Once in Every Life

  His gaze turned lovingly to Katie. His Katydid. Her big brown eyes were shining and bright with laughter. The sight of her made his chest ache with longing for the relationship he'd never let himself develop with her, for the thousands of lost moments and lost opportunities.

  Maybe they're not lost anymore. Maybe ...

  He glanced across the table, and his breath caught. His wife was looking right at him, and once again her eyes seemed to see too much.

  Once again he thought: Maybe. The small pod of hope buried deep in his heart sent roots twining around his soul.

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  The tentative tendrils that had been planted at yesterday's picnic began to sprout and grow.

  A soft, beguiling smile shaped her lips. Crazily he knew it was a smile meant for him alone. She dipped her head in an almost invisible nod.

  His heartbeat picked up speed. So did his pulse.

  I'm not imagining this, he thought suddenly. It's real. She's changing?really, truly changing.

  For the first time in years, he allowed himself to believe. Maybe?just maybe?there was hope for him and Lissa. Hope for them all.

  The school bell rang out loud and clear, indicating the end of the school day.

  Katie let out her breath in a long sigh of relief. In her lap, wedged tightly between her skirted thighs, her fists relaxed. She'd made it through the day without getting laughed at.

  Beside her, Savannah was busy collecting her books and restrapping them together. Katie scooted back in her chair and stood up. Staring down at the books spewed across her desk, she reached shakily for the shortened leather belt.

  Concentrate, she told herself. // ain 't that hard. It can't be. Everyone else does it all the time.

  Course, everyone else did lots of things that came hard for her.

  With exaggerated care, she began stacking her books in a pile atop the open strap.

  "Savannah? Katie?"

  She froze. It was Miss Ames's voice.

  "Yes, ma'am?" Savannah answered.

  Katie swallowed reflexively and forced her chin up. Miss Ames was staring right at her. She felt a shiver of fear at the hardness in the teacher's eyes.

  Miss Ames walked crisply toward them, her heels clattering

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  rapid-fire along the wooden floorboards. Each click-click-click hit Katie like a slap on the cheek. At her sides, she clutched the heavy wool of her skirt and twisted it nervously.

  Miss Ames held out a small scrap of paper. "Savannah, I want you to take this home to your mother. I expect her to call on me in the next few days about?" her disapproving gaze cut to Katie "?your sister's deplorable laziness."

  Katie whimpered quietly and pinned her gaze on the scarred wooden tabletop.

  "She ain't lazy, Miss Ames. She works real?"

  "Don't tell me my job," Miss Ames interrupted with a sour look. "I've been teaching longer than you've been alive, and believe me, any child who can't read by the age of seven is just plain lazy. Or stupid."

  Savannah reached sideways and clasped Katie's trembling hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

  Katie clung to her sister's hand. Tears of shame and humiliation burned behind her eyes. The blackboard blurred into a charcoal-colored smear against the wooden wall.

  "Run along now," Miss Ames said, whirling around and striding briskly back to her desk at the front of the classroom.

  Savannah swept up Katie's books and strapped them together in a practiced movement that made Katie feel even more stupid and clumsy.

  "Let's go, Katie." She clutched the books to her chest and led her sister into the aisle.

  Katie kept her head down and tried desperately to stop crying as she stumbled along beside her sister. She stared hard at her feet, watching each step and trying not to trip. Down the aisle, through the doorway, along the sagging wooden steps, and onto the soft new shoots of grass.

  "You can look up now," Savannah said softly. "Everybody's gone."

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  Katie forced her trembling chin up. The fenced, treed school yard blurred into a wash of green grass and blue sky.

  "Miss Ames is wrong. You ain't lazy. You're just ..." "Stupid." The humiliating word burst from Katie. "No!" Savannah's books fell from her arms and hit the

  dirt with a thud and a puff of dust. She whirled around and

  dropped to her knees, grabbing Katie by the shoulders.

  "You ain't stupid. Don't you believe that. Not even for a

  minute."

