The Monikins

  CHAPTER IV. SHOWING THE UPS AND DOWNS, THE HOPES AND FEARS, AND THEVAGARIES OF LOVE, SOME VIEWS OF DEATH, AND AN ACCOUNT OF AN INHERITANCE.

  From my twentieth to my twenty-third year no event occurred of anygreat moment. The day I became of age my father settled on me a regularallowance of a thousand a year, and I make no doubt I should have spentmy time much as other young men had it not been for the peculiarityof my birth, which I now began to see was wanting in a few of therequisites to carry me successfully through a struggle for place witha certain portion of what is called the great world. While most wereanxious to trace themselves into obscurity, there was a singularreluctance to effecting the object as clearly and as distinctly asit was in my power to do. From all which, as well as from much othertestimony, I have been led to infer that the doses of mystificationwhich appear to be necessary to the happiness of the human race requireto be mixed with an experienced and a delicate hand. Our organs, bothphysically and morally, are so fearfully constituted that they requireto be protected from realities. As the physical eye has need of cloudedglass to look steadily at the sun so it would seem the mind's eye hasalso need of something smoky to look steadily at truth. But, while Iavoided laying open the secret of my heart to Anna, I sought variousopportunities to converse with Dr. Etherington and my father onthose points which gave me the most concern. From the first, I heardprinciples which went to show that society was of necessity divided intoorders; that it was not only impolitic but wicked to weaken the barriersby which they were separated; that Heaven had its seraphs and cherubs,its archangels and angels, its saints and its merely happy, and that,by obvious induction, this world ought to have its kings, lords,and commons. The usual winding-up of all the Doctor's essays was alamentation on the confusion in classes that was visiting England asa judgment. My ancestor, on the other hand, cared little for socialclassification, or for any other conservatory expedient but force. Onthis topic he would talk all day, regiments and bayonets glittering inevery sentence. When most eloquent on this theme he would cry (like Mr.Manners Sutton), "ORDER--order!" nor can I recall a single disquisitionthat did not end with, "Alas, Jack, property is in danger!"

  I shall not say that my mind entirely escaped confusion among theseconflicting opinions, although I luckily got a glimpse of one importanttruth, for both the commentators cordially agreed in fearing and, ofnecessity, in hating the mass of their fellow-creatures. My own naturaldisposition was inclining to philanthropy, and as I was unwilling toadmit the truth of theories that arrayed me in open hostility against solarge a portion of mankind, I soon determined to set up one of my own,which, while it avoided the faults, should include the excellences ofboth the others. It was, of course, no great affair merely to form sucha resolution; but I shall have occasion to say a word hereafter on themanner in which I attempted to carry it out in practice.

  Time moved on, and Anna became each day more beautiful. I thought thatshe had lost some of her frankness and girlish gayety, it is true, afterthe dialogue with her father; but this I attributed to the reserveand discretion that became the expanding reason and greater feeling ofpropriety that adorn young womanhood. With me she was always ingenuousand simple, and were I to live a thousand years the angelic serenityof countenance with which she invariably listened to the theories of mybusy brain would not be erased from recollection.

  We were talking of these things one morning quite alone. Anna heard mewhen I was most sedate with manifest pleasure, and she smiled mournfullywhen the thread of my argument was entangled by a vagary of theimagination. I felt at my heart's core what a blessing such a mentorwould be, and how fortunate would be my lot could I succeed in securingher for life. Still I did not, could not, summon courage to lay bare myinmost thoughts, and to beg a boon that in these moments of transienthumility I feared I never should be worthy to possess.

