Once in Every Life

  "We need a plan of attack, so to speak. A way to enlist the old bat's help with Katie. We have to be calm and pleasant at all costs." She frowned in thought. "Maybe buttering her up would help."

  Terror stole through his body. Surely she didn't mean for them to speak to the teacher together. As parents. He could never remain numb if he actually heard the condemning words about his baby. "We won't do a damn thing. I showed you where the schoolhouse is. My job's done."

  "Sorry, Jack. It takes two to tango."

  "What in the hell does that mean?"

  "It means it took both of us to create Katie. And it'll take both of us to help her through this crisis."

  Both. Create. Help. The words hurled at him like can-nonballs. He tried to feel angry, and failed. All he felt was

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  cold and frightened and more alone than ever. "I'll wait," he said dully, "but I won't go in."

  They'd reached the schoolhouse by the time she finally answered. "Yes, Jack, you will."

  Chapter Thirteen

  Katie sat cross-legged on the rag rug, staring forlornly at her own feet. "What'dya think's happenin' now?"

  Savannah held her finger out to Caleb, who was lying on the floor between them. He curled his tiny red hand around her forefinger and squeezed. "I dunno. Prob'ly ain't there yet."

  They lapsed back into silence.

  "Mama seemed pretty mad when she saw the note," Katie said quietly, plucking a wrinkled strip of blue flannel from the rug. "Not like last time."

  "No ..." Katie shuddered at the memory of "last time." Mama had smacked her hard and yelled at her for being such a stupid, lazy little girl who didn't want to be no better'n her crazy daddy.

  "Don't think about that." Savannah touched Katie's knee. "It ain't gonna be like that again."

  Katie looked up. Stupid, stinging tears filled her eyes, but she couldn't hold them back. "You don't know that," she whispered. "Could be she's just tryin' to trick us again."

  Savannah swallowed hard. "I know, but ... but I don't think so. She seems ... differ'nt."

  A tear slipped down Katie's cheek and plopped on the hand fisted so tightly in her lap. She was so scared, she

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  felt sick and twisted-up inside. Savannah was just tryin' to make her feel better. They both knew what was gonna happen when Mama got home. It was gonna be just like last time.

  And there was nothin' they could do. Nothin' that would change anything. They just had to wait.

  "Mary Katherine shouldn't be in school."

  Tess thought she'd misheard. "Excuse me?"

  Miss Ames peered down at them from her position in the front of the room. Planting her palms on her desk, she scooted her chair out from behind her and stood. A thin, humorless smile stretched her lips. "I said, Mary Katherine has no right to be in this school. She's lazy, inattentive, and obviously has no intention of learning to read." She paused, frowned. The wire-rimmed spectacles slid down her bumpy nose. "Perhaps she's not all there. In the head, you know, somewhat?"

  "Don't you dare say it," Tess hissed.

  Miss Ames pursed her lips in disapproval. "It seems Mary Katherine's poor manners are learned at home."

  "How dare you imply such a thing about a seven-year-old child? Has it ever occurred to you that there's a reason she learns more slowly than the other children?"

  Miss Ames sniffed loudly and pushed her spectacles back onto the bridge of her nose. "I don't believe I understand you."

  Tess took a deep, shaky breath to maintain her calm. Remember, Tess, you want this lady's help. She twisted her hands together in a nervous ball and forced a polite smile. "I?I think perhaps Katie needs a bit more of your time than the other students. You're so helpful, so smart. Certainly you can find a way to ... help Katie. What is it ... exactly that's problematic?"

  Miss Ames thought about that for a moment. A small

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  frown pleated the skin between her eyes. The glasses slid down her nose again. "Well, the pressure of reading aloud seems to be particularly challenging to Mary Katherine."

  Tess leaned slightly forward, resting her palms on the rough-hewn desktop. "Maybe during your lunchtime ..."

  "I suppose I could spend a few spare moments with her then."

  Tess nodded encouragement. "I'll work with her at home. Every night."

  Miss Ames allowed herself a cautious smile. "You will? All right, then. We shall try this approach and see if it works. Thank you for coming in, Mrs. Rafferty." She shot a no-nonsense nod to Jack, who was still sitting stiff as a board at the back of the room. "Mr. Rafferty."

