Deadguy on Campus

  # # #

  Deadguy and Aaron walked across the frozen ground of the campus. It was still cold, but at least the wind had died down and the bleak sky broke away to reveal the sun overhead. As they walked, a slender, pale blonde girl snuck up and wrapped her arms around Aaron's. "Hey Aaron," she cooed.

  "Hello Maria," he said, uninterested.

  "Hello Beautiful," Deadguy said. "You going to introduce me or what?"

  "Maria, this is...David, my new roommate," he said. "David, this is Maria."

  "Hello," she said curtly, not taking her eyes off Aaron. "Soo, there's going to be a little party going on in your dorm tonight..."

  "I have an essay due," he replied.

  Deadguy grabbed Aaron's other arm. "Come on, you can charm her panties off later," he commented, dragging him away. "We're going to be late for class." They made it to the other end of the yard and quickly ducked into the building, leaving Maria out in the cold. "Not your type, I take it?"

  "She's in one of my classes and suddenly developed an obsession with me," Aaron explained.

  "It's the glasses," DG remarked. "It drives the ladies wild."

  Aaron glared at him, shaking his head.

  "You're into redheads, aren't you," Deadguy asked. "Everyone loves redheads."

  Aaron walked away, letting out an exasperated groan.

  The first class on the schedule was Psychology. Our Hero sat down next to a rather unassuming Asian girl. "Well, hello Beautiful," he said. "Name's David Green."

  "Mia Raitoningu," she replied coldly.

  "My oh Mai," he said, trying to sound witty. She just glared at him. "You've heard that joke before."

  "Ever since junior high," she said in the same cold tone.

  "Okay. Not awkward at all." They continued to sit in silence in the medium-sized auditorium as the young professor at the front wrote the word 'Paranoia' on the chalkboard. "Now," he stated. "In a continuation of our discussion from last time, how many of you know how long it takes a person to become paranoid?"

  Our Hero quickly stood up. "I'm already there," he yelled. "Our government is infested with lizard-men and planning to kill us all." He then screamed and ran out of the room, holding his head. A few students laughed and the poor professor looked confused.

  The next class was Art. The class sat in a circle, concentrating on a bowl of fruit. Deadguy tried his best to draw an outline, but all he could think about was the horrible cliche of having to paint an art nude at some point during this class.

  "Alright students," the art teacher announced, her airy voice trying to sound authoritative. "It's time to move on to something a little more complicated."

  "I think I'm already going to either be sick or freaking out," DG said. The teacher ignored him as she went to the door.

  "You can come in now," she said to someone on the other side. A fat, middle-aged man with a beagle walked in. He was wearing a large overcoat. Deadguy winced at the inevitable outcome as the guy took off his coat. The man was still fully clothed underneath and reach down to pick up the dog, placing him on the table where the bowl of fruit was.

  "Oh," Deadguy remarked, both stunned and relieved. "Aw."

  After that was Chemistry, a course that filled Deadguy with elated dread. The professor was an old man with wild white hair and a soothing tone. It was almost putting Our Hero to sleep when he was nudged by the girl sitting next to him. "Don't fall asleep," she whispered. "He'll call on you first."

  "Wouldn't matter," he replied. "Even if I was wide awake, I still wouldn't know the answer."

  The girl laughed quietly, her curly,brown locks bouncing along. "I'm Marion," she introduced, putting her hand out.

  "David," he said, shaking her hand. "I'm new here."

  "I can tell," she said.

  "Mister Green, Miss MacGuffin," the professor called out. "Since you two seem to already have a grasp on this subject, would you like to demonstrate to the class the reaction of hydrogen and oxygen?

  Deadguy stood up. "Sure thing, Doc." He motioned for Marion to stay in place. "Don't worry, I'll take care of this."

  Dean Stockwell looked out at the campus grounds from his office. Suddenly, a man dressed in black with a black, backward baseball cap flew out of the window of one of the science labs. He fell from the second story and slammed into the snowy ground below. The dean looked on in shock for a few moments before the guy stood up, dusted himself off, and gave a thumbs up to the peers looking out of the blasted window.

  "This may have been a huge mistake," the dean muttered to himself.