It Was You...

  Renee was a spit-fire back then; loud and opinionated to say the least and Tim loved that about her. If Renee didn't agree with something, she was going to let it be known. There wasn't a senior staff member at camp that summer that didn't have words with Renee, she even went toe-to-toe with "Brian the Bear" one day.

  James was sure he was witnessing the first time ever that a person had the guts to tell Brian no, other than his wife Cecelia. His wife put the big man in his place and he loved her for it. Cecelia was the head chef/kitchen master for the camp. They had both met at camp when they attended many years ago and went back to work for the camp after both had finished college; and the romance has been there ever since. Brian is a formidable man, and he has the temper of a badger with a toothache.

  Renee stood up to him and told him she disagreed with the way he was handling one of the boys at camp and his eyes about popped out of his skull. You could have measured the man's blood pressure just by the color of his skin, and also judging by the way his veins stood out on his neck, his pressure was sky-rocketing. Renee didn't back down and after some calm talking from the other teachers in the room; Brian saw his error and apologized to Renee. She knew she was right, but was good enough to accept his apology and not gloat in his face about the stand-off. James could see the passion that Renee had, and could also see why Tim was head over heels for her. Tim tried his hardest to get her to notice him, and in her own style Renee strung him out and kept him guessing. Tim talked constantly about her, and how they had snuck down to the pier one night early on and she let him hold her hand. He followed her around like a man with nothing else to do. James was relieved in a way, because it took the heat off of him and his secret desire to be closer to Karen.

  That night for dinner, Tim had invited James to come and sit with him and Renee. The senior staff was planning a late-night hike for the teachers and counselors that evening and Tim wanted James to tag along to keep it casual between him and Renee. Tim was full of wise-cracks and smart ass comments, but when it came to the ladies; he was all out of lines. James had initially declined the offer to join them at dinner, he was going to get something quick and head back to the cabin and call Sheila, maybe read some of his new Stephen King book he had packed for the summer. In true King fashion, the novel was a thick one with a plot scary enough to make you want to read with a friend in the room. James had quickly changed his mind when he had learned from his wiry and very cunning friend that Karen would also be joining them for dinner and the hike. James had called Sheila before dinner and explained to her that he would be out late, which was much later for her due to the time zone change, and that he wouldn't be calling her after dinner. He really missed that girl, the way she was able to read his thoughts and know exactly what he needed at any given time, even if she was a thousand miles away.

  James left his cabin and walked across the main camp area to the dining hall. The room itself was a large, enclosed pavilion with a vaulted ceiling and over-sized windows on the two long sides of the building. The kitchen was located at one end of the room and at the other end of the room was a gigantic stone fireplace and hearth. James had experienced many ghost stories around that fireplace and was sure that over the course of this summer he would hear some of the same stories again. James had always liked this building and could remember when he attended camp that the dining hall had always been one of his favorite places to be. It had a feeling of togetherness, it brought all of the staff and campers together for meals, and it seemed like at any given point in the day there would be people gathered here. James entered the room and Tim immediately whistled for him. This was Tim's way of getting James' attention and embarrassing the hell out of him at the same time. Tim had that unwavering ability, to make James feel slightly uncomfortable but never ashamed. Tim challenged James' bashful side; he made James open up and come out of his self-created shell.

  James waved to Tim and headed over to the table. He noticed that Tim was sitting next to Renee on the far side of the table and that Karen was sitting with her back to him. The space next to her was open. James shot Tim a glance as if to say you slick, sneaky bastard, I'll get you for this. The look was caught by both Tim and Renee; they returned the same sleek smile to James. He knew instantly that he had been betrayed by his good friend and Renee was in on the whole thing too. As he approached the table to sit down, Karen turned to greet him. James' heart stopped beating in his chest, he was sure of it. His breath caught in his throat and he instantly lost all the saliva in his mouth. The well had run dry and his mouth felt drier than the Sahara desert. She was radiant.

  Most evenings, the staff was not required to wear their camp issued uniform; which was a comfortable camp tee shirt and khaki shorts. Tonight Karen was wearing another tank top like the one she was wearing the day James first met her and of course she had on a pair of shorts that could make any man tremble at the sight. Her shorts were not too short, and just tight enough to enhance her natural curves. James couldn't imagine another ass ever looking as good as hers. Karen smiled at James; not any smile, the type of smile that had the ability to stop traffic during rush hour. She had the kind of smile that when used in the proper context could bring a grown man to his knees. She smiled at James, and that was it. The deal was settled, case closed; James knew this girl was more than an infatuation; this was more than a crush. James realized at that moment, he was never going to be the same again. His feelings and commitment to Sheila were about to be tested to the extreme and he was not sure that he minded. Karen had such a presence about her; the ability to make James feel like the most important person in the room. James' heart fluttered and restarted as she smiled at him coyly.

