Swashbuckler

you’re ready to fight.

  ROBIN

  I’m expectant!

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Then we all ride.

  COLIN

  One more minute, though.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  What is it?

  COLIN

  Introductions…

  SWASHBUCKLER

  That had escaped me, I admit.

  COLIN

  (Turns to John)

  I guess…Patrick and John, right?

  JOHN

  (Points to Patrick)

  No, this is Patrick.

  I am John. John Morgan. Pleasure.

  COLIN

  Likewise.

  PATRICK

  ‘Sidekick.’

  ‘Tis my nickname due to John being the leader.

  COLIN

  How do you do?

  PATRICK

  (They shake hands)

  How do you do?

  COLIN

  I just wonder…

  PATRICK

  Yes?

  COLIN

  May I ask why you were sent so far from home?

  JOHN

  We were already in England, thought we could roam

  Across Europe. You know, ensure the draft is found.

  COLIN

  Nice vote of confidence!

  PATRICK

  He is jesting around.

  We just wanted to help.

  COLIN

  We can’t say no, can we?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  No, we cannot. It was offered generously.

  We must be on our way, gentlemen. For justice,

  The good of our respective countries…and for peace!

  Scene 2

  (The ground floor of a dilapidated house, rue de Reuilly. Swashbuckler, Colin, Henry, Robin, John and Patrick enter the scene cautiously, swords drawn, expecting enemies to jump on them any second)

  JOHN

  Are you sure this is right?

  PATRICK

  Is this their hiding place?

  ROBIN

  It does look deserted.

  HENRY

  They will have to surface,

  Just wait for it.

  JOHN

  I will try and see what’s upstairs.

  (Exit John)

  COLIN

  Well, he must not mind being put in the crosshairs,

  Going alone like that. I think I’ll back him up.

  (Exit Colin)

  HENRY

  What do you gather, Swash?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  It looks like a setup.

  As long as we are here, do not forget to check,

  Every nook and cranny, every room of this wreck.

  PATRICK

  We might get our hands on something truly helpful.

  HENRY

  Like a map.

  ROBIN

  Instructions.

  (Enter four anarchists in ragged clothes and sword in hand)

  ANARCHIST 1

  Why not something awful?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Kaxu!

  PATRICK

  Watch out, Robin!

  HENRY

  Time to instill some fear.

  ANARCHIST 2

  (They start fighting)

  Oppressors, betrayers, you shouldn’t have come here.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I know you want them dead with extreme prejudice,

  But we must deliver those rascals to justice.

  HENRY

  At least one of them.

  PATRICK

  I hope torture is allowed.

  HENRY

  We wouldn’t go far if rules were to be followed.

  ANARCHIST 1

  You are all pawns and little obedient slaves.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You are traitors.

  HENRY

  Mutineers.

  PATRICK

  Deceitful.

  ROBIN

  Knaves.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Soon caught.

  ANARCHIST 1

  You hear that lads? Those fools got it all wrong.

  They are not very bright.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I will cut out your tongue!

  ROBIN

  As if the world’s problems were solved by anarchy.

  ANARCHIST 2

  You are a talking puppet and were never free.

  PATRICK

  Fool, what freedom do you really want?

  HENRY

  That to kill?

  ROBIN

  To dress like vagrants? Stink?

  ANARCHIST 1

  That to destroy at will.

  (Fifth anarchist enters and helps his acolyte defeat the weakest link, Robin. She is crossing swords with two opponents)

  ROBIN

  For men who claim to be good, you have no honor.

  (She is grazed and drops her sword)

  Ouch!

  (Enter Colin)

  COLIN

  Robin!

  (He jumps to her rescue and stabs anarchist 3 to death, the other one flees)

  I heard some noise, rushed to your succor.

  ROBIN

  I’m all right, thanks to you. Please assist the others.

  HENRY

  ‘Tis time to do much more than just ruffle feathers.

  (He manages to stab his opponent, number 4, who drops his sword and staggers away)

  SWASHBUCKLER

  So, silly anarchists, here is what we propose,

  Unless you are willing to be killed for your cause,

  For each of you, there are currently two of us.

  What will it be?

  PATRICK

  Martyrs?

  COLIN

  Or you want to discuss?

  ANARCHIST 1

  I would rather die, fiends!

  SWASHBUCKLER

  May your wish be granted!

  (Anarchist 2 is stabbed and dies. Anarchists 1 and 5 look at each other and finally drop their swords. Their hands are bound)

  PATRICK

  (Looks at the dead anarchists)

  ‘Tis what happens when you leave fools unattended.

  (Enter John)

  Where were you all this time?

  JOHN

  Searching the house for proof,

  Of course. I went from the second floor to the roof.

  I found some documents.

  HENRY

  What we are looking for?

  JOHN

  Unfortunately, no.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  We need to probe some more.

  Colin, lad, do not let these two out of your sight.

  Also bandage the wound Robin got in this fight.

  It doesn’t seem severe, see to it nonetheless.

  COLIN

  I will do as you ask.

  (Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry, Patrick, John)

  I need you to undress.

  ROBIN

  I beg your pardon?

  COLIN

  In order to treat it,

  I have to see your wound.

  ROBIN

  It is hardly a slit,

  Colin, please, I assure you, even less a slash.

  COLIN

  Don’t be stubborn, Robin, it looks like quite a gash.

  I can see blood from here.

  ROBIN

  The flow has all but stopped.

  It is fine.

  COLIN

  It is not. You should have your coat dropped.

  You need not be prudish. You’re acting like a kid,

  As if you were afraid I would see you naked.

