Christopher's Journey: Sometimes it takes being lost to find yourself

  Chapter 21

  The panic which consumed Chris carried his legs as fast as they'd ever moved. With Hanna at his heals, screaming for Mason, Chris jumped onto Mr. Kinsley's wagon which barely stopped for them to leap on board.

  "Mason, our barn is on fire! Go into town and ring the church bell. We need help, tell everyone to bring buckets!" Hanna screamed to her brother as the wagon barreled down the road.

  Chris climbed onto the bench next to Mr. Kinsley. "What happened? Is the barn completely gone? Were the chickens still inside? The horses!" He terrifyingly rambled on not even giving Mr. Kinsley the chance to answer.

  "I don't know about them animals. I didn't even see flames yet, just smoke billowin' out the front door. Hopefully that means we's got a chance to save it." Mr. Kinsley almost shouted over the racket of the wheels.

  Even though it seemed an eternity, they arrived to their farm in only a few minutes. The barn was indeed engulfed in smoke but he did not see flames. The heavy black smoke billowed out of every crack of the building and through the slits of the closed barn doors.

  “Hanna, grab those buckets from the porch and start filling them from the well.. hurry!” Chris shouted while running to the barn. He flung open the doors and was knocked from his feet, flat onto his back from a back draft of flames exploding out the top. The flames seemed to pour up, climbing the wall toward the roof.

  Chris turned onto his knees and started crawling through the barn searching for any signs of life. The chickens had a small door to get outside but to a tiny pen that was built snug up against the barn. They would never survive if the structure raged out of control.

  Chris crawled on his elbows, coughing and sputtering from the smoke. He could see the opening for the chickens but he didn’t hear anything. As he crawled through the pen, he felt his body slithering over mounds that he could not identify. He reached out his hand... feathers. One body, another and another. He stuck his head out of the opening to see if any had made it out. Nothing. All of the chickens were gone, perished.

  ‘The horses!’ Chris thought in a panic. He turned, hurdling the chicken carcass’s toward the other side of the barn, to the horse pen. “Gus, Gertie!” he shouted. Through the roar and crackle of the flames, he strained his ears to hear anything. A whinny, a whimper... any sort of life from them. Nothing.

  “Chris, Chris!!!” he heard faintly from outside.

  His head began to feel heavy and dizzy but he could not leave until he knew where those horses were. If the chickens had died from smoke inhalation, did the horses as well?

  He finally reached the gate of the horse pen and fumbled his fingers around for the latch. “Chris...” he heard again but it seemed closer.

  “The horses!!” he shouted but then realized no sound came from his throat. The flames were above him, smoke surrounded him, he couldn’t figure out which way was up, which way was down. He reached for the latch again but only caught air. ‘Where did the gate go? Where am I?’

  A tight sensation around his chest forced the smoky air from his lungs. What had grabbed him would not let him go as he felt his limp body being dragged along the floor and out the door. The fresh air seemed to shock his body as he laid slumped on the ground.

  Dozens of feet pounded around him as drips of water hit his face and hands sizzling on contact.

  “Chris!” Hanna screamed running to his side. She flung herself down on top of him, sobbing. “Are you ok?” she whispered in a choke.

  “I think so..” Chris tried to say but wild coughing came out instead.

  “What on Earth were you thinking going in there?” She asked.

  “The chickens are gone... and the...” more coughing.

  “No animal is worth your life, Christopher!” Hanna said in a more stern voice.

  “The horses... I couldn’t find the horses.” Chris muttered.

  More tears flowed down Hanna’s face. “Oh, Chris! You left the horses out in the pasture last night, don’t you remember?”

  Chris’ brow wrinkled as the memory flooded through his brain. “Oh, my Lord. I went in there to save something that wasn’t even there. The chickens, though. All of the chickens are dead.”

  “We can get more chickens. The horses are safe. I don’t think I can say the same of our barn, though.” Hanna stated looking toward the red and orange fireball that used to be their barn.

  Chris allowed Hanna to raise his head to see. The barn. It’s gone. Every member of the town seemed to be there, carrying bucket by bucket of water. Not to the barn, however, but to the house.

  “Why are they throwing water on the house? Is the house on fire?” Chris asked in a panic.

  “No, the house is fine. The barn is a lost cause so now they’re just trying to make sure it doesn’t spark the house, as well.”

