A Surrogate Love Affair

  Sally grabs my shoulders. “Calm down. Deep breaths.” She starts breathing in and out slowly, so I follow suit. “Listen, why don’t you take off? I’ll tell Roger you became sick during lunch.”

  My eyes widen. “Really?”

  “Of course. You’re in no state to go back to work after finding that out. Go home, tell your friends and Kyle, then start looking for places for that weekend away with the hubs. It might do you both a world of good.”

  I bite my lip. For a moment, I had completely forgotten about Kyle. What will his reaction be? I know he’s expecting it, but I imagine he may be secretly hoping that I don’t get pregnant.

  Sally lets go of my arms, throws the test into the bin, and moves toward the door. “Stay here. I’ll go get your things. I’ll sort everything else out for you.”

  I give her an appreciative smile. “Thank you so much for this.”

  “You’re welcome,” she says, walking out the door.

  Within two minutes, she’s back with my coat and bag. “Here.” She hands them to me. “Go give them the good news.”

  Smiling brightly, I hug her. “Talk later?”

  “Definitely. Give me a call once everyone knows. I want to hear their reactions.”

  I pull away and smile. “I will. Thanks again for everything.”

  Quickly, I sneak down the hallway, hastily putting on my coat and slinging my handbag over my shoulder. With phone in hand, I catch the lift and wait the agonising few seconds before it stops on the ground floor. Once out in the cold air, I dial Sarah’s number.

  “Shit,” I mutter when it goes to voicemail. I get to my car and climb inside, dialling again. Again, it goes straight to voicemail, so I try Ethan’s number. His goes to voicemail, too, so I call his work’s number.

  “Dr. Connor’s office.”

  “Hi. Is Dr. Connor available?” I ask.

  “I’m afraid he’s with a patient. Can I take a message?”

  I bite my lip, wondering whether to leave one, but decide against it. “No, that’s okay. I’ll catch him later.”

  “Okay,” she says, hanging up.

  I stare at the phone. “Okaaay.”

  As a last-ditch attempt, I call Kyle’s number, which also goes straight to voicemail. “Doesn’t anyone switch their bloody phones on anymore?”

  Exasperated, I start the engine and make my way home. I get stuck in a little traffic along the way, but make it home in around twenty minutes.

  As I pull up, I notice Kyle’s car. Maybe he decided to come home for lunch. I turn off the engine and lock the door behind me as I start up the front walk. Opening the door, I softly call Kyle’s name. I don’t hear anything, so I look into the kitchen, then the front room. Nothing. As I walk out into the hallway, I hear noise.

  Trying to focus, I realise it’s coming from upstairs. Placing my hand on the railing, I take the steps. Once I’m halfway up, the sounds turn into moans.

  With my heart in my throat, I keep walking, wondering if what I’m doing is a good idea. I have to know one way or the other, though.

  As I get to the landing, the noises turn up a notch. “That’s it. Fuck me harder!” a woman screams, freezing me. When I get to my bedroom door and push it open, what I find shocks me to the core.

  “You like it rough, don’t you, bitch? You all like it rough.” Both are naked, and she is bent over the bed—our bed—as he grabs her hair from behind. I want to leave, but my feet can’t seem to move.

  “Yes!” she screams. “Give it to me, Kyle. Fuck me hard.”

  He yanks her hair as he grabs her hip and pounds himself into her. “Your husband can’t give it to you like I can, huh? I bet he can’t make you scream. Scream for me, bitch.” He thrusts hard, making her cry out.

  Hearing that snaps me out of my stupor. Stepping back, I gasp, dropping my keys. I quickly bend down to pick them up and stand straight again, seeing two sets of eyes staring at me.

  I should cry, but all I feel is anger. Hot, red-blooded anger. I stare at their shocked faces, but notice that neither one of them have moved. My eyes roam over them, taking everything in before my eyes land on Sarah’s hands sprawled across my duvet.

  “I never did like that bed,” I simply say before turning to leave.

