The Lonely Hearts Club

  I smiled at her. We'd done everything together, made the promises that best friends make when they're in grade school -- we'd go to the same college, get an apartment together, be each other's maid of honor . . .

  Diane started to tap the table nervously. "I also wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." tears were forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry that I threw our friendship away. I'm sorry that I treated you so poorly. And, most of all, I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to come to my senses. I can't begin to imagine what it must've been like for you. I couldn't help but think of you when Ryan and I broke up." Her voice cracked as she said his name. the tears were now flowing down her cheeks. "At first, I was fine. My family was going on summer vacation. I had tennis lessons to keep me occupied. But a couple of weeks ago I had nothing to do. Practice hadn't started yet. I was on my own."

  51

  She grabbed her purse and took out a tissue. She started sniffling. "I would call Audrey and Pam, but either they had plans with their boyfriends or, if they made plans with me, they'd cancel the second Don or Brian called. And I know -- I know -- that I used to do that same thing to you. that's something else I'm sorry about."

  Flashes from years ago. the moments that I realized that I was losing my best friend and feeling alone, having no one.

  Diane wiped the tears on her face. "It was hard for me to realize that I really didn't have any true friends. Not the kind of friend that you were. Now that school's started, it's making everything worse. I used to have a routine -- Ryan would pick me up for school, I'd go to his locker, I'd . . , well, you know. You saw it. I made him my everything, and now, now I have nothing," Her sobs turned into sharp staccatos while she tried to steady her breathing.

  "I..." I tried to find some words to comfort her, but felt so conflicted. "Diane, what do you expect me to do?"

  She looked up at me with her bloodshot eyes,

  "I'm really sorry about what happened with you and Ryan. Really, No one should feel that way, especially over a guy. But still... I don't know what to do. Because I can't forget that you completely abandoned me. I don't know what I would've done if Tracy hadn't moved to town the next year."

  Diane struggled for air. "No, you're right, you're totally right. it's just... I don't know who I am anymore. Everybody knows me as Diane, Ryan girlfriend, or the cheerleader, or

  52

  class president. I feel so lost. Part of me thinks it's best to continue like nothing has changed, but there's another part of me that wants to just stop doing what everybody expects me to do. I don't know . . ." She shook her head. "I don't know if I want to cheer anymore. I really don't feel like cheering. I don't know what I feel like doing. I'm just, , ."

  I felt sharp prickles of moisture behind my eyes. Who would've thought that I would still have something in common with Diane? I felt lost, like her.

  Diane looked at me with a mixture of surprise and sympathy. She quickly handed a tissue over to me. Before I knew what was happening, I was telling Diane all about Nate. I felt stupid, knowing that I'd only dated htm for a few weeks, not a few years. But for some reason, I knew she would understand. It took me a moment to comprehend that the tears that were now running down Diane's face were because of Nate.

  "Oh, Penny, I'm so sorry. that's horrible! You trusted htm, and he . . . Penny" -- she made sure I was looking at her -- "you did nothing wrong."

  Although so much time had passed, I hadn't completely forgotten this Diane. the Diane who always knew the right words to say, the Diane who supported me no matter what. this Diane was the reason we had been best friends.

  I tried to smile. "Yeah, well, I'm not making that mistake again, ever. I've decided that I'm basically done. You know, with guys." I tried to laugh, so she wouldn't think I was mental. "I just. .. I'm sick of it all. Look at us, both in tears -- and

  53

  for what? Because we decided to trust a guy. Big mistake- I actually formed a little club."

  "A club?" Diane leaned in. "What club? Who's in it?"

  "Me, myself and I -- the Lonely Hearts Club. I bet you think I'm pathetic huh?"

  Diane grabbed my hand from across the counter. "Not at all. I think you've been through a lot, and you've got to do what you need to do to get through it. if only you would've thought of this years ago, imagine the trouble you would have saved both of us. But. , , there's only one problem." Diane started to smile.

  "What?"

