Soul

  “Don’t.”

  “I’ll give you a gift when this is all over. When I’m king, you can ask me one request, and if it’s in my power, I’ll give it. Don’t waste it.”

  I stared at him. When his eyes were closed, he could be Drake. I leaned over and pressed a kiss against his lips.

  “Say goodbye to him for me then,” I said bitterly. “I’m used to nobody saying goodbye back.”

  I hid in the bathroom until Brendan left and my companions returned. I had never been so unsure in my life, and I needed to be at my strongest. I was saying all of my goodbyes because I didn’t believe I would make it past the ceremony.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The fae were pacified when Brendan declared a night of revelry. I still didn’t get the rules or why they followed him even though he wasn’t really the king. Perhaps they were hedging their bets, but maybe they believed in him. I only knew what I planned on doing.

  I had begged Brendan to give Realtín and Grim the night off. He had reluctantly agreed. I thought he secretly enjoyed being nice to them.

  Anya and Líle were to accompany me all night. Brendan, Sorcha, and Arlen would also join us, while others would infiltrate the crowds to keep us safe. The idea of being with faeries out in the real world had me buzzing with excitement and sick with anticipation. Something had to go wrong. It always did.

  Anya giggled as she strolled next to me. She held out her arms as she decided what glamour to wear.

  “How do I look?” she asked when her skin turned dark brown.

  “It suits you,” I said. “But I miss the blue hair.”

  Her eyes sparkled. “Best of both worlds.”

  Outside the nightclub, Zoe was already waiting, looking embarrassed as Darren shouted obscenities at the bouncers.

  “Already?” I muttered, annoyed in case Darren ruined everything before the party got started.

  “Oh, forget him,” Zoe said, wrapping her arms around me. “Happy birthday.”

  I sank into the embrace, feeling a strange relief, as if something weighing on my mind had lifted. “Thanks,” I said, pulling away because I felt strange.

  Erika and Fiona did the birthday hug thing, and as they sang to me in exaggeratedly high-pitched voices, my gaze wandered to Darren squaring up to a bouncer outside the club.

  “Calm down!” Zoe yelled at him.

  Brendan approached the bouncers, his eyes calm and cool. I watched him make peace while Arlen silenced Darren. Líle distracted Zoe, and the others gathered around Brendan, so I couldn’t see what was really happening.

  “We should get inside,” Erika said under her breath, “before he starts again. Zoe barely managed to get him here. He’s started so many fights.”

  I frowned, flinching when Anya grabbed my hand. “Come,” she said, brushing my hair off my neck to get close to my ear. “There’s magic in a birthday. Invite it.”

  Her eyes had darkened already. Her hips swayed to unheard music as she led me inside the club. I followed obediently, ready for a release of any kind.

  The club was dark and hectic and wild. I saw the nightclub clearly for the first time in my life, everything I had never really understood before, right past the glamours to recognise the illusions. Some fae spiked the drinks of unsuspecting humans while others danced seductively until their human partners collapsed in seemingly drunken heaps.

  Brendan moved close to my side and placed his hand on my lower back as if trying to soak up my distaste.

  “ You knew,” I told him. “You knew it would be like this.”

  “All easily explained away,” he said in my ear. “Alcohol and drugs are nothing to what the fae provoke in humans. These places are feeding grounds, and while there’s no king, there’s nobody to tell them no. They’re not holding back anymore, Cara. Your humans need me to rein in the mischief-makers. Your humans will always be at risk. Do you think Sadler would care about this? You heard about his son, how he’s been raised to despise humans and treat them as playthings. Do you want that for your pretty friends?”

  “What I want is to renegotiate!”

  “I bet you do,” he said. “But you can’t give me what I want.”

  I shivered and looked around the club. Spotting Zoe by the bar with Líle, I made my way over, pushing through sweaty drunken fools with an anger I didn’t fully understand. Every dark emotion I was capable of feeling rose and threatened to engulf me completely. I blamed the fae, but one day, I would have to acknowledge my own part—but not on that night, not on my last birthday.