  "I have even thought of marrying," I continued--so occupied with my owntheories as not to weigh, with the accuracy that becomes the franknessand superior advantages which man possesses over the gentler sex, thefull import of my words; "could I find one, Anna, as gentle, as good,as beautiful, and as wise as yourself who would consent to be mine, Ishould not wait a minute; but, unhappily, I fear this is not likely tobe my blessed lot. I am not the grandson of a baronet, and your fatherexpects to unite you with one who can at least show that the 'bloodyhand' has once been born on his shield; and, on the other side, myfather talks of nothing but millions." During the first part of thisspeech the amiable girl looked kindly up at me, and with a seemingdesire to soothe me; but at its close her eyes dropped upon her workand she remained silent. "Your father says that every man who has aninterest in the state should give it pledges"--here Anna smiled, butso covertly that her sweet mouth scarce betrayed the impulse--"and thatnone others can ever control it to advantage. I have thought of askingmy father to buy a borough and a baronetcy, for with the first, and theinfluence that his money gives, he need not long wish for the last; butI never open my lips on any matter of the sort that he does not answer'Fol lol der rol, Jack, with your knighthoods, and social order, andbishoprics, and boroughs--property is in danger!--loans and regiments,if thou wilt--give us more order "ORDER--order"--bayonets are whatwe want, boy, and good wholesome taxes, to accustom the nation tocontribute to its own wants and to maintain its credit. Why, youngster,if the interest on the debt were to remain unpaid twenty-four hours,your body corporate, as you call it, would die a natural death; and whatwould then become of your knights--barro-knights?--and barren enoughsome of them are getting to be by their wastefulness and extravagance.Get thee married, Jack, and settle prudently. There is neighborSilverpenny has an only daughter of a suitable age; and a good hussy isshe in the bargain. The only daughter of Oliver Silverpenny will be asuitable wife for the only son of Thomas Goldencalf; though I give theenotice, boy, that thou wilt be cut off with a competency; so keep thyhead clear of extravagant castle-building, learn economy in season, and,above all, make no debts.'" Anna laughed as I humorously imitated thewell-known intonations of Mr. Speaker Sutton, but a cloud darkened herbright features when I concluded.

  "Yesterday I mentioned the subject to your father," I resumed, "and hethought with me that the idea of the borough and the baronetcy was agood one. 'You would be the second of your line, Jack,' he said, 'andthat is always better than being the first; for there is no security fora man's being a good member of society like that of his having presentedto his eyes the examples of those who have gone before him, and who havebeen distinguished by their services or their virtues. If your fatherwould consent to come into parliament and sustain government at thiscritical moment, his origin would be overlooked, and you would havepride in looking back on his acts. As it is, I fear his whole soul isoccupied with the unworthy and debasing passion of mere gain. Money is anecessary auxiliary to rank, and without rank there can be no order, andwithout order no liberty; but when the love of money gets to occupy theplace of respect for descent and past actions, a community loses thevery sentiment on which all its noble exploits are bottomed.' So yousee, dear Anna, that our parents hold very different opinions on a verygrave question, and between natural affection and acquired veneration Iscarcely know which to receive. If I could find one sweet, and wise, andbeautiful as thou, and who could pity me, I would marry to-morrow, andcast all the future on the happiness that is to be found with such acompanion."

  As usual, Anna heard me in silence. That she did not, however, viewmatrimony with exactly the same eyes as myself was clearly proved thevery next day, for young Sir Harry Griffin (the father was dead) offeredin form and was very decidedly refused.

  Although I was always happy at the rectory, I could not help feelingrather than seeing that, as the French express it, I occupied a falseposition in society. Known to be the expectant of great wealth, it wasnot easy to be overlooked altogether in a country whose government isbased on a representation of property, and in which boroughs are openlyin market; and yet they who had obtained the accidental advantageof having their fort
unes made by their grandfathers were constantlyconvincing me that mine, vast as it was thought to be, was made by myfather. Ten thousand times did I wish (as it has since been expressedby the great captain of the age), that I had been my own grandson; fornotwithstanding the probability that he who is nearest to the founder ofa fortune is the most likely to share the largest in its accumulations,as he who is nearest in descent to the progenitor who has illustratedhis race is the most likely to feel the influence of his character,I was not long in perceiving that in highly refined and intellectualcommunities the public sentiment, as it is connected with the respectand influence that are the meed of both, directly refutes the inferencesof all reasonable conjectures on the subject. I was out of my place,uneasy, ashamed, proud, and resentful; in short I occupied a FALSEPOSITION, and unluckily one from which I saw no plausible retreatexcept by falling back on Lombard street or by cutting my throat.Anna alone--kind, gentle, serene-eyed Anna--entered into all my joys,sympathized in my mortifications, and appeared to view me as I was;neither dazzled by my wealth nor repelled by my origin. The day sherefused young Sir Harry Griffin I could have kneeled at her feet andcalled her blessed!

