Longing

  “Thanks.” Brandon waited for her. “You first, baby.”

  “Okay.” She still couldn’t shake the uneasiness of the circling paparazzi. “I have a bad feeling about them … the helicopters. Reminds me of Dayne and the accident.”

  Brandon’s frustration showed in his face. “My driver won’t let that happen.” His gentle tone encouraged her to relax. “Come on, it’s okay.”

  “I’m sorry … it’s weird. I guess it’s just … it’s more intense here.” Bailey slid across the leather seat of the SUV and buckled herself in. Not until they were on the road and Brandon’s driver, Seth, outsmarted half a dozen photogs chasing them, did Bailey finally catch her breath.

  “You sure you’re okay?” He looked worried. “Come on, Bailey, we’ve done this.”

  “I know.” She laughed, but it sounded nervous and forced. “I’m sorry. It’s just … maybe it’s because we’re dating … but they never sent helicopters before.” She managed a nervous smile. “Doesn’t it bug you?”

  “I don’t think about it.” He reached for her hand. His frustration about the paparazzi faded and his attention was hers alone. “Let’s think about tonight instead … this is supposed to be fun, remember?”

  “You’re right.” She nodded, trying to convince herself. Maybe it wasn’t only the photogs that had her on edge. They were having New Year’s Eve with Dayne and Katy and something about the trip felt more serious than anything they’d done before. Like they were playing the same roles their friends had played six years ago. Hollywood star and small town girl trying to find sanity in the world of moviemaking.

  Living here, married to a celebrity like Brandon Paul? It wasn’t a role she ever pictured herself playing in real life. She’d assumed she’d marry someone like her dad and live in Bloomington when the time came. But here she was, driving down Pacific Coast Highway in Brandon Paul’s hired car, ready to spend New Year’s Eve with him — if only their driver could dodge the next set of paparazzi trailing their car and circling overhead.

  Brandon’s playlist kicked into action, and the first song came on — their favorite by Lady Antebellum, “Just a Kiss.” The song was the last one they’d danced to at their rooftop prom.

  “There.” Brandon searched her eyes after the song played for a minute. “You’re okay now. I can see into your heart.”

  “I’m better. Yes.”

  He put his arm around her and eased her close, gently pressing her head to his shoulder. “Rest, baby. Everything’s going to be fine.”

  He was right. Of course everything was going to be fine. She told herself that several more times on the drive and as they made a mad dash into Katy and Dayne’s house avoiding a rush of three paparazzi cars who pulled up at the same time.

  “They know we’re here.” She was breathless as they darted inside. “Now we’ll have to stay inside. They won’t leave us alone.”

  “They will.” He pulled his cell phone from his pocket. At the same time he yelled for Dayne. “Hey, guys, can you pop the garage door for us?”

  “Sure thing.” Dayne didn’t need to ask why Brandon and Bailey were in a rush or what the hurry was about the garage door. He’d lived this life once too. The driver must’ve answered because Brandon wasted no time. “Seth, I need you to circle around the block and then pull into the garage. Wait half an hour and then leave in a hurry. They’ll think we stopped by for a quick visit, and we can lose them.”

  It was a good plan, and thirty minutes later after they’d chatted with Dayne and Katy and played with little Sophie, and after they’d learned the family’s exciting news about expecting another baby, Seth called Brandon. The report was a good one — the plan had worked. Seth had led the paparazzi on a chase to an ice cream shop drive-thru, and then to the private backside of a popular Malibu area restaurant — giving the impression that they’d celebrate the New Year there. Brandon hung up and grinned. “We’re okay. They think we’re out to dinner.”

  This was the first time Bailey had been here without her parents — another reason she felt the presence of the paparazzi more keenly. If they could find a way to make it seem like Bailey and Brandon were spending the night somewhere, they would do it. Of course, she was staying with Katy and Dayne — no matter what the paparazzi might report in the days to come. And Brandon was staying at his own house. But that might not be enough to stop the tabloids. Bailey was glad they’d have some time apart. She wanted to talk to Katy, wanted to share the thrill of her relationship with Brandon, every wonderful thing he’d done to show his love for her. But she also wanted to share her concerns about the future.

