It Was You...

It was you...

  By Benjamin J. Mecouch

  Copyright 2013 Benjamin Mecouch

  Cover Art by Tatiana Villa

  ****

  This book is dedicated to my wife Jessica, she is not only my biggest fan but she is my rock.

  ****

  James stared down the barrel of the gun.

  He could see his life ending in an instant; all of the mistakes he had made and all the good things in his life, they no longer mattered.

  He looked deep into the gun's muzzle; like a black never-blinking eye, it gazed back at him. James knew his time had come, he had tried to make amends for all of the things he had done to hurt the ones he loved. The old saying that it was better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all came to mind knowing that with one pull of the trigger it would be all over.

  His tears flowed freely down his face, their salty trails washed away by the falling rain.

  James was no longer afraid; he no longer had questions about where his life was going and what his heart desired. James had loved; he had experienced a love that most would never know. He had come to terms with how that love had affected his heart and he understood now why it had come to this.

  The rain was cold on his shoulders and his body shook with tremors. The pain in his head was more than he could take. There was no fear. The time had come, there would be no more questions and he welcomed the release from his tortured heart. His thoughts grew quiet and he thought only of her.

  With a flash, the gun exploded in the night. James' heart was finally at peace as the world around him darkened to blackness...

  ****

  The rain fell lightly upon the crowd gathered at the gravesite. It was still early afternoon and the weather forecasters had called for the late summer showers to continue into the night. James stood statue still among the grieving, holding his own emotions close. He had become very accustomed to not sharing his true feelings with anyone. His heart was his prison only and he shared the hurt and pain with no one else. The family and friends gathered around the muddy hole wept softly, occasionally a wail of disappointment and sorrow could be heard over the quiet sobs.

  James was there, not as a sad family member or a grief stricken friend, but as a man who had lost his true love. James stared at the coffin resting on the lowering winch straps and his mind was clouded with personal sorrow and sadness. He had expected in one way to be relieved that she was finally gone from his life like a sort of closure, but his heart knew better. She may be gone from this earth but she would never be gone from his soul. James fought his feelings, reeled them in and held them hard and fast. A part of him felt like it was dying as the casket came to rest at the bottom of the open grave. He felt as if his whole life was now going to be changed, and he was unsure if it were for the better or worse.

  Mourners slowly and methodically tossed flowers on top of the coffin as they proceeded past the grave, saying their last goodbyes and farewells. James stood in his place, letting the crowd diminish and the family to slowly move on. The rain picked up some and the feeling of cold and wet began to seep under his shirt and chill his skin. The damp air had started to grow cooler as the sun moved across the sky, hidden behind a thick mass of dark gray clouds. He watched as the family exited the grave area and entered the warmth of their waiting cars and funeral home limos. He thought to himself that, at this very moment, the artificial warmth of a car heater could do nothing to warm the cold feeling he felt deep in his soul.

  The graveyard workers quickly attended to their duties, certainly desiring to remove themselves from this dismal weather as quickly as possible. The funeral director had secured all of the remaining family into their vehicles and approached James.

  "Sir, I am truly sorry for your loss. The loss of a loved one is always very hard, and grief is different for all of us."

  James did not answer.

  "Sir, this may not be my place, but sometimes talking to someone about your pain may help the grieving process. Do you feel like you need to talk to someone?"

  "No, thank you" James muttered as he moved past the man.

  "Sir, grief is a hard emotion to conquer alone, if you decide you need to talk," the man stated as he pulled a business card from his coat pocket, "my wife is a grief counselor and she would be more than willing to help you through this sad time in your life."

  James turned back toward the man but did not take the card from his outstretched hand.

  "Um, ok, that's fine then. Will you be okay to get home from here? Our life celebration services include free shuttle service for any attendees that feel too emotional to drive home" he stated very politely with a quiet, rehearsed voice.

  James only glared at the man square in the face and turned away. The man had instantly seen the hurt in his eyes and was stunned by the sheer pain they reflected back to him.

  "Again, I am terribly sorry for your loss sir, drive safe in this weather" he called out to James who was already walking down between the rows of gravestones towards his awaiting car.

  Once in his car James wept, openly. The storm of emotions that he had been holding in for so long had now, once again, come to the surface and threatened to never cease. He tried to fight them off, tried desperately to hold unto what strength he had left. She had always meant the world to him. From the first instant he saw her; he knew that she was forever going to be in his heart. She had the power over him to truly make him feel like his life was complete and that there was such a thing a true love. He had instantly fallen in love with her, physically and emotionally. She had always made him excited and terrified at the same time. Her being got so deep into his soul that there was no extracting it. James felt as if he were going to break, this was going to be the moment in his life where he no longer could bear to go on.