  “You’re not drunk enough,” Zoe yelled, handing me her drink.

  I downed it. I couldn’t handle all of the magic and mayhem without some alcohol.

  Zoe danced against Líle and nodded toward Anya who was dancing with Arlen. He seemed intoxicated, but his eyes were alert, carefully watching his king.

  “More relatives?” she asked.

  “Friends,” I said. “Moving on soon, so I thought we could show them how we party.”

  “Hell, yeah,” she said, sounding tipsy.

  She led Líle onto the dance floor. I kind of felt a little sorry for Darren. He was knocking back drinks with Eoin while staring at the crowd. He didn’t seem to notice Zoe, but there was something brewing within him. I looked around for the fae who might be torturing him, but I couldn’t spot any.

  Across the room, Sorcha whispered into Brendan’s ear with her hand resting on his chest, and I felt a twinge of jealousy. That was Drake’s body, and I hated seeing her touch him—or Brendan, if I was honest with myself. God, my mind was fucked up.

  I shook my head and joined Zoe and Líle on the dance floor. Darren and Eoin soon came over to us, and the fae moved closer, attracted by the tension and emotion, and possibly by Brendan’s presence.

  The mood shifted, the seductive pull of fae magic filtering over us. I let go and danced, throwing my hands in the air and twirling around in a daze. The magic pushed me as the music pumped through my veins with every beat. I felt it, but I didn’t succumb, didn’t lose myself completely. Yet I knew what I was doing. I relived every memory of Drake’s touch, of every pain and slight I had ever felt in my life, every feeling, good or bad, and I sent it outward. It rebounded almost visibly, and I laughed at the power in the air, at the despair and desperation, at the anger and lust, at the longing and need. It was all for us, all for the taking, and it was exactly what I needed to run away from.

  I caught Brendan’s eye from across the room. The corners of his mouth lifted, and I abruptly stopped dancing. I was as bad as they were, as bad as every single one.

  Zoe pulled me off the dance floor for another drink, her hair sticking to her cheeks. “Oh, my God, the club is buzzing tonight,” she said, breathing heavily.

  I made a mental note to keep an eye on her in case she danced herself to death.

  “I don’t know what it is, Cara, but I feel really fucking alive right now.” She ran her hands across her chest and up into her hair. “There’s something so… so…” She pointed at Brendan. “Oi! Drake!”

  Brendan frowned at her, a fearful look in his eyes.

  Zoe ran over, grabbed his hand, and pulled him over to us. “Why aren’t you dancing with Cara?” she demanded.

  “She doesn’t want me to dance with her anymore,” he said, his eyes on me and a smug little smirk twitching his lips.

  I couldn’t hold his gaze for long, so I slipped away, leaving Zoe to drunk-lecture the soon-to-be king of the fae. Anya followed me back onto the dance floor, and we cavorted together, laughing as others tried to get between us. Eoin joined us, but his hands kept roaming, and in the end, I slapped them away and moved off.

  I saw Erika being sweet-talked by a skinny faery by the bar. My anger spiralled out of control almost instantly. I didn’t stop to think about why. I pushed through sweaty bodies, shoving people out of the way in my rage. My blood had heated, and there was nothing else in my head other than the idea of causing that faery pain.

  I reac
hed Erika and threw her drink into the faery’s face. “Get lost, creep.”

  His eyes turned black with anger, and he shoved Erika away, knocking her into a group of people. He closed the space between us, all shimmering skin and dark rage, but I stood my ground.

  “She’s my friend,” I said. “Keep the fuck away from her.”

  “Don’t tempt me,” he hissed, but even over the music, I heard him as clearly as if he had screamed in my face.

  I grew dizzy as he tried to force his magic on me. “Stop it!” I slapped his face.

  He lifted me by the neck, constricting my air supply. I was off the floor for mere seconds, but I thought he might kill me, that I would die right there with people dancing all around me. Worse were the images running through my head: death and darkness, a million screams filling my ears.