  I run downstairs, hearing them shouting my name. In no time, I’m out the door and jump into my car, backing out of the driveway. I see Kyle running out the door, tying his dressing gown, shouting my name. I see the desperation in his eyes, but it just makes me angry. Placing my foot on the accelerator, my tyres screech as I drive down the road.

  After a few minutes of driving aimlessly, I realise I’m crying. It shocks me, but only because of the reason. I’m not crying because my husband of almost six years has been unfaithful. I’m not crying because I should have seen it coming. I knew there was something up with Kyle. I knew he could be cruel and vindictive, lashing out to hurt me the only way he knew how. This was his secret way of telling me he was unhappy that I wouldn’t open my legs every time he snapped his fingers. I should have realised what a monster he had become and left him ages ago. I was just too blinkered, too blinded by the fact that he was my one and only lover and husband.

  No, I’m not crying over that. I’m crying because of the deep betrayal I feel knowing that my best friend of eighteen years could not only be unfaithful to her husband, but the person she chooses to do it with is mine.

  How could she?

  Wiping my tears, I drive around for the next hour, having no clue as to where I should go next. My phone rings for the hundredth time. This time, I turn the damn thing off. There’s no way I’m in the mood to speak with either of them.

  Eventually, I find a coffeehouse about thirty miles away from my house. I pull into an available parking space and go in to order a latte. Then I remember the reason I had gone home in the first place.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Can I change my order to tea, please?”

  The person behind the counter virtually rolls her teenaged eyes, but proceeds to make my tea, then hands it to me.

  “Thank you,” I respond, handing over the exact change.

  I find a seat by the window and stare out toward the sea. People walk by, clutching their coats to their bodies as they try to fight against the sea wind. I inwardly shiver, feeling empathy toward them at having to walk in the weather as they make their way from point A to point B.

  Blowing on my tea, I take a tentative sip and close my eyes. Immediately, the scene I witnessed earlier flashes in my mind, sending a wave of nausea to my gut.

  My best friend… How could she?

  I would have walked on hot coals if she’d asked me to. I think about all the times we spent together over the years. The jokes and secrets we shared. In no way did I think it was also perfectly acceptable to share my husband.

  It’s then I think about Ethan, hanging my head. He loves and adores Sarah, so this will crush him. I wonder if, in the amount of time since I caught them, Sarah has been back and told him.

  I check my watch. It’s already past four. On a sigh, I drink the rest of my tea and decide that it’s time to get home and face Kyle. Most people will start getting out of work shortly, so the traffic will be bad again.

  I drive home slowly, my mind still racing. When I woke this morning, it was just like any other morning. Kyle and I showered, he fondled me, grumbling about how much he needed me, then we dressed, quickly grabbed some breakfast, and kissed before parting ways. Apart from Kyle’s frustrating behaviour, everything had been fine.

  As I turn the corner, I pull into the spot Kyle usually parks. He’s not here and, for a moment, I’m glad. I know I will need to speak with him, but I’m pleased I don’t have to face him right now.

  I get out of the car and go inside the house. I run up to our bedroom, the smell of Sarah’s perfume hitting me. I know it’s hers because it’s one I bought her a few months ago.

  Looking at the crumpled sheets on the bed, I turn away in disgust and pull a small suitcase out
of the wardrobe. After packing some things, I grab a few bin bags, pull everything off the bed, and push them hurriedly inside each one. With a satisfied kick, I watch them roll down the stairs, hitting the bottom. I carry the suitcase down and place it by the door. I then gather the bin bags and throw them onto the front walk.

  Now, I sit and wait.

  Fortunately, or unfortunately, I don’t have long to wait. The silence disappears as I hear the roar of an engine. My heart thunders in my chest when I hear him slam the car door, run up the walk, pausing when he must have seen the bags, and scramble to get the key in the lock.

  I wipe away my tears, so he doesn’t see me crying, and sit there at the end of the sofa. I look up when he appears, seeing him visibly sigh in relief.

  “Thank God,” he says, rushing toward me. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you. You won’t answer my calls. I’ve been going crazy.”

