What the Heart Desires

  “Do you feel that, Heaven?”

  “Feel what?”

  “The intensity of our connection increased, again. Ever since I walked into the kitchen and found you and my mom, something changed.” His lips drew closer to hers, but he didn’t kiss her. “What changed, Heaven? What did my mom tell you?”

  God, he was making this hard. His chest rose and fell with patient breaths as she debated on what to do. Did he deserve to hear the truth first, or did Dylan?

  Then again, maybe the question itself was the issue. Both deserved to hear it first, which left her with one choice. She’d tell them at the same time. Problem solved.

  Only it wouldn’t solve the problem. It would bring about a fight no one could bear to witness. No matter how much she disliked the thought, it didn’t change the fact that she’d come between two friends.

  “Heaven, please.” He released her hips and cupped her face. “There’s so much I need to say to you, and we’re almost out of time. Dylan will be here soon. I’m risking everything just being in here.”

  “I know, Layne. I’m sorry. I’m just… Did your mom say anything to you?”

  “Our conversation didn’t start off well. I knew she was lying about being okay, but she didn’t know I could sense her emotions. She does now.”

  “And?”

  “Mom knows, Heaven.” He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. “She knows we made love.”

  Fire erupted in her cheeks. Not only had she not told Dylan what happened, her mother and Layla knew before him. God, she’d made such a mess of this.

  “How did she figure it out?”

  “She said the only way I could have your abilities is if we were intimate. That the reason you healed me so quickly is because our souls reconnected. She also said something about our souls finding their way back to each other.”

  Layla had hinted so much to him about the affinity. Why hadn’t she come out with the truth instead of making insinuations? “So she told you this but didn’t give you an explanation?”

  “I think she was going to say more, but we were interrupted by the phone.” He leaned his head back. “Is there something else I need to know, Heaven? I know she talked to you.”

  A whimper resonated from behind the door, signaling to the disturbance she sensed in Adalyn’s energy. While she didn’t know for sure, it seemed as though her daughter had a nightmare.

  “I have to check on Adalyn.”

  He nodded slowly, taking his time to pull away from her. As much as she wanted to stay with him, this moment couldn’t last forever. Dylan would eventually come inside, and the last thing he needed was to find her in the arms of his friend.

  Even if said friend was supposed to be her soulmate.

  Once she reached the crib, she half expected him to follow. He didn’t. Instead, he made his way to the door, but hesitated within the frame. “Take care of your daughter,” he said in a steady voice. “I’ll be around when you’re ready to finish this discussion.”

  Silence reclaimed the room, leaving her with nothing but her thoughts. They were a jumbled mess of pain and confusion that she didn’t want to face.

  Because the moment she faced the truth, everything would change.

  * * *

  The sweet, delicate sound of Adalyn’s breathing released Heaven from the dark haze surrounding her. Where the darkness came from, she wasn’t sure, because the last thing she remembered was lying next to her daughter, watching her nurse.

  A shiver ran up her spine. It was as if a million people were watching her, reading her emotions as well as her thoughts. Or at least trying. The sensation induced a round of panic she couldn’t shake.

  She glanced toward the footboard. Part of her hoped to see Layne staring back, but it wasn’t him. Dylan sat on the edge of the bed, just behind her knees. His ridged appearance spoke of the confusion and fear raging inside.

  “Hey,” he whispered.

  “Hey.”

  Searching the room for any other occupants, disbelief tingled her face when she noticed how dark it had grown. Perhaps a storm had moved into the area. The sky hinted to the possibility all day, but as she listened for rain, the only thing she heard were crickets chirping.

  She rubbed her face and yawned. “What time is it?”

  “It’s after eight.”

  The answer surprised her. She didn’t know how she’d slept for over seven hours when it felt like she’d been in bed for ten minutes. Had he been gone the entire time? “Where have you been?”

  His attention shifted to the mattress. “I’ve been sitting right here for the last three hours, watching you sleep.”

