House on Fire

Chapter 73

  There was a tap on our door as we were getting ready for bed.

  “Hi Beth, come on in,” Jessie said.

  “Can I talk to you?”

  “Of course. Come sit down. Is it about the baby?”

  “Yeah. I don’t know if I can bear to go through with it.”

  “Whatever you decide is okay.”

  “No, it’s not – not to Dave. We argued. He wants me to do it right away. I’m not ready.”

  “Oh, Beth, I’m so sorry. This isn’t how you wanted to spend your first day as a married couple.”

  “I know that waiting won’t make it any easier, and I know that I don’t want the baby to get any extra medical attention…” She glanced at me.

  “I can wait in the bedroom if you want to talk alone.”

  “No, that’s okay, Cory. Jessie probably told you anyway.”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. I overheard it.”

  “It’s just, it’s breaking my heart. It’s all my fault!”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s God’s way of punishing me for what I did.”

  “I don’t believe that,” Jessie said, wrapping her arms around Beth.

  “It’s true. My mom was right, I’m just a whore.”

  “Don’t talk like that. You and Dave love each other.”

  “That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

  “I know it feels awful now, but maybe it’s for the best. You can go back to school, and not have to be a teenage mom. I know you really didn’t want that.”

  “But now I want it,” she cried, pushing away. “I want it more than anything in the world. I want to hold my baby.”

  “You will. Not this one, but you and Dave can try again. Maybe in a few years you’ll be ready.”

  Beth shook with sobs. Jess looked at me helplessly.

  There was another knock on the door. I got up and let Dave in.

  They ran to each other and embraced.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to yell.at you. Please forgive me.”

  They stood, swaying in our living room.

  “Babe, I have to tell you. I did something awful,” Beth said.

  “I know. It doesn’t mean anything.”

  “You don’t know…”

  “Yes, yes I do, and it’s okay. I love you.”

  “But Rick…”

  “Shhh. You don’t need to tell me. We have each other now and that’s all that matters.”

  “Really? You don’t hate me?”

  “No, of course not. Why don’t you come back upstairs with me, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you want to call Hannah?”

  “It’s late…”

  “She won’t mind.”

  “Maybe in the morning, Babe. Tonight I just want you.”

  When they were gone, Jessie glared at me.

  “Did you tell him?”

  “No way. Rick must have talked to him. Dave took it awfully well.”

  “He really loves her.”

  “I think he’s relieved. Daniel told me Dave wasn’t ready to be a dad.”

  “That’s what Beth told me, too. He’d have done it for her, though.”

  Over the next week the five of us talked a lot about grieving. It’s not just losing what you have, but what you dreamed and hoped for, what might’ve been. After Dave drove Beth down to Denver for the procedure, she didn’t come downstairs for meals or class for three days, but when she did, she looked good.

  “We’ve been talking,” she said while we ate breakfast.

  “What about?” Jess asked.

  “Going home.”

  “Back to Esky?”

  “Yeah,” she said, reaching for the butter.

  “Why?”

  “I want to eat my cake, or however that saying goes.”

  “How’s that?”

  “I want to be married, and have the privileges of being an adult. I want what I have here. But I’m not done being a teenager. I want to hang with my friends. I want to go back to the high school and have Dave take me to the prom. I want to graduate with my friends and throw my hat in the air, not just get a piece of paper.”

  “Geez, guys,” I said, “We’d really miss you, but if that’s what you want…”

  “How are you going to get by?” Dad asked.

  “Dave’s folks are loaning us their basement. It’s kinda gross, but it’s free. My dad’s sending money, enough for the basics. After graduation, Dave can find some work.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Dad said. Scrambled eggs fell off of his shaking fork.

  “Maybe you could find some weekend work,” I suggested.

  “Like what?”

  “Shoveling snow, cleaning gutters, mowing grass, maybe a little maintenance work.”

  “I’m not sure there’s much money in that,” Dave said.

  “No, but maybe someone has a house in town that they can’t maintain themselves, and would be happy to have a nice young couple stay as caretakers. What do you think, Jess?”

  She smiled. “That sounds like a good deal for everyone. I don’t see us moving back there anytime soon.”

  “No way. You’d do that for us?”

  “Well, we haven’t gotten you a wedding gift.”

  “It’s a nice offer,” Beth said, “But I don’t think we could afford the upkeep.”

  “The house is ours, so we’ll take care of that. We’ll set up a maintenance account. If you need a plumber, just write a check. One less thing for us to worry about. If you like venison, there’s a ton in the freezers. You’ll need to fix the mailbox and storm door.”

  “You’re serious? I don’t know what to say.”

  “Then just say yes.”

  “Yes.”

  “Cool. Dad? You’re good at this. Can you draw us up an agreement?”

  “You write up a draft, Son, and I’ll look it over.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Some days are better than others. This is one of the others.”

  “What’s this?” Dave asked, indicating a package on our kitchen counter.

