Longing

  A brush of sorrow filled in the fine lines around her mother’s eyes. “You’re right.” She looked over her shoulder to the family room again and back at Bailey. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “I’d say Brandon doesn’t need to worry.”

  At that moment someone must’ve scored, because Ricky shot to his feet and Justin raised his fist in the air and shouted, “That’s it, baby … tie game.”

  Brandon high-fived Bailey’s other brothers — BJ and Shawn — and the enthusiasm of the moment left the guys too focused to notice the girls watching them from the kitchen. Bailey smiled. “Yes. He’ll be fine.” She watched him for a moment. “Besides … around this family it’s impossible not to love football.”

  The game must’ve gone to a commercial or maybe Brandon felt her thinking about him, because he looked at her and smiled. Then he stood and came to her. As he did, their eyes held.

  “That boy’s crazy about you,” her mom whispered as she turned her attention back to the apple pie. “No question about that.”

  “Like a dying man in the desert.” Bailey still kept her voice low.

  “Yes.” Her mother didn’t sound as convinced. “It sure seems that way.”

  Brandon reached the kitchen. “Halftime.” He rolled up the sleeves of his white buttoned-down shirt. “Tell me what to do.”

  Bailey let her eyes linger on his. Take me for a walk, Brandon, she wanted to say. Tell me again that I don’t need to be afraid. Not of falling in love with him or of longing for Cody at some distant point in time. With everything in her she wanted Brandon to hold her hand and tell her that she was right to finally and fully let her feelings for Cody Coleman fade. Because no one would ever love her like Brandon did. But it wasn’t the time.

  And anyway, his words could hardly tell her more than his eyes had just said. “Here.” Bailey handed him a stick of butter. “Unwrap this and I’ll mash.”

  “Got it.” He took the spot beside her, slid the paper off the butter and found a paring knife, which he used to cut butter slices into the potatoes. As he worked, their elbows brushed against each other and Bailey could feel the chemistry between them. Like electricity on a stormy summer night.

  God, am I getting ahead of myself? She pressed the masher into the potatoes and tried to gather her feelings. If she let herself fall this hard now, there would be no turning back. They weren’t in high school, weren’t flirting through freshman year of college or planning a weekend dance date. This was grownup stuff. And the love they shared, the feelings between them were the kind that sometimes lasted forever.

  “There.” Bailey’s mom sprinkled brown sugar crumbs across the top of the pie. “That should do it.”

  Ricky bounded into the kitchen and leaned on the bar opposite the work area. “Another perfect Thanksgiving dessert.” He raised his eyebrows a few times in Bailey’s direction. “How does she do it?”

  The distraction lightened Bailey’s thoughts and she grinned at her youngest brother. “Simple. Mom’s the best.”

  Her mom opened the oven and set the pie carefully inside where two others were already cooking. She glanced at Bailey. “I don’t know about the best. There was the time I set the turkey on fire.”

  “Yeah, before I was born.” Laughter rang in Ricky’s voice, but he was serious at the same time. “You’re a lot better cook since then.” He gave a firm nod of his blond head. “Like Bailey said … you’re the best.”

  “Definitely.” Brandon breathed in through his nose. “The house smells like heaven.” He turned so he could see their mom. “I’ve looked forward to this day since September.”

  “Hey …” Bailey felt her eyes begin to dance. She put one hand on her hip and faced him. “September? I hadn’t even invited you yet.”

  “I know.” He winked at her and caught her playfully by the waist with his right hand. “I was still looking forward to it.”

  Somehow the way he said the words, combined with the feel of his hand on her waist and the light in his eyes, made her forget everything except him. Had Cody ever really made her feel like this? She pulled slightly away, her tone both teasing and stern. “Mashed potatoes, remember?”

  “Of course.” Brandon laughed, clearly enjoying the exchange. “I’ll get the milk.” He hesitated. “We need milk, right?”

  “Yes.” She laughed. “Good idea.”