  It is said that no moral disease is ever benefited by its study. I was aliving proof of the truth of the opinion that brooding over one's wrongsor infirmities seldom does much more than aggravate the evil. I greatlyfear it is in the nature of man to depreciate the advantages he actuallyenjoys and to exaggerate those which are denied him. Fifty times duringthe six months that succeeded the repulse of the young baronet did Iresolve to take heart and to throw myself at the feet of Anna, and asoften was I deterred by the apprehension that I had nothing to renderme worthy of one so excellent, and especially of one who was thegranddaughter of the seventh English baronet. I do not pretend toexplain the connection between cause and effect, for I am neitherphysician nor metaphysician; but the tumult of spirits that resultedfrom so many doubts, hopes, fears, resolutions, and breakings ofresolutions, began to affect my health, and I was just about to yield tothe advice of my friends (among whom Anna was the most earnest andthe most sorrowful), to travel, when an unexpected call to attend thedeath-bed of my ancestor was received. I tore myself from the rectoryand hurried up to town with the diligence and assiduity of an only sonand heir summoned on an occasion so solemn.

  I found my ancestor still in the possession of his senses, thoughgiven over by the physicians; a circumstance that proved a degree ofdisinterestedness and singleness of purpose on their part that wasscarcely to be expected towards a patient who it was commonly believedwas worth more than a million. My reception by the servants and by thetwo or three friends who had assembled on this melancholy occasion, too,was sympathizing, warm, and of a character to show their solicitude andforethought.

  My reception by the sick man was less marked. The total abstraction ofhis faculties in the one great pursuit of his life; a certain sternnessof purpose which is apt to get the ascendant with those who are resoluteto gain, and which usually communicates itself to the manners; and anabsence of those kinder ties that are developed by the exercise of themore familiar charities of our existence had opened a breach betweenus that was not to be filled by the simple unaided fact of naturalaffinity. I say of natural affinity, for notwithstanding the doubts thatcast their shadows on that branch of my genealogical tree by which Iwas connected with my maternal grandfather, the title of the king tohis crown is not more apparent than was my direct lineal descent frommy father. I always believed him to be my ancestor de jure as well asde facto, and could fain have loved him and honored him as such had mynatural yearnings been met with more lively bowels of sympathy on hisside.

  Notwithstanding the long and unnatural estrangement that had thusexisted between the father and son, the meeting on the present occasionwas not entirely without some manifestations of feeling.

  "Thou art come at last, Jack," said my ancestor; "I was afraid, boy,thou might'st be too late."

  The difficult breathing, haggard countenance, and broken utterance of myfather struck me with awe. This was the first death-bed by which I hadever stood; and the admonishing picture of time passing into eternitywas indelibly stamped on my memory. It was not only a death-bed scene,but it was a family death-bed scene. I know not how it was, but Ithought my ancestor looked more like the Goldencalfs than I had everseen him look before.

  "Thou hast come at last, Jack," he repeated, "and I'm glad of it. Thouart the only being in whom I have now any concern. It might have beenbetter, perhaps, had I lived more with my kind--but thou wilt be thegainer. Ah! Jack, we are but miserable mortals after all! To be calledaway so suddenly and so young!"

  My ancestor had seen his seventy-fifth birthday; but unhappily he hadnot settled all his accounts with the world, although he had given thephysician his last fee and sent the parson away with a donation to thepoor of the parish that would make even a beggar merry for a whole life.

