Soul

  “Taken ill, or so he claims. That means he’ll use a champion on the combat day.”

  “Let me be your champion,” Arlen said from behind us.

  “I must do it all myself,” Brendan said. “It’s the only way they’ll recognise the warrior I once was.”

  “But the body is not a champion’s body. I’m sorry, but—”

  “It’ll do,” Brendan said. “Stronger than it looks and used to pain. I’m not newly born, Arlen. I know what I’m doing.”

  “Don’t take any risk. Imagall was poisoned earlier. It’s time to be careful.”

  “Ah,” Brendan said with interest. “I wondered what the commotion was.”

  “Our testers are all still healthy,” Arlen said. “But we don’t know what the rest of the week will bring.”

  “They seem intent on making a show,” Sorcha said. “A day for the provings? Unheard of.”

  “We’ll follow the rules,” Brendan said. “For now.”

  That night, Brendan made me sleep in his tent. “For my own safety,” he said.

  I fell asleep alone, but when I awoke, his arms were wrapped around me. I wondered if he needed some comfort of his own. He tensed in his sleep, and when he woke up, his green eyes were murky, mixed with a little violet. Drake was still there, so why didn’t he come to me? Why didn’t he say goodbye? Had I pushed too hard with Brendan? Or had Drake gotten what he wanted? Had it all been fantasy all along?

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Brendan stared at me during breakfast. I had lost my concern over eating fae food, but the way he was looking at me left me uneasy.

  “Did you poison this or something?” I demanded, glaring at him.

  He laughed. “Not today. I’m just thinking about something.”

  “Spit it out already. You’re making me uncomfortable.”

  “Do you wish I hadn’t told you?”

  I looked down at my food, knowing immediately what he meant. “A part of me wishes I didn’t know, but all of the missing pieces help me understand. I’m not as angry with my dad, but now I feel like I’ve new people to hate. And I…” I shook my head.

  “What is it?”

  “I know more than before, but I’m more lost than ever. I still feel like I don’t know where I come from. Everything in my life has been part of some pretty big lies, and I can’t find my place anymore.”

  “You’re the same person you were when I met you.” He cocked his head. “No, not exactly the same. But I wish I hadn’t told you. I had forgotten how much pain humans were capable of. And yet, you seem to be coping well now.”

  I hoped I didn’t look as guilty as I felt. “I put a pin in it until all of this is over. I can’t deal with it right now, so I’m going to try not to think as much about it until we’re done here.”

  “What will you do after this?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. Depends on… how everything works out, right?”

  “Of course. You may need to speak today, Cara. Are you ready?”

  “No, but I’ll get on with it.”

  Realtín and Grim came over and interrupted us. “There are children in Sadler’s camp,” she squealed. “We saw them, but they’re constantly watched.”

  “Do you know if the right child is there?” Brendan asked.

  “No,” Grim said. “We can look again.”

  “An opportunity might present itself at a better time,” Brendan replied. “We should prepare ourselves. Get Cara ready in case she’s needed. I need to discuss something with Arlen.”

  He left the tent, and Anya and Líle came in and sat with me. They picked at my breakfast as they filled me in.

  “Sadler has too many warriors with him,” Líle said. “He’s ready to go out the hard way, I think.”

  “Let him,” I said, shivering. “What happens today?”

  “The Provings are traditionally quick affairs,” Grim said. “It gives each candidate a chance to allow others to speak for them, to prove themselves in ways not born out of violence or talent. Tonight, there will be a vote, and we will lose a few candidates.”

  “But Brendan will get through, right?”

  “Right,” Grim agreed. “His claim is too strong to be usurped by so many lesser fae.”

  We speculated for a while before being brought to Brendan’s side out in the open green. Again, all of the candidates but Sadler sat around, surrounded by their supporters. One by one, each candidate announced how they would begin their Proving.

  The first spoke for himself, a long-winded but charming speech about how the time was ripe for change.

  “A noble effort,” Brendan said. “But he will likely be the first to go.”

  “How do you know?” I asked.

  “Watch the fae who don’t stand too close to one candidate or another. Their reactions are the most telling. It’s a game of votes, and all of the most important fae are split. The others, the ones with no official loyalty, are the ones who will change everything.”

  I did as he said, watching them as tales of great deeds were told. I almost fell asleep as the day lengthened. There would be no break until all had had their say.

  Sadler’s man stood. “There will be no theatrics today from the greatest potential leader that ever there was. You all know who should rule, the same man who should have ruled many years ago. Sadler is older now, and wiser. He has watched the downfall of many kings and queens, and his royal bloodline speaks for itself. We have fallen off the path, the true path, and we will be blessed by the Mother once again if Sadler is given his rightful place as king of our people.”

  I flinched at the cheering and glanced at Brendan. He didn’t look worried, but his jaw was tense.

  An ancient-looking little man stood for Brendan. “You all know me as the sage. I have witnessed and scribed many important events. This is likely the last. The Nether calls me, but there is one thing I must do first: restore the rightful king to the throne. He was but a boy when he was betrayed. Now he stands a new man, surrounded by free souls who—”

  “A man who can’t control his own subjects,” Sadler’s man scoffed.