  Bailey watched him head for the fridge, glad he didn’t need to linger too close to her. Yes, they had grown very comfortable over the last few months. But they were still — and always would be — careful to keep boundaries in their physical relationship.

  Her mom returned with Ricky to the living room to hear the halftime report, and Bailey and Brandon finished mashing the potatoes. She stirred in salt and pepper, took a small spoonful, and held it out to him. “Here … taste.”

  He took the bite. “Mmm. Perfect.” They were alone in the kitchen and he kept his eyes on hers. “Like everything about this day.”

  She felt her heart and soul join hands in a dance that was becoming familiar when Brandon was around. She leaned on the counter and studied him, his tanned face and light brown eyes. “Is this, you know, like Thanksgivings at your house?” The question was a risky one, and Bailey was glad she hadn’t asked in front of her family. In case his answer wasn’t as wonderful as hers.

  No walls flew up around Brandon’s heart. Bailey could see that much in his eyes. He nodded slowly, his gaze on the mashed potatoes as he seemed to consider her question. “We celebrated, of course. But not like this. With my parents … a sort of tension came with every holiday. Even at Thanksgiving.” His smile warmed his expression. “I’m pretty sure this will be my best ever Turkey Day.”

  “Thanks … for telling me.” She tucked her hand in his. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  He slid his fingers between hers. “Me too.” He grinned. “Let’s go watch some football.”

  She laughed out loud at the change from earlier that morning. “Football fan, are you?”

  “Absolutely! You should see this guy throw.”

  They both laughed and sat together for the second half until the Cowboys had secured the victory. During that time she received a text message from her college roommate Andi Ellison. “Look,” she showed Brandon. “This makes me so happy. I haven’t heard from her in a month.”

  “Tell her I said hi.” He leaned into Bailey’s shoulder and kept his eyes on the game.

  Bailey studied the message from her friend. The text wished her a Happy Thanksgiving and suggested they Skype sometime.

  Definitely, Bailey texted back. I might be in LA soon, and when I am we have to get together. So much to catch up on. By the way, Brandon says hi. He’s sitting beside me, having dinner with my family here in Bloomington.

  Andi’s response took no time. That’s so sweet … I’m happy for you, Bailey. Let’s talk this week and we’ll make plans.

  The conversation ended, and after the game, the family headed to the kitchen. Shawn and Justin brought the Jell-O salads in from the garage refrigerator, and Ricky and BJ set the warm dinner rolls in a linen-draped bowl their mom had prepared.

  Finally her dad took the turkey from the oven, and he carved it while Connor scooped the stuffing into a waiting bowl. Brandon and Bailey helped set the table and fill the glasses with iced lemon water — another family Thanksgiving favorite.

  With everyone working, steaming hot serving dishes covered the table in no time. They took their places and their dad smiled at them. “Let’s join hands and thank God.”

  Bailey enjoyed the warmth of her family with every breath. After her time in New York City, being home again felt wonderful. Here with her parents and brothers and Brandon, she knew without a doubt she was loved. She held hands with Ricky on one side and Brandon on the other and closed her eyes as her dad began.

  “Lord, we come to You this Thanksgiving Day overwhelmed with gratitude. We are grateful beyond words for Your gift of salvation, and for the sacrifice of Jesus on
the cross. We thank You for bringing our family together this special day and for the presence of Brandon with us this afternoon. Father, the years fly quickly. Kids grow up and leave, and that is right and good and part of Your plan. But we are especially thankful today that family we love can come home again. Bless those who are less fortunate. And thank You for this food and the hands that prepared it. In the powerful name of Jesus, amen.”

  A chorus of amens followed while Bailey and the others opened their eyes. She loved the way her father prayed, the way he had prayed since she was a little girl. With strength and faith and always with a grateful heart. Her dad was one of the best coaches in the NFL, a man whose great physical strength matched up easily with his character. When sports announcers talked about Jim Flanigan, they saw him in that light. But those who really knew him talked about his tender heart. Bailey loved that most about him. Her heart held onto the moment, because time had taught her this much: They would only have so many Thanksgiving days together.