  “The barn is gone!” Chris said, laying his head back down and trying to get through another coughing spell. “It’s un-repairable.”

  “Un-repairable but not unable to be re-built. I’m just glad you’re okay. Don’t you ever do something so careless again, Christopher. I couldn’t bear to lose you!” Hanna’s eyes began to well up again.

  “Who.. who grabbed me and dragged me out?” Chris muttered.

  “That was Mr. Moyor. He was the first to get here and I was so frightened when I realized you had gone in there. Didn’t you hear me shouting for you?”

  Chris’ nod induced another coughing attack. Mrs. Moyor sat down on the other side of Chris and offered him a glass of water. “You just keep coughing, Chris.” she said offering him some more water. “Get as much of that smoke out of you as you can.”

  The coughing spells lasted several more days as Hanna insisted that Chris do no heavy labor. Chris felt uneasy about making Mason do all of the chores himself but every time he’d be up for too long, his body felt dizzy and weak, then the coughing would start again.

  “Maybe we should write ma and pa and tell them to come back with Dr. Blake?” Hanna suggested the evening before.

  “No.” Chris responded with some force. “I don’t want to bother your ma and pa. I don’t need a doctor, just some rest. Besides, by the time the letter arrived in Shorlin, they may already be on their way home.”

  “I just want to make sure you’re going to be alright.” Hanna said as she exited the room. She seemed offended by the shortness in Chris' tone.

  Chris realized he was being coarse with her but he was still very upset with the situation. No one could seem to figure out what set the barn a blaze in the first place. He lost his chickens which were serving as a small form of income by selling their eggs. He almost killed himself trying to save two horses that were safe, a quarter mile away from the barn. ‘What is going on, Lord?’ His thoughts pleaded. ‘Why did this have to happen? That barn was just built last month. I can’t ask the town for their time to build another. Everyone is preparing their fields.’ Chris rubbed his sore, raw throat. ‘What did I do to deserve this? I just wanted to do something nice for Mr. and Mrs. Browley. Their trip was the only reason I was away from the house and this is what I get?’

  ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.’ Chris heard pastor Walling’s reminder of God’s word ring through his mind.

  “Easier said than done.” Chris said aloud.

  When Chris woke the next morning, he heard voices chatting downstairs. One was Hanna and the other sounded like the pastor. Soon after, he heard footsteps ascending the stairs. Hanna tapped on the door then entered without waiting for a response.

  “The pastor is here to see you.” she whispered. “Do you want to get dressed and come down or shall I send him up?”

  “I’ll come down.” Chris groaning as he sat up and swung his legs to the side of the bed. “I’ll be down in just a moment.”

  “Pastor.” Chris said when he reached the bottom step and turned into
the parlor. “What can I do for you?”

  “I just came to see how you were feeling. I got a visit from your wife with her concerns for you. Are you sure you don’t want to see a doctor?”

  “I’m fine.” Chris firmly stated. “I wish everyone would stop worrying about me.”

  “Everyone loves you, Chris, they are going to worry for you.” The pastor said in a calm voice. “another concern that Hanna had was for your behavior. She has noticed that you’ve been very angry, which is understandable but not when it is directed toward her when she’s only trying to care for you.”

  “I wish she had not talked with you about that.” Chris muttered.

  “I am not only a pastor but a counselor in the name of God, that is my job to take burden off of people’s minds by allowing them to talk out their problems. I will do what the Lord advises me to do to help them. Would you mind telling me why you’re so angry? Does it go beyond the loss of your barn and chickens?”

  “I don’t know..” Chris responded.

  “If you do not wish to talk with me about it, then just say so. I’m not here to force you but I am here to help you if you have something to say.”

  “I just don’t understand why this happened.” Chris blurted out. “I feel like I’ve been a faithful follower throughout these months and doing what I feel is right and now I feel that I’m being punished for it. What did I do wrong?”

  “First of all, it’s not wise to always do what you feel is right. What may sound like a good idea to you may not be God’s idea for you. You must seek the Lord and His answer before acting. Second, what you see as a punishment from God may just be a lesson. Nobody was seriously injured or killed in this fire, with the exception of the chickens. Perhaps you were straying and He needed your attention. I’m not saying that’s the answer, you can only receive that from Him.”

  ‘If that is what God felt He had to do to get my attention, then He must need it badly.’ Chris thought. The thought frightened him for he couldn’t think of anything minor that God could be trying to tell him. What could possibly happen next?