  You are a man, Robin, in the army at that,

  Leave your shyness at home, wear it not like a mat.

  If you are embarrassed because you have a scar,

  I find that they are incredibly popular

  Among women. If you want, we can compare them.

  Is there better reminder of carpe diem

  Than
a wound inflicted on a field of battle?

  Our lives are so fragile…priceless and yet…brittle ;

  Easy to be ruined, toilsome to be improved.

  ROBIN

  (Robin grows impatient, she rips the part of her sleeve that covers her forearm)

  There, you can patch it now.

  COLIN

  (Looks puzzled)

  You could have just removed –

  ROBIN

  Do it.

  COLIN

  All right, all right, no need for a tantrum.

  (He splashes water on the wound, tends to it and ties a knot with a handkerchief)

  Spray liquor when you can, ‘twill act as a serum.

  ROBIN

  Thank you, Colin. You have done most admirably.

  I feel better.

  COLIN

  Will you manage to forgive me?

  ROBIN

  What ever for?

  COLIN

  Trying to help you get better?

  ROBIN

  I am sorry, Colin, if I sounded bitter,

  It’s just…I am used to taking care of myself.

  COLIN

  Sometimes a man needs help, can’t do it by himself.

  ROBIN

  I know, I apologize.

  COLIN

  You are forgiven,

  ‘Tis no matter.

  ROBIN

  What can I say, I am driven.

  COLIN

  (He pauses a few seconds, looking thoughtful)

  What made you decide, lad, to join the armed forces?

  Was it your parents?

  ROBIN

  I had no influences.

  My mother, Jemima, or my father, Philip,

  Did not try to push me.

  COLIN

  (Colin drinks water from a jug then offers some to Robin)

  Do you care for a sip?

  (She nods ‘yes’ and takes it)

  They did not oppose it either?

  ROBIN

  Well, they couldn’t.

  They are both dead.

  COLIN

  I…I am sorry. I didn’t…

  ROBIN

  It’s quite all right, Colin, you meant no disrespect.

  COLIN

  I am blunt, see. I should learn to be circumspect,

  Especially with foreign people I just met.

  I warrant you, I’m more gifted with a musket.

  ROBIN

  I’m sure it isn’t true. For one, I am jealous.

  COLIN

  Of me? Why?

  ROBIN

  You are extroverted, boisterous.

  You always speak your mind – I wish I was that bold!

  COLIN

  ‘Tis a matter of practice.

  ROBIN

  Yet, when I am old,

  I still will not manage.

  COLIN

  Give yourself some credit.

  You are eighteen, inexperienced, yet a wit.

  Give it time.

  ROBIN

  I hope to find a kernel of truth

  In your words.

  COLIN

  Talk about the impatience of youth!

  About this assignment, was it of your choosing?

  ROBIN

  I…no…I…It is…

  COLIN

  Complicated? Embarrassing?

  You don’t have to tell me if it is a secret.

  (Speaking in hushed tone)

  I don’t even know what was stolen.

  ROBIN

  I regret…

  I do not want to lie to you.

  COLIN

  I understand.

  ROBIN

  I will, though, one day.

  COLIN

  When you are back in England?

  You should only make a promise that you can keep.

  ‘Tis my first advice. And if you don’t want to weep,

  You should never tarry in any endeavor,

  Whether it be a speech, an action or favor.

  Do it. We belong in a trade where life is short,

  Shorter than in most. This is why we resort

  To instant delights. So, live without a regret,

  And go for anything – everything – you covet.

  ROBIN

  These are sound pieces of advice by which to live.

  I will try to implement them, not just believe.

  COLIN

  You are so different from the soldiers I know,

  You look so innocent, so…

  ROBIN

  Why not say callow?

  COLIN

  I mean in a good way. Look at my hands, they’re rough.

  You seem to have inner strength though you are not tough.

  You don’t seem, like so many of your kind, your peers,

  To have been raised by your parents with oats and beers.

  ROBIN

  (Indignant)

  And with what might I ask, you esteem I was raised?

  Did I not fight like you? Did I not too get grazed?

  COLIN

  You sure did, you sure did! I did mean no offense!

  Seeing you in combat… I will take your defense

  If anyone denies you skills.

  ROBIN

  So, what is it?

  What are you trying to say?

  COLIN

  Give me a minute.

  I am trying to arrange my thoughts.

  ROBIN

  A second

  Is likely what’s needed.

  COLIN

  That’s not fair! I am fond

  Of you, young lad.

  ROBIN

  Excuse me?

  COLIN

  I mean, you are fun

  To have around.

  ROBIN

  Is it a compliment? A pun?

  COLIN

  If I said it in French, it would start making sense.

  ROBIN

  For now you’re making none, and I do mean offense.

  COLIN

  I think I will shut up, keep my foot in my mouth.

  ROBIN

  I suggest you do that, ere it goes further south.

  Scene 3

  (Enter Swashbuckler, Henry, Patrick, John)

  SWASHBUCKLER

  We have recovered no item of real value,

  Yet those papers we found all do confirm our view :

  ‘Tis in Prague will occur the event we so dread.

  HENRY

  (Points to the two anarchists)

  Those two will need to talk, the other three are dead.

  ROBIN

  And the one who escaped?

  PATRICK

  Trampled by a carriage.

  JOHN

  (To the anarchists)

  Speak, or I reckon you will increase this carnage!

  PATRICK

  Tell us who is behind this plot, its every string.

  ANARCHIST 1

  I will spill everything, which is to say nothing.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Regale us.

  PATRICK

  Go on.

