’ve never wanted to be here. All your life you’ve done everything you can to not be here. But I love it here. This is my home, and this is where my business is, and this is where I’m fucking happy.

  “So maybe you should just go.”

  “You want me to go,” he says, perfectly calmly.

  “Yes, that’s what I’ve been telling you. I need some time alone.”

  I shake my head. I’m not crying. I’m boiling mad. I don’t think I’ve ever been this pissed off in all of my life.

  “Just get out.”

  “I don’t want to leave you, Cami. Not like this.”

  Not like this.