  Karen had meant so much to him and now she was gone. She had left him behind to try and carry on with no answers to guide him, no one to be there as that guiding light in his life. He would never know what the rest of his life would now be like without her. His tears flowed freely and he sobbed. His body racked with emotion and he was unable to see through the flood of tears from his eyes.

  He started the car and turned the heater on, remembering his brief thought of futility by the grave. The air forced from the car's blowers slowly warmed and although he felt completely frozen inside, his shivers slowly subsided. James sat an unknown amount of time in his car.

  The small tent constructed over the grave itself was left in place; boards had been placed over the hole. James knew that when the rain subsided the dirt would be placed back in the hole and she would be forever buried; her body entombed in the ground for eternity.

  The clouds had unleashed all of the moisture they contained and the rain came down in sheets upon his car. He engaged the wipers but it almost seemed as if the world was crying for its loss as well, and James' windshield was blinded by the tears. He turned on the radio in hopes that the background noise would clear his head and help him get hold of any rational thought he could.

  Immediately he was enveloped in the sounds of their love and their passion for music. Garth Brooks sang to James of love lost and the dance of life we all must endure. "Looking back on the memory of, the dance we shared beneath the stars above, and for a moment, all the world was right. How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye…", the country singer's voice faded out as James was taken back to another time, long ago, when she was all his for a summer and nothing else mattered.

  ****

  Karen Mettle had been her name back then and she was a sight to behold; young and vibrant, sexy and confident. Meeting Karen so many summer's ago had changed James' life forever. They had both come a long way in their lives and never
knew what tomorrow was going to bring them.

  Karen and James had both signed up to do summer internships at the same well known and nationally recognized educational summer camp. James came to the internship with his education degree from Penn State University, and Karen was their with her early-childhood development degree from Juliette, an all girls college in the eastern part of the same state.

  James, at the time, had a girlfriend. A serious one if you had asked either of them. James had planned to marry this girl and start a family. He had aspirations of being a teacher, like his Dad, and educating the youth of America. He was full of cocky confidence and was excited to make a difference in lives of younger children. James was twenty-one and knew it all, he had been with the same girl for five years now; they had been high school sweethearts and she had stuck by him all through schooling and was going to be by his side when he started grad school in the fall.

  James Matheson was going to make something of himself and that this was his passion in life; to teach and to be outdoors. She had ultimately given into his persistence and was comforted by his promise to try and call or write every day. His girlfriend was leery of him going away for the summer, especially so far away. James had explained to her there wasn't anything that was going to stop that.

  Camp Orion had been established in 1945 by a very famous philanthropist and lover of children who had had none of his own in his sad and lonely life. He decided to give back to the world that had been so kind to him by starting this camp for gifted children and gave them an opportunity to learn, outside of the classroom, about nature and the wilderness. The camp started out from a meager beginning with only two cabins, one for the counselors and one for the children. Meals were prepared fireside and most times included wildlife trapped or hunted during the day. As the years passed, the camp grew and more buildings and more modern amenities were added. The first outhouse changed from a hole in the ground to a facility with running water for showers and flushing toilets. A well had been drilled and several large pumps supplied water to all of the education buildings and to the mess hall. After decades of educating kids about nature and conservation, Camp Orion became well known nationwide and made an impression on any high student's resume that was interested in attending some of the more elite universities across the country.

  James had always been a true lover of the outdoors; his father was an avid hunter and fisherman so James was raised in the outdoors. He and his father would camp out under the stars, spend weekends hiking the wilderness around their home and always seeking new adventures that involved being in nature. The opportunity to teach in such a setting had appealed greatly to James and his father was so proud of him when James told him of his summer internship with Camp Orion.

  "I knew that camp had a special place in your heart Jimmy, you are going to do great things" his father had said.

  James had attended camp at Orion, on the shores of the Black River overlooking the great western plains. He had been accepted, back then, as an excelled student to attend their summer course on archeology. James' secret desire to be a great collector of dinosaur bones had not flourished as expected that summer, but his love for teaching was born.

  James had experienced a true bond of friendship with one of his counselors that summer and from that point forward James knew he wanted to be an educator. With his father's blessing and the knowledge that his mother would have also been very proud of him, James packed his bags and headed to summer camp again. It seemed ridiculous to some of his friends that were headed off to grad school as well, that he was going to spend the summer with a bunch a snot-nosed kids in cabins, but James was not fazed. He loved the idea of being able to use what he had learned student teaching and in his college courses in an outdoor setting. To educate about nature and to show kids what this world was around them. It was more than James could ever dream of. It also helped that having been accepted to teach at such a prestigious location didn't hurt his resume either.

  Upon arriving at the camp around three thirty in the afternoon, James was exhausted. After driving the sixteen hundred miles over two days, James was tired and his body felt spent but his excitement kept him going.