  When they were certain no paparazzi remained, Brandon took Bailey’s hand. It was nearly dark by then, the sunset casting a brilliant range of orange and yellows across the Pacific. “Come on.” He led her to the back door. “Let’s take a walk.”

  Bailey looked back at Katy, and her friend nodded. “Go ahead. It’s fine.”

  “I told you, baby. I’ve got you.” He chuckled as they headed through the back door. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”

  The beach was empty except down to the right a ways, toward the public stretch. The two of them walked to the surf and then turned left.

  Bailey settled into the moment. “Did I tell you? I’m meeting Andi on Monday for coffee. At her parents’ house.” She raised her brow. “Where no one can take pictures.”

  He smiled. “Good idea. I’m glad the two of you made time for each other.”

  “I know. I miss her a lot.” Bailey had visited with Andi on Skype a few times, long enough to know she was doing well, taking small acting roles, and helping her dad with his production company. Andi explained how she still thought about the little boy she gave up for adoption, but she was at peace with her decision. Bailey smiled. “God has her in a great place. Makes me happy.”

  Their pace slowed, and Bailey felt safe beside Brandon. He kept his arm around her shoulders and he seemed to relax a little more with every few yards of sand. “I love the snow … on Christmas Eve and all.” He leaned his face upward toward what remained of the heat from the sun. “But you can have your New York winters.” There was a smile in his voice. “I’ll take the beach.”

  “It is amazing.” She loved the sand between her toes, the warm breeze even at this hour. Hard to believe just hours ago they’d been caught in the dead of winter. But a part of her wanted to say she’d take Bloomington. She missed home more than she had in a long time.

  Brandon grew quiet for a while, but when they were a ways from Katy and Dayne’s house, he walked with her up onto the dry sand and they sat down. Bailey pulled her knees up to her chest and looked out at the night as it grew dark over the water. He turned to her and for a long time he only watched her, looking at her as if whatever he wanted to say was too serious to rush. Finally he put his hand on her back and soothed his fingers along her spine. “Can I tell you something?”

  She felt her heart skip a beat. Things had been so good between them. Maybe too good. Because for some reason she had a feeling wherever this was headed it was more serious than she had expected. “Of course.” She kept her smile easy, her tone light. “Anything.”

  “So … on Christmas Eve. Before I met up with you at the theater …”

  She turned slightly so she could see into his eyes better. “You filmed that day, right?”

  “I did.” He nodded, remembering his beard and his co-star’s help. “I walked home and along the way it started to snow. And, I don’t know, maybe because it all felt so wonderful I got this crazy idea.”

  Her head felt lighter, not sure where he was headed with this. “How crazy?”

  He didn’t blink, didn’t look away. “Tiffany’s crazy.”

  Again her heart hesitated before thudding into a faster rhythm. She smiled, and the good feeling coming from her heart took her by surprise. “Tiffany’s?”

  “Mmm-hmm.” He shifted so he was facing her directly. Then he took her hands in his, his finge
rs cool between hers. “I figured I’d go in and buy the prettiest ring I could find and take you to the top of the Empire State Building and ask you.”

  She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t make herself believe what he was saying. Was this why she’d felt so uneasy? Because she could sense where their relationship was headed? How serious things had gotten between them? “Brandon … you were … You really thought about that?”

  “Definitely.” He chuckled, the lighthearted sound of it soothing any uneasiness between them. “I went there … to Tiffany’s. But it was closed.” He made a face. “I tried to think of some way inside, some connection I might have. But it was too late. The last employee — an assistant manager — actually gave me this great lesson on married love. Told me he’d been married sixty years, of all things.” He gave a slight shrug of one shoulder. “But he couldn’t open the door.”