  ANARCHIST 1

  We are not just five, you know.

  We have…legions.

  HENRY

  Ready to invade? Strike a blow?

  ANARCHIST 1

  We were told the monarchy would be ripe to fall.

  ANARCHIST 5

  Soon. We were to stand prepared to assume control.

  ROBIN

  Where does Butler come in? Under what circumstance

  Did you get in contact and make his acquaintance?

  What were his instructions? Who were his employers?

  HENRY

  Robin, please.

  ROBIN

  What? They are traitors and betrayers!

  HENRY

  And I warrant they will be dealt accordingly.

  Now, Colin, bring the lad to the infirmary,

  Ensure his wound his taken care of.

  COLIN

  No pro
blem.

  He seems to have lost his luster of precious gem,

  To regain it calls for rest.

  ROBIN

  But I want to stay.

  HENRY

  It’s an or-der, sol-dier!

  ROBIN

  (She looks at Henry intensely before averting her gaze)

  I got carried away…

  I apologize, captain.

  (Exeunt Colin and Robin)

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Everything all right?

  JOHN

  Except the hierarchy?

  HENRY

  It was not out of spite

  That he stood up to me.

  PATRICK

  At least he has no fear.

  HENRY

  The lad is quick-tempered, but he’s no mutineer.

  JOHN

  Anyway, why don’t we pick up where we left off?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  What did they promise you? Power? Was that the payoff?

  ANARCHIST 1

  They said a civil war was about to erupt,

  Kings and queens would step down for they are too corrupt.

  ANARCHIST 5

  It was time to change things, start a revolution ;

  That ending privileges was the solution.

  At least part of it. Once done with the monarchy,

  We would have all the reins for our sweet anarchy.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Anarchy has no reins, fools.

  ANARCHIST 1

  ‘Tis what we wanted.

  Just a few more days for our wish to be granted…

  That would have been nice…grand.

  HENRY

  Surely…A grand bloodbath.

  ANARCHIST 1

  Maybe…At least we would have trodden our own path,

  Not toiled for lazy royals and ungrateful pigs!

  Now we die for their mouches and their outrageous wigs ;

  We work to death in the fields while they throw parties ;

  We lose our children to wars, our soul to taxes.

  Is it worse to die free?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  ‘Tis not for us to judge.

  ANARCHIST 5

  For whom, then? God?

  HENRY

  ‘Tis pointless, I see they won’t budge.

  Back to the matter at hand. Where is the treaty?

  ANARCHIST 1

  I don’t know.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You will speak, knave!

  JOHN

  (Threatens him with his sword)

  Answer him, noddy!

  ANARCHIST 5

  We saw Butler, ‘tis right, but he had a contact.

  ANARCHIST 1

  He came once, at night. After that…

  ANARCHIST 5

  No more compact.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Who is he?

  JOHN

  Where is it?

  HENRY

  Are they still in Paris?

  ANARCHIST 1

  ‘In a week will be a party I wouldn’t miss.’

  ‘Tis all the contact said.

  ANARCHIST 5

  In Prague.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  What happens then?

  ANARCHIST 1

  We were not informed, either me or my brethren.

  PATRICK

  This is quite a letdown compared to what we hoped.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Gents, we need change tactics. ‘Tis time we interloped.

  We have to turn nosy, shake all our informants ;

  Ask all bandits, burglars, even shady vagrants ;

  Explore all dens of thieves until details are churned ;

  Speak to the smallest guild and leave no stone unturned.

  Such a tremendous plot cannot go unnoticed,

  The occasion demands your skills should be practiced.

  This morn is not an insurmountable setback,

  We must be on our feet and ready to attack.

  Prepare your stuff : we leave for Prague this afternoon.

  If the night is too dark we will pray for the moon.

  Away scoundrels, to jail! My men will escort you.

  Gentlemen, we shall need ready our motley crew.

  (Exeunt Patrick, John, with the two anarchists)

  HENRY

  Swash, prithee, a word?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Many more you can obtain.

  HENRY

  May I ask a favor, which I cannot explain?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Continue.

  HENRY

  Earlier, Robin almost got killed.

  I should…

  SWASHBUCKLER

  It is no fault of yours his blood got spilled.

  HENRY

  You misunderstand, Swash. His life is more precious –

  ‘Tis an understatement – than mine. ‘Tis serious.

  I could not bear to win without bringing him back,

  That would bring disrepute, disgrace worse than payback.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  What would you have me do? Tell him to stay behind?

  HENRY

  No, for he’s too proud and has revenge on his mind.

  We will face other fights – a brawl or a scuffle –

  Ensure that at all time he is safe from trouble.

  And if you have to choose between his life and mine,

  Sacrifice your old friend if that means the lad’s fine.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I will bear it in mind.

  (He pauses a second)

  He means a lot to you.

  HENRY

  Yes, though I cannot disclose why yet. His value

  Is beyond telling.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I promise to do my best.

  HENRY

  I thank thee in advance. Your lineage be blessed!

  (Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry)

  Scene 4

  (Back at the inn. Colin and Robin are sitting at a table)

  ROBIN

  My arm is fine, I assure you.

  COLIN

  Do you feel pain?

  ROBIN

  Not in the least. I believe I had made it plain.

  COLIN

  I’m just asking. One day, I received a bullet

  Generously sent by an enemy’s musket.

  ROBIN

  That’s horrible!

  COLIN

  You guessed it, the pain was blinding.

  My long recovery was full with suffering.

  ROBIN

  I imagine. Is risking your life a habit?

  COLIN

  ‘Tis not a goal.