  Huge, aching tears squeezed past Katie's lashes and streaked down her cheeks. "I try so hard."

  Savannah's eyes filled with tears. "I know." Her voice was barely more than a croak of sound.

  It made Katie feel even worse to see Savannah cry. "Come on," she said thickly, "let's go home."

  Savannah pulled Katie into her arms. "I'll help you," she whispered against her neck. "I swear I will. I just don't know how."

  Tess stared at the note in shock. She snapped her chin up, a stinging comment poised at her mouth.

  Then she noticed the girls. Savannah was wide-eyed with fear, her skin pale and chalky. And Katie had fallen into her old habit of hiding behind her sister's skirts. They were scared to death.

  Tess forced herself to appear calm and in control. She was too angry with that witch at the schoolhouse to talk with the girls rationally right now, but she would later. And by the time she was through, neither one of them would ever be afraid again. "Don't worry, girls," she said softly. "I'll handle this."

  Jack heard determined footsteps coming toward the barn, and he winced. He knew that brisk, no-nonsense gait

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  all too well. It wasn't part of any "new and improved" wife. It was the old Amarylis all the way. And it was trouble.

  Crunch?crunch?crunch.

  Every time her heel hit the dirt, he flinched.

  "Jack?"

  He steeled himself and turned slowly around. "Yeah?" She stopped about a foot from him and stuck her hand out. A small, white scrap of paper, its edges curled from nervous handling, lay in her palm. "Look at this." He frowned. "What is it?" "Read it."

  "Just tell me what it says."

  She snatched her hand back and brought the paper closer to her face. "Dear Mrs. Rafferty, I must meet with you regarding Mary Katherine's deplorable lack of attention and laziness in the classroom. Any afternoon shall be suitable for our conversation. Sincerely, Rebecca Ames." Shock, then anger, blazed through Jack, turning into a cold, hard knot in his chest. His fingers tightened painfully

  around the hammer.

  He thought instantly of the last time Miss Ames had sent a note home. The memory of his wife's reaction was seared into his brain.

  That note, like this one, was short and sweet. Dear Mrs. Rafferty, I believe you sfwuld be aware that Mary Katherine is experiencing significant difficulty in learning the fundamentals of reading. If you would like to speak with me regarding her laziness, I would be pleased to set aside some time. Sincerely, Rebecca Ames.

  God, how Amarylis had laughed. Even now he could hear the grating, almost hysterical sound. She'd torn the note up and tossed it in the fireplace.

  "What is there to talk about, Jackson? Our daughter's

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  stupidity?" Then she'd cast him a glance that would burn through steel. "Blood will tell, after all...."

  "Say something, damn it," she yelled.

  He eyed her suspiciously, wondering what the hell she expected of him this time. "Like what?"

  "Like what1? The old bat just called your daughter stupid!"

  Jack stared at her in confusion. It sounded as if she were . . . angry. But that couldn't be. She didn't give a shit about Katie.

  Disgust narrowed her eyes. "You're some piece of work, Jack Rafferty. Let's go."

  "Go? You don't mean?"

  She crushed the paper in her fist and rammed a pointed finger against his chest. "
We're going to see the teacher."

  Stark, icy desperation washed over him. He backed away, shaking his head. Not this.

  "Hitch up the team. I'm going to go feed Caleb, and then we're leaving."

  Panic clawed through his enforced calm. He couldn't go with her. Not now. Not until he found some way to control his emotions. God knew if he heard that bitch call his Katydid stupid, he'd probably belt the woman.

  Amarylis would see his weakness, his love for Katie, and use it to hurt them all.

  "I won't go."

  "No?" A grim, humorless smile curved her lips. It was an expression he knew well. Determination turned her eyes into cold brown chips. "Thirty minutes, Jack." Then she pivoted and strode out of the barn.

  "Damn it, Amarylis, I can't." She didn't even turn around.

  Tess sucked in her breath and held it. With shaking fingers she wrenched the corset-strings together and tied a knot.

