In the Fields

  We’ve nearly had sex many times, and every time, Davis has been the one to stop. Clothes have been on the verge of being shed and he’ll say something like, “I want it to be right and…better than this for you. We’re gonna wait, baby. I want it to be perfect.” We’re usually in his truck or in his room when this happens. Lately, we’re spending a lot of time with everyone, instead of being alone together. I hate how much self-control he has.

  IT’S A WARM August day when Papa asks us to sit down with him in the living room. We only have three guests, so I’m done with my work earlier than usual. We both sit on the couch, while Papa sits in his chair across from the couch. Gracie gives Dolly ‘tea’ at the coffee table.

  “I’ve been thinking,” Papa starts out. “When and if y’all decide to settle down…you could start out in the carriage house—we managed fine with just the rooms and we will again. You could stay in there while you’re building your own little place.”

  Davis and I look at each other and back at Papa.

  “There are several prime spots.” Papa winks at Davis. “I think you know a few…”

  Davis’s cheeks tinge a few shades darker, and he looks at me again. “That sounds like an amazing plan, but I don’t even know if she’s ready to marry me,” he says like I’m not sitting right beside him.

  I feel both sets of eyes on me then. “Well, you’re not gonna find out until you ask me,” I huff.

  “You can’t even give me a hint of what you’d say?” he asks.

  “Nope,” I answer.

  He looks at Papa. “See what I have to deal with?”

  Papa laughs.

  “We’ve only known each other ten months,” Davis says to me.

  “I know. I’ve kept track too,” I say.

  “Well, what do you think about that?” he asks.

  “I think life’s too short to waste time.”

  Davis’s eyes widen.

  Papa lets out another huge guffaw. It rattles the china in the hutch. “Sounds like you got your work cut out for you, boy.”

  Ruby wanders into the room then. “What’s all that racket?” she asks.

  “Davis has something to ask Caroline,” Papa answers.

  “Well, looks like I made it just in time,” she says. She reaches in her apron pocket and tosses something to Davis. He catches it and smiles a huge grin at her.

  He looks at me and holds up a ring. “Can’t do it properly without this,” he says. He gets down on his knees in front of me.

  “Wait a minute. What have y’all done here?” I ask.

  They just laugh at me and Gracie comes over to see why Davis is on his knees.

  “I might have needed them for extra courage,” Davis says. “Not because I’m not ready, I am so ready. But so I would be brave enough to ask. You don’t have to say yes,” he says.

  “To what?” I egg him on.

  “To marrying me.”

  “Was that a question?”

  He shakes his head, confused. “What?”

  “Were you asking me a question?” I tease him.

  “Oh. Yes. I was. Am. Will. Am about to ask you one…” He fumbles all over the place.

  Gracie giggles.

  “Davis?” I take his hand.

  He just looks at me.

  “Will you marry me?” I ask.

  “Yes!” he answers.

  “Is that what you were gonna ask?”

  “Oh, were you not asking…”

  “DAVIS! Ask me already!”

  He nods, and the humor disappears as he looks me straight in the eye. “Caroline, will you marry me? I love you and want you to be my wife more than anything.”

  “Yes, I will,” I say and grab his face to kiss him before he can say anything else.

  Gracie jumps up and down. “Kiss!”

  Papa hops up and pats us both on the back while we’re still kissing. Ruby comes over and we all pile together in a hug, the way we did that day in the kitchen.

  AND JUST LIKE that, we’re engaged. I start planning a wedding, putting all the ideas Brenda and I have talked about in a big white binder. We’ve decided to get married on October 19th, a year after we first met. It will be simple, small, and I can’t wait.

  There’s something about knowing that he wants to be with me forever—it makes me love him even more. No one in my life has stayed. No one in his life has either.

  My mind has an inner war with itself as I try to push Isaiah out.

  He might have left, but he came back.

  But he left in the first place.

  I left him last.