  ROBIN

  Where did you say you were hit?

  COLIN

  I give you a hint : I could not sit for two weeks.

  That was only the first of my two losing streaks.

  I tell you lad, avoid getting shot in the ass.

  You want to see the scar?

  ROBIN

  Thanks but…I think I’ll pass.

  COLIN

  This is exactly why I warned you earlier

  To enjoy when you can the arms of a lover.

  For instance, who have you have been doting on of late?

  Who is your amoureuse?

  ROBIN

  I feel you will berate

  Me – at least be judgmental – if I tell the truth.

  COLIN

  I never deride verity. So, when a youth –

  Such as yourself – utters it, I listen doubly.

  ROBIN

  I have none, sir.

  COLIN

  Why ever not? There are plenty,

  I’m sure, would consider it a boon, an honor.

  ROBIN

  I can’t do what I want, I have a protector.

  And he is very – protective. He’s my uncle.

  COLIN

  Tell him you want to switch his burdensome shackle

  With one sweeter than silk, for it is o
ne called love.

  Tell him a youth like you settles for naught above.

  You are twenty, tudieu –

  ROBIN

  Eighteen.

  COLIN

  So young, eighteen!

  You should have a lover, like you, fair, pristine.

  Tell me at least you’ve been in love.

  ROBIN

  Never. Not once.

  COLIN

  That’s unacceptable, the only wrong response!

  You’ve lived secluded, yes, but this is no excuse.

  I’ll need speak with your uncle about this abuse.

  Where ever have you been? Dwelling in a forest?

  You, the living proof of culture at its finest,

  Have not experienced this mix of elation,

  Joy and all things sublime? And don’t make me mention

  All the gifts, the pleasures, the godsends that ensue.

  It is an adventure that I urge you pursue.

  You should already know what it’s like to wake up

  And admire the face of your loved one at sunup ;

  Recognize the scent of her body, of her hair ;

  Hold her tiny hands in yours, tell her that she’s fair ;

  Play with her when it’s hot, let her ruffle your beard

  (Though you seem to have been spared so far, that is weird).

  ‘Tis an intense feeling, you shouldn’t wait to try,

  There is nothing like it, not on Earth or the sky.

  For it lives in your mind, and resides in your heart.

  I wish not to spoil it, forgive if I impart

  Too much information.

  ROBIN

  You are not garrulous,

  I assure you. If anything, I am jealous,

  Having no – no first-hand knowledge of what you speak.

  COLIN

  I could dissert all day and still not reach the peak,

  I could write lengthy books, encyclopedias,

  Treatises, discourses, and even fantasias,

  And would still miss the core, of what love really is.

  ROBIN

  I understand, Monsieur, you have some expertise.

  COLIN

  Not enough for my taste, but the life is still young.

  If love was a ladder, I’d be on the first rung.

  ROBIN

  (More to herself than to respond to Colin)

  I wouldn’t have started.

  COLIN

  ‘Tis why you shouldn’t wait.

  ROBIN

  What about your lover? How has she been of late?

  COLIN

  Well, as fate would have it – and ‘tis a strange creature –

  Constance, my lover, loathed the constant adventure

  That is my life. As you know, as a musketeer,

  I owe allegiance to the King, whom I revere.

  My task is dangerous, I often risk my life,

  ‘Tis not good for a lover, less so for a wife.

  She chose to let me go.

  ROBIN

  I’m sorry.

  COLIN

  ‘Tis all right.

  At least she did not leave out of chagrin or spite.

  ‘Tis germane to the game, and I enjoy my part.

  ‘Tis love after all, failures are not meant to thwart,

  Only…stimulate, goad on, arouse or inflame.

  Giving up would be unacceptable.

  ROBIN

  And lame.

  COLIN

  You said it!

  (Enter Henry)

  HENRY

  Lads.

  ROBIN

  Captain, you’re back. What have you learned?

  HENRY

  Nothing that’s important. They kicked, they swore, they spurned,

  But in the end they confessed everything they knew.

  We also had their documents under review :

  There is nothing on Butler, or his accomplice,

  Whoever they are, Robin, they have some practice :

  They left not trace or clue, naught incriminating.

  Except for Prague of course…

  ROBIN

  Which we were suspecting.

  HENRY

  Whatever they have planned, it is a clever ploy.

  It is safe to assume, their “friends” were a decoy,

  Willful participants, idiots outsmarted,

  By shrewder men than they.

  COLIN

  You look devastated!

  ROBIN

  I was hoping for more.

  COLIN

  We still have time, you know.

  HENRY

  Not so much, we need to depart.

  ROBIN

  When? Tomorrow?

  HENRY

  Today. It is crucial we leave this afternoon.

  COLIN

  He will need a new coat, and a new pantaloon.

  ROBIN

  These are bloody and worn.

  HENRY

  What were you two doing?

  Why is it not done?

  COLIN

  We were just idle, talking…

  HENRY

  About what –

  ROBIN

  Nothing, nothing!

  HENRY

  Procrastinating?

  COLIN

  About love and matters…uplifting, wonderful.

  HENRY

  Why am I not surprised…?

  COLIN

  Is there more meaningful?

  HENRY

  I am always baffled by your choice of topics,

  The French. When it is not about your heroics,

  What do you talk about, other than love and cheese?

  COLIN

  We devise constant plots, with panache and with ease,

  To get our friends, our enemies, those we don’t know,

  To talk about us, les French.

  HENRY

  Are you that shallow?

  Never mind that, Colin, it was rhetorical.

  COLIN

  Captain, what is love without hatred after all?

