Longing

  “This better be good.” Their dad crossed his arms, his eyes twinkling.

  “I’m thankful Cody is coaching Lyle in the state playoffs, and that the game is tomorrow right here in Bloomington!”

  Bailey tried not to react. Cody’s championship game was tomorrow? Here in their hometown? She shot a look at her mom, and the glance they shared told Bailey her mom figured she knew about the game. Suddenly Bailey remembered hearing something about it in the last few weeks. But she mustn’t have given it much thought because she never planned to stay past Friday morning after Thanksgiving.

  “The game’s tomorrow?” Brandon looked at Bailey. He seemed unfazed, relaxed as much as before Shawn’s statement. A smile warmed his eyes. “I guess I didn’t know.”

  Bailey wanted to pause the moment and explain that she hadn’t thought to tell him because she didn’t know she’d be here for the game. Her Hairspray director had given her the weekend off only at the last minute. But there was no way to explain that. Not right now.

  “You’re going too, right?” Shawn turned his attention to Brandon. “Everyone’s going.”

  “Actually, no.” Again Brandon’s eyes didn’t give anything away. “I’m flying out after midnight tonight. Meetings in LA tomorrow morning.”

  Bailey was sure Shawn had come to the table planning to be thankful for Cody’s game. Her brother meant no harm to Brandon.

  But still, the laughter around the table faded into an awkward silence.

  “Shoot. We wanted you to come.” Even Ricky seemed to sense that things were suddenly uncomfortable.

  “Me, too.” Brandon smiled at him, his mood unchanged. “I’m sure it’ll be a great game.”

  “Definitely.” Justin looked at Bailey. “But you’re coming, right? You have to.”

  Bailey uttered an uncomfortable laugh. “Um … I guess so.” She glanced at Brandon. “I have the weekend off, so sure … probably.”

  A long pause followed, and finally her dad clapped his hands a single time and nodded in Shawn’s direction. “Perfect answer. You’re right, son. We’re all thankful Cody’s doing so well. And what a great way to end the Thank You game for another year.”

  A chorus of agreement and flashes of ten scores came from the others around the table, and Bailey’s mom stood. “Let’s clear the table.” She sounded almost too happy, but she was doing her best — trying to move past the moment and onto anything other than tomorrow’s football game. “Hot apple pie coming!”

  Her pronouncement set everyone in motion — even Brandon. Without looking at Bailey, he collected his plate and silverware and walked alongside Ricky to the kitchen. For the next few minutes Bailey’s youngest brother regaled Brandon with highlights from previous years of the Thank You game. Bailey was glad for the time. She needed to talk to Brandon, needed to explain the situation so he wouldn’t think she’d hidden this from him.

  But that didn’t come until after dessert, when her family had cleared their plates once again and this time migrated to the family room to play Pictionary. Until that moment, Brandon had come across happy and unmoved by news of the game. But after dessert they were the last to get up from the table, and as they headed for the kitchen she caught up to him and gently touched his elbow. “Hey …”

  “Hey.” He kept walking, but at least their eyes held longer than a few seconds. He rinsed his plate and set it in the open dishwasher and she did the same. He dried his hands on his dark jeans and smiled at her. “I love your family … if I haven’t already said so.”

  “Brandon …” His pleasant tone and expression didn’t hide the questions in his eyes. She knew him too well. “Can we talk? Outside?”

  “Sure.” Again he was pleasant, but now she knew for sure that he was being guarded. He took hold of her hand. “Out back?”

  “Perfect.” Bailey had spent far too many nights talking to Cody on the front porch. The few times Brandon was here they usually stayed in the backyard. This time was no different. “Let’s light a fire.”

  “Okay.” Bailey followed him out past their family swimming pool to the fire pit. She sensed Brandon wasn’t in a major hurry, though he had a car picking him up in an hour or so for the ride to the airport and his private flight back to LA. He got the fire going and then turned to face her. For a long moment he slid his hands in the pockets of his jeans and stared at her, his kind eyes searching hers. Finally he drew in a full breath. “I’m listening.”

