Deadguy on Campus

  # # #

  Aaron was trying his best to work on his essay. It would have been easier if the other students weren't blasting their music at such an unhealthy level. Between rap, dubstep, metal, and acid rock, it was a miracle he could even hear himself think. Suddenly, the door burst wide open, and Deadguy stood in the doorway. For some unknown reason, he was wearing a pink and yellow sombrero and several multicolored leis, which looked even more ridiculous against his all black attire. "Conga Time," he yelled at the top of his lungs. He started dancing into the room, a pretty girl with curly brown locks holding his waist and several other students behind him. The conga line started to snake around the room.

  Aaron shot up from his seat. "Get out," he yelled. "All of you! Get out of my room!"

  Everyone in the line stopped. "Alright everyone," Deadguy ordered. "Turn around and conga out." Everyone turned around, grabbed the waist of the person that was behind them, and started dancing out of the room.

  "This was a huge mistake," Aaron sighed, collapsing onto the couch. He rested his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes, trying to block everything out. There was the sound of someone cute clearing her throat. "The idiot's conga line went that way," he said, not opening his eyes and pointing out the door.

  "I'm not looking for him," Maria's voice responded. Aaron quickly picked his head up to look at her. She was dressed in clothes that seemed very inappropriate for that time of year.

  "He forgot to close the door," he moaned. "What do you want?"

  "I think you already know the answer to that," she replied, biting her lip slightly.

  "I don't have time," he said coldly, trying to get back to his schoolwork. "Go talk to David. I'm sure you two might have something in common."

  "Don't ignore me," she yelled, her mood changing quickly. It shook Aaron from his papers. "I don't like guys IGNORING me!"

  "Okay, just calm down," he suggested, trying to move away from her." I'm not ignoring you, it's just...you're not my type."

  Maria tilted her head slightly, as if she didn't understand the statement. "Not your...type," she repeated. She then straightened up, a smile on her face. "Well then, good luck with your essay." With that, she left without a second glance. Aaron breathed a sigh of relief, then suddenly realized what just happened.

  "No," he said to himself. "There's no way...it can't be her." He swallowed a bit. "Can it? I hope it's not her."

  "Hey. Wake up," Aaron said, throwing a pillow at Deadguy. He stirred from the couch with a yawn. "What are you even doing sleeping on the couch anyway?"

  "I got kicked out of my bed," he answered, stretching

  "How did you get kicked out," Aaron started, looking into Deadguy's room. Three college girls, a blond, a brunette, and a redhead, were snuggled in his bed."Uh, what are three girls doing in your bed?"

  "Shh," Our Hero said softly, resting his arm on Aaron's shoulder. "I think they're sleeping. You got any coffee?"

  "I don't drink caffeine," he answered, not taking his sight off of the three sleeping girls.

  Deadguy slowly turned and looked at him in disgust. "What kind of madman are you?"

  "Caffeine does more harm than good," he answered, leaving the doorway. "If you don't drink it for a week or so, you'll never need it again." He grabbed a bottled water out of the refrigerator. "It's a scientific fact."

  "Don't whip out your 'scientific facts' in front of me," Deadguy remarked. "No one's impressed with that. Well, the geeky brunette in there might be, but that's about it."

  "Don't you have classes to go to?"

  "I went to those yesterday."

  "You're suppose to go to classes every day."

  "What," DG said in shock. "Since when?"

  "Since about 1636, I would presume."

  "Great," Our Hero said, acting like he was upset. "Fine, I'll go 'to class'. Without caffeine. See how you like that." He acted as he was storming off to get a shower. "Ladies, get up. You've got classes to go to."

  Aaron chuckled briefly. Maybe this won't be so bad.

  Deadguy sat in the university's cafeteria, his feet propped up on the table. "So far, I've got a few leads, a few numbers, and a poorly drawn beagle," he said on the phone. "My roommate hates me, the dean wants to kill me, and I accidentally blew up one on the science labs."

  "In other words, just another normal day for you," Jill's voice on the other end replied.

  "I don't blow up science labs everyday, thank you." He paused. "Just every other day."

  Jill chuckled. "How are the other classes going?"

  "Having followed the class schedules of all the previous victims, plus the info Aaron gave me, I may have a total of five potential killers."

  "Okay, just give me their names and I'll run them through to see what I can find," Jill requested.

  Just then, Marion gently cleared her throat. Our Hero noticed she stood across from him, holding her tray patiently. "Yeah, get me twenty shares in Sharey Stocking Stock Shares...Inc. 'Kay Bye." He hung up and pulled his feet down. "Hello again, Beautiful.

  Marion blushed slightly as she sat down across from him. "Well hello to you too," she said. "That was some party last night."

  "Yeah," DG agreed. "My head's still ringing."

  "So who were you talking to on the phone," she asked, taking a bite of pizza.

  "It was my bookie. Agent. Broker. Trader?"

  "Try again," she said. "and don't treat me like I'm some naive college girl."

  "Beg pardon?"

  "Was that your girlfriend on the phone," she asked, taking a sip of soda.

  "Oh no. No no no," he replied. "Jill's not my girlfriend oh crap I know where this is going."

  "Oh," Marion said in a tone of mock realization. "Her name is Jill. If she's not your girlfriend, then what is she? Friend with benefit? Fuck Buddy? Do you even feel anything for her?"

  Deadguy motioned as if he wanted to say something, but thought against it.

  “And what about those three girls you slept with last night,” she continued.

  “I didn't sleep with then,” Our Hero defended. “They slept with each other. I think it's called 'experimenting'. Part of the whole college thing.”

  “Trying to backpedal now that you've been caught," Marion replied.

  "No, I haven't been caught because there's nothing to catch and why does it sound like I'm just digging a deeper hole?"

  Marion suddenly threw the can of soda at Deadguy, making sure it dumped out all over him. She stood up to leave. "Call me when you've reached China."

  Sitting in the sticky, soda-y mess, he picked up his phone again to call Jill back.

  "Professional Heroes, Jill Nemo speaking."

  "Yeah, I think I can take one person off that list," he said, watching Marion leave.

  After a quick change of clothes, Deadguy was off to French class. As he walked in, he noticed the pale blonde girl from yesterday. She was sitting near the back, writing something in a notebook. He casually walked up to her. "Hello...Maria, was it?"

  She glared at him with the eyes of someone who's had her heart broken one too many times. "What are you doing here?"

  "Well, they said I had to take a foreign language, so I decided to take French," he explained. "It is, after all, the Language of Love."

  Maria's pencil snapped in her hand. A slight spark of electricity crawled around it.

  "Or not," he quickly added. "Well, it was nice chatting with you. We should do it again sometime." Maria continued to glare as he took his seat somewhere else. He pulled his phone out and simply texted 'Maria. Blonde. Look her up.' to Jill.