  "You can't really have a club with one person."

  I laughed. "Well, I know that, but. . ."

  "So how about adding another member?"

  I looked at her in shock. "What?"

  "Penny!" Diane wiped away her tears and looked genuinely happy. "Do you really think the next thing I want to do is date again? I'm so done, too. I just need to figure out what's next for me. Not me and Ryan. ME."

  A surge of excitement rippled through me. "that's exactly what I've been thinking!"

  "You have to let me in. I know I have to earn your trust back, and I will. But for now, can you at least consider forgiving me?"

  She reached her hand out to me. I didn't even hesitate.

  Now, there were two of us.

  54

  chapter nine

  WHEN I LEFT MY DINNER WITH Diane, I felt truly happy and hopeful for the first time in weeks. Having a partner in crime, especially one who was also going through a breakup, was exactly what I needed,

  I reached for my phone and saw that I had three texts. the first two were from Tracy:

  Has she started crying yet? if she does start sobbing, take a picture for me! And the third was from Nate:

  I'm going to keep txting you until you reply.

  I ignored Nate and called Tracy.

  "Spill it," she answered.

  I tried to fill her in, but she wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. She kept making fun of Diane, which started to frustrate me.

  "Tracy, stop it." My voice started to rise. "You know, this

  55

  has been hard on her. Imagine what she's going through. She feels lost --"

  "Oh, please," Tracy interrupted. "Do you hear yourself? Next thing you know, you're going to be inviting her to eat lunch with us."

  Dead silence,

  Tracy sighed. "Are you kidding me? Please tell me this is a joke."

  "Tracy." I spoke slowly, choosing my words carefully. "Everybody is being really mean to her. Consider it an act of charity."

  "I already gave at the office," Tracy deadpanned.

  "Please. For me?" I didn't even try to hide the desperation in my voice.

  "Fine, But you owe me."

  I got off the phone with her before she had a chance to change her mind.

  "You do realize that I am going to kill you for this?" Tracy reminded me for the fourteenth time as we headed to lunch the next day.

  "Just please give her a chance," I begged.

  "Highly unlikely. I don't know -- call me crazy, Pen, but I'm just not very excited about watching my best friend get used."

  "I know what I'm doing." I headed toward a small table in the corner In case there was any hair-pulling or biting. I told

  56

  Morgan and Kara it was better for them to eat elsewhere today; I didn't want to make them an accessory to any violence that ensued.

  "Yeah, I think you said the same thing at the start of the summer."

  I froze in place.

  Tracy grabbed my hand. "I'm so sorry, Pen -- that was an awful thing to say."

  I tried to shake the thought from my mind. This was going to be hard enough without having to think about. . . him.

  "Just please, Tracy. For me. Be nice."

  Tracy sat down and didn't say a word.

  "Hey, guys." Diane sat down at our table. "thanks so much for having me!"

  Tracy forced out a smile.

  "Oh!" Diane set a small cardboard box on the table. "And as a thank-you . . . cupcakes!" Diane placed two fancy cupcakes on the table,

  "thanks
." I grabbed the bigger one and started licking the pink frosting. I glared at Tracy.

  "Yeah, thanks."

  Diane beamed, probably because that was the first positive thing Tracy had ever said to her. "You know, Penny, after last night, I feel so much better. Swearing off boys was the best decision ever. the Club is going to be awesome."

  Uh-oh.

  57

  Tracy looked between us. "What club?"

  "Um, you see . . ." this wasn't going to be good. "You know how I pretty much declared that all guys are scum?"

  Tracy rolled her eyes. "Yeah."

  "Well, I decided I'm not dating anymore."

  "Penny --" Tracy interrupted,

  "Tracy, can you just hear me out?" My patience was wearing thin. "I tried to tell you the other day, but you kept interrupting me."

  Tracy closed her mouth and leaned back in her chair.

  "I'm done dating. At least while I'm still here at this school and have to deal with these idiots. So I started calling myself the Lonely Hearts Club,"

  Tracy looked confused, "Is that a Beatles reference?"