  “Brandon.” Bailey patted the spot beside her on the double rocking chair. “Sit by me. Please …”

  He wasn’t angry, she could tell that much. Just confused, maybe. Which made sense. Again he took his time, grabbing a nearby stick and poking the fire, stirring up the flame before setting the stick down and finally taking the place next to her. He turned so he could see her and the light from the fire reflected in his eyes. He waited, giving her time to say what was on her mind.

  “I didn’t know about the game.” She didn’t rush her words. There was no need to defend herself. The relationship she shared with Brandon had been rooted in honesty from the beginning. “I didn’t think I’d be here past Friday. I guess I just … I forgot about it.”

  Brandon lifted his hand to her cheek, his fingers soft against her skin. “You’re going … right?”

  Her silence was answer enough for both of them. The breeze danced icy cold above them and Bailey was glad for the fire. She slid closer to him. “Yes. I’ll go with my family.” She shivered a little, doubting herself and her motives and every feeling she’d been so sure of just an hour ago. “You want me to stay home?”

  “No.” His answer was as quick as it was kind. He still had his hand alongside her face. “Your family’s going. You should go too. It would mean a lot to him.”

  But wouldn’t it mean something to Brandon … if Bailey found anything else to do tomorrow besides going to see Cody Coleman? Bailey couldn’t look into his eyes another moment. She let her head fall slowly against his and for a long minute neither of them said anything.

  “Don’t feel bad.” Brandon drew back first. “It’s okay, Bailey. Maybe … maybe if you see him you’ll have answers.” His voice was a whisper, a caress against her soul. “I’d rather have you know.”

  Bailey looked at him, studying him. Brandon clearly understood that this was about more than a football game. Brandon wanted her to go to Cody once and for all, to prove to herself that her feelings were for Brandon. His eyes told her all of that.

  “I’m not afraid.” He smiled and the love in his eyes was so real, so pure it almost hurt to look at him. “I love you.” He leaned in and gently touched his lips to hers. The kiss grew and Bailey brought her hands to his shoulders.

  After a few seconds she eased back, trembling. “I love you, too.”

  He searched her eyes, her heart. “I trust you. What we share … it’s something neither of us has ever felt. I believe that.”

  “I know.” She slid closer still and leaned her head on his chest. “It’s just a football game.”

  “Right.” Brandon chuckled quietly and wrapped his arms around her. “Let’s believe that.” He kissed the top of her head, his breath warm in her hair. “And we’ll be back together in New York on Tuesday.”

  They stayed by the fire, talking about his Friday meetings in LA and refusing to revisit the issue of tomorrow’s football game or the fact that Bailey was bound to see Cody for the first time in months. Bailey was grateful for Brandon’s confidence, but long after his ride picked him up for the airport, Bailey couldn’t deny the obvious: She wasn’t only thinking about Brandon and the way her heart connected with his. She wasn’t only consumed with his gentle touch and his deep belief in her and the love they shared. If she was completely honest with herself she was thinking of something else too.

  A state championship high school football game she hadn’t known she was attending until just a few hours ago.

  Two

  CODY COLEMAN DROVE BY HIMSELF TO MEMORIAL STADIUM, the
place where for years he’d dreamed of playing, the football field where the Indiana University Hoosiers played. And now he was about to coach against one of Indiana’s legends — Coach Lance Egbers of Whitinsville Christian School — a winner in life and football, a man who headed up a program that was consistently a powerhouse in the single A football class.

  The 37 South was free of traffic at four in the afternoon, and Cody kept his eyes on the school bus ahead of him. The team wanted to ride together, but Cody needed this time alone. His mind could barely get a grip on his feelings.

  He was headed back to Bloomington, and despite every other crazy emotion fighting for position in his heart, that fact was at the top of the list. He was headed toward his past. The Flanigans knew about the game, and Cody was sure Jenny and Jim would attend. The boys too. Whether Bailey was in town or not, whether she’d even want to be at his game — he wasn’t sure.

