The Air He Breathes

  I envied that in her.

  “Well, I actually came in to see if you guys were currently hiring. I know I haven’t worked here since college, but I could use the work.”

  “Of course we are hiring! Hey, you, Sam!” Faye said, pointing to a server I didn’t know. “You’re fired.”

  “Faye!” I shouted.

  “What?!”

  “You can’t just fire people,” I scolded, seeing the fear in Sam’s eyes. Poor guy. “You’re not really fired,” I said.

  “Oh, yes you are.”

  “Shut up, Faye. No, you’re not. How could you even fire people?”

  She stood up tall and tapped against her nametag, which read ‘manager’. “Someone had to step into the role of management, woman.”

  I turned to Matty, a bit of shock in my stare. “You made Faye a manager?”

  “I think she drugged me.” He laughed. “But if you really need some work, we always have room for you. It might just be part-time.”

  “Part-time would be great, really, anything.” I smiled at Matty, thanking him.

  “Or, we could fire Sam,” Faye offered. “He already has another part-time job! Plus, he’s kind of creepy.”

  “I can hear you,” Sam said, shyly.

  “It doesn’t matter if you can hear me, you’re fired.”

  “We aren’t firing Sam,” Matty said.

  “You’re no fun. But you know what is fun?!” She took off her apron and yelled, “Lunch break!”

  “It’s nine-thirty in the morning,” Matty scolded.

  “Breakfast break!” Faye corrected, pulling me by the arm. “We’ll be back in about an hour.”

  “Breaks are thirty minutes.”

  “I’m sure Sam will cover my tables. Sam, you’re no longer fired.”

  “You were never fired, Sam.” Matty smiled. “One hour, Faye. Liz, make sure to have her back on time or she’ll be the one who’s fired.”

  “Is that so?” Faye asked, placing her hands on her hips, almost…flirtatiously? Matty smirked at her, his eyes traveling over her body almost…sexually?

  What the…?

  We walked out of the building, Faye’s arm linked with mine, confusion about the odd interaction between her and Matty still clouding my thoughts. “What was that?” I asked, arching an eyebrow in Faye’s direction.

  “What was what?”

  “That,” I said, pointing back toward Matty. “The little sexually intense tango you two just performed?” She didn’t reply, but she began chewing on her bottom lip. “Oh my God… You slept with Matty?!”

  “Shut the hell up! Do you want the whole town to know?” She blushed, looking around. “It was an accident.”

  “Oh? Was it? Was it an accident? Were you casually walking down Main Street and then Matty started walking toward you and his penis accidentally tumbled out of his pants? Then did a strong whoosh of wind pass through, knocking said penis into your vagina? Was it that kind of accident?” I mocked.

  “Not exactly like that.” She pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek. “The wind kind of pushed the penis toward my mouth first.”

  “OH MY GOSH, FAYE!”

  “I know! I know! This is why people shouldn’t go out on windy days. The penises are on rampage on the windy days.”

  “I cannot believe you right now. He’s like twice your age.”

  “What can I say? I have daddy issues.”

  “What are you talking about? Your dad’s amazing,” I said.

  “Exactly. No guy our age could ever live up to that! But Matty…” She sighed. “I think I like him.”

  That was shocking. Faye never used the word ‘like’ when it came to a guy. She was the biggest womanwhore I’d ever met. “What do you mean you like him?” I asked, my voice soaked with hope that my friend was finally planning on settling down.

  “Whoa, slow your roll there, Nicholas Sparks. What I mean is, I like the dick. I even gave it a nickname. Do you want to hear it?”

  “For the love of everything good in the world, no.”

  “Oh, I’m going to tell you.”

  “Faye.” I sighed.

  “Fatty Matty,” she said, her wolfish grin growing deep.

  “You know what, these kinds of things you don’t have to share with me. Ever. Like, never ever.”

  “I’m talking like two bratwursts combined kind of Fatty Matty. It’s almost as if the sausage god is finally listening to my prayers. Remember Pinky Peter, and Unclipped Nick? Well, this is so much better! Fatty Matty is the promised land of sausages.”