  He reported to the front office and was told to report to the counselor's cabin at four o'clock. This meant that James had some time to unwind and explore what was going to be his residence for the next fourteen weeks. The place had changed but not drastically. The older cabins had been given some needed updating and newer cabins and classrooms had been built to keep the camp modern. Computer learning labs had been established and of course there was access to the internet via satellite, for world-wide e-learning. James was impressed with the updates but also liked to see that the bathrooms were still separate from the cabins and that the kids still helped prepare meals and clean-up afterwards. They had kept the true spirit of summer camp alive, just enhanced the learning experience through technology.

  James wandered the camp area, greeting other members of the staff and introducing himself to some of the other new counselors that had started arriving. James made his way down the river and explored the shoreline, and skimmed some rocks in the afternoon sun.

  It was a good two weeks before any of the students would start arriving so the boating area was quiet and the pier was virtually empty except for one girl that was sitting out at the end of the floating dock with her legs dangling in the cool water. James could see her profile from the shoreline and liked what he saw. The girl had beautiful brown hair cut shoulder length and she was wearing a cotton tank top with spaghetti straps and form fitting khaki shorts that allowed her legs extended access to the light of day. She was hunched forward looking into the water as James approached from behind her down the long length of the pier.

  The floating dock was attached to the pier via a ramp and as James descended down the ramp, his footsteps startled the girl and she quickly turned to face him. James' stride stopped halfway down the ramp as his eyes met hers and he was frozen by her gaze. She was beautiful. Her long, tan legs were stretched out in front of her and she leaned back resting her arms on the warm wood of the decking. James felt her eyes upon him and felt as though he was naked standing in front of her. She seemed to gaze through him and he couldn't help but feel that he was exposed in some way.

  "I didn't hear you coming down the pier. You should announce yourself or something" She paused, still intently gazing at him.

  "You could give a girl a heart attack you know" she said quickly as a smile crested her lips.

  James noticed her lips and her eyes; he was stunned by her simple beauty. Not supermodel, air-brushed beauty but a pure, natural beauty that radiated from her. As she turned and stood up to face the young man standing above, her tank top betrayed her and the fabric of her shirt drooped slightly forward exposing the tops of her firm breasts. James noticed that she was not wearing a bra and quickly tried to avert his eyes. He was not aware, at that moment, that she had noticed him looking, so he tried to play it off and act cool.

  "I'm sorry, I did not mean to startle you" he said trying to focus on her eyes and not her body.

  "That's okay, this place is so peaceful and quiet. You kinda lose yourself in it"

  "So, you have a name or should I just call you sneaky boy?" she asked as that devilish smile came across her face again.

  James' tongue suddenly felt like it was one thousand pounds and his ability to speak were forever lost as his leaden tongue just sat at the bottom of his mouth. She smiled sweetly at him, waiting for his response.

  James finally stammered a response, "James, my name is James Matheson. I am one of the summer teachers this summer" he could not believe he had just said that.

  He tried to recover.

  "Of this summer, it wouldn't be next summer would it?" he joked.

  She just looked at him and shook her head.

  "And may I ask who you are?" he questioned when she offered no response to his bad attempt at
a joke.

  "You may" she stated, leaving James to ask again her name.

  "But, sorry. Mommy and Daddy told me never to speak to strangers that sneak up on you while you are alone and vulnerable."

  Her smile was a weapon she was well-trained to use and James felt wounded.

  "I must be going Jimmy or shall I say, sneaky boy."

  With that she climbed the ramp past James, and walked back down the pier. James turned and watched her go, paralyzed by her presence and entranced by her stride; the way her hips swayed and the way her body moved in a fluid motion. James found himself smiling queerly to himself and watching the girl leave until she was out of sight under the trees that lined the shore. James thought to himself that he was going to have to get to know that girl this summer, no matter what it took. James tried to clear his thoughts by scanning the far shoreline and watching the slow tide of the river glide by. But his eyes returned to the spot where she had been sitting, her wet footprints on the wood and instantly felt his heart race again.

  He checked his watch and realized it was five of four and he was supposed to be at the counselor's cabin at four o'clock. James trotted back down the pier and up the hill towards the main cabin area of the camp. His thoughts were of the girl on the dock, and the summer that was ahead of him.

  James entered the counselor's cabin by way of a old, squeaky screen door and was greeted by his long time friend Brian Rogers. Brian had been the counselor, ten years ago, that had taken a shine to young James and helped him through his summer at Orion. James was excited to see Brian, but his thoughts were distracted by the girl from the river, she was amazingly beautiful and James could not get her out of his head.

  "James, you look tired my friend. Long drive?" Brian asked giving James a big, friendly hug.