  Then his grip eased. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Anya freeze, her eyes wild and terrified. She clutched her throat, her face reddening as she struggled to catch a breath. I watched her fall, and I could do nothing to help her because she was dying for me. The room blurred from my sudden hot tears, and then I was in strong arms and the fae was gone.

  “Arlen has him,” Brendan said in my ear. “He won’t live.”

  “Anya,” I gasped.

  “She’s okay. Everything’s okay. He’ll pay for it, don’t worry.”

  “No,” I said. “It was me. He doesn’t know me.”

  “That doesn’t matter,” Brendan said, his lips against my neck. “That never matters.”

  “That was fucked up,” Zoe said, pushing her way to us with her arm wrapped around Erika’s shoulders. “What the hell was that about?”

  “Just drunk,” I said, feeling too hot all of a sudden.

  “I’m so sorry,” Líle said.

  Sorcha dragged Brendan away from me, my fingers slipping out of his grasp no matter how hard I tried to hold on.

  “It was me,” I repeated. “I saw him, um, trying to slip something into Erika’s drink, and I freaked.”

  “Are you serious?” Erika exclaimed. “I had no idea. I thought you had too much to drink or something.”

  “Be careful,” I said. “There are too many freaks in here tonight.”

  Zoe and Erika started trying to pick out the weirdos. Líle apologised again.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” I said.

  “I should have been closer to you, to stop it.”

  “I’m fine. Where’s Anya?”

  “With Arlen. He’ll keep her safe.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “You can trust him. I swear on it. None of this would have happened if I—”

  “No! Shit happens. Just because I’m human doesn’t mean I need to be wrapped up in cotton wool. Go have fun, as long as you don’t break my friend’s heart, okay?”

  She smiled. “I wouldn’t hurt a human. They bring pleasure. I don’t need their pain.”

  I watched her lead my friends back to the middle of the dance floor. But as I looked around, the fae seemed to multiply. They were coming from somewhere, drawn by the tension and drama, drawn by us.

  I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t escape. I would always know the truth. The fae would always be there. Even if I couldn’t see them, couldn’t pick them out, I would always know, and I would never see anything through the same eyes again.

  I sobered, hot, tired, and sick to my stomach. Faeries would always mess with humans, and I would always see them. I would always step in to protect the people I knew, and I would always be hurt in return. And Anya would hurt most.

  I ran my hands through my hair. I had wanted a life full of the roads less taken. I had wanted to be different, to experience life without fear or hate resting on my shoulders. I had all of the excitement I could take, and I couldn’t be more afraid. I had exposed my heart, and I would bear the brunt in the end.

  A shout caught my attention. I couldn’t tell what had happened, but Darren was screaming in Zoe’s face as tears ran down her cheeks.

  That made me even angrier than the fae did. He had no excuse. He had always been that way on nights out. I rushed over, but before I got there, Líle landed a punch that knocked Darren out. A minor scuffle ensued. I managed to pull Zoe out of the way, and the fae and the bouncers cleared up the problem, pulling Darren and Eoin toward the door.

  “Oh, he won’t stop,” Zoe said. “The things he says. I can’t… I just can’t…” She gazed after him. “I have to go. I’m sorry, Cara. I can’t leave him out there.”

  “Stay,” I said. “Let him go, Zoe. He’s not worth the trouble.”

  “But I—”

  Líle put a hand on Zoe’s shoulder. “Stay. Enjoy the night. He’ll calm down in the morning, and then you can decide what you want to do.” She touched my friend’s cheek. “Tonight, be yourself.”

  I watched my best friend walk away with my fae bodyguard and wondered if I had thrown my friend to the sharks. The alcohol wasn’t sitting well in the pit of my stomach, and the heat was making me dizzy. There were too many people, too many faeries. Too much trouble. I pushed my way through the crowd and got out of the club. I sucked in the fresh night air, enjoying the chill of the cold in my lungs. Spring was on its way. It couldn’t come too soon.