  Maybe he would have stayed.

  I squelch it down and remind myself that this is all for the best for everyone involved.

  The carriage house is ready for us to move in, and Davis and I have walked miles over the property to find the perfect spot to build our future little house. We find it, just past the gardens and grapes, where we can still appreciate the beauty and see the main house, too, but far enough to have some privacy. Davis gets a few guys from town to help lay the foundation, and they’ve already started putting up a rough frame of the house.

  There’s a stone archway leading into one of the gardens in the back, more intricate than the other two, and that’s where I want to get married. Right in the middle of my favorite flowers.

  Davis and I are so busy, we fall asleep a lot after we put Gracie to bed…kissing and talking and then fading out. The Inn has been busy this summer. I’ve been working on the gardens and also making my dress. It’s going to be beautiful, simple just like everything else, but beautiful. Papa let me go through all of Eileen’s material and I found a cream lace that I love.

  I’m pinning it all when Davis sneaks into my room. Gracie is swinging with Dolly in her corner and I hear her giggle before I feel his arms around me. I jump up and try to hide the dress.

  “You can’t see this. It’s bad luck!” I spread my arms wide to cover it.

  He leans down and nuzzles my neck. “Only if I see it on you, this doesn’t count.” His hair tickles my neck and I shiver. Gracie runs over to us and he swoops her up.

  “I can’t wait to see your mama in this dress,” he tells her.

  “Pwetty Mama,” she says.

  “You’ve got that right,” Davis says.

  I nuzzle Gracie’s head and then point to the door.

  “Hey, you two, let’s just scoot right on out this door and don’t be sneaking any more peeks, Davis, do you hear me?”

  I push them out and Gracie is laughing, repeating, “You heah me?” all the way down the stairs.

  I roll my eyes, but I can’t wipe the grin off my face.

  THE NEXT DAY, just four Saturdays from the wedding, I wake up to loud thunder. I get up and look outside, hoping the weather doesn’t get bad and ruin anything on the new house. We survived a series of awful tornadoes in the spring with minimal damage, but we were the few lucky ones. I jump when I hear a quiet rap on my door.

  “You scared me,” I whisper to Davis when I open the door.

  “Sorry,” he says softly. “I just wanted to see you before I head out. I’ve gotta get the coverings secure on the house and I need to go into town for some supplies…looks like the weather’s gonna get bad today. Might take me a while to get everything done.”

  “Okay, be careful out there.”

  “I will.” He leans over and kisses me and wraps me up in a bear hug. “Just four more weeks,” he whispers in my ear.

  “I know,” I smile at him and lean back in for another hug, “I can’t wait.”

  GRACIE AND I eat with Papa and then I take care of the breakfast rush. We’ve had really sweet guests this week. A young couple and three sisters…they’ve been nice and easy to please. They check out around 11, and the Inn is quiet. Ruby starts canning fruit. Papa is snoozing in the darker than normal living room. Gracie and I play for a while and then I put her down for her nap. I feel restless and can’t quite settle into anything. I work on my dress, it’s nearly
done. I read for a little while. I keep looking out the window. Davis worked out there for a long time and then I saw him drive off in his truck, so I watch for him to come back.

  When Gracie wakes up a couple hours later, we go downstairs. Papa is with Ruby in the kitchen.

  “Our guests for this weekend have all cancelled because of the weather,” Ruby tells me.

  “Really? It’s that bad out?” I walk over to the back windows. It does look rough. The rain is coming down in thick sheets now.

  “It’s supposed to get worse.”

  “I wish Davis would get on home.”

  “I thought I saw him pull back in,” Papa says.

  My heart calms. “Oh good, do you know where he is?”

  I just need to see him. I know he’s busy, but I’ve been uneasy all day and he’s the only one who can usually take that away.

  “I’m not sure. I haven’t heard him come in,” Ruby says.

  I go check to see if he’s in his room. It’s empty.