  "Hello sneaky boy," she said "are you going to join us or just stand there gathering wool?"

  James noticed, with the busy dining hall around him, nothing else in the room but her. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. His heart yearned for her and he knew nothing about her. His soul ached to be near her, and he barely knew her last name. In that instant James' life was forever changed.

  He recovered nicely, making his apologies for his tardiness to the dinner table and made small talk throughout the meal with very little effort. His thoughts were racing the entire time; he could not get his mind off the girl who was sitting right next to him. James could see that Tim and Renee were really starting to hit it off, and he began to feel a pang of jealousy. He knew they could be with each other if they so chose, but he was miles from the one that he was committed to. He was also very aware of the girl sitting next to him, and extremely sensitive to the way she made him feel with just a glance or quick smile. She smelled terrific, James couldn't get enough of her perfume; a scent that to this day haunts him when he smells it. Her skin had started to tan after being exposed to the strong summer sun and her hair had natural highlights that looked like waves of honey woven into her auburn hair. James couldn't find a flaw; he couldn't seem to find anything wrong with her. She was witty, strong, sensitive and intelligent. She had the ability to hold your attention, like you needed to know what she was going to say. The words that she was speaking were the only words James wanted to hear. He was sure he was losing his mind; he had officially gone off the deep end. There was no other answer to all of this. James was going insane, he was positive. He tried his best to sound intelligent when he talked to her and he always did his best not to stare at her when she spoke. He couldn't help but keep his eyes locked on hers; never to wanting break that contact.

  It was towards the end of the meal that he got his first sign from her that she must have been feeling something too. Tim had made mention of the wildlife, in and around the camp, and how these two young ladies were lucky to have such strapping men to accompany them on this hike.

  "Oh, do you think so? You big strong man, are you going to protect me?" Renee joked as they got up from the table.

  Karen leaned close to James' ear and whi
spered ever so softly, "it might not be the wildlife you should worry about."

  With that she stood up and walked from the table to the exit, in the opposite direction of Tim and Renee. James hopped up from the table, dropped his tray on the counter and headed after her. His curiosity was peaked and thoughts raced through his head. As he entered out into the darkening evening, he saw her round the corner by the back of the building. Usually lit by the glow of a sodium vapor light that came on by timer, the back part of the dining hall was still hidden in the shadows of the lingering sunset. James wondered what she was up to and followed her to where she had disappeared behind the huge building.

  As he turned the corner he came face to face with the beautiful girl. She was leaning up against the back wall and seemed to have known he would follow. James stammered a quick response, "I didn't know where we were meeting? I didn't want to… to miss out on the hike."

  He quickly realized she was looking at him as if she could see through him; it was as though she could read his thoughts and emotions.

  "Are you going to kiss me sneaky boy, or am I going to have to take it from you?" she asked point blank.

  James felt his eyes go wide and his heart skip yet another beat. She quickly turned away at his inaction and left him standing there in his shoes.

  "Very well sneaky boy, have it your way" she said as she walked back around the other side of the building.

  Standing stone still in the quickening dusk, James was startled when the back door of the kitchen opened and Cecelia came bursting out with a large bag of garbage in each hand, headed for the dumpster.

  "Oh, James! You scared me something fierce! What in the world are you doing back here?" she asked with an odd smile on her face.

  James noticed a toad hop out from its hiding place to snatch a bug that had been drawn to the glow of the now illuminating light overhead.

  "I was looking for toads Cecelia" pointing towards the toad, "I am an avid toad collector, didn't you know?"

  He grabbed the bags from her hands and made his way over to the trash containers.

  "James, you are a fine boy, a fine, weird boy" she quipped and headed back into the kitchen.

  There were dishes to be cleaned and meals to be planned for the next day; Cecelia's job was never done.

  "I know I am, but that is why you love me" he shouted to her as the door closed.

  "Indeed" she stated and pulled the door shut.

  James was left standing in the harsh beams of the light; its slow buzz filled the air as it slowly gained intensity and brightened. That is why you love me he thought to himself, that is why you love me.

  James made a decision at that moment standing under the light behind the dining hall. He was going to do whatever came naturally; he was going to follow his heart. James felt something inside of him give way; somewhere deep in his heart an emotion stirred that he was sure he had never felt before. Karen had succeeded in getting inside of James; inside of his heart and mind. He could feel her settling there and it comforted him even though he knew it should not.

  James thought of Sheila as he walked back to the front of the dining hall where a group of the counselors had gathered before the hike. He could not help but think that no matter what happened between he and Karen, Sheila was always the one he was meant to be with. He could not have been farther from the truth, but it would be years later, and way too late when he finally realized that.