  Tess shook the older woman's bony hand. "No, Miss Ames. Thank you."

  Miss Ames strapped up her pile of books and strode briskly out of the schoolhouse. When the door banged shut, Tess threw her hands up in the air and let out a whoop of laughter. "We did it. She'll help her, Jack!" When she turned back around, Jack was gone. Grabbing a handful of skirt, she ran down the aisle and pushed through the half-open door. Jack was sitting on the top step. Hunched over, chin in his hands, he was staring at the ground.

  She skidded to a stop and sat down beside him. Her fanny thumped on the sagging wooden slat.

  "You shouldn't have done that," he said dully. "Pretending only makes it worse." "Pretending what?"

  "To care. It'll only hurt Katie more when you go back to your old ways. Don't?" He turned to her. Pain as raw as a new wound filled his eyes. "Don't get her hopes up. Please ..."

  Tess touched his face in a feather-stroke of compassion.

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  "Why?" The lone, softly spoken word slipped out before she could stop it.

  He flinched at her touch. "Why what?"

  "Why are you so afraid of her?"

  His breath expelled in a tired, ragged sigh that skimmed her cheeks. The agonizing pain in his eyes tore at her heart with tiny, shredding fingers. "Lissa, please ..." His voice was frayed with emotion.

  Tess moved toward him, drawn by the same dark, aching feeling she'd had when she'd first seen him. She touched his face again; this time the touch was a caress. Her eyes probed his, tried desperately to see past the fear. "I'm not the same, Jack. I won't hurt you again. I promise."

  For a split second, she thought she saw hope in his eyes; then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone. "Sure, Lissa.

  I believe you."

  "Believe this." She took his face in her hands. His eyes widened in sudden realization and he tried to pull away from her.

  "Lissa, don't?"

  She leaned toward him, knowing it was too early, knowing he wasn't ready, and doing it anyway.

  She was going to kiss him. Jack's whole body tensed. He knew he should wrench out of her grasp and fling himself backward, but he couldn't move. He was frozen in place by the raw need of a man who'd been in love alone.

  He wanted to feel her lips on his, wanted it so badly, he felt weak. He'd dreamed of this moment ever since he'd seen her half-naked in the bath. Like a prisoner left too long in dark solitude, he dreamed of the sunny warmth of her touch. Ached for it. And right now, with the memory of Miss Ames's condemnation strong and bitter on his tongue, he needed this. Needed her ...

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  He felt her lips touch his, whisper-soft at first, just a whirring of breath and no more. A shiver skidded down his spine.

  "Oh, God." The words slipped from his mouth in a groan of pleasure and pain. Trembling, he brought his hands to her face and held her, his fingers burrowing possessively into her hair. Need washed through his body in a red-hot wave. The love and desire he'd hidden for so long filled him. God, he wanted her....

  He clung to her, lowering his mouth to hers and kissing her hungrily, greedily. His tongue forced her mouth apart and plunged inside the moist warmth. The kiss was everything he'd wanted, dreamed, and yet there was something in it that surprised him. Her lips felt as soft as always, and the scent of lavender clung to her as it always had, but there was a
gentleness in this kiss that was new. A caution that bespoke inexperience and just a touch of anxiety. It reminded him of their very first kiss, so long ago, when they'd both believed in love.

  Slowly he drew back, keeping his eyes closed. He didn't want to see her right now, didn't want to take the chance that the coldness had crept back into her gaze. With that single, hungry kiss, he'd given her the ammunition she needed to crucify him. All she had to do was laugh.

  "Jack." His name sounded soft and hesitant on her lips, as if she were as scared and shaken as he.

  Surprised, he opened his eyes and looked at her. And was lost.

  Her huge brown eyes were glistening with tears. Her mouth trembled. She tried to smile, and failed miserably.

  Jack felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. He stared dumbly at her. She looked breathtakingly beautiful and suddenly fragile, as if she could actually be wounded by him. Her breasts rose and fell in rapid, shallow breaths.

  His knuckles slid down her damp cheek and brushed her

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  tears away. He stared at the moisture on his fingertip and swallowed thickly. "What's going on, Lissa?"