  When he pinched her robe between his fingers, all the anger she’d felt earlier dissipated. Being close to him made her heart flutter. She wanted to enjoy the feeling, would have enjoyed it if not for the guilt stinging her cheeks. If only she could turn off her conscience and follow Layne’s suggestion—to keep him as her secret lover.

  He may be willing to share her. Dylan never would. How ironic it was that he did, regardless. He had no choice. She belonged to someone else, someone that unknowingly shared her with him.

  “I would have gotten dressed, but Adalyn gave me just enough time to enjoy a bath before she was ready to nurse again. I guess my lack of sleep caught up with me.”

  The robe held her attention, even when he drew her hand into his. He teased the inside of her palm where the flame imprint remained. “That’s why I didn’t disturb you.”

  The more his fingers swept over her skin, the harder it became to lay there and say nothing about what had happened. If by some miracle he could accept she’d been intimate with Layne, as well as the truth about their affinity, it would be okay. Her father still wanted her mother after she’d been with her Keeper. Dylan could still want to be with her. Of course, their situation differed from her parents’ situation. Nate was her mom’s Keeper, not her original soulmate.

  One tiny detail could change everything…because that one detail wasn’t so tiny after all. It was colossal.

  A million questions spun in her mind. She didn’t want to think about most of them. Not yet. Besides, she wanted to know what other information he gained about their guests.

  “What happened with Zeke and Garrett?”

  It wasn’t hard to see how much her question bothered him. His lips thinned. He wanted to focus on her as well as the desire she noticed in his eyes, desire they hadn’t given in to since Adalyn’s birth.

  “Your mom called her cousin, the one that’s part of the Paradox. She and her husband verified everything Garrett said. In fact, they’re coming here to help. They fly out of San Francisco tomorrow afternoon. Since Dad’s last move was so bold, they don’t think he’ll wait long before doing something else.”

  Great. There would be even more people around to witness their misery after she told him everything. It would be better to put things off a little while longer, though she doubted she had that option. Layne knew something was different between them and that it had something to do with the cryptic message his mother gave him. It wouldn’t be long before he asked his mother what the message meant.

  Easing her body away from Adalyn, she closed the front of her robe and scooted off the bed.

  “Heaven, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the package or the cottage.”

  “It’s okay, Dylan.” She worked her way to the dresser. The drawer slid open with ease as she grabbed a pair of yoga pants from inside and put them on. “I know you were trying to protect me. I shouldn’t have let it upset me, but I’m over it.”

  She shut the drawer and stepped toward the closet, yanking a t-shirt from one of the hangers. Cotton greeted her skin once she pulled on the t-shirt. She barely had time to appreciate the soft fabric when Dylan’s fingers curled around her arm.

  “You have every right to be upset with me.” He drew her to his chest, securing her in place. “I haven’t been the best…” His voice fell away as he cursed. “I was going to say husband
, but I guess there’s a reason I haven’t been a good one. We’re not even married.”

  “Dylan—”

  “Listen to me.” He pressed his finger to her lips, silencing her protests. “I’ve never been comfortable with the fact I can’t protect you. I didn’t want you to have a Keeper. Finding out it was my closest friend after learning about the kiss…it was like a kick in the teeth.”

  The heat of his finger left her lips and slid up her cheek. She couldn’t ignore the pain on his face. He thought he was doing the right thing, but he was only increasing her guilt. He owed her no explanations.

  “When you disappeared, I thought I lost you this time, and all I could think about is how much none of the other stuff mattered anymore. Being your soulmate does. Regardless if we’re married, we’ll always be soulmates.”

  “Please, Dylan. Don’t.”

  “It hurts me just as much as it hurts you to know our marriage isn’t legal, but we can fix the problem. We’ll apply for a license here and do it all over.” His head lowered to hers. “I know Layne is in love with you, but I don’t care. You’re mine. What he feels for you doesn’t matter. It doesn’t affect us.”

  A light tapping started above them. The erratic pattern built rapidly, forming a staccato that resembled rain, heavy rain at that. It increased the tension between them, causing sparks of energy to heat her skin. The entire room heated. It didn’t help that he looked at her as if he’d begin making love to her at any second.