  "Yes, and if you ever listened to any of the music I've given you, you'd know that. ANYWAYS, I'm serious. I'm not dating anymore. And Diane's decided to join my ban,"

  Diane turned to Tracy "You should join, too, Tracy. it could be fun."

  Tracy looked at Diane with contempt. "Do you think I'm so pathetic I can't get a date?"

  "Hey, that's not why --" I tried to interrupt.

  "No, that's not what I meant. I, . ." Diane looked hurt.

  Tracy glared at Diane. "Right -- how long is your membership going to last? Like you could exist without being fawned over by the entire male population."

  58

  "Tracy, please " I said. "the Club is important to me."

  Tracy groaned. "Be serious. Penny!"

  My face became hot with anger. How could I have expected Tracy to understand the hurt that Diane and I were going through*? Tracy had never had her heart crushed.

  "You just don't get it!" I screamed. this was the first time I'd ever raised my voice to Tracy. the group of freshmen at the table next to us got up and left. 'I know you don't understand what I'm going through, but this is what I need." My voice started to waver as I tried to fight back tears. "I thought it was over, but it isn't. He keeps sending me these texts."

  "He what?" Tracy pursed her lips.

  "He just..." I didn't have the energy to deal with Nate.

  "Penny, I told you -- he's such a jerk," Diane said softly. "You don't owe him anything."

  Tracy turned to Diane. "You know about Nate?"

  "Of course she knows. But I don't want to talk about Nate right now. This Club, not dating -- this is what I want to do. And, even more important, it's what I need to do. Diane supports me. I wish you would, too."

  Silence fell on the table. "Pen," Tracy said in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry if you think I'm not being supportive, but don't you see? She's just using you."

  Diane flinched. "How can you say that? I'm not using Penny." She paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and looked directly at Tracy. "Why do you hate me so much?"

  "I don't___"

  59

  "Yes, you do." Diane looked down at her half-eaten salad. "I don't know why, but you always have. I was hoping that the three of us could be friends, because I know how much you mean to Penny. there is no way I could be friends with Penny again without your .. . approval, I guess."

  Tracy looked at Diane with complete incomprehension. I don't think she ever imagined Diane Monroe would look to her for anything, much less approval.

  "I just. . !" Tracy looked upset. "I don't want you to take Penny away from me."

  I looked at Tracy in horror. How could she think that? "Tracy, Diane isn't going to do that."

  Diane hesitantly reached over and put her arm on Tracy's shoulder. "Do you think you could just give me a chance? Please?"

  I reached over to Tracy. "You know I have to have you behind me."

  Tracy shook her head. "I guess I could try . . . for Penny." Dianes face lit up. "But hold on a second." Tracy glared at Diane. "if you ever, I mean ever, pull that crap with Penny again, if you hurt her, you will not live long enough to regret it."

  Diane nodded weakly. "I'd really like us to be friends, Tracy, I really would."

  Tracy gave Diane an encouraging smile. "Yeah, well, knowing the history with my list, I guess it's only a matter of time before I join you guys on the dark side."

  "Can I see your list?" Diane asked hesitantly.

  60

  Tracy paused a few seconds before she pulled it out of her bag. "Why not?"

  "Oh, I know Paul Levine. He's a really nice guy," Diane offered.

  I guessed this was as good a start as I could've hoped for in our new, three-way friendship.

  61

  chapter Ten

  AFTER FOUR YEARS OF BASICALLY ignoring each other, it surprised me how quickly Diane and I fell back into place. I assumed it would be awkward, but it wasn't. It was the Penny and Diane of old.

  I was waiting for Diane at my locker at the end of the day when Ryan turned the corner, looking upset. He threw open his locker and started shoving books into his backpack with so much force I expected the strap to break.

  I looked up and saw Diane approaching me with a smile on her face.