  He just knew he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

  Beyond that there were other layers, other realities that complicated the way Cody felt. This evening’s game was the last for his seniors — including DeMetri Smith. Smitty still lived with Cody, but he’d made a decision about his future. He’d come to him just this morning with the news.

  “Coach, I know what I wanna do. I made up my mind.” The kid had wide eyes, and he looked more nervous than before game time.

  A few Division II schools were talking to DeMetri, so Cody waited, wondering what the announcement was. “Wherever you go, you’ll do great.” He gave DeMetri a light slap on his shoulder. “You’re ready, Smitty.”

  “It’s not what you think.” The kid gulped and wiped small beads of sweat from his brow. “I’m … I’m going to Liberty. I wanna be a pastor, Coach. More than I wanna play football. I have to tell people about Jesus.”

  The news had worked its way through Cody’s being, and he felt his heart respond. “That’s amazing, DeMetri. You’re sure?”

  “So sure.” He laughed, and his nervousness seemed to dissipate. “I’ll suit up for Liberty, but I’m more excited about the mission trips.” His smile lit up his face. “I’m going to Kenya, Coach. To tell kids about Jesus!”

  “I love it.” Cody patted the kid on the back. “And hey, after the game, remind me to introduce you to Connor Flanigan.” Cody was touched that two kids who meant so much to him would attend the same school next fall. “He’ll be a Liberty freshman too.”

  DeMetri grinned. “Maybe he’ll go with me to Kenya.”

  “It wouldn’t surprise me.”

  Cody replayed the conversation as he drove. The decision was more than Cody had hoped when he allowed DeMetri to move in with him. The player’s mother was still in prison, his dad long gone. Whether DeMetri ever played a down of football for Liberty University didn’t matter. The kid had made up his mind … he was ready to move on — in his life and in his faith. Tonight would be more than a championship game for Smitty: It would be the last time anyone would define him by his skills on a football field.

  Cody thought about the other layers, Cheyenne and her health. She would be there tonight, but with their dear friend Tara Collins — in case she needed to leave early. Her rehab was nearly complete from the car accident that had almost killed her. But she still suffered headaches. Sometimes so severe she couldn’t function. If that happened tonight, Tara was ready to take her home.

  “You don’t need to spend all this time with me, Cody,” Cheyenne had told him last night. “I’m sorry … I’m so sick lately.”

  His feelings for Cheyenne Williams were never easy. Complications were the norm. But one thing was certain, and Cody reiterated it to her. “We’ve been over this, Chey. I told you I’m not leaving. You’re my girl … I’m here for you.”

  But now, as he pulled into the stadium parking lot, he wasn’t sure what those words even meant. Not that he was afraid of her headaches or her poor health since the accident. They were dating, after all. But there were days he couldn’t quite define what he felt for Cheyenne. Whether it was love or the deep care of friendship.

  Cody blinked and let the thought pass. Cheyenne was his girlfriend, and that would be true for as long as Cody could see into the future. She was wonderful, and she needed Cody the way no one had needed him in a very long time. Maybe ever. No matter his feelings for her, they were current. And maybe that was all he needed to think about. Especially tonight.

  Kickoff wasn’t for another three hours, and this early the parking lot was still empty, the media and reporters from across the state only barely setting up their camera crews and news feeds. Cody followed the bus to the back lot and the locker room facility. Whatever thoughts crowded his head, however his heart was being stretched … it was time to focus.

  He and the Lyle Buckaroos had a game to win. One last game.

  The team emptied into the visitors’ locker room. Both Lyle and Whitinsville came to the game undefeated, so officials had flipped a coin last week to determine the home team. Whitinsville won the honor, but the distinction meant very little. Come game time they’d both be on a neutral field, the best field in Indiana.

  Cody let his team settle into the locker room, waiting while the initial hype of being in the Hoosiers’ stadium wore off a little. As the guys began suiting up, Cody set out to find Coach Lance Egbers. Tens of thousands of fans were expected at the game; whole towns would fill the stands. The chance of having an actual conversation with the legendary coach later was slim. Cody had emailed him earlier in the week, and both of them decided to talk early, before the game.