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  A small squeak escaped her lips as she tried to exhale.

  Stumbling sideways, she clutched the wooden bedpost and tried to remain standing. Scorching pains coiled around her rib cage and squeezed until she was dizzy and panting for air.

  She collapsed onto the bed and lay perfectly still, wondering how long a human could live without air.

  Ha. Ha. Ha. Each carefully taken breath sounded like laughter in the quiet room.

  Gradually the white dots crept out of her field of vision and the aching pain in her lungs subsided. Cautiously she rolled onto her side. Then, inch by agonizing inch, she eased to a sitting position.

  Ha. Ha. Ha.

  Barely lifting her feet from the floor, she shuffled to the armoire and got dressed. The lovely forest green muslin gown she'd selected earlier settled around her shoulders and fell to the ground in folds.

  Breathing a little easier, she moved to the mirror. If she'd had any breath in her body, her reflection would have taken it away. She looked ... beautiful.

  Smiling in spite of her discomfort, she turned swiftly. Too swiftly, she realized immediately as stars once again careened across her eyes. She clutched the washstand for support.

  Ha. Ha. Ha.

  "I'll ... just stand here ... for a minute."

  She needed to come up with a plan of attack anyway. She couldn't just waltz?all right, she conceded, hobble? out to the barn and whisk Jack off his feet. It would take a plan of some sort to get his help. And by God, she would get his help. This time he was going to be a part of this family whether he wanted to or not.

  "Okay," she said to the exquisitely beautiful woman in

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  the mirror, "how shall we handle this? It won't be easy. He won't want to go."

  No, she realized, that wasn't quite right. It wasn't that he wouldn't want to go. It was that he was afraid to go. Whatever water there was under the bridge of Jack and Amarylis's marriage?and the word tsunami came to mind?it kept Jack from being the parent he wanted to be. He was afraid to show an interest in his children. Still, the old bat schoolteacher had called Katie lazy, and Tess couldn't let that pass. It was the sort of thing that scarred a child for life. Tess knew. So, how to enlist Jack's aid without causing a fight? It had to be a nonconfrontational meeting, she decided. One that wouldn't get him?or her?riled up. No more temper outbursts like she'd shown today. Angry demands were what he expected of his wife, and Tess knew she had to do the unexpected.

  She had to keep the discussion light. Not a hint of anger or even irritation could surface. Keep it light.

  Yes, that would work. No matter what he did or said or didn't say, she'd keep smiling.

  Because if there was one thing Tess had learned in the past few days, it was that her smile knocked Jack completely off guard.

  It took Tess about twenty minutes to get to the barn, but she considered it a major victory. She was, after all, conscious when she arrived.

  "Jack?"

  "Yeah?" His answer came from the darkened corner.

  She clutched the workbench's splintery end and slowly turned around. Her gaze narrowed as she searched the black, cobwebby corner. "Jack?"

  "I'm here. What do you want?"

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  "I'm waiting for you to hitch up the team."

  He stepped out of the shadows. A twig snapped beneath

  his heel, and the sound echoed through the still, silent

  barn. "You'll be waiting a long time."

  "Are you saying you won't take me to the school?" "I said you'd be waiting a long time for me to hitch up

  the team."

  Tess fought a wave of impatience. Keep it light. "Yes, I heard the words you used, I was inquiring as to your

  meaning."

  Jack was in front of her in a heartbeat. "I meant that if

  you want to go to school, go ahead. You can take Red." Tess got a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Red?" Jack smiled and cocked a thumb toward the nearest

  stall. A big, Roman-nosed sorrel snorted in response. "Big

  Red."

  Tess swallowed thickly. "Do I ride?"

  "Only thoroughbreds."

  "Somehow that doesn't surprise me. Well, saddle them

  up."

  His smile faded. "Them?"

  "I'm not going alone."

  "I'm not going with you."

  "Of course you are. How else would I find the school?"

  Jack stared at her as if she were something stuck to the bottom of his shoe. "You don't remember where the

  school is?"