  They both laughed, and again the sound helped lighten the mood.

  “So we went to St. Thomas with your friends instead. God reminded me that there was more than one kind of forever love.”

  His beautiful words hit her straight in the heart. How great that Brandon understood what was more important that night. But the truth remained and it screamed from everything within her. “You mean if … if Tiffany’s had been open …”

  He hesitated, studying her, the longing in his eyes desperately clear. “I would’ve asked.” His smile faded, and he had never looked more serious in the time she’d known him. “I want forever with you, Bailey.” He stopped and lifted his eyes to the distant moon. “Since then I’ve felt God tell me to wait, to listen for His leading.” He slid closer to her, so they still faced each other, but now their legs were touching, their faces closer together. “I figured maybe part of the process was talking to you … letting you know how I feel.”

  Bailey nodded. Was this really happening? Was she dreaming? “That’s … that’s a good idea. Talking about it.”

  “So, are you surprised?”

  She wasn’t sure what to say, how to respond. Everything about the last year had been unforgettable, and the past few weeks together in New York were like living out her own personal fairytale. Every moment. But she hadn’t thought seriously about marrying him, about living in LA together.

  A host of thoughts hit her all at once.

  She figured she’d feel scared if he brought up something as serious as marriage. Just because they’d shared a wonderful month or so didn’t mean she was ready to make a decision about marriage, right? They should wait another six months or a year, maybe? See how things went and how their lives gelled … or didn’t gel. That’s how she thought she should feel.

  But instead a new sort of happiness filled her and consumed her, coursing through her heart and mind and soul like electricity.

  At first, in the face of her silence, Brandon didn’t seem worried. But the longer she stayed quiet, the straighter he sat, and his eyes grew wide. “Bailey, talk to me.”

  “I’m sorry.” She giggled and held tight to his hands. “I’m … I’m so happy, Brandon. I mean, I guess I can’t believe the way I feel. Or that … that if Tiffany’s had been open … you would’ve asked me to marry you on Christmas Eve.”

  His smile reached through the night air. “I’d ask you now if I thought you’d say yes.”

  “I might.” She laughed. “Do you have a ring?”

  “Let’s see.” He patted his jeans pockets and then looked at the sandy beach around him. He found a stray piece of dry seaweed, tied it carefully in a small loop, and held it out to her. He conjured up a mock look of romance, every word and movement exaggerated. “Bailey, nothing would make me happier than if you’d marry me. If you’d give me your todays and trust me with your tomorrows.”

  “Hmmm.” She held out her left hand and watched while he threaded the seaweed ring onto her bare finger. “I have to admit … that sounds nice.” She admired the work he’d done, the handmade seaweed loop on her ring finger. Gradually the teasing dissipated and their eyes met and held. Even by the light of the moon she could see the way he looked at her, how he was no longer teasing.

  Gradually everything about the moment changed. The sound of the gentle surf faded and there was only the two of them. What was this feeling coming over her? A chill ran down her arms and legs and she tried to imagine for a single moment how she’d feel if this were real. If he’d really just proposed to her. In a rush she knew the answer. It was as easy as the air between them. She would feel amazing.

  The truth caught her by surprise again, and Bailey wondered if he could hear her pounding heart above the rhythmic sound of the surf a few feet away.

  “Bailey.” Brandon sat up on his knees, facing her, and she did the same. “I’m only teasing for one reason … because I’m not sure what you’d say if I was being real. If the ring wasn’t seaweed … but gold.”

  In this moment Bailey was convinced what she would do. She looped her arms around his neck and he eased his around her waist. “I know what I’d say.”

  “What?” He breathed the word against her face, her skin. “What would you say?”

  She didn’t have to think about her answer. It came from deep inside her and no longer surprised her. “I’d say yes. I’d give you my todays and trust you with my tomorrows.” Nothing she’d ever said had been truer, and Bailey trembled with the realization. Because up until five minutes ago she would’ve thought a proposal from Brandon might terrify her. But suddenly under the Malibu night sky, his eyes lost in hers and their hearts beating in time with the future, Bailey had no doubts.