  By the time Cody reached the home locker room, Coach Egbers was exiting the facility and headed his way. The man’s smile was genuine enough to warm the entire stadium. “Cody Coleman!” He held out his hand as he approached. “It’s an honor.”

  “Sir,” Cody felt the man’s presence as the two shook hands. He was larger than life, no doubt. Cody tried not to feel nervous. “The honor’s mine, sir.”

  In a flash everything Cody knew about the legendary leader came to mind. The man wasn’t only the Crusaders’ coach … he was their principal. A favorite among the kids and a mastermind at the game of football. Articles had been written about the man and Cody had read more than one including a feature that ran in the Indianapolis Star. Lance had been married to his wife Roseann for thirty-seven years. When he wasn’t coaching, Lance liked to hike and sled and hot tub with his wife and grandkids. But more than the recreation of his off-season or the excellence of his coaching, Lance was known throughout the world of football for his faith.

  The way he lived out the message he so deeply believed in.

  No question the Crusaders had an edge tonight. They’d won the state title three out of the last five years, and local media sports experts favored Whitinsville tonight by a couple touchdowns. But with all that, Lance had only one agenda for this private meeting between the two of them. He crossed his arms and squared his stance as he faced Cody. “I’ve read a lot about you, Cody. You’re very young to have this kind of success.”

  Cody thought about his days as a prisoner of war in Iraq. “I don’t feel young.”

  “But you are.” Lance’s eyes sparkled in a knowing way. “You’re the next generation. I can’t do this forever.”

  His words seemed strange in light of the fact that the man had just coached his team to another undefeated season. Cody laughed lightly. “I’d say you have a lot of years left, sir.”

  “A couple maybe.” The man angled his head. “Kids are different these days … they need someone they can relate to.” He hesitated and pursed his lips. “God wants to use you, Cody. Let Him lead you where you can make the most difference. Let that guide you always.”

  Cody felt privileged beyond words, that Lance Egbers would take a few minutes to share with him. “I’ll do that, sir. I can only imagine having the impact you’ve had on kids.”

  “It’s not just me.” The coach’s eyes softened. “It’s Jim Flanigan and Ryan Taylor and so many other Christian c
oaches like them around the state. Men changing the lives of today’s youth.”

  Impressive, Cody thought … that Lance knew the names of Jim and Ryan, two coaches who’d worked with Cody when he was younger.

  “But even then there aren’t enough guys who love God and the game.” Lance winked at him. “You’re one of the few, Cody. Stay with it. Fall in love with the game. Let it be your platform again and again, every year, every season. The kids need you.” He gave Cody a pat on his shoulder. “Now go get your team ready.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “I’d wish you good luck, but I don’t believe in it.” Lance’s smile filled his face again. “I’ll pray for you.” He tipped the bill of his baseball cap. “Besides, even if luck mattered you wouldn’t need it.” He raised one eyebrow. “You belong here, Cody. You’re a gifted coach and teacher. Your reputation is well deserved.” He shook Cody’s hand and took a step back. “Don’t forget that.”

  “Sir … thank you, sir.” Cody watched the man turn and head back to his locker room. When he pictured this contest against Coach Egbers’ Crusaders, Cody never imagined a meeting like the one they’d just had. He was speechless, certain he’d remember everything Lance Egbers had shared with him in the last few minutes. God had just used the legend to confirm the dreams Cody had allowed to form this season. If a bigger school asked Cody to join the staff, he’d at least have to consider the possibility. Especially with DeMetri heading off to Virginia. In some ways — no matter what happened tonight — his time at Lyle was no longer certain. It was a long commute and maybe his purpose with the program had been fulfilled.

  Cody returned to the locker room and called the guys into the meeting space. As they gathered around him Cody could practically feel their fear. He could see it in their eyes and sense it in their quiet shiftiness. Cody squared his shoulders and looked them in the eyes. Each of them.

  Okay, God, give me the words. They look like they’ve already lost.

  You are not alone, my son … I go before you … I will never leave you nor forsake you.