It Was You...

  Brian was six foot four and easily outweighed James by at least fifty pounds. James was no small-fry at six foot, two-fifty. As Brian enveloped James in one of his famous bear hugs, James tried to return the big man's squeeze, feeling his chest constrict and the air from his lungs escape.

  "How the hell are ya James? You look good, how long has it been? Nine or ten years, right?" the big man chuckled as he stepped back to eye James up.

  "Ten years Brian, ten long years" James said putting the emphasis on long and reaching out to pat the man's belly. "And it looks like Cecilia still knows how to cook a meal, huh?" James joked.

  "Yup" the big man said rubbing his oversized belly that fit the rest of his large frame, "she sure can make a mean pancake breakfast."

  With this his eyes started to gleam with happiness and he leaned into James so only he could hear, "I've missed you James, it's good to see you."

  James winked at Brian and stepped into the room joining the others that had gathered there. James was pleasantly surprised to see that there were only nine or ten people seated or standing around the cabin. Each was either quietly sitting or making small talk with a neighbor. James immediately spotted the girl from the pier and his heart jumped. His gaze met hers and she smiled coyly, and in that moment James remembered that he hadn't called Sheila when he had arrived and she was going to be worried sick.

  James walked into the room and found a chair in the corner next to the stone fireplace at the far end of the room. Brian again entered the room from the hallway not long after James and started making introductions. James' mind was a buzz with thoughts, and he was pretty sure he missed most of the people's names as they went around the room and introduced themselves. But he caught her name; the girl from the pier, her name was Karen.

  ****

  "…and that was Garth Brooks singing The Dance. That song was one of Garth's first major hits and remains today, his signature song. We will be right back to the shining stars of country featuring Garth Brooks on WXTX 94.5, Today's Country…" the DJ's voice startled James as he was brought back from his memories.

  The rain had not slowed and it continued to beat down on his car, rocking it with a violent rhythm. James disengaged the windshield wipers, he was sure he couldn't drive right now, and in this weather he had no desire to venture out onto the streets. He reclined his seat some and put his head against the headrest.

  His tears had calmed some and his eyes hurt; they felt gritty and dry despite all of his tears. James closed his eyes in an attempt to soothe them and hoping he could close out the world for just one moment. He wanted to talk to Leah and he wanted to go home. Leah was always so comforting to be around and she loved James with a strength that even surprised him sometimes. Just being with her made him feel like more of a man; her presence in his life, James had come to realize, filled that void Karen had left behind in his heart. That feeling that there was something missing; something he would never have again. His mind got the best of James again; he was taken back to that summer when he first met Karen, the summer his life changed forever.

  ****

  James spent the first couple days at Camp Orion settling in and participating in the various orientation sessions established for the whole staff and specifically for the teachers as well. James kept close tabs on Karen; she was one of three camp counselors hired for the summer. It was their job to handle the kids that had disciplinary problems or that were just plain old home-sick. She and James had several meetings and activities together but rarely got to speak to one another.

  They were both very busy, early on, making plans for the summer and learning what their job functions were going to be. James made it a point to walk past her office area just to catch a glimpse of her. He would purposefully find reasons to go to the counselor's cabin as often as possible. He couldn't take his eyes off of her when they were in the same room. James would spend entire meals at the mess hall staring off in her direction and shying away from her glances when she took notice of him looking. Karen's aura perplexed him. He could not help himself; he had to be near her and he didn't understand why. His heart cried out to him to be closer to her but his head always kept him grounded and made him stay always at a distance.

  Days passed for the both of them and at that time James was completely unaware that she was just as enamored with him. He tried his hardest to focus on the summer ahead of him and he failed miserably at trying to not think about her.

  James spent many late nights working with his co-teacher, Tim Greesley, on their lesson plans for the summer. Tim was an energetic, fun-loving guy, who no matter what, found the good in any situation.

  "Life's a party James, you just have to know who invited you and where the drinks are" he would say laughing.

  Tim's laugh lit up the room, he was always the life of any gathering, and would be for many years after. That is, until he was killed by a drunk driver coming home from la maz class with his wife. Tim was killed upon impact, but his wife survived and gave birth, two weeks early, to their only child; a son she named Timothy.

  Tim and James were inseparable that summer at Orion. They cabined together, taught together and ate almost every meal together. James could not have asked for a better co-teacher or friend to have during his time at camp.

  Tim had introduced himself to James that first day in the counselor's cabin, "my name's Tim, Tim Greesley, but you can call me Griz, all my friends do."

  They had hit it off instantly, James was a lover of the outdoors and so was Tim; he was an amateur fly fisherman and loved to fresh-water fish any chance he could. There were many late afternoons spent down by the river, James and Tim laughing, rarely catching a single fish.