  He bends down and tries to grab my hand, but I flinch away. I notice the look of hurt cross his face. I’m hardened to that look now.

  “What happened... It was nothing. She means nothing to me. Just someone who was desperate for sex. She caught me at a weak moment. I swear.”

  Disgusted, I screw my face up. “You really think you can justify what you did by coming out with that bullshit?” I see his jaw tick. I know he hates when I swear, but I don’t give a flying fuck at the moment. In fact, I think I have the right to a few choice swear words.

  “Baby, please. She was just...there. She offered herself to me, and because I wasn’t getting it with you, I caved.”

  Gasping, I shoot out of my seat so fast, I almost knock him over. “Because you weren’t getting it with me? Kyle, we had sex almost every day, and if we didn’t, I went down on you. I went down on you so much, my jaw hurt for days!” I immediately distance myself from him, suddenly feeling sick to the stomach.

  “We may have had sex, but you made me wear those fucking horrible things. I hate them.”

  “So you didn’t with Sarah?”

  He shrugs. “She can’t get pregnant, so why not?” I shake my head and watch as he walks toward me. I immediately back away. “Sarah means absolutely nothing to me. Nothing. I love you with all my heart, but you’ve been so distant with me lately. I’ve been lonely. I swear to you that I never intended to sleep with her. Sarah came over and we started talking. When we got to our sex lives, things just escalated. She practically begged me.”

  I roll my eyes. “Oh, please…”

  “It’s true!” he shouts, looking panicked.

  “Then explain to me how, on a workday, you were home and she just happened to stumble by? Why weren’t you at work? How did Sarah know you would be here?”

  I see the panic in his eyes as he starts to stumble a little on his words. “I…I came home for lunch and she…she was looking for you.”

  Placing my head in my hands, I sigh. “You must think I’m really stupid.”

  I feel his arms on my shoulders. “Of course I don’t...”

  “Don’t touch me!” I shout, pulling away.

  I see the look of shock, then defiance. “You’re my wife.”

  “Exactly. I’m your wife. Someone you’re supposed to love in sickness and in health, to honour and to cherish ‘til death us do part. I don’t recall the bit that says you can fuck your wife’s best friend on the side.”

  “Stop swearing!”

  “I don’t believe you, Kyle. I catch you in bed with my best friend of eighteen years and all you care about is my swearing? Don’t you think there’s something more pressing to discuss at the moment? Under the circumstances, I think I have a right to use them.”

  His face softens a little. I know he wants to reach out and touch me, but there’s no way I’m going to let him. “Okay, I’m sorry. You know I don’t like it.”

  “Again, I couldn’t care less.” I sigh. “I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to be honest with me. I’ll know if you’re lying. Please, don’t insult my intelligence when you answer.”

  He looks away, a sure sign of guilt. “Okay. What is it you want to know?”

  “How long?”

  He snaps his head to me, frowning. “What?”

  “How long have you and Sarah been sleeping together? Be honest with me. I know today wasn’t the first time.”

  “But how—”

  “Just answer me.”

  “Okay, okay.” He gets up and paces from one side of the room to the other. He sighs a couple times, pushes his hands through his hair, then faces me. “As you already know, we met for coffee a couple times and talked about things. Then there were the times I drove her home after she came to visit you. That second time I took her home, I told her how difficult I found things between us. She grabbed my hand and, before I knew it, we started kissing.”

  I think back, remembering. That was a month or so ago. “Did you sleep with her that night?”

  His head snaps to mine. “No, we only kissed. I felt bad, so I went around to visit her the next day to tell her that it couldn’t happen again. Ethan was at work, so we were all alone. She said she felt lonely and needed someone. She kept putting her hands on me, and the more I tried to back away, the more she came at me. It was just impossible to ignore.”

  “So you slept with her.”

  “Yes.”

  “So you’ve been sleeping with one another for over a month?”