  ****

  "…and I'm shameless. Shameless as a man can be, you could make a fool of me, I just wanted you to know…"

  The words echoed through his skull, jarring his thoughts back to the present day. James opened his eyes and noticed that the rain had subsided some. The large, fat drops had returned to a more normal size. Still soaking the ground and making an umbrella a necessity for the average pedestrian. James fumbled in his jacket pocket for his phone. He dialed Leah's number and held the phone up to his ear. He counted the rings as they sounded and he waited to hear her familiar voice; a voice that comforted him and made him feel safe. Leah had given all of herself to James; she was truly in love with him. He wished he could be more of the man she needed and these days that was even harder to do. Karen had come back into his life after nine years and James realized once again that he was completely powerless when it came to her. When she first contacted him he realized that there had been something missing in his life. Something he had spent years trying to find, trying to replace. There was a void in his heart, an emptiness left unfilled. James now knew that this void was Karen. The hole in his heart could only be filled by the one woman in his life that had made him feel a love unparalleled. She made him feel a true passion for another person with such an uncontrollable power that it hurt to be without it. Karen was James' soul mate, the perfect match to his heart.

  The sound of Leah's voice settled James' mind some. She had a sweet demeanor, with seemingly not a mean bone in her sexy, little body.

  "Leave a message after the tone, and I will get back to you as soon as I can" she stated simply and the then the beep.

  James thought for a minute about what to say, he didn't exactly have the words.

  "It's me" he stated "the funeral is over and I am headed home. Can we talk? I'll be there soon, call me."

  James needed to talk to Leah, and he needed her to know how he really felt, she deserved that much. He closed his eyes again and rubbed his temples. He could feel the headache growing behind his eyes, there was a dull pain surging slowly from deep in his skull.

  The music on the radio had changed; Garth was lamenting on his memories of a love from the past, "… she's here and she's real, but you were too, and every once in a while I think about you…" James' thoughts drifted once again, unable to stop replaying the memories of her and the love they would never share again.

  ****

  For days after that night behind the dining hall James was in a daze. He didn't know if he was coming or going sometimes. Tim would catch him completely drifting off into his thoughts and have to bring him back in.

  "Come back to me James… James, are you in there?" he would say swatting him in the shoulder.

  "You, my friend, have got to get over this thing you have going on" Tim said, "We have things we have to do today that are more important."

  James couldn't think of a single thing more important than getting the chance to be near Karen again.

  They had walked together through the entire hike that night under the stars. She had acted like nothing happened behind the dining hall, just moments earlier, and he was too stunned to have said anything to her about it. Tim and Renee had held hands and even stole a kiss at one point. Their trail guide for the hike told them of a legend long told by the Native Americans that lived on this land hundreds of years ago. The guide explained that most of the land around the camp was considered sacred, and was still cherished to this day by the local tribes. They came to a rock formation in the middle of a vast open field that stood alone, surrounded by coarse grass and sage bushes. The rock structure was formed by two gigantic boulders jutting up from the earth and collapsing upon each other creating a small area underneath of them. This had become known as Lover's Notch; named for the two Indian lovers who never stopped believing in their love for each other.

  "The story tells of two young Indians that had fallen in love with each other. She was already betrothed to another brave and he was to be chief and take a wife of equal stature. Forbidden to seek out their feelings for each other, the young lovers were forced to hide their love. They refused to give up on their love and kept it hidden from the tribe. They would meet under these very rocks, out of sight and hold each other tightly, not wanting to let go of each other, not knowing when they may get that opportunity again. The boy grew to become chief and she was forced to marry another, but their love remained always. During a battle with another tribe, he and her husband were killed. It is said that everyday from that day forward, th
e widowed and heartbroken Indian woman would come to these rocks and cry for her lost love. She lived to be a very old lady and legend even has it that she died here under the shelter of the massive stones."

  After hearing that story, Tim made his move, kissing Renee softly under the stars. He hadn't stopped talking about it, and it had been three days ago. James had so wanted to take Karen in his arms and kiss her deeply and passionately, but it would not have been right. He had a girlfriend and he didn't want to jeopardize that for some girl he barely knew. He could not deny the way she made him feel, but Sheila meant more to him than he could understand at that moment. Karen had remained quiet during the rest of the hike and kept her distance. Her behavior worried James, he wasn't sure what she was feeling and that made him even more confused about what had happened behind the dining hall earlier that evening.

  Tim and Renee had really started to fall for each other, they were spending most of their free time together and that left James plenty of down time to spend by himself and his thoughts. He would walk down to the water's edge or hike the trails always thinking, always pondering. It was only two more days before the kids were going to arrive and James wanted to make the best of the quiet time before he was a full time camp teacher for the rest of the summer. James was out on the floating dock one evening when Karen appeared on the ramp above him, just as he had done to her not two weeks ago. She looked down on him with a concerned look.

  "Where have you been hiding sneaky boy? Did I scare you off?" she asked with a smile.