  There were a couple other guys at the camp that the two of them hung out with and they became a close group of friends. Two guys in particular had become close with Tim and James during that summer. Scott Trummond was a small, feisty boy with a quick temper and a perverted streak a mile long. His vocabulary consisted of mostly curse words and obscenities that could make you blush. James was always found himself surprised by the camp's choice of Scott as a camp counselor, but he proved to be an exceptional teacher and always kept his tongue when he was around the kids. The other member of their group of friends was Dave Yocum, a tall, slender boy with dark eyes and a piercing smile. Dave was quiet and reserved most of the time, but was very aware of the power he held over the girls. They seemed to flock to him; he attracted them as a flame draws moths. Dave was not overly arrogant about his looks and always carried himself humbly. Dave broke many hearts that summer, of that James was positive. He liked the ladies and it just made it easier that they wanted him.

  The four of them had a lot of good times during that summer. There were the late night card games and the early morning "panty raids" of the female teacher's cabins. Tradition was to deliver the stolen goods back to the girls at the breakfast table before the day's activities. It goes on record that they were never caught during one of their many raids, but James was sure that Brian knew it was them and let them have their fun. It was during one of the famous raids that James got his first inclination that Karen may have had an interest in him as well.

  The four guys had planned to raid the counselor's cabin early one morning, the plan was seamless. They had their entry and exit planned without glitch. It was unknown to them at the time, but Scott had revealed their plan to one of the other girls at camp and she had divulged the plan to the planned targets. Tim was increasingly excited about this raid because one of the girls staying in the cabin was a beautiful, young girl he had taken quite a liking to. This was in true Tim fashion as a way to make an impression on her. This entire plot was about to blow up in their faces but they had no idea at that time. Tim and James were chosen as the entry men, Scott and Dave acted as look-outs. Tim climbed in one of the back windows first; it opened up into one of the back rooms of the multi-room cabin. The plan was to enter their living q
uarters, steal the goods and be gone as quick as they entered. James followed through the window and as he stood up, he and Tim were greeted by the sudden flash of overhead lights and a barrage of water balloons and water pistols. The four girls that shared the cabin had prepared for them; it was a counter attack that rivaled any great war in history. Tim and James laughed as they exited from the window they had just climbed through. Each of the girls screamed with glee as they continued their attack upon the two intruders. Tim was through the window first and was off running with Scott and Dave in tow. James caught his foot on the sill and tumbled out of the first floor window unto the grass below. As he got to his feet again, Karen appeared at the window, her slender body silhouetted by the light from behind her.

  "Well, sneaky boy. That should teach you to mess with this group of girls" she stated.

  "The war isn’t over, it has just begun" he said slyly as he turned to walk away.

  "Do you promise?" she replied with a quick smile and a wink.

  James' heart jumped at that moment.

  He had no response to her quick retort; his attention was distracted from her gaze only when a water balloon flew from the window and landed near his feet. Karen smiled again and turned back towards the room of excited and giggling girls within.

  James turned to run back to his cabin before the commotion aroused too many people. That moment under her window, made James realize that there was nothing he could do about the way he felt for her. He could do nothing for the way she made his heart feel.

  ****

  James sat alone in his car. The rain pelted the roof and drummed off the metal. His head hurt, not just from his own sorrow but from deep with in. The pain thrummed and pulsed through his skull. It was as if the memories were too much for his mind to handle. He rubbed his eyes and tried to calm himself by breathing deeply as he listened to the soft music coming from the car radio. The pounding of the rain threatened to drown out the music, but James could still hear the message being conveyed in the words of the song. "and if he'd only grant me this wish I'd wished back, I'd never ask for anything again…"

  The song continued as James thought for a moment about how his life would have been changed if he had just said and done things differently back then; if he had just listened to his heart and followed his feelings.

  James thought about Leah as he watched the rain stream down the wind shield. He thought about how she made him feel complete. She was a strong and constant presence in his life; a crutch he could lean on. James also thought about how his wife had always loved him for all of his faults. She had made him a better man for becoming his wife and he knew she was the one being hurt the most from all of this.

  The rain seemed ceaseless as it pelted the ground, and the wind buffeted the car from every angle. James closed his eyes again and remembered.

  ****

  It was Tim that caught on early that James had become some what infatuated with Karen. Scott and Dave seemed completely oblivious to the situation. Each of them was in hot pursuit of one or more of the other girls in the camp. If either of them had any inclination that there was something more between James and Karen it was never discussed; a silent, unspoken topic between the guys. Tim was the only one that was brazen enough to mention the topic to James. He would constantly remind James of Sheila and always ask, almost comically, how she was doing or when he had talked to her last. James would shrug him off, he would always explain that he was just intrigued by her and wanted to get to know her better.

  James would call Sheila almost everyday, and he would e-mail her when he had a moment or two to type. She would always tell him she missed him terribly and he would always express the same feelings back to her. He did love Sheila; very much in fact. She had been there for him when his mother passed away. That had been the hardest time of his young life, and she was right there to support him and bring him through the grief.