  "I'm scared." There was a quaver in her voice that tugged at his heart and made him almost believe.

  He stared at her long and hard, trying to reconcile the quiet, fragile person sitting before him with the brittle, angry woman he'd known for half his life. His emotions tangled into an unmanageable mass. Feeling suddenly tired and depressingly alone, he pushed to his feet. "We'd better

  get back."

  Lissa stood beside him. She looked up at him. Pale silver lines streaked her flushed cheeks and reminded him forcibly that she'd cried. Cried.

  She pushed a damp lock of hair from her eyes and nervously tucked it behind her ear. "Will you talk to Katie

  with me?"

  "Don't do this to me, Lissa." His voice was a low, agonized whisper. "Please ..."

  "But?"

  "No." The word came out in a strangled mixture of shame and pain. Jack squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the hot sting of emotion. He'd never in his life felt as much like a failure as he did right now.

  A long, breath-laden silence stretched between them. Jack felt every second, every heartbeat, like a blow to the heart. Don't make me talk to Katie; not now. If he saw his Katydid right now, he'd never be able to keep from scooping her into his arms and kissing her tears away. And he couldn't do that, couldn't let her trust him until he was sure Lissa had really changed. God knew they'd hurt the kids enough without adding more.

  "Okay, Jack. I'll do it, I'll talk to her. But on one condition."

  His eyes popped open in surprise. "Condition?"

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  She dashed the last tracings of tears from her eyes and smiled shakily. "Yes."

  "What?"

  "I want you to try."

  He froze. "Try what?"

  She stepped closer, her face tilted up to his. Soft afternoon breezes ruffled through her hair, filled the air with the scent of fresh grass and wildflowers. "Just try to be a dad."

  Jack swallowed hard. She was asking the impossible; to try, he had to believe. In her. In himself.

  "I ... can't."

  "Yes, Jack, you can." Her gaze caught his in a silken grip and wouldn't let him go. "Trust me."

  Savannah saw her parents ride into the yard, and yanked her hand away from the curtain. The tired fabric fluttered back in place and once again blocked out the fading rays of the setting sun.

  Spinning around, she bustled over to the stove and tried to focus her thoughts on the frying rabbit.

  "Did Mama look mad?" Katie asked quietly, hugging her worn, floppy rag doll to her chest.

  Savannah knew it was useless to pretend ignorance. Carefully setting down the wooden spoon, she turned and drew Katie into her arms. She stroked her baby sister's tangled hair and sighed wearily. "I couldn't see her face." "Maybe I'll pretend to be too sick to eat." Savannah let her hand fall back to her side. "It wouldn't do no good."

  Katie squeezed the doll harder. Her lower lip trembled. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Savannah understood perfectly. What was there to say? "You better set the table. She'll be in any minute." Katie flinched at the reminder, then nodded. Slowly,

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  mechanically, she went to the dresser and started gathering the plates and cups. Her feet shuffled softly across the floor as she went back and forth from the dresser to the table. Silverware and plates clanked in her wake.

  Savannah felt tears rise in her throat, and she turned quickly back to the stove before Katie could see her weakness. Please don't call her stupid, Mama. Please ...

  The kitchen door swung open. "Hi, kids."

  Savannah spun around and saw her mother standing in the doorway. Smiling, Mama whipped the shawl off her shoulder and flung it over the nearest chair. "Wow, something smells great. What are you making?"

  Savannah stared at her mother's smiling face in confusion. They had gone to talk to Miss Ames, hadn't they?

  Katie eased toward Savannah and disappeared behind her skirts.

  Savannah forced an uncomfortable smile. "It's rabbit, Mama. Your favorite."

  She frowned. "I eat bunnies?"

  Savannah hesitated. "Not bunnies, rabbits."

  "Oh." Mama pressed a hand to her stomach and said weakly, "Great. Thanks."

  Savannah couldn't wait another second. She had to know what happened at the school. "H-How did it go?"

  Mama's smile faded. She looked at Savannah through suddenly narrowed eyes, and Savannah felt a wave of sick

  fear.