  Would respect, admiration, exist without spite?

  We get publicity, ‘tis a cause for delight.

  HENRY

  Wonderful! Please tell me all about this…never.

  Pack up your things swiftly for after lunch we ride.

  (Exeunt Henry, Colin, Robin)

  Scene 5

  (Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery)

  MOINEAU

  My favorite scallywags, currency aside –

  For we have spent much of our little money left

  And, at some point, we will need to resort to theft –

  We have now secured safe passage to Prague.

  TEW & AVERY

  Hooray!

  MOINEAU

  In three days we arrive. It will be, I daresay,

  Easy for resourceful men like us to find him,

  Aquarius. A true mage who could, on a whim,

  Turn us into statues, or in founts of wisdom.

  His knowledge is so vast, he nigh wilts of boredom.

  He thirsts for books always, yet he owns so many,

  It is said he keeps in secret a library.

  It is full of grimoires written on human skin

  (They stand the test of time and are famed for their sheen) ;

  Replete with manuscripts that only he has read,

  Magical works that, once opened, will leave you dead ;

  Handwritten documents from old antiquity,

  Books bound by vellum, leather, sometimes sorcery.

  ‘Tis why I brought a volume of folk lore – Vodou,

  Straight from Haiti. Bargaining chip for the cuckoo.

  TEW

  Do you mean our pistols…

  MOINEAU

  They are more than useless.

  He can snap his fingers – Boom! You become a cress.

  AVERY

  If he owns the secret, to create gold at will,

  Why does he live in Pra
gue and like a pauper still?

  MOINEAU

  He is out of this world, he cares naught for riches.

  TEW

  Why hasn’t he been killed, like all other witches?

  MOINEAU

  Everyone is afraid. They all dread his power.

  AVERY

  He could join us.

  TEW

  I don’t want to die a flower.

  I like my body : scars, the one eye, stench and all.

  AVERY

  You could do with a shower…in a waterfall.

  TEW

  You could do with muscles and a beautiful face.

  AVERY

  Yeah? Well…you look like you shave eyes closed, with a mace!

  MOINEAU

  Stop it you two! This is getting aggravating.

  TEW & AVERY

  Yeah, stop it!

  MOINEAU

  Great…Enough!

  TEW

  Where will we be staying?

  MOINEAU

  I was told of a place that’s both cheap and discreet

  (Where gentlemen like us – in other words, thieves – meet)

  Called…Richard’s Taverne des Colonies Britanniques.

  TEW

  Fie! ‘Tis a most cumbersome name.

  AVERY

  ‘Tis eccentric,

  It will never take.

  MOINEAU

  Anyway lads, let’s say Tavern.

  It was recommended by that pirate, Redfern.

  We got drunk together, last time in Tortuga,

  He praised their sturdy beds and their brands of vodka.

  AVERY

  We can’t really take his word for it, now can we?

  We will test them, or my name is not Avery.

  TEW

  I am agreeable with that wee scurvy chum :

  We will need to sample their vodka…and their rum!

  Act III

  Scene 1

  (A room in Prague Castle. Enter Swashbuckler and Maria Carolina)

  SWASHBUCKLER

  ‘Tis an immense pleasure to see you, as always,

  Your Ladyship.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Likewise, Armand. If it allays

  Your fears…

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Yes?

  MARIA CAROLINA

  You are hereby allowed to dispense

  From niceties. Otherwise, I will take offense.

  We should be able to talk like friends, Swashbuckler.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  As you wish, Maria.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Isn’t it easier?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  For me, perhaps, but for you…?

  MARIA CAROLINA

  What?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Surely your ears…

  Must be accustomed to compliments, lauds and cheers.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Armand?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Yes?

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Am I one to yearn for flattery?

  Have you ever seen me give in to vanity?

  You think me frivolous, superficial, shallow?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Even their antonyms appear to me hollow.

  You are literally, extraordinary

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Even you admit it!

  (She beams)

  Now we can talk freely.

  I hope you and your friends had a safe trip.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  We coped…

  But it was much less eventful than we had hoped.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Where you looking for danger? On purpose?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Never!

  You know me. The thrill of it makes my heart shiver!

  MARIA CAROLINA

  I imagine you are here for the ball.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Not quite.

  Peace in Europe may have earned a welcome respite,

  But evil is at work that tries to undo that.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  I guess ‘tis not to be solved by a diplomat.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You are nimble as ever.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  You need assistance?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Please do not see in my answer a defiance.

  People are involved – we have reasons to believe –

  That are in high places. A palace is a sieve,

  As you already know, gossip and tidings spread

  Faster than wildfire.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  And if any was fed –

  SWASHBUCKLER

  To our enemies, yes, it may cause our downfall,

  Not just for Bohemia, but Europe as a whole.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  You know in case of need, my offer does still stand.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You spontaneity humbles me, makes you grand.

  I wish more were like you, blessed with a heart of gold ;

  Your mind is a beacon, your spirit a stronghold.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Enough with official matters. How is Paris?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Abuzz with sad laments, how noblewomen miss

  The life of balls and parties.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Do not forget plays.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You were quite fond of Molière.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  I miss those days.

  I remember sneaking past you to attend some.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You weren’t sneaking, Maria.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Yes.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  No.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  How come?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I was there the whole time. Each time.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  No, you weren’t.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You want the time and place? For each?

  MARIA CAROLINA

  No, you couldn’t!

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You were let out in truth. It was estimated

  That, had you been secluded, you would have wilted.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  My mother?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Your mother.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  I thought I was clever.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I saw many plays, in many a theater,

  All thanks to you.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  What can I say but ‘you’re welcome’?