  James' mother was forty-four years old when she died; she lost her ten year battle with breast cancer two months before he graduated from high school. James was crushed. His mother and father had always been beacons of light in his life and their love for each other showed James what he wanted out of a relationship. James' father had tried to prepare him for the day that his mother would finally succumb to that horrible disease, but young James was still quite unprepared for the loss.

  It had been such an important part of his life; he had been accepted to the university, he was going to graduate with honors, and was looking at several very prestigious scholarships. James' father tried the best he could to cope with the loss of his wife and deal with his son's sorrow as well. James could remember his father crying late at night; he remembered listening to him talk to his wife as though she was still there with him. He would ask what he was supposed to do, ask her how they were supposed go on without her.

  If it hadn't been for Sheila in James' life, he was sure that the outcome would not have been the same. Sheila was his rock during that time. James had his faith and his relationship with God, but he was not down on earth dealing with the pain, Sheila was. She was real, tangible and always there for James. She lived two towns over from James but made a point to drive to his house and be with him anytime he needed her. She was there to comfort him, love him and to take his mind away from the pain. Their physical love was a distraction any young man needed to take his mind away from the agony it so often dealt with at that time in his life.

  Sheila was young, sexy and very caring of James' needs, they often spent late nights on a blanket under the stars exploring each others bodies and giving each to the other wholly, with no inhibitions. James was sure, from those days spent with Sheila and the long summer nights after high school, that he would ask that girl to marry him and make her the happiest woman he could. She deserved the best he could give her and he was willing to stand by her through anything.

  They had remained together all through their college years; Sheila had gone to a local community college for her associate's degree and James, of course, had attended the university. College life was not the easiest for James; for one he had lost his mother and was struggling with that constant grief but also that he was committed to a relationship in a sea of single, willing girls. James had done his best to be faithful to Sheila throughout his college years and other than a few late-night drunken make-out sessions, he did okay. He never mentioned these indiscretions to Sheila; it would have ruined what they had.

  Their relationship was built on trust and honesty. James learned over the years that what Sheila didn't know and couldn't worry about, wouldn't hurt her or their relationship. Those girls never meant anything to him; he was just sowing his oats. He was a young, attractive man surrounded by girls that, if he played his cards right, would end up in his bed after a night of partying or even late-night studying. James was sure that Sheila was always faithful to him, and that aspect of their relationship always weighed on his conscience. He had strayed, he had betrayed her trust, but she would never have done the same to him. That fact is one that is very hard for a man to live with, and as the years passed became a common thread in James' life.

  James was still sure he was going to marry Sheila when he left for Camp Orion that day late in May. They had kissed and held onto each other for a long time before he finally pulled out of her drive and headed south towards the turnpike. James loved that girl with all of his heart, or so he thought at the time he did. He was positive that there could be no one else in his life that could love him and care for him the way Sheila did. She was a great girl and he knew that very well. She loved him with all of her being and that is why he would always stand by her and be the man that she needed him to be. This summer apart was just going to be another test of their commitment to each other. Once back in Pennsylvania, James was going to get down on his knee and ask Sheila to be his bride. He was not going away for grad school; he had been accepted to attend the master's program at Penn S
tate and planned to stay right where they were. He and Sheila could move in together and start the rest of their lives together.

  James explained, once again, to Tim one night while going over a day hike that they had planned to take their class on, that he was head over heels in love with Sheila and that Karen was just a curiosity. She was an enigma that perplexed him. Her presence had the ability to send James' mind spinning, just being around her made him light headed and a little queasy. It was that feeling, that power she possessed over him that made James seek her out. He wanted to know everything about her; he wanted to figure out what it was about her that he couldn't stop thinking about.

  Tim would laugh at him; openly laugh at the way James tried to rationalize his thoughts and feelings.

  "You got a thing for her senor, you like that little girl" he would say with a sad and pathetic Mexican accent which James always thought sounded like a cross between Speedy Gonzales and that little taco dog. It came out sounding more like "leetle gurrl" and never ceased to make James chuckle every time he heard it

  James was adamant, but Tim never quit on him, even after the long summer days passed on, Tim still brought up Sheila and always asked James how she was doing, if she had plans to come visit him at camp or when he was going to get to meet her. Tim did eventually get to meet Sheila, many times; he had been James' best man at their wedding. The friendship they forged on the dusty plains of the Midwest remained stronger than either of them could have imagined. They had continued their friendship up until the day Tim was killed. James still kept in touch with Tim's wife and always sent his "nephew" presents for Christmas and his birthday.

  It was towards the end of the third week at camp that James finally had an opportunity to talk to Karen. Really talk to her, and that was the night everything changed for James. It was at dinner one night; Tim was still constantly vying for the attention of the young lady who had caught his eye. Her name was Renee, and she happens to now be the same woman who lost her husband to a drunk driver several years ago and gave premature birth to their son Timothy.