  “Can Gracie stay with you while I drive out to the house? I just want to check on him.”

  “You know she can,” Ruby says. “Tell Davis he needs to get inside, quit worryin’ ’bout that house for today.”

  “Yes, ma’am…”

  I put on a raincoat and lift the hood over my hair and run out to Papa’s truck. I look at the state of my flowers and groan. They didn’t need so much water. I pull around the back of the house and drive the short distance to our little place. His truck is parked out there, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Looks like he got the tarp completely up too, everything is covered. He’s so efficient. I love how hard he’s working on this place for us. Just another way that he shows me he loves me.

  I get out and run to the house and lift up the tarp. “Davis?” I walk around carefully and look at what he’s gotten done even in the last day. It’s going to be so pretty. “Davis, are you hiding?”

  He’s not in here. I go out the back of the house and trip on something. I look down and it’s Davis.

  He is lying completely still, eyes wide and afraid. I bend down and touch him. His head has a trickle of blood coming from his hairline. Blood seeps out of his mouth.

  “Davis!” I cry. The tears and rain immediately blind me. “Davis, what happened?”

  He tries to say something and I can’t hear him. I lean in as close as I can get and try to hear what he’s saying.

  “I-I tried…I tried to…wanted to make it right for you.” He whispers.

  “It’s all gonna be all right. I’m gonna go get help. It’s all-”

  He closes his eyes and the rain and tears roll down his cheeks.

  “Open your eyes, Davis. Stay awake, okay? I’ll be right back. You just stay awake.” Frantic, I stand up and look at all the blood around his head. His fingers touch my ankle.

  He looks different. I bend back down and kiss his cheeks and my breath catches. He’s not breathing. I feel for his pulse and can’t find one. I lay my head on his chest and don’t feel the slightest movement. I get by his mouth to feel breath and there’s none. Nothing.

  I can’t comprehend it.

  “No, no. No, you can’t leave me, Davis. You can’t. I love you. I can’t live without you too. Do you hear me? Davis! No, you can’t go. Please…”

  He just lies there, perfectly still.

  “Open your eyes. Come back to me. Wake up!”

  I give his shoulders a little nudge, afraid to touch him too hard but wanting to stir him. He has to just be sleeping.

  He doesn’t move.

  I scream and yell, my fists on his chest. “God, don’t let this happen. You can’t. Davis, please don’t leave me!”

  The rain beats on us. Thunder crackles over our heads and lightning slashes through the sky, making Davis glow for a moment.

  He’s gone.

  Pellets of ice form back over my skin and circle my heart, closing it back up. I lie down beside him, close his eyes, and will myself to die too.

  I WAKE UP in a hospital room and immediately flash back to waking up in another hospital room all those years ago. I half expect to see Sadie sitting by my bed, but it’s Ruby. The second thing I think is, Davis…

  “Davis! Where is he? I want to see him!” I tell Ruby.

  The tears are already falling. The pain is suffocating. God, why didn’t you take me too?

  “Baby girl, he’s gone. He’s gone.”

  She shakes her head and her tears drip down her cheeks. She swipes them away with her hand.

  “He fell off a high beam and they say he died immediately because of the impact to his head.”

  I don’t want to hear this. I just want to be with him.

  “I can’t live without him, Ruby. I can’t.”

  “I know if feels that way, but you ‘gon have to, sugar. You got that baby girl and she need you. I need you. Your Papa needs you, Brenda…” she trails off after naming everyone in my life..

  “But there’s no one like Davis. He’s become my whole world,” I cry.

  “I know, baby. I know.”

  “I thought he would never leave me…”

  “That boy loved you more than anything in this world,” Ruby cries. “I hadn’t never seen a boy so in love with a girl as he was with you.”

  “He changed everything, Ruby. I can’t…” I can’t do this again.

  The nurse comes in and takes my temperature. “Still over a hundred,” she says. “We have antibiotics going in your IV, just to fight off infection.”