  At times I felt guilty for being troublesome,

  I see it wasn’t necessary. Did you follow

  When I visited La Bénard, my playfellow?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  (He nods ‘yes’)

  And let us not forget Madame de Bonneval.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Yes… My God… How I enjoyed every recital.

  You must have spent many nights, sleeping in the streets.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  By far those nights were not my most displeasing feats.

  I would do it again if you asked politely.

  (He smiles)

  MARIA CAROLINA

  That’s enough trouble on my account already!

  How long do you intend to stay?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Until the ball.

  Whether these days mean my success, or my downfall,

  I will need be done by the time you start dancing.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Before you depart, will you make time for waltzing?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I advise against it, Maria. The trouble

  Is I have two left feet. I am incapable,

  Unfit, inept and utterly incompetent

  When it comes to this art.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  You should be confident,

  Every art can be learned.

  SWA
SHBUCKLER

  If you commit…maybe.

  But my muse deserted me, fickle Terpsichore.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Then let me take her place, teach you my savoir-faire.

  If you follow my lead, you will not need despair.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  As you wish your Highness. I do hope for your sake

  I succeed.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Have you been known to make mistake?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Not when it mattered. This time, the stakes are higher.

  You shouldn’t underestimate my challenger.

  This time it is not an army with their leader ;

  It is not a bunch of thieves and miscreants either.

  Our foes are astute, patient yet deft, clear-thinking.

  This is more than just waving a sword and killing.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  I have faith in you, Armand.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I thank thee for it.

  I hope I show worthy.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  I know you never quit.

  What about the accommodation? Do you need –

  SWASHBUCKLER

  ‘Tis all arranged. Richard’s Taverne…Some den of mead.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Ah, yes, The Tavern.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You know it?

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Everyone does.

  It is a den of perdition, a shack, a scuzz.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Perfect! The thing we need in our situation.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  Are you that desperate?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Yes…For information.

  The numbers in their ranks must be quite tremendous.

  Some must be amateurs, they will not be cautious.

  Someone will brag, boast. Who better than a blackguard?

  Someone will slip. Who’s more helpful than a drunkard?

  MARIA CAROLINA

  I know you and your friends capable of prowess,

  And I wish you the luck to ensure your success.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I thank you once more for your consideration.

  I hope to see you soon.

  MARIA CAROLINA

  ‘Tis an obligation!

  (Exeunt Swashbuckler, Maria Carolina)

  Scene 2

  (Richard’s Tavern. Colin and Robin are sitting at a table. There are other clients around, talking and drinking.)

  ROBIN

  She is not!

  COLIN

  She is! That’s how it starts, courtship :

  Eye contact.

  ROBIN

  I…I’m not gifted with words.

  COLIN

  Bullwhip!

  ROBIN

  (She’s about to correct him but changes her mind)

  It’s true. I do not possess the capacity

  To put feelings into words, unlike you.

  COLIN

  What? Me?

  Of course you can too. ‘Tis question of practice.

  ‘Tis exactly why you should talk to that novice,

  That fair, young waitress that has been circling around.

  I can start the conversation. How does that sound?

  ROBIN

  Colin, we have better things to do.

  COLIN

  Methinks not.

  ROBIN

  I should think too.

  COLIN

  Not.

  ROBIN

  Too.

  COLIN

  Not.

  ROBIN

  Mission…you forgot?

  COLIN

  The plot can wait. At least it can wait ten minutes.

  How else are you going to find out your limits,

  If you never try?

  ROBIN

  She is not interested,

  I warrant thee.

  COLIN

  Let me ascertain it. Granted,

  You are English…That could well be an obstacle…

  (He looks at Robin smugly)

  Seriously, there is no need for miracle.

  You come off as good-natured and unassuming,

  Yet a soldier, which means fortitude –

  ROBIN

  And killing…

  COLIN

  (He dismisses her remark)

  I invite her for a drink, you talk, as I would.

  ROBIN

  Pray don’t, Colin, I am clearly not in the mood.

  COLIN

  What did I say about living in the present?

  ROBIN

  Maybe later, if we do find the document.

  (Exit Robin)

  COLIN

  It is a strange feeling, seeing a youth like him,

  Replete with qualities, skills, yet looking so grim.

  He could ask for the world, and the world would comply ;

  If he talked to angels, the angels would reply ;

  His smile is compelling, so is his good nature ;

  It won’t take him a year to increase his stature.

  His wife will be happy, when he finds that someone.

  But he is also right, there is work to be done.

  (Exit Colin. Enter Swashbuckler and Henry)

  HENRY

  I had the time to meet with the chief of police.

  I warned him of the huge potential prejudice

  In case we failed to recover the document.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  You briefed him exactly on what is our intent?

  HENRY

  I did not specify the investigation,

  Our methods or our clues, our every suspicion.

  I told him that, first, we would inquire on our side,

  That they should do the same.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I hope we coincide,

  In our line of action. Did he give you some…tips?

  HENRY

  Yes. Not to expect anything from the barkeeps,

  Rather ask their clients.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Did we pick the right shop?

  HENRY

  Again, yes. But we will need to split up and hop,

  For there are many others. We could make three teams.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  ‘Tis right. We have scores of people to see,

  HENRY

  Droves,

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Reams.

  HENRY

  There is also a man, well versed in…everything

  Who knows all about Prague, what is there happening.

  His name’s Aquarius, his shop is in Old Town,

  Like this inn. He would wear the biggest, rarest, crown,

  If knowledge was a title.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  It sounds promising.