  “There’s seriously vomit rising up from my gut. So if you would please stop talking.”

  She laughed and pulled me closer to her. “Gosh, I missed you. So, what do you say? Should we head to our regular hangout location?”

  “Oh, most definitely.”

  As we walked for a few blocks, Faye had me laughing each and every moment, and I wondered why I’d stayed away for so long. Maybe a part of me felt guilty knowing that if I stuck around, I would slowly start feeling better, and the idea of feeling better was kind of terrifying to me. But right then laughing felt like exactly what I needed. When I laughed, I didn’t have much time to cry, and I was so tired of the tears.

  “It’s kind of weird being here without Emma,” Faye said, sitting on the teeter-totter at the playground. We were surrounded by kids with their parents and nannies, running around and playing while we went up and down on the teeter-totter. One kid stared at us as if we were insane for hanging out at a kids’ playground, but Faye was quick to scream at him, “Never grow up, kid! It’s a goddamn trap!”

  She was so ridiculous all the time.

  “So, how long has this thing with Matty been going on?” I asked.

  She blushed. “I don’t know, like a month. Or two.”

  “Two months?”

  “Maybe seven. Or eight.”

  “Eight?! What? We’ve been talking every day. How has this not come up?”

  “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “You were going through so much with Steven, you know? And it seemed kind of heartless to talk to you about my sexlationship.” Faye never had relationships, but she was a pro at sexlationships. “My shit was small, yours was…” She frowned and stopped pushing on the teeter-totter, leaving me hanging high in the air. There weren’t many moments when Faye grew serious, but Steven had been like a brother to her. They’d fought and bickered more than any pair of siblings I’d ever met, and they’d cared for one another so much. She’d actually introduced us to one another during college. They’d known each other since the fifth grade and were the best of friends. I hadn’t really seen her eyes grow sad since he’d passed away, but I was almost certain that they did often. I was probably living in my own world of despair, missing the fact that my best friend had also lost her best nonrelated-brother. She cleared her throat, giving me a tight smile. “My shit was small, Liz. Yours wasn’t.”

  She pushed up into the air. “Well, I want you to always feel like you can tell me everything, Faye. I want to know all about the wild old man sexcapades you’re having. Plus, there’s nothing about your life that’s small. I mean, for the love of God, look at your boobs.”

  She laughed wildly, tossing her head back. When Faye laughed, the whole universe felt her happiness. “I know! These tits are no joke.”

  “We should probably get you back to work before you’re fired,” I suggested.

  “If he fired me, he would be hiring blue balls into his life.”

  “Faye.” I blushed, looking around at all the people staring our way. “You need a filter.”

  “Filters are for cigarettes, not for humans, Liz,” she joked. We started walking back toward the café, her arm linked with mine, our footsteps matching each other’s. “I’m happy you’re kind of back, Liz,” Faye whispered, laying her head on my shoulder.

  “Kind of back? What do you mean? I’m here, I’m back.”

  She looked up at me with a knowing smile. “Not yet.
But soon enough, you’ll get there, babycakes.”

  The way she could see my hurt under the surface was remarkable. I pulled her closer to me, certain I wouldn’t let her go any time soon.

  Chapter Five

  Elizabeth

  “Liz, you have some nerve leaving like you and Emma did without even giving me a call!” Mama scolded me through the telephone. Emma and I had been back in our house for two days and Mama was just now calling me. It was either because she was upset with me for only leaving her a note, or because she’d been off running around town with some stranger and had just now returned home after all that time.

  I was leaning toward the second option.

  “I’m sorry, but you knew we were planning on leaving… We needed a new start,” I tried to explain.

  “A new start in your old house? That doesn’t make much sense.”

  I didn’t expect her to understand, so I changed the subject. “How was dinner with Roger?”

  “Richard,” she scolded. “Don’t pretend like you don’t remember his name. And it was amazing. I think he could be the one.”