  I moved away from the smokers and found a quiet spot to think, a little away from the club. I stared at the dark sky, remembering the lights and wondering how I had succumbed so easily.

  “You haven’t been around much lately,” Eoin said, startling me.

  “Had a lot going on. I thought you left.”

  “Darren got arrested,” he said with a lazy laugh. “See what happens when you leave the gang? Zoe’s lost without you, and Darren’s so sick of seeing her every day that he flips out.”

  “He should be so lucky,” I said.

  “He loves her really.”

  “Does he?”

  He shrugged. “Probably. Been this long. I’m not keen on your new friends, Cara. We should ditch them. Me and you. Head someplace else.”

  “I’m seeing somebody,” I said, refusing to look at him. Please, God, let him take the hint.

  “Who cares?” He moved in front of me. He was drunker than I’d realised. “I have fond memories of you and me, but they’re getting old. Need a little refreshing.”

  “Back off, Eoin. I’m not interested. Get that into your thick skull.” I pushed him, trying to leave.

  He grabbed my hands and lifted them over my head. But he wasn’t a faery, and I sure as shit wasn’t scared of him. I jerked my knee toward his groin. He let go of my hands to block my knee, so I drove my palm into his nose instead.

  He groaned, blood slipping through his fingers as he clutched at his face. “You little bitch. You can’t keep going around hitting people.”

  “Then people shouldn’t go around putting their fucking hands on me after I tell them to stop.”

  Eoin gripped my wrist with a bloody hand, and I tried to pull free.

  Brendan came up behind him, grabbed Eoin’s hand off me, and used it to spin him around. “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

  “He was just leaving, right, Eoin?” I said.

  Eoin nodded, the whites of his eyes making him look like a frightened horse. After a second, I touched Brendan’s arm, and he let go. Eoin dashed away. I wondered what exactly he had seen in Brendan’s eyes.

  “That was unnecessary,” I said, realising Brendan had to have hurt Eoin if he left without making at least one smart comment.

  “You’re the one who made him bleed!”

  He sounded so incredulous that I laughed. He smiled, shaking his head.

  I scuffed my shoe on the ground. “I wanted you to hurt him.”

  He moved in front of me. “Then why didn’t you let me?”

  “Because I don’t want to be fae.”

  He let out a breath and took a step back. I gazed at him, wondering if Drake was still there, if he could see me, if he actually cared or if he had only ever been drawn to me the way all
fae were drawn to humans.

  An odd smile crept across Brendan’s face—the darker smile, the one that always led to temptation. He touched my chin and dragged his thumb downward. “Will you attack me for putting my hands on you, too?”

  “Maybe,” I said, hoping to make him laugh.

  But the smile fell from his face. “Always giving the wrong answers. When will you learn, little one?”

  Shivering, I walked farther away from the club, deeper into the shadows.

  “Cara, you need to stop dodging the security,” Brendan said from right behind me. “It makes them look bad.”

  “I can’t help it if they think all humans look alike.”

  “I dodged them, too. I think I might need to hire new staff.”

  I shrugged. “Grim and Realtín have never lost me. If they were here, they’d be standing right next to me, I bet.”

  “For two who weren’t trained in this, they have done an exceptional job.”

  I turned to hold his gaze. “That’s because they like me. Think about that one the next time you’re hiring.”

  “I once had a lot of friends. It didn’t stop what was done to me.”

  “What was done to you is better than what you’re doing to Drake. You got the chance to come back.”

  He leaned against the wall, a pained look in his eyes. “He’s part of me. I like him. More importantly, I respect him. But I don’t know if I can help him. If I could, I would. If I could have any of these modern fae by my side, I would be honoured to have him.”

  That hit me right in my soft spot. “That’s so sweet.”

  “I’m not all bad.” He studied at me. “There’s no need to look shocked when I don’t act like a monster.”

  “You’re not a monster. And you need to remember that when you have your power again. If they got rid of you once, they could do it twice.”

  He looked surprised for a second. “Would you like to hear a secret?” His voice had become boyish.