  The boys dished food onto their plates at such speed that Bailey laughed out loud. “Wow.” She tossed a helpless look at her mom. “Glad you made a lot.”

  Brandon shrugged and joined in the rush to fill his plate. “No one has to tell me twice.”

  But twenty minutes later the meal gave way to more conversation and less eating, and her dad led them in what was an annual tradition. “It’s that time,” he grinned at the faces around the table and set his napkin down. “Everyone gets to share what they’re thankful for.”

  “Yes!” Justin pushed his chair back slightly. “I’m ready.” He raised his hand. “Pick me, Dad. I’ll go first.”

  “I don’t wanna go last this time.” Ricky looked at Brandon. “We have a rule — no repeats. It’s always hardest to go last.”

  Bailey remembered feeling that way, like all the good answers were taken by the time it was her turn to share what she was thankful for. But leaving home had changed that. Today she had a thousand easy answers for why she was grateful. All around her the boys began talking at once, reminding each other the rules: no easy answers and no answers the same as last year. She set her fork down and leaned close to Brandon. “This gets complicated.”

  “I’m getting that.” He was still eating, but he gave her a quick look. “I feel like I should take notes.”

  “It’s okay.” She loved the way he made her laugh. “I’ll help you.”

  “Listen up.” Her dad’s cheerful voice cut through the commotion. “Let’s go over the boundaries. We know we’re all thankful for God’s love and for Jesus dying for us and for our family and our home. An answer has to be specific and creative. If not, The Committee can veto it.”

  “Really?” Brandon raised his eyebrows.

  “I told you.” Bailey stifled a laugh. “Crazy rules.”

  “I don’t know.” Brandon pretended to be suddenly nervous. “You people are serious.”

  “Yes.” Bailey’s mom grinned. “Would you expect anything less than a competition from a coach?”

  Bailey watched the exchange. Brandon shouldn’t have worried about fitting in. He came across fun and affable and kind, and his new faith was deeper than before. He couldn’t quite yet take Cody’s place among her brothers, but he definitely fit in.

  Her dad chose Justin to go first, and Bailey watched her brother sit up a little straighter. “Okay.” He grinned, taking his time and enjoying having the floor for a moment. “I’m thankful Connor decided to play football for Clear Creek. I love having my older brother as quarterback.” Justin sat back in his chair, satisfied. “How was that?”

  Around the table Bailey and her family held up their fingers showing a score for Justin’s answer. Everyone had both hands up: perfect tens — even from Brandon, who was picking up on the rules as they went along. “Great answer, son.” Their dad looked at Connor. “It’s been good for all of us, watching Connor play. Next year, who knows? Maybe he’ll try out for American Idol and make it to Hollywood.”

  Connor had planned to try out last summer, but football hadn’t allowed him enough time. This was his last year of high school, so their dad was right. Connor was headed for Liberty University to study music, but there was no telling what God had planned for him.

  Ricky went next. “I’m thankful Mom still takes time to write notes for my lunch box.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “I know I’m getting old, but I still love opening my bag and seeing your note inside.”

  “Notes?” Brandon’s tone softened. “What do they say?”

  “She writes them on Scripture cards.” Ricky clearly appreciated their mom’s practice. “Verses like, ‘I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,’ from Philippians. And then on the back she says stuff like, ‘I’m proud of you,’ or ‘Keep trying because God is working in your life.’ Things like that.”

  “She did those for all of us until we reached high school.” Connor smiled at their mom. “Now we eat hot lunch.”

  “But she still leaves us notes.” Shawn looked at Brandon. “On our pillows.”

  “Or in our gear bag before football.” BJ’s expression showed that he, too, was thankful for the way their mom made them feel special.

  “Okay, so we’ll just assume that’s a perfect ten for Ricky’s answer.” Their dad kissed their mom on the cheek. “I’m thankful too. For the way you love our kids.”

  “Hey, not fair.” Justin jumped to his feet. “That’s a repeat.”

  Their dad laughed. “That’s not my answer. Just the truth.”