  “It’s from our attorney. Financial stuff.” I tried not to sound too excited. We were now officially millionaires, but I didn’t think it would be polite to talk about it in front of Beth and Dave.

  Inside the box was the deed to our house in Escanaba, free and clear. There were three checkbooks, one in Jessie’s name, one in mine, and a joint account with all three of us, each with a starting balance of a hundred thousand dollars. There were keys to safety deposit boxes. There were pages of account numbers, access codes, and phone numbers. Inside that package was our freedom and our future.

  It was less than a week later that we saw Dave and Beth off at the airport. It was like they just disappeared. Sure, Jessie and Beth talked on the phone almost every night, but the days seemed empty without them. Our daily lessons lost their spark, and the coursework seemed like a grind. Dave and I had become good friends, and I missed playing guitar with him.

  Jessie would be fine for days and then suddenly burst into tears. Sometimes she wanted me to hold her, but other times she shut herself in the bedroom. It was hard to give her the space she needed; it made me feel helpless and frustrated. Once again we pulled out the books on grieving.

  Dad was losing feeling in his legs, and couldn’t handle the sidewalk anymore. He moved into our spare bedroom. He had a home care worker with him all day, most days an older man named Gus. Gus would help Dad in the bathroom because he refused to let us do it. Mostly he sat and read novels in the living room.

  Jessie and I agreed between us to abstain from sex as long as we shared a wall with Dad. It was a real sacrifice, but we knew it still bothered him. Sometimes at night I’d lie awake and listen to him breathing, like I used to listen to Jessie.

  As the weeks went by he spent more time in his room. I made excuses to walk in and talk to him, asking questions about history or government, but it was re
ally hard for him to concentrate. One day I went in and his sheet had fallen off the side, and I could see he was wearing a diaper. I looked away.

  “It’s alright, Son. I haven’t used them yet – it’s just in case.” He tried to pull the sheet back up, but his hands couldn’t grasp it. I noticed they no longer trembled. That was chilling.

  “Let me get that for you, Dad.”

  “You’re a good son, Cory. It won’t be long now.”

  I wanted to tell him not to talk like that, but he’d taught me better.

  “I know, Dad. Pretty soon.”

  He had Gus call for a tailor, who brought a whole display of fabric and dozens of ties. The cheerful tailor measured Dad for a new suit. Dad picked out the material from a swatch, and selected the tie he wanted.

  The following afternoon Jess and I went out and bought clothes for the funeral.

  “Which dress do you like better?”

  “I think you should get them both. I love the black one, but it’s way too sexy on you for a funeral.” That made her smile. “The charcoal one’s more appropriate. You still need one more; one that doesn’t drive me nuts. Try that dark blue one you were looking at.”

  After we were done shopping we admitted that abstinence just wasn’t working for either of us and let ourselves into Beth and Dave’s old apartment. It was a lot of fun, and an incredible relief. If Dad noticed any change in our demeanor when we got home, he didn’t mention it. Like always, he probably knew. The subject was just too uncomfortable.

  Sometimes in the evening, if he was up to it, we’d sit on his bed and talk about the future.

  “We’ve decided to stay here in Colorado at least until we’re eighteen,” Jess told him. “We don’t want to move anywhere that our marriage might be challenged. We figure we’ll go to the community college here and get some of the required courses out of the way. If we do it right, we can earn associate degrees along the way.”

  “Yeah, and we’ll decide what to do from there. We’re definitely not going to go to different universities, though.”

  “Don’t rule it out, kids. You may have different goals by then.”

  “No, we’re pretty sure. Most college kids have the security of a family and a place to go home to. Our security is each other. I think we’ll both do better if we stick together.”

  “Well, I trust that you’ll do what’s right for yourselves. Have you thought about what you might study, Son?”

  “It’s hard to say now, but I’m considering engineering.”

  “Chemical, civil, or maybe those super-computers?”

  “Mechanical, actually. It’s a good background for naval architecture – designing boats.”

  “You’d probably be very good at that. What about you, Bug?”

  “I think it would be cool to become a social worker, especially working with kids.”

  “That’s an excellent plan. It can be complicated applying to schools, registering and that sort of thing. Make sure you get some help with it.”

  “Okay.”

  “More immediately, have you thought of what you’ll do when the lease runs out here in May?”

  “We’re going to get a house of our own,” I said. “We’ll rent if we can, but there doesn’t seem to be much available right now. I’d consider buying if we can find something reasonable.”

  “Daddy, you might still be with us then.”

  “Bug,” he scolded, “That’s not a realistic consideration. Cory, buying gives you a nice tax write-off. I don’t see why you couldn’t get a loan, even though you’re so young. You guys need to build up a credit history. Let’s talk to the folks where we bank. They know you’re a good risk. We’ll start the process now and get you pre-approved. That way when you find a place it’ll be a lot simpler.” He sighed. “Okay kids, sorry, but I’m done for tonight.”

  “Okay, Dad.”

  Every night before we turned in, we kissed him and told him that we loved him, knowing that each time could be the last.

  And then it was.