Confessions of a Grasshopper

AUNT LULU

  This little room is moving.

  IRVING

  Nonsense! How can a room move?

  AUNT LULU

  So why are we in here?

  IRVING

  I thought it had a door to exit.

  AUNT LULU

  Now what?

  IRVING

  Where people-creatures are concerned, any kind of nonsense is possible.

  Cut to: Lobby. BILL and MARY run into elevator, jab UP button.

  Cut to: 42nd floor. Elevator door opens; IRVING, AUNT LULU and FLORABELLE run out, looking puzzled.

  IRVING

  This doesn’t look like where we were when we went into that little room.

  THEY look around, see another empty, and run into it.

  Cut to: Observation floor of Empire State Building. Elevator doors open, IRVING, AUNT LULU and FLORABELLE rush out.

  AUNT LULU

  See? I told you it moved. This is definitely not the floor we were on!

  FLORABELLE peers over at the vast panorama of New York City spread out before and below her.

  FLORABELLE

  Wow! This is real neat! All of a sudden everything got very tiny.

  Another elevator door slides open. BILL and MARY run out of the elevator. IRVING, AUNT LULU and FLORABELLE edge closer to the wall. BILL leaps forward, grabs FLORABELLE and holds the knife to her throat.

  BILL

  Try anything funny and I’ll cut this bug’s head off! And that goes for throwin’ up on us, too.

  MARY

  What’re you waiting’ for – start slicing.

  BILL

  Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I wanna see if your blood is red – or pukey green.

  IRVING holds up the grasshopper masks.