  "You're trying so hard to be grown-up," Mama whispered. Then she smiled, a soft, loving smile that made Savannah want to cry, it was so pretty. "It went well, I think."

  "It did?" Katie squeaked behind her.

  "Come here, Katie." Mama held out her hand.

  Katie peeked her head around Savannah's arm. "Do I have ta?"

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  She nodded.

  Katie inched her way out from behind her sister. Savannah grabbed Katie's hand and stopped her for a second. "You ... you ain't gonna ... punish her, are you?"

  Mama paled and squeezed her eyes shut, and when she opened them again, they were filled with tears. "Oh, God ..." She hurried across the room and dropped to her knees in front of them, taking Savannah's hands in hers. "Everything is going to be fine. I promise. I had a long talk with Miss Ames, and I think we've figured out a way to help Katie."

  Savannah felt as if the world had been lifted from her thin shoulders. The tears she'd held back for so long stung her eyes. "I?I tried really hard to help her."

  "I know you did. It's not your fault she can't read." "It ain't hers, either," Savannah said defensively. "I know that." "You doT

  Mama smiled and stood up. "Yes, I do. Now, come on, Katie, we're going to have a talk. Savannah, you watch Caleb till we get back."

  Tess took Katie by the hand and led her to the door. There she stopped, and turned back to Savannah. "You helped her the most, you know, just by loving her."

  Savannah felt a surge of pride and love so strong, she didn't care if she did cry. Tears rolled down her cheeks and burrowed into the corners of her mouth. For once, they tasted good. Clean. "Thanks."

  The evening was cool and crisp and stained lavender by the setting sun.

  Tess and Katie walked down the porch steps and up the road, veering off into the tall grass at the top of the hill. "Where're we goin'?"

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  Tess squeezed her hand and kept walking. "To a special

  place."

  Katie pulled her hand free. "What special place?" Tess felt keenly the loss of Katie's tiny hand in hers, but knew that kind of trust was something she'd have to earn. "I don't know. I haven't seen it yet."

  They trudged through the pasture, passing wild rabbits, granite rocks, and sheep along the way. Finally the land dipped and rose, creating a perfect grassy pinnacle overlooking the house, t
he pasture, and Haro Strait. Tess led Katie to the special spot and sat down.

  Evening was just beginning to mask the fading sun. Wind burrowed through the tall grass, carrying with it the scent of twilight and wildflowers.

  They sat side by side. After a few moments, Tess scooted closer and touched Katie's chin. "Katie?"

  Katie resisted the pressure for a heartbeat, then turned her head slightly and looked up.

  Fear and uncertainty darkened the child's brown eyes. Tess understood perfectly. There was a time when Tess had felt the very same things. It was a pain not easily forgotten.

  She squeezed her eyes shut in a quick, silent prayer.

  Please, God, don't let me screw up. ...

  "I ... I know how much it hurts when people treat you as if you're ... dumb."

  Surprise widened Katie's eyes. "You do?"

  Tess nodded. "When I was about your age, I ... I mean a friend of mine ... got a disease called spinal meningitis. She got really, really sick?the doctors didn't think she would live, but she did. Only ... not all of her got better. When it was all over, she couldn't hear."

  Katie frowned. "Nothin'?"

  "Not a thing. It made everything really difficult for her because she didn't know how to communicate anymore.

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  So ..." Painful memories catapulted Tess back in time. Suddenly she was a child again, seven years old, being led across the schoolyard to the rickety old portable that housed the special education class.

  This is Tess Gregory, the principal said, signing the condemning words at the same time. She belongs here. ... "Mama?"

  Katie's voice yanked Tess back to the present. She dashed the film of moisture from her eyes and cleared her throat. "Sorry. Anyway, they put... my friend in a special class at school?a class for people who were different. It was hard for her. After a while people forgot she couldn't hear and started treating her as if she was ... stupid. And the other kids, who weren't in the special class and used to be her friends, laughed at her and then forgot...." "Gosh, that's terrible."

  Tess forced a shaky smile. "Yeah. Then my friend's mom died, and she went to live with another family." The first of many foster families . .. "She was sad for a long time, and then something wonderful happened." "What?"