  I rolled my eyes. Each guy she saw was the one—until they weren’t.

  “Are you rolling your eyes at me?” Mama asked.

  “No.”

  “You are, aren’t you?! You’re so disrespectful sometimes.”

  “Mama, I need to get to work,” I lied. “Is it okay if I call you back later?”

  Maybe tomorrow.

  Maybe next week.

  I just need space.

  “Fine. But don’t forget who was there for you when you had no one, baby girl. Sure, Steven’s parents are probably helping you now, but there’s going to come a point when you realize who your real family is, and who isn’t.”

  I’d never been so thankful to end a phone call.

  Sometimes I stood in the backyard and stared out into the wild bushes and tall grass, trying to remember what it had used to look like. Steven had made the place beautiful. He’d always had an eye for details when it came to landscaping, and I could almost imagine the smell of the flowers he’d planted, which were now all dead.

  “Close your eyes,” Steven whispered, walking up to me with his hands behind his back. I did as he said. “Name this flower,” he said. The smell hit my nose and I smiled.

  “Hyacinth.”

  I smiled wider when I felt his lips kiss mine. “Hyacinth,” he echoed. My eyes opened. He placed the flower behind my ear. “I was thinking of planting a few by the pond in the backyard.”

  “It’s my favorite flower,” I said.

  “You’re my favorite girl,” he replied.

  I blinked, and I was back, missing the smells of the past.

  My eyes shifted to my neighbor’s house, whose lawn was even worse off than mine. The house was made of reddish-brown bricks and had ropes of ivory wrapping around each side. Their grass was ten times longer than mine, and on the back porch I saw a garden gnome that was shattered into pieces. A plastic yellow kid’s baseball bat was hidden in the ever-growing strands of grass, along with a toy dinosaur.

  A small table saw was set up by the shed, its red paint peeling. Stacks of wood were leaning up against the shed, and I wondered if anyone actually lived in the house at all.

  It seemed more abandoned than ever, and I couldn’t help but wonder about the mindset of my neighbor.

  Behind all the houses on our block was the beginning of Meadows Creek’s forest. The area was surrounded with trees. I knew deep within those trees there was a narrow river hidden in the darkened woods that ran for miles and miles. Most people didn’t know it actually existed, but when I was in college, I’d discovered it with Steven. In the narrow river was a tiny rock. On the tiny rock were the initials ST and EB. Those initials had been carved into the tiny rock resting in the narrow river in the darkened woods when Steven had asked me to marry him. Without much thought, I found myself walking into the woods and before long I sat within the trees, staring down at my reflection in the water.

  One breath.

  The small fish swam downstream peacefully, until the water began to ripple after a big splash was heard. I turned my head to my left to see what the commotion was, and my cheeks blushed as I saw Tristan standing in the river wearing no shirt and a pair of running shorts. He bent down to the water and began washing his face, scrubbing his fingers against his rough, wild beard. My eyes danced across his tanned chest, which was covered with hair, and he began tossing water against his body, cleaning himself. Tattoos covered his left arm and wrapped across his pec. I studied the markings on his body, unable to look away. There were more than I could count, yet my eyes tried to take in each one. I know those tattoos. Each a different masterpiece from classic children novels. Aslan from Narnia. A monster from Where the Wild Things Are. The boxcar from The Boxcar Children. Across his chest were the words ‘We’re all mad here’ from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

  My insides exploded from the brilliance of it all. There was nothing more stunning than a man who not only knew the most classic stories of all time, but also found a way to make his body his own personal bookshelf.

  Water from his wet hair dripped down his forehead and fell to his chest. All of a sudden I was frozen in place. I wondered if he knew how handsome yet frightening he was. My thoughts very much matched those old Tootsie Roll Pop commercials as I gazed at his body. ‘Mister Owl, how long can I stare at this man before it becomes socially inappropriate?’ ‘I don’t know, Liz. Let’s find out. One…Two…Three…’

  He hadn’t taken notice of me, and my heart was pounding against my ribcage as I stepped away from the river, hoping to not be seen.