  “I’m fine, I don’t have an infection,” I tell her.

  “You were in the rain for a long time, they said. And you’ve had a fever all night,” the nurse says in a nasally voice. “The doctor would like to keep you here until that fever goes down.”

  She walks out of the room and I look at Ruby. “Where’s Gracie? Does she know about Davis? I’ve been in the hospital all night?”

  “We found you late last night. We thought you two were probably out there kissing, like you alw-” she stops mid-word.

  I look out the window and it still looks grey and rainy. We probably would have stayed out there kissing, if he’d been inside like he was supposed to be.

  “Gracie doesn’t know yet. We wanted to get you home safe and sound before we told her, to not scare her even more.”

  “I’ve never spent a night away from her. Was she okay this morning?”

  “She cried a little bit when she didn’t see you or Davis. She’s with her papa though and he’s takin’ good care of her.”

  “I want to go home. Don’t make me stay here, Ruby. I’m fine. I just got too chilled out in the rain, that’s all. I need to get to Gracie.” I look down at the IV in my arm, attached to me like chains.

  Suddenly the desire to hold her in my arms is all I can think about…

  “I have to go home.”

  “Let’s just wait and get you feelin’ better. You won’t rest if you go home. Get that fever down and you can go home,” Ruby says firmly.

  “Would you get me a cold washcloth, please?” The panic takes my voice up a few notches with every word.

  Ruby presses her lips together. She knows me like the back of her hand.

  “Yes, I will. But we’re not ‘gon rush this, sugar. I can’t lose you too.” Her lips tremble when she says it and I reach out for her hand.

  “He loved all of us so much,” I whisper.

  “Yes, he did. Our lives will have a big ol’ empty hole where he was.”

  She wipes her tears and pats my hand before getting my washcloth. When she comes back, some of my fight is gone. I don’t have enough energy to get out of bed. She puts the washcloth on my head and I close my eyes. Hot tears trail down my cheeks and my head pounds from it. I turn my engagement ring around and around on my finger. I was crazy to think I could have everything. Davis came along just long enough to give my life some sunshine and make me hopeful. I won’t make that mistake again. It’s too hard to wake up to reality.

  The n
urse comes in and gives me medicine to make me sleep. She stands at the foot of the bed and just watches me for a few minutes, her eyes full of concern. I grip the sheets so I can still the shaking sobs that take over my body. Turning onto my side, I face the wall and close my eyes…like a child playing hide-and-seek. If I can’t see anyone, they can’t see me.

  I SPEND ANOTHER night in the hospital and am sick with missing Gracie by that time. Papa too. Brenda picks me up and cries all the way to the house.

  “I just can’t believe it,” she keeps saying. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

  It’s a sunny day, which just feels wrong. We pull up to the house and I avoid looking toward ours. His truck is probably still out there, and if I see it, I’ll start wailing all over again. It doesn’t matter. I thought it, so the tears come falling down.

  Gracie runs out the door and when I bend down, she leaps into my arms. “Mama. I miss you,” she cries.

  “I missed you too, baby,” I lean my head into her curls and a sob gushes out. I try to hold it in, so I don’t scare her, but she pulls her head back and sees my face.

  “Why you cwyin’, Mama?” she says in her angelic voice.

  “It’s Davis, baby. He’s had a bad accident and didn’t make it. He’s not coming back.”

  “Where he go?” She looks at me with her eyebrows scrunched together and her lips puckered up. Her eyes fill with tears. I don’t know if it’s because she sees mine or if she really understands what’s happening.

  “He went to heaven to live with the angels where he belonged,” I tell her.

  She looks up into the sky. “I wanna go up they-ah,” she says.

  “Me too,” I whisper.

  “He watchin’ up they-ah?” she asks.

  I look up to the sky again. The clouds look voluminous; big puffs to skip around on. I can just imagine him leaping from cloud to cloud.