  The sage blinked rapidly, yanking at the collar of his tunic. “As I said, now he… now he stands a new man—”

  Sadler’s man pointed at Brendan. “With only a doddering fool to stand for him. What kind of a king would he make if he can’t even keep his servants?”

  Furious, I jumped to my feet. “The kind of king who doesn’t need to threaten and abuse to gain loyalty. The people at his side choose to be there. They don’t have to. He isn’t hurting them, isn’t forcing them. They’re standing with him because they know he’s the right choice, the only choice if—”

  “Silence your human lamb,” Sadler’s man said, laughing. “Carry on, scribe. We’re enraptured, waiting for the end of your speech.”

  Brendan stood, his hands in his pockets. “I think all that’s needed to be said has been heard. What’s important is that I am the only one powerful enough to control both courts, and I am the only one to say that all fae are important in the eyes of a king. Carry on. I am happy for the vote to be held.”

  The other candidates and their companions cheered, everyone eager for the day to be over. We feasted again, a mass of laughter and dancing and food, until dusk fell. The voting began.

  I sat and watched everyone vote, even my friends. My heart remained in my chest.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered to Brendan. “Did I screw it up for you?”

  “No,” he said. “It played out as it should have.”

  “Are you worried?”

  He shrugged. “Not today. This is but the first test.”

  The voting went late into the night. Four candidates were dropped, but nobody was told what order the rest of the candidates ranked.

  I went back to Brendan’s tent, where he doubted even Sadler would dare come for me. “How do you think you did?” I asked him.

  “I can’t tell,” he replied, coming over to lie next to me. He
leaned on his arm and stared at me, the flicker of light making his features look harsher.

  “Tomorrow’s the fight,” I said, feeling my heart constrict. If Brendan died, Drake died, I died, we all died. Sadler would pick us off, one by one.

  He rolled over and lay on his back. “It is. They’ll pit us all against each other, but Sadler will have a champion. He had one daoine sídhe. Perhaps he has another lying around.”

  “But you’ll win, right?”

  “I’ll do my best. If it looks as though things will go badly, Arlen has been instructed to get you all out of here. You will go quickly and quietly and hide out until things calm down.”

  “Are you scared?”

  “Kings are never scared.”

  But when I laid my head on his chest, I could feel his racing heart. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tightly to him, as if drawing comfort. Whatever I’d had with Drake still echoed between Brendan and me, and we had begun to roll with it rather than analyse what it meant. If I could give him comfort, I would. He had been there for me when I fell apart.

  Drake hadn’t.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  When I awoke, Grim and Realtín were in the tent, whispering together. Brendan was gone.

  “Good morning,” Grim said, but he looked worried.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “We saw Sadler’s champion,” Realtín said, spinning around the room. “He’s a monster. He makes Drake look like a human child.”

  “Drake isn’t here anymore,” I said sharply. “And Brendan knows what he’s doing, right?”

  Grim nodded. “He will make it to the next round. It’s not a battle to the death.”

  “Unless they change the rules,” Realtín squealed.

  Líle entered the tent and turned to speak over her shoulder. “She’s awake.”

  Anya came in, bearing a plate of normal fruit, although fae food hadn’t been as challenging an experience the more time I spent among the fae.

  “Brendan is practising with Arlen,” Líle said. “He still refuses to send him out as his champion.”

  “What would you do?” I asked.

  Líle shrugged. “As he is. Sadler is old. Why would we choose an old man as a leader, one who needs a champion?”

  “A king doesn’t need to be a warrior,” Grim said.

  “He needs to be strong.” She shook her head. “I don’t understand why nobody has seen Sadler yet. Is he here? Is he truly ill? It makes no sense.”

  “We’ll see by the end, right?” I said. “Is there anything we can do to help Brendan today?” All four of them stared at me so long that I grew uncomfortable. “What?”

  “If you could make Drake stronger, could you do the same for Brendan?” Anya asked.

  “You want me to sleep with him?” I laughed, but nobody joined in. “Are you freaking kidding me?”

  “You already did,” she pointed out blithely.

  “No! I didn’t. That was Drake. It’s not the same.”

  “They share a body. It’s all or nothing,” she added, avoiding my eyes.

  “Brendan didn’t see. Didn’t feel. It’s not like—”

  “Do you truly believe that?” Líle asked. “Are they really two people in your eyes?”

  “Yes!”

  They all looked at each other then turned to stare at me.

  “Oh, fuck off, the lot of you,” I snapped. “You make me sound like a ho-bag.”

  “But you care about them both, don’t you?” Anya asked.

  Brendan cleared his throat from behind us, and I proceeded to let the ground swallow me up.

  “Maybe it’s time for you all to leave,” he said. “I need to prepare. Cara, stay.”

  I didn’t move, but I was pretty sure Líle sniggered as she walked past me. Maybe they were right. Maybe I had convinced myself of one thing when the complete opposite was true. I had been around the fae for so long that my sense of right and wrong had warped and cracked into something more convenient.