  "Thou art come at last, Jack! Well, my loss will be thy gain, boy! Sendthe nurse from the room."

  I did as commanded, and we were left to ourselves.

  "Take this key," handing me one from beneath his pillow, "and open theupper drawer of my secretary. Bring me the packet which is addressed tothyself."

  I silently obeyed; when my ancestor, first gazing at it with a sadnessthat I cannot well describe--for it was neither worldly nor quite of anethereal character, but a singular and fearful compound of both--put thepapers into my hand, relinquishing his hold slowly and with reluctance.

  "Thou wilt wait till I am out of thy sight, Jack?"

  A tear burst from out its source and fell upon the emaciated hand ofmy father. He looked at me wistfully, and I felt a slight pressure thatdenoted affection.

  "It might have been better, Jack, had we known more of each other. ButProvidence made me fatherless, and I have lived childless by my ownfolly. Thy mother was a saint, I believe; but I fear I learned it toolate. Well, a blessing often comes at the eleventh hour!"

  As my ancestor now manifested a desire not to be disturbed, I called thenurse and quitted the room, retiring to my own modest chamber, where thepacket, a large bundle of papers sealed and directed to myself in thehandwriting of the dying man, was carefully secured under a good lock. Idid not meet my father again but once under circumstances which admittedof intelligible communion. From the time of our first interview hegradually grew worse, his reason tottered, and, like the sinful cardinalof Shakespeare, "he died and gave no sign."

  Three days after my arrival, however, I was left alone with him, andhe suddenly revived from a state approaching to stupor. It was the onlytime since the first interview in which he had seemed even to know me.

  "Thou art come at last!" he said, in a tone that was already sepulchral."Canst tell me, boy, why they had golden rods to measure the city?" Hisnurse had been reading to him a chapter of the Revelations which hadbeen selected by himself. "Thou seest, lad, the wall itself was ofjasper and the city was of pure gold--I shall not need money in mynew habitation--ha! it will not be wanted there!--I am not crazed,Jack--would I had loved gold less and my kind more. The city itself isof pure gold and the walls of jasper--precious abode!--ha! Jack, thouhearest, boy--I am happy--too happy, Jack!--gold--gold!"

  The final words were uttered with a shout. They were the last thatever came from the lips of Thomas Goldencalf. The noise brought in theattendants, who found him dead. I ordered the room to be cleared as soonas the melancholy truth was fairly established, and remained severalminutes alone with the body. The countenance was set in death. The eyes,still open, had that revolting glare of frenzied delight with which thespirit had departed, and the whole face presented the dread picture of ahopeless end. I knelt and, though a Protestant, prayed fervently for thesoul of the deceased. I then took my leave of the first and the last ofall my ancestors.

  To this scene succeeded the usual period of outward sorrow, theinterment, and the betrayal of the expectations of the survivors. Iobserved that the house was much frequented by many who rarel
y or neverhad crossed its threshold during the life of its late owner. There wasmuch cornering, much talking in an undertone, and looking at me thatI did not understand, and gradually the number of regular visitorsincreased until it amounted to about twenty. Among them were the parsonof the parish, the trustees of several notorious charities, threeattorneys, four or five well-known dealers of the stock exchange,foremost among whom was Sir Joseph Job, and three of the professionallybenevolent, or of those whose sole occupation appears to be that ofquickening the latent charities of their neighbors.

  The day after my ancestor was finally removed from our sight, the housewas more than usually crowded. The secret conferences increased both inearnestness and in frequency, and finally I was summoned to meet theseill-timed guests in the room which had been the sanctum sanctorum ofthe late owner of the dwelling. As I entered among twenty strange faces,wondering why I, who had hitherto passed through life so little heeded,should be unseasonably importuned, Sir Joseph Job presented himself asthe spokesman of the party.