  Well, any other issue we need addressing?

  (Enter Irina)

  IRINA

  Henry! It is such not a surprise to see you!

  (She bows her head ever so lightly in direction of Swashbuckler)

  Armand…

  HENRY

  Krasota! Walking in here, in plain view?!

  Are you not afraid this…event might cause a stir?

  IRINA

  What can I say, Henry? I like to give a spur

  To hard-working people and foreign spies alike.

  I’m generous with my beauty.

  HENRY

  How ladylike…

  IRINA

  What? They do not see something gorgeous every day…

  Do they?

  HENRY

  Definitely not. You’re here for the fray,

  I suppose.

  IRINA

  Wrong, for revelry, jest, and romance.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  We came for the same reasons all the way from France.

  IRINA

  Then we will meet one another in the ballroom,

  Won’t we?

  HENRY

  I look forw
ard to it. Who is your groom?

  IRINA

  I am not sure just yet. I feel that it might change.

  HENRY

  It depends if you’re done exacting your revenge?

  IRINA

  Henry, Henry…How long has it been?

  HENRY

  Too long, why?

  IRINA

  You should know I have no reason for you to die.

  HENRY

  When was the last time we tried to kill each other?

  Was it in London? Greece? Maybe in Hanover?

  IRINA

  Water under the bridge…

  HENRY

  Why not tell the truth then?

  IRINA

  It so happens a tragedy has befallen

  Not just England but, sadly, Europe as a whole,

  Because of your incompetence and a wee mole.

  Is that truthful enough? Be careful what you wish…

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Now that is being honest!

  HENRY

  I do not relish

  The ominous prospect…

  IRINA

  You are not one to sob,

  So don’t tell me what to do, and do your own job.

  Now, I have an appointment that I cannot postpone.

  (She makes to leave)

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Love the perfume, by the way. Fire and brimstone?

  (She looks at him but does not acknowledge his quip. Exit Irina. Swashbuckler and Henry keep talking. Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery)

  MOINEAU

  You see, jackanapes, ‘twas easier than we thought.

  Information was free, didn’t need to be bought.

  We will have lunch, drink some ale, and be on our way.

  TEW

  And you really think he will give his boon away?

  I don’t care what anyone says, it’s codswallop

  Eh, Avery?

  AVERY

  What? I was eyeing that trollop,

  Not listening to you. I know my name’s one-sack…

  MOINEAU

  Stop it! Our goal –

  AVERY

  Is to be done with stale hardtack.

  To me that is more important than gold. After…

  So, I don’t care what it takes : robbery, murder,

  I’ll do it.

  TEW

  I like your newfound enthusiasm.

  AVERY

  I’ve just been reminded of a nice phantasm,

  That, in order it be satisfied…well, it is…

  Easier when you possess plenty of riches.

  MOINEAU

  ‘Tis getting tiresome. One-sack, one-eye, are ye done?

  (Swashbuckler and Henry overheard the conversation and stood up to approach the pirates)

  SWASHBUCKLER

  One-eye? A pirate’s name if I ever heard one.

  MOINEAU

  Sailors, good sir. We are poor and frail sailors.

  HENRY

  While, for our part, we are poor yet mighty jailers.

  TEW

  I am called one-eye for I lost one to a hook.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Let me guess…You were fishing…somewhere…on a brook,

  And it happened so fast…

  TEW

  You presume correctly.

  AVERY

  I am called one-sack –

  SWASHBUCKLER

  I will stand the mystery.

  What might three…gentlemen, like yourselves, be doing,

  Here, in Prague, of all places?

  MOINEAU

  Strolling, visiting…

  Granted, this city is not the most maritime,

  But we can enjoy it unless…it is a crime?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Not yet. So, this has nothing to do with the ball?

  TEW & AVERY

  What ball?

  SWASHBUCKLER

  The one in Prague Castle. The concert hall

  Will welcome many a noble man and woman.

  TEW & AVERY

  When?

  MOINEAU

  I’m not interested, for I’m no cracksman.

  TEW & AVERY

  When will it happen?

  MOINEAU

  Shut it, for crying out loud!

  SWASHBUCKLER

  It could attract unsavory folks, the wrong crowd…

  I suggest you be extra careful your time here,

  Guards are on the lookout – and each one has a spear.

  MOINEAU

  We will pay heed to your extremely sound advice.

  With any luck, we will be gone by then.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  That’s nice.

  MOINEAU

  Now, if you will excuse us, we have some business…

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Of course, I hope I didn’t cause any distress.

  What did you say your name was again, voyager?

  MOINEAU

  I didn’t. I do not share it with a stranger.

  (Swashbuckler awaits the reply, hand on the hilt of his sword)

  I was named after my father : Jacques Moineau.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Jacques Moineau, eh? He must have been…a drôle d’oiseau.

  Enjoy your stay in Prague, your return to the sea.

  By the way, where is your father now?

  MOINEAU

  No idea.

  Possibly in Singapore.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  ‘Tis impossible!

  MOINEAU

  If he was present, he would say improbable.

  (Exeunt Moineau, Tew, Avery)

  SWASHBUCKLER

  We will need keep an eye on them.

  HENRY

  I doubt them too.

  If three men ever looked like pirates…well, they do.

  Scene 3

  (Aquarius’ shop. A bazaar full to the brim with sundry objects, stacks of books, chemistry equipment. Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery)

  MOINEAU

  Is there someone in here? Is the place deserted?

  TEW

  Is this a test? See how long we will have waited

  Before tearing the place down?