  “I thought about what you said on your birthday,” Brendan said. “About them turning on me again. They might see me as weak for this, but I still plan to make peace with Sadler, to forgive him publicly and put it all in the past.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  He sighed. “He was once my friend. And I can’t find it in myself to blame him now. I’ll fight him for this throne, but I’ll invite him back to court afterward. I’ll make him comfortable.”

  He sat in silence for a while. The tension crept up my spine, unsaid words echoing noisily.

  “They think I can help you,” I said.

  He nodded. “I know. Arlen has been telling me the same thing all week.”

  “So why haven’t you said anything?”

  He crossed the tent to stand beside the table. “I’m not going to trick you, Cara. We’ve all been through too much together to act that way now. Your mind is your own.”

  “But you could have asked or…” I threw up my hands. “My life would be so much easier if you would just act like the monster everyone wants you to be.”

  He snorted. “A lot of things would be easier.”

  “Does it have to be…?”

  He shook his head. “Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to, Cara.”

  “I wouldn’t like it if you died today.”

  “Neither would I,” he said wryly. “Which is why I don’t intend to.” He walked out abruptly, leaving me alone.

  I chewed on my thumb, feeling a little sick. There were lines I wasn’t supposed to cross, things that weren’t right. But I had already crossed most of the lines. Something in my blood made it okay for me to act in a way most humans would frown upon. But what did I want to be? Human or fae?

  Anya returned with the other pixies, bringing hot water and other things to freshen me up. By the time I had dressed in yet another ridiculous white dress, it was almost time for Brendan to step into the battle ring.

  “Are you sure you want to watch?” Anya asked as we left the tent.

  I nodded, though I felt a bit ill. I might have to watch Brendan die, and Drake along with him. I spotted Brendan in the distance, arming himself before joining the other candidates. Fear gripped me. I screamed his name, lifted up the stupidly big skirt, and ran to him. Sorcha urged him on, but he waited for me.

  “I need to ask you something,” I blurted when I reached them.

  “Sorcha, cover for me.” Without waiting for her to respond, he led me into the pretty forest.

  Twigs and leaves snagged against the dress, but I kept following him. My chest heaved, and I could sense his apprehension, which only made everything worse.

  When we finally stopped, I wasn’t sure what to say. “He didn’t come to see me when you told me the truth. Only when I was about to free Dymphna, but why?”

  “I’ve wondered myself.”

  “He… he said he didn’t want to watch me grow old,” I huffed out, more unsure of myself than ever.

  He frowned. “You wouldn’t have to grow old with us. Not for a very long time. But there’s nothing wrong with—”

  I pushed him against the trunk of an old oak tree, my hands running through his hair. “Don’t die!” Then I kissed him.

  I was on fire; his skin burned under my fingers. Something had changed again, and I tried very hard not to think about it. I just needed him to be strong. And if that meant him feeding from me, then so be it.

  I forgot everything but the delightful dizziness that touching the fae sometimes brought my way. I let go of my pain and anger and bitterness, and I sank into a kiss with a king.

  He yanked at the dress as he kissed me. “What was I thinking?” he muttered against my lips.

  I giggled, feeling light-headed, but he drew back and gave me a long hard look.

  “This isn’t your responsibility,” he said in a low voice. “Not this.”

  The words stung, but my relief echoed behind them.

  “I know,” he said. ?
??You’re not the only one who is confused.”

  He closed his eyes for a second. I held my breath, wondering if their colour would change. When he looked at me, the uncertainty was gone from his still-green eyes, and that easy grin was back.

  He gestured at the skirt. “I’m supposed to like this, but I think I miss the jeans.”

  “You can’t die in front of me,” I managed to squeak out.

  His hand cupped my cheek. “Don’t watch.”

  “Not a chance.”

  His gaze was heady and tormented. When he gently pressed his lips against mine, it felt like a first kiss. And in some ways, it was. Everything had changed. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling panicked.

  Arlen’s voice interrupted us. “I’m sorry, my lord, but it’s about to begin.”

  Brendan stared at me, his lips still swollen. “Yes, it is.”

  He held my elbow and escorted me back to my companions. My heart beat so hard that I felt sure they could hear it. Brendan didn’t say a word as he left for his battle.

  Grim and Realtín bade me to follow them to the fighting pit. The name “pit” turned my stomach. There were six candidates left: Brendan, Sadler’s champion, and four others. Three of the four appeared young and strong, but the fourth was older and experienced, or so Grim informed me.

  I sat and chewed on my thumb, waiting for it to begin. The candidates were spread across the pit, all separated. But when the gong rang, some moved straight for the closest opponent, ready to fight to the death. Four would die, two would survive to the next day’s test, and I prayed Brendan would be one of the two.

  “As soon as he falters, we’re to leave,” Arlen informed me under his breath.

  I shook my head. “I can’t. I can’t leave.”

  “His orders.” But he looked as unhappy as I felt.

  The pit was caged in with some kind of wire, and the occupants couldn’t leave until they were freed. Brendan had a sword in one hand, and a shield in the other, but they looked too big for him.