  "We have sent for you, Mr. Goldencalf," the knight commenced,decently wiping his eyes, "because we think that respect for our latemuch-esteemed, most excellent, and very respectable friend requires thatwe no longer neglect his final pleasure, but that we should proceed atonce to open his will, in order that we may take prompt measures for itsexecution. It would have been more regular had we done this before hewas interred, for we cannot have foreseen his pleasure concerning hisvenerable remains; but it is fully my determination to have everythingdone as he has ordered, even though we may be compelled to disinter thebody."

  I am habitually quiescent, and possibly credulous, but nature has notdenied me a proper spirit. What Sir Joseph Job, or any one but myself,had to do with the will of my ancestor did not strike me at firstsight; and I took care to express as much, in terms it was not easy tomisunderstand.

  "The only child and, indeed, the only known relative of the deceased," Isaid, "I do not well see, gentlemen, how this subject should interest inthis lively manner so many strangers!"

  "Very spirited and proper, no doubt, sir," returned Sir Joseph, smiling;"but you ought to know, young gentleman, that if there are such thingsas heirs there are also such things as executors!"

  This I did know already, and I had also somewhere imbibed an opinionthat the latter was commonly the most lucrative situation.

  "Have you any reason to suppose, Sir Joseph Job, that my late father hasselected you to fulfil this trust?"

  "That will be better known in the end, young gentleman. Your late fatheris known to have died rich, very rich--not that he has left as much byhalf a million as vulgar report will have it--but what I should termcomfortably off; and it is unreasonable to suppose that a man ofhis great caution and prudence should suffer his money to go to theheir-at-law, that heir being a youth only in his twenty-third year,ignorant of business, not over-gifted with experience, and having thepropensities of all his years in this ill-behaving and extravagant age,without certain trusts and provisions which will leave his hard earningsfor some time to come under the care of men who like himself know thefull value of money."

  "No, never!--'tis quite impossible--'tis more than impossible!"exclaimed the bystanders, all shaking their heads.

  "And the late Mr. Goldencalf, too, intimate with most of the substantialnames on 'Change, and particularly with Sir Joseph Job!" added another.

  Sir Joseph Job nodded his head, smiled, stroked his chin, and stoodwaiting for my reply.

  "Property is in danger, Sir Joseph," I said, ironically; "but it mattersnot. If there is a will, it is as much my interest to know it as it canpossibly be yours; and I am quite willing that a search be made on thespot."

  Sir Joseph looked daggers at me; but being a man of business he tookme at my word, and, receiving the keys I offered, a proper person wasimmediately set to work to open the drawers. The search was continuedfor four hours without success. Every private drawer was rummaged, everypaper opened, and many a curious glance was cast at the contents of thelatter, in order to get some clew to the probable amount of the assetsof the deceased. Consternation and uneasiness very evidently increasedamong most of the spectators as the fruitless examination proceeded; andwhen the notary ended, declaring that no will was to be found, nor anyevidence of credits, every eye was fastened on me as if I were suspectedof stealing that which in the order of nature was likely to be my ownwithout the necessity of crime.

  "There must be a secret repository of papers somewhere," said Sir JosephJob, as if he suspected more than he wished just then to express; "Mr.Goldencalf is largely a creditor on the public books, and yet here isnot so much as a scrip for a pound!"

  I left the room and soon returned, bringing with me the bundle that hadbeen committed to me by my father.

  "Here, gentlemen," I said, "is a large packet of papers that were givento me by the deceased on his death-bed with his own hands. It is, asyou see, sealed with his seal and especially addressed to me in his ownhandwriting, and it is not violent to suppose that the contents concernme only. Still, as you take so great an interest in the affairs of thedeceased, it shall now be opened, and those contents, so far as you canhave any right to know them, shall not be hid from you."

  I thought Sir Joseph looked grave when he saw the packet and hadexamined the handwriting of the envelope. All, however, expressed theirsatisfaction that the search was now most probably ended. I broke theseals and exposed the contents of the envelope. Within it there wereseveral smaller packets, each sealed with the seal of the deceased, andeach addressed to me in his own handwriting like the external covering.Each of these smaller packets, too, had a separate indorsement of itscontents. Taking them as they lay, I read aloud the nature of eachbefore I proceeded to the next. They were also numbered.