  “She was just...” He frantically waves his hands around, “there.” He notices when I shake my head. “You were so busy trying to get pregnant by another man. How do you think that made me feel?”

  For a split second, I feel guilty, then I think of everything he’s put me through the last few months. “You didn’t want kids, they were desperate, and you wanted your car. You agreed, Kyle. Remember that. You could have said no.”

  “And then what? I wouldn’t have gotten my car.”

  “That was the deal. You got what you wanted, and Sarah and Ethan were hopefully going to get what they wanted.”

  He gives a silent, sarcastic laugh. “Now they’re not going to get anything.”

  I wince. I’m not going to tell him I’m pregnant now. “Both you and Sarah decided to go into this together. You both made decisions that could ultimately destroy your marriages.”

  He kneels in front of me. “But it won’t destroy ours, will it? We’ll get through this, won’t we?”

  I sigh loudly. “Kyle, only...” I look at my watch, “three hours ago, I caught you and my best friend in bed together—an image that will take forever to get out of my head. And you want me to tell you that everything will be okay between us?”

  He holds his hands out in a placating manner. “Okay, okay. You need time. I understand that. I saw you had packed some stuff. Where do you want me to take you?”

  My eyes widen. “Kyle, that suitcase wasn’t packed for me. Why should I be the one to leave after what you did? You have your parents’ house to go to. I used to have my best friend. Where the hell do you think I can go?”

  Suddenly, he throws his arms around my waist and starts crying. “I can’t leave you. You’ll have time to think and won’t want me back. I won’t lose you, Alice. I refuse.”

  I stand still and look down at his crumpled frame. I used to love this man. In spite of my needs and wants, I would have done anything for him. Now, seeing him crying as he quietly begs me not to leave him, I realise one thing. He never really loved me like a husband should love his wife. As I think about the years, there wasn’t one time he put me first above himself.

  And it’s at this moment I start to cry. I cry with my husband, but not because I’m losing him. I’m crying because all these years we’ve been together, I’ve ended up losing myself.

  Squeezing my hips, Kyle nuzzles his way to my belly. It’s then that I remember the life growing inside me. I have someone else to think about now. Someone else to care for as he or she grows and develops.

  I start to panic. “Kyle, get off me.??
? I try shoving him, but he grips me even tighter. “Kyle, I mean it. Get…off…me!” I shove as hard as I can. Thankfully, he relinquishes. He looks at my tear-stained face as I look at his. It’s the first time I have ever seen my husband cry.

  “Please leave,” I say softly.

  He shakes his head. “Don’t do this. We can get through this. Just tell me what it is you want and you’ve got it. Just don’t shut me out.”

  “Don’t you get it? I don’t want you here. You’ve been sleeping with my best friend for weeks. You could have stopped it the first time, but no. You never once stopped to think about me, did you? You never once thought about how this would affect our marriage. You just went into this completely blinkered. You’re a selfish man, Kyle.”

  “I can be better,” he says, reaching out for me.

  I push his hand away. “Just go. I need to be alone.”

  “But I don’t want to leave you.”

  I look him in the eye. “You said you would give me anything I want. Please, just this once, do something I want for a change. I want you to leave.”

  “But this isn’t over. We’ll get through this, right?”

  I remain silent. How can I give him any indication that we have a chance? I already know how I feel about things, but I’m frightened he’ll never leave if I tell him.

  “Alice, talk to me. We’re going to eventually be okay, aren’t we? We’ll get through this and be a couple again. Hell, I’ll even agree to start that family you’ve always wanted.”

  I stare at him in disbelief. “Of all the times to make this decision, you choose now? I can’t believe you.”

  “But it’s true,” he says, grabbing my hand. He smiles, placing his other hand on my belly. “We can make a baby together.”

  I move away from him. “Please, just leave.”

  He has the cheek to look shocked. “But what I just said... You’ve always wanted this...”

  “You think that after what I witnessed today, you can bribe your way back into my heart by saying you’ll have a baby with me?” He’s more despicable than I thought. I know he doesn’t want a baby. He’s never wanted a baby.