  The plan fell in her lap. Perhaps a little ... misinterpretation was the best way to deal with Jack. She batted her big brown lashes at him. "Did I ever know?"

  "It's just up the road about?"

  She cleared her throat.

  He stopped midsentence and glanced down at her.

  "And what road would that be?"

  "Lissa, I swear?"

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  She shook her head. "Please don't. I'd rather not hear it."

  Jack squeezed his eyes shut. Tess got the distinct impression that he was envisioning himself strangling her. "Lissa." His voice had that tight-edged calm that bespoke a storm of emotion underneath. "You know damn well?" "I thought we only had a cistern." He blinked. "Huh?"

  This time her smile was blazingly bright. "You were saying something about a well."

  His eyes narrowed. For a split second she wondered if she hadn't pushed him too far.

  "Fine." The word shot from his mouth like a poison dart. "You want to go to the school, we'll go to the school. But don't expect me to say a damn thing."

  Tess had a nearly irrepressible urge to throw her arms

  around him. At her sides, her gloved fingers curled into

  fists. He was going to go with her! The plan had worked.

  She'd gotten him to be a parent, at least for the moment.

  She smiled. It was a start.

  A few minutes later, Tess stared at the sidesaddle in disgust and wondered if her plan had been as good as she'd thought.

  "I'm supposed to ... perch on that thing?"

  Jack nodded, making no effort to conceal his smile.

  Tess gritted her teeth. "Help me up."

  "I don't know, Lissa, wouldn't you rather?"

  "I'd rather get behind the wheel of my Jeep, but since

  that isn't too likely, what I'd like is a hand up." Jack let his reins drop to the ground and gathered hers

  in his hand. "Here." She took the flat leather reins and shoved them in her

  mouth, biting down hard. Then she reached for the leather

  thingamajig that stuck out from the top of the saddle. Step-

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  ping cautiously into Jack's laced fingers, she flung her other leg over the seat.

  Jack cleared his throat.

  Wincing, she pulled the dusty-tasting reins from her mouth and glanced down.

  He shoved the battered black Stetson off his eyes. "You aren't going to ride like that, are yo
u?"

  "It's more comfortable this way," she lied. It was the most uncomfortable contraption she'd ever been in.

  He shook his head. A smile lurked in his green eyes.

  She hazarded a guess. "This is unladylike."

  "Very."

  She leaned over a tiny bit and studied the two curls of leather that sprouted from the side of the saddle like rabbit ears. "Let me guess: I slide down and dangle my right leg over this ... thing."

  The smile slipped to his mouth and turned into a grin. "You got it."

  She grabbed hold of Red's mane and slid cautiously into place. "This can't be right. I feel like a bug on the side of a car antenna."

  He frowned at her description. "You always say a lady?a southern lady?doesn't care about comfort."

  She smiled thinly. It took a great deal of self-control not to snap at him. "Obviously not. Shall we go?"

  First surprise, then anger, flashed in his eyes. "You still want to?"

  "Of course."

  With a bitten-off curse, Jack mounted up and turned his horse toward the road. "Come on Turk, let's go."

  It was a long, silent ride to the schoolhouse.

  The one-room building came into view as they turned the last corner on Portland Hill Road.

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  Jack stared at the small clapboard structure that served

  as meeting hall, church, and summertime schoolhouse, and

  felt anger at the woman who dared to call his Katie lazy

  creep uncontrollably back into his chest. Don't do it, he thought. Don't let yourself feel rage or

  fear or pain.

  The familiar litany didn't work this time. He tried again and again, getting more and more desperate with each attempt. He couldn't distance himself from his emotions, not this time. They were roiling around inside of him like liquid fire, coiling around his gut. "What a pretty little building. Is that the school?" Jack's fingers tightened around the reins. Tension drew his mouth into a grim, colorless line. "Yes."

  "Good. Okay, let's talk about how to handle this situation."

  Her sentence hit him like a cold wind. "What did you say?"