  Zeus was tied up to a tree, and when he saw me, he instantly started barking my way.

  Shoot!

  Tristan looked up toward me, his eyes as untamed as before. His body froze, water dripping from his chest down to the edge of his shorts. I stared for a moment too long, then realized I was staring straight at his package. My eyes shifted back up to his wild stare. He hadn’t moved an inch. Zeus kept barking and wagging his tail, trying to break away from the tree.

  “Following me?” he asked. His words were short, not leaving much room for a conversation, very straight to the point.

  “What? No.”

  He arched an eyebrow.

  I kept staring at his tattoos. Oh, Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham. He noticed my staring.

  Crap. Stop, Liz.

  “Sorry,” I muttered, my face heating up from nerves. What was he doing out there?

  He arched his other brow and didn’t blink once as he looked my way. Even though he could speak, it seemed he found it much more fun to make me uncomfortable and anxious. He was hard to look at, because he was so broken, but every scarred part of his existence seemed to draw me in.

  I watched his every move as he untangled Zeus’ leash from the tree and headed in the direction I’d just come from. I started behind him, to get back to my house.

  He paused.

  A slow turn in my direction.

  “Stop following me,” he hissed.

  “I’m not.”

  “You are.”

  “Not.”

  “Are.”

  “Not not not!”

  He cocked his brow again. “You’re like a five-year-old.” He turned back around and kept walking. I started my steps up too. Every now and then he would glance back and grunt, but we didn’t speak another word. When we reached the edge of the woods, he and Zeus walked up to the wild yard beside my house.

  “I guess we’re neighbors,” I said with a chuckle.

  The way he glared at me made my stomach flip. There was a high level of discomfort in my chest, yet behind it was still that familiar ting in my gut that arrived when he looked me in the eyes.

  We both walked into our houses without a goodbye.

  I ate dinner alone at the dining room table. When I looked across the room, through my dining room windows, I saw Tristan sitting at his table
eating too. His house seemed so dark and empty. Lonely. When he looked across and saw me, I straightened up. I gave him a simple smile and a small wave. He stood from his chair, walked over to his windows, and closed his blinds.

  It didn’t take long for me to realize that our bedroom windows were also right across from one another, and he was quick to shut those curtains too.

  I called to check in on Emma, who from the sound of it was hyped up on candy and grandparents time. Around eight o’clock I was sitting on the living room sofa, staring into space, trying not to cry when Faye texted me.

  Faye: You okay?

  Me: I’m fine.

  Faye: Interested in company?

  Me: Not tonight. Tired.

  Faye: Interested in company?

  Me: Sleeping…

  Faye: Interested in company?

  Me: Tomorrow.

  Faye: Love you, tits.

  Me: Love you, boobs.

  The pounding on the front door that followed after our last message wasn’t that surprising. I figured there was no way Faye wouldn’t stop by, because she knew when I said I was okay, I was normally far from being okay. What was surprising was when I opened the front door to see a slew of people. Friends. The leader of the pack was Faye, holding the biggest bottle of tequila known to mankind.

  “Interested in company?” She smirked.

  I stared down at my pajamas, and then glanced once more at the tequila. “Absolutely.”

  “I really thought you would’ve slammed the door in all of our faces,” a familiar voice said from behind me as I stood in the kitchen, pouring out four shots. I turned to see Tanner staring my way, tossing the coin he always seemed to have in his grip, and I leaped into his arms for a tight hug. “Hey, Liz,” he whispered, pulling me into a tighter grip.

  Tanner was Steven’s best friend, and for a long time they’d had the kind of bromance that made me think my husband might leave me for a man. Tanner was a built guy with dark, dark eyes and blond hair. He worked at the auto shop he’d taken over after his dad became sick. He and Steven became best buddies when they were paired as roommates their freshman year of college. Even though Tanner stopped going to school after the first year in order to work for his dad, he and Steven stayed close.