  They worked their way around the table and when it came to Bailey, her answer was easy. “I’m thankful for the lessons God has taught me in New York.” She looked straight at Brandon. “And I’m thankful Brandon could be with us today.” She wanted to say she was thankful for his love, but her brothers didn’t know how serious things had gotten between them. Yesterday Ricky even asked if Cody might stop by for dessert after Thanksgiving dinner. Bailey needed more time before her family could know how thoroughly her heart had moved on.

  Their mom was thankful Bailey lived with an older couple who loved God, and that she’d made a smooth transition to her life in New York City, and her dad was thankful the Indianapolis Colts were winning on the efforts of Matt Keagan, the quarterback whose faith was legendary in the NFL.

  “Didn’t you use that one last year?” BJ squinted teasing eyes at their dad.

  “Nope. No I did not.” He shook his head, trying to look serious. “Last year I was thankful for twenty-five years of marriage to your most wonderful mother.” He nodded in her direction. “Isn’t that right?”

  “Definitely.” She tilted her head, enjoying the moment. “I can vouch for that.”

  “Okay, then.” Their dad tossed his hands in the air and smirked in BJ’s direction. “Can I get a round of tens on that answer?”

  BJ still didn’t look convinced, but he gave their dad a ten for his answer, and everyone else followed suit.

  It was Brandon’s turn to share, and he took a deep breath. “Wow … so many things I could say.” He hesitated and Bailey quickly realized he wasn’t at a loss for words. Rather he was caught up in the scene, moved by his many emotions. Seeing the confident Brandon Paul this vulnerable — the way she’d seen him only a few times — always made Bailey care for him twice as much. He found control before the moment could feel awkward. “All right.” He was still struggling, but his focus was back. “I could say so much. But here you go. I’m thankful to be part of your family this Thanksgiving, and,” he raised his brow at Bailey’s mom, “I’m thankful for the best turkey I’ve ever eaten.”

  A ripple of laughter came from around the table. “Brandon, come on.” Ricky leaned around Bailey and met Brandon’s eyes. “That sounded like a movie script. You’re making the rest of us look bad.”

  “Just being real …” Brandon chuckled and the sound relieved the emotion from a moment earlier. “You guys make it easy.”

  Ricky thought about that for a long moment. “Yo
u have a point.” He sat back and lifted one shoulder. “Go ahead then, I guess.”

  Bailey and her family laughed. “No one does the grateful game crazier than us.” Bailey turned to Brandon. “Are you done?”

  His emotions were fully in control now, and Brandon waited for his own laughter to subside. “Just one more thing.” He looked at Bailey. “I’m thankful for Bailey, that God has used her to show me what real love is.”

  Bailey’s heart melted, and she held her breath. From around the table she caught the looks from her brothers and even her dad. Only her mom didn’t seem surprised by the intensity of Brandon’s answer. If her dad and brothers hadn’t known how serious things were between her and Brandon, they knew now.

  Her mom seemed to sense the mixed feelings in the room. “Brandon … we’re very happy for you and Bailey.” She reached across the table and covered Brandon’s hand with her own. “And we’re glad you could be with us today.”

  “Thanks.” If Brandon knew the ambivalence Bailey’s brothers probably felt, he didn’t let on. “Your kindness … it isn’t something I take for granted.”

  Ricky grinned at Brandon. “I think I speak for everyone when I say officially that answer was a ten.” He pointed at the others.

  “Yes?”

  “Absolutely!” Connor took the lead. “Brandon loves our sister. That’s at least a ten!”

  “At least!” Justin clinked his glass against Connor’s, and as he did a small wave of lemon water sloshed onto his plate.

  Everyone laughed once more as the mood lightened, and the others flashed tens in Brandon’s direction. If they felt a sadness in Brandon’s declaration, if they missed Cody Coleman, they were nice enough to hide their feelings. They liked Brandon, after all. None of them would’ve wanted him to feel anything but accepted.

  Shawn was last. He stuck his chest out and grinned. “I can handle going last this year, because I have the perfect answer.”