  "No. 1," I commenced. "Certificates of public stock held by Tho.Goldencalf, June 12th, 1815." We were now at June 29th of the same year.As I laid aside this packet I observed that the sum indorsed on itsback greatly exceeded a million. "No. 2. Certificates of Bank of Englandstock." This sum was several hundred thousands of pounds. "No. 3. SouthSea Annuities." Nearly three hundred thousand pounds. "No. 4. Bonds andmortgages." Four hundred and thirty thousand pounds. "No. 5. The bond ofSir Joseph Job for sixty-three thousand pounds."

  I laid down the paper and involuntarily exclaimed, "Property is indanger!" Sir Joseph turned pale, but he beckoned to me to proceed,saying, "We shall soon come to the will, sir."

  "No. 6.--" I hesitated; for it was an assignment to myself, whichfrom its very nature I perceived was an abortive attempt to escape thepayment of the legacy duty.

  "Well, sir, No. 6?" inquired Sir Joseph, with tremulous exultation.

  "Is an instrument affecting myself, and with which you have no concern,sir."

  "We shall see, sir, we shall see, sir--if you refuse to exhibit thepaper there are laws to compel you."

  "To do what, Sir Joseph Job? To exhibit to my father's debtors' papersthat are exclusively addressed to me and which can affect me only? Buthere is the paper, gentlemen, that you so much desire to see. 'No. 7.The last will and testament of Tho. Goldencalf, dated June 17th, 1816.'"(He died June the 24th of the same year.)

  "Ah! the precious instrument!" exclaimed Sir Joseph Job, eagerlyextending his hand as if expecting to receive the will.

  "This paper, as you perceive, gentlemen," I said, holding it up ina manner that all present might see it, "is especially addressed tomyself, and it shall not quit my hands until I learn that some other hasa better right to it."

  I confess my heart failed me as I broke the seals, for I had seen butlittle of my father and I knew that he had been a man of very peculiaropinions as well as habits. The will was all in his own handwriting, andit was very short. Summoning courage I read it aloud in the followingwords:

  "In the name of God--Amen: I, Tho. Goldencalf, of the parish of Bow, inthe city of London, do publish and declare this instrument to be my lastwill and testament:

  "That is to say; I beq
ueath to my only child and much-beloved son, JohnGoldencalf, all my real estate in the parish of Bow and city of London,aforesaid, to be held in free-simple by him, his heirs, and assigns,forever.

  "I bequeath to my said only child and much-beloved son, John Goldencalf,all my personal property of every sort and description whatever of whichI may die possessed, including bonds and mortgages, public debt, bankstock, notes of hand, goods and chattels, and all others of my effects,to him, his heirs, or assigns.

  "I nominate and appoint my said much-beloved son, John Goldencalf, tobe the sole executor of this my last will and testament, counselling himnot to confide in any of those who may profess to have been myfriends; and particularly to turn a deaf ear to all the pretensions andsolicitations of Sir Joseph Job, Knight. In witness whereof," etc., etc.

  This will was duly executed, and it was witnessed by the nurse, hisconfidential clerk, and the housemaid.

  "Property is in danger, Sir Joseph!" I dryly remarked, as I gatheredtogether the papers in order to secure them.

  "This will may be set aside, gentlemen!" cried the knight in a fury. "Itcontains a libel!"

  "And for whose benefit, Sir Joseph?" I quietly inquired. "With orwithout the will my title to my father's assets would seem to be equallyvalid."

  This was so evidently true that the more prudent retired in silence;and even Sir Joseph after a short delay, during which he appeared to bestrangely agitated, withdrew. The next week his failure was announced,in consequence of some extravagant risks on 'Change, and eventually Ireceived but three shillings and fourpence in the pound for my bond ofsixty-three thousand.

  When the money was paid I could not help exclaiming mentally, "Propertyis in danger!"

  The following morning Sir Joseph Job balanced his account with the worldby cutting his throat.