  AVERY

  This shop is a mess.

  Look at all this junk…’Tis scary I must confess.

  Vials, bottles filled with limbs, sundry instruments…

  TEW

  Eclectic items, odd jars, dubious contents.

  AVERY

  Look at that! A helmet, from a real knight’s armor!

  TEW

  You’ve a vizard, Avery. For a warrior,

  It be most befitting.

  AVERY

  I see you found one too!

  TEW

  It’s my face you cur!

  MOINEAU

  Enough already you two!

  TEW

  Are you sure he’s not dead that doctor…Sirius?

  AQUARIUS

  (The voice comes from afar)

  Aquarius.

  TEW

  Doctor who?

  AQUARIUS

  ‘Tis Aquarius.

  Not Doctor ‘Sirius,’ not Doctor ‘who?’ either.

  Since you are not men of science, why the bother?

  What’s the need for this ruckus, this cacophony?

  Who are you to disrupt my precious harmony?

  MOINEAU

  Most wise Aquarius, my name is Jacques Moineau.

  We have sailed with my friends straight from Porto Rico.

  We were told you could help in matters that pertain

  To secret lore. We could drive an easy bargain.

  We are most pliable and ready to offer,

  A lot more than is worth a short stack of paper.

  AQUARIUS

  I don’t need to be wise : you’re looking for John Dee.

  Well, his papers that tell the possibility,

  Of turning refuse into gold. ‘Tis quite a task.

  MOINEAU

  You –
/>
  AQUARIUS

  No. I know because you’re not the first to ask.

  How are you different? Why should you possess them?

  MOINEAU

  It will not be used for riches, or cause mayhem.

  It is meant to create our sweet Libertalia,

  An island, a refuge, for any pariah.

  Far from all the troubles and travails of the world,

  In which the powerful and the weak have been hurled

  All alike. ‘Tis utopia, a paradise.

  ‘Tis less than civilization : a compromise,

  Between a life of crime and one of slavery.

  ‘Tis not to end up rich, but secure and happy.

  AQUARIUS

  I’m surprised, for you seem to be speaking the truth.

  I am old and ‘tis a rare thing to see, forsooth.

  I’m a Pangloss to boot, an overt enthusiast,

  But ‘tis the first time I see such honesty fast.

  MOINEAU

  I knew you would see reason.

  AQUARIUS

  ‘Tis not just reason.

  ‘Tis ennui and the coming of my last season…

  (Speaking more to himself than to the pirates)

  It is not people surround me. ‘Tis a tidings.

  A tidings of magpies. For they like shiny things,

  Trinkets, dross, baubles, gold and other bagatelles.

  And when it is not things, it is damsels or belles

  (When it is not floozies, filles de joie, trulls, harlots).

  How I long to converse not with prize idiots,

  But with the geniuses of old, Plato, Aristotle,

  Diogenes, or even any apostle.

  As the poet said, the flesh is unfulfilling

  Alas! and I have read all books. ‘Tis maddening.

  I am sorry for musing sadly. My last breath

  Should happen soon, I am not afraid to meet death.

  This is also my way of saying – just in case –

  That since I fear not the Grim Reaper’s sweet embrace,

  You have nothing with which to threaten me. Nothing.

  You need not think about stealing or menacing.

  MOINEAU

  All those horrible thoughts never did cross my mind.

  Now, what say you we put introductions behind?

  What about the papers, those written by John Dee?

  Do you have them? Do they tell of the…recipe?

  AQUARIUS

  Yes, yes. But have you something to trade?

  MOINEAU

  I do.

  A rare volume on pagan religion : Vodou.

  AQUARIUS

  (He looks at the book)

  Fie! I already have it!

  TEW & AVERY

  We did this for naught!

  MOINEAU

  Are you certain that those papers cannot be bought.

  AQUARIUS

  (He ponders the question some time)

  There is one thing…

  TEW & AVERY

  What is it?

  AQUARIUS

  Well, other papers…

  MOINEAU

  Which ones?

  AQUARIUS

  Are you willing to become gravediggers?

  TEW & AVERY

  How so?

  AQUARIUS

  There is a tomb in the cemetery,

  In which are interred tools…powerful sorcery.

  It is that of Rabbi Loew, the famed creator

  Of the golem, a juggernaut and destructor.

  Through powerful hexes, he did, that Maharal,

  Animate a lump of clay, strong but amoral.

  Bring what you find to me…You can keep your Vodou.

  TEW

  If he is around the corner, why didn’t you –

  AQUARIUS

  (To himself)

  Blessed ignoramuses! Because of the curse…

  AVERY

  What?

  AQUARIUS

  Rehearse…potion-making. I have to rehearse.

  All the time. And I’m old. And busy. You can leave…

  (He dismisses them summarily. Exit Aquarius)

  MOINEAU

  He did say curse. Well, we will find others to heave

  That tomb. We will hire two strong men, to deal with that.

  To work, ye fools. And keep all this under your hat.

  Scene 4

  (In the streets of Prague. Enter Swashbuckler, Henry, Colin, Robin, John, Patrick)

  SWASHBUCKLER

  Aquarius was no help.

  HENRY

  He’s not in his prime.

  It was too much to ask, helping us defeat crime.

  He leaves in his ivory tower of knowledge,

  Not safely inside, mind you, rather on the ledge.

  JOHN

  We should do as you both suggested earlier :

  Split up, investigate, alone or together.

  PATRICK

  I’ll join the police, they question their informants.

  HENRY

  For my part I will talk to the guild of merchants.

  SWASHBUCKLER

  There are many