  He took her hand, lifted it slowly, tenderly to his lips, and kissed the place where the seaweed ring sat. Then with all the controlled passion he seemed even remotely capable of, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. “You know what I wish?” He kissed her again and another time after that.

  “What?” She felt like she was floating, like there could be no more right place in all the world for her to be right now than in his arms, here on his private stretch of beach. “What do you wish, Brandon?”

  “I wish I had a gold ring.”

  She thought about telling him it didn’t matter. That for all intents and purposes he had just proposed to her and she had just said yes. But she didn’t want to cheat him of the real thing. Especially when this moment had started out as a silly joke, a way to break the ice on the topic of taking things to the next level. “You know what I wish?” She touched her nose to his, and their cheeks brushed against each other.

  “What?” He leaned in closer to her, his body trembling, his voice a breathy whisper. “What do you wish?”

  Bailey felt the intensity of the moment, too. She leaned back slightly. “I wish you had a ring too.”

  This time he put his hands on her shoulders and searched her eyes. “Really?” He looked like he might cry, like the moment was more than he had dared hope for. “You really wish that?”

  “I do. Because then we wouldn’t have to think about it or analyze it or wonder if it was the right thing. We’d … we’d be engaged and there’d be no looking back.”

  His breathing was heavier than before, more because of what his heart must’ve been feeling than because of the closeness of their bodies. He took her left hand and ran his finger gently over the seaweed ring. “I’d ask you … to let this hold you over until we could get to a jewelry store.” He swallowed hard and studied her, their connection so strong nothing could’ve broken the moment. “But you deserve more than that.”

  “Thank you.” She meant what she’d said, that she partly wished this were the real thing and that by now they could be past the asking, past the wondering. But she appreciated his wanting to wait. They needed time to think about this beyond the impulse of a perfect New Year’s Eve. “I think I’d be ready, Brandon … Soon. Really.”

  The words seemed to be all he needed to hear. He hugged her again, the passion from earlier gradually becoming a more tender moment, a time between them Bailey was sure they would
both remember always. “That’s what I hoped you’d say.”

  She smiled. “I do have one question.” She held up her left hand, admiring the makeshift loop around her finger. “Can I keep the ring?”

  “I hope so.” Laughter came easily for both of them. He helped her to her feet. “I’d be crushed if you just, you know, threw it on the ground or dropped it in the ocean.”

  “Never.” She admired it again as they started walking back. “Not every day a girl has Brandon Paul make her an engagement ring out of seaweed.”

  “Not every day we do a dress rehearsal of the biggest moment in our lives.” He raised his brow and allowed a nervous laugh. “That was crazy, right?”

  “Right. But think about it. That would only be the next biggest moment of our lives.” If he was thinking about marrying her, then she would think about it too. After how she’d felt kneeling there on the sand, she wasn’t afraid.

  “Of course. Because with us … we have big moments all the time.”

  “Exactly.” She grinned at him, reaching for his hand and swinging it between them as they walked. “Like this New Year’s Eve party.”

  “And the next time I get to watch you perform in Hairspray.” He pointed at her, as if the idea had only just come to mind. “Right. And dancing on the rooftop with you.” “In a winter coat. Don’t forget that.”

  “Yes,” she laughed out loud. “In a prom dress that looked like a winter coat.” She stopped and hugged him, not too long because they needed to get back. But she wanted him to know she appreciated him, appreciated his depth and ability to communicate. The way Cody never could. She looked deep into his eyes once more. “Too many big moments to count … you know why?”

  “Why?” He looked lost in love, mesmerized by her nearness. The result made him irresistible.

  “Because …” She took a step back, giggling and dragging him along the sand with her. “Everything about loving you is crazy and different and amazing.” She held both hands high in the air. “One big unforgettable moment.”