  I kept looking between them. I knew they'd been speaking since the breakup, but I didn't want to find myself in the middle of it.

  Ryan slammed his locker shut and nearly ran into me when he turned around.

  "Sorry," he said.

  "Um, that's okay!' I replied, Diane was nearly at our lockers. "Um, everything okay?"

  "Huh?" He looked agitated. "I didn't do well on my Chem. Lab."

  "Oh, okay." I didn't know what else to say to him. I'd never

  62

  had trouble speaking with Ryan, but with Diane corning over, I felt like I was betraying her in a way.

  "Hey, guys," Diane greeted us.

  I noticed people in the hallways slowing down so they could watch Diane and Ryan.

  Ryan and Diane noticed, too.

  there was an awkward silence in our group as people were hovering, dissecting their every move. I just said the first thing that came to my mind. "Ryan didn't do well on his Chemistry Lab."

  Ryan gave me a weird look.

  "Sorry, I just..." I was embarrassed.

  Diane rolled her eyes, "Like a B is hardly something to get bent out of shape about. Plus, aren't you getting extra credit or something for that student advisory thing?"

  "What advisory thing?" I asked.

  Ryan blushed. "it's nothing. Principal Braddock has asked some students to meet with him on a regular basis to give him a better sense of the concerns of the student body."

  I was confused. "Isn't that what Student Council is for?"

  Ryan shrugged, "I don't know. We've only met once, and all he wanted to talk to me about was football. I guess he just wants to relive his glory years."

  Back in his day, Braddock was McKinley High's star athlete, and if one were to forget, there were a bunch of pictures of him in the trophy cases to remind us.

  63

  "Yeah, so much for--" Ryan was interrupted by a high, shrieking sound coming from the hallway. I nearly fell over when I saw that it was coming from Tracy.

  She ran over with a look of pure excitement and ended up running me smack into my locker.

  "Ow!"

  Tracy put her hand over her mouth and tried to stifle her laughter. "Sorry! You're not going to believe what happened!

  I moved my shoulder to make sure it was still in its socket.

  "Paul is having a party at his house on Saturday and asked me to come!"

  "Paul Levine?" I asked.

  "Yes, can you believe it? He's number three on the list,

  "Wow, Tracy, that's great!" I looked over at Diane, who gave me a little wink.

  Tracy was absolutely glowing
, "So you're going to come with me, right? It's going to be so much fun. His parents are away and he's a senior, so there will probably be a ton of seniors there, probably even Kevin. You're going to be there, right, Diane?"

  Diane looked shocked that Tracy was including her. "Of course."

  "See, Pen, you have to got Right, Diane?"

  Diane laughed. "Come on, Penny.'"

  Just a few hours ago Tracy was at Diane's throat. And now Tracy was using Diane to bully me into going to a party.

  64

  "Of course, I'll go with you!' I said. Ryan was looking at the three of us with a combined look of confusion and amusement.

  I was a little nervous about attending a house party. Parkview was a pretty small town -- only ten thousand people, and my parents knew most of them. if I was ever caught at a party where the parents weren't at home, I knew I'd be in so much trouble. My mother was a small woman, but she carried the wrath of God in her. I didn't like to make her angry. You wouldn't like her when she's angry.

  It was just one more thing I was going to have to be careful about.

  "What are you wearing to the party?" I asked Tracy, as we sat down in the football stands for the next night's game.

  "What's Diane wearing?"

  Tracy had been on her best behavior with Diane since Paul's invitation. I hoped wasn't all an act,

  "Maybe we'll get you a nice strait jacket to match your attitu-- Ow!"

  Tracy's fingers dug into my right arm. "Shh!" she said as she tried to subtly motion in front of us.

  "Nuumb seev," Tracy mumbled.

  "What?" I was convinced this was it. Tracy had finally lost her mind.

  "Nuuurnmmb seeevvv," Tracy moved her head forward somewhat violently.

  65

  "Are you having a seizure?" I asked.

  She looked over at me and held up seven fingers.