  Her time was up. This was the moment she’d been debating over for hours, the moment when she either buried a damaging secret forever or shattered his heart.

  And when his lips drew closer, the decision became final.

  “It does affect us, Dylan.”

  His lips hesitated mere inches from hers. “What does?”

  Her question hadn’t completely broken the sensual spell he was under. He brushed his nose against her before she turned away and answered, “Layne.”

  When he drew his head back, she gazed up, wishing she hadn’t. Confusion covered his face. He searched hers, as if he’d find some type of clue as to what she was talking about.

  “I’m not following you.”

  “You said what Layne feels for me doesn’t affect us, but you’re wrong. We’ve been told so many different things, so many secrets. Those secrets have brought us to this point, Dylan. No matter the reason we keep them, they always come to light and hurt the people we try to protect.”

  Her arms warmed when he squeezed both with his hands. She didn’t know if it was to gain her attention or proof he was struggling to understand. “What secrets are you talking about, Heaven?”

  “The ones surrounding our lives. There have been so many, I don’t know where…” Tears began to gather as she sucked in a deep breath. “Do you remember asking Layne how he healed so fast?”

  He nodded and shifted his weight to the opposite foot. His forehead creased, hinting to the anxiety and confusion she couldn’t sense. “He said it’s because you’ve grown stronger.”

  “I am stronger, Dylan, but the reason I am is the same reason I healed Layne as fast as I did. He was almost dead, and he needed so much energy. I—I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “How did you heal him, Heaven?”

  Heat consumed her cheeks, her ears, even her back as sweat beaded. She worked her mouth together, struggling to form words. Her tongue dried, as did her throat, but once her lips quivered, her voice found its way back.

  “I made love to him.”

  A tidal wave of emotions hit her at once. The block that Adalyn had placed between them eased. She felt his emotions, felt the way his heart seized as reality set in. The decreased rhythm had his mouth parting, eyes blinking, and sharp pain filling every nerve in his body.

  “What did you just say?” Half a laugh passed in the space between them, but no humor showed on his face. “You…made love to him?”

  She nodded. The fear of his next reaction held her in place. Silence wouldn’t solve the situation, so she found her voice, shaky as it might be, and prepared to tell him the rest. “There’s more, if you want me to—”

  He turned his back to her and put a significant amount of space between them. One hand covered his face, pressing the sides of his temples before he lowered it. So much confusion wavered inside him. So did disbelief. But it was anger jolting through her when he refaced her.

  “Why, Heaven? Why would you do this to me? I loved you long before I met you. Christ, I’ve loved you since the day we were born. How could you betray me like this?”

  It was everything she feared, but more painful than she imagined. The threads of love that wove their souls together began to snap like frayed strings. Each broken piece caused an ache so deep inside her, she staggered back to the wall.

  “Dylan, please. You have to understand. I didn’t do this to hurt you. It’s complicated. My connection with Layne—”

  “So you trade in our happiness for your connection with him? Fucking awesome.” His shouting caused Adalyn to flinch from the noise. She settled a moment later, but the anger in Dylan was far from ending. “I’m sure Layne’s ecstatic that you chose him, seeing how he’s in love with you.”

  “Please don’t make assumptions. There’s more to this than what you’re seeing. I watched him take on a room full of Benders to protect me. He got the hell beat out of him for me. He was on death’s door. I thought he had died. He needed my energy, and I needed…”

  He started to shout again. The way his face reddened said as much, but he glanced at the bed where their daughter lay. Her presence had a calming effect on him, but it didn’t last once he turned back. “Save your explanation, Heaven. I get you have this whole Seeker-Keeper bond, but what you did went too far. I’ve messed up in the past when it comes to you, but this…”

  Did he honestly think he’d never broken her heart so severely?

  “You’re right. This is inexcusable. I’ve hurt you more than anyone should hurt another person. You only left me with a broken heart just minutes before our first wedding.”

  It didn’t take him long to reach the wall where she stood. He brought his nose to hers. Anger raged fiercely. “Yeah, and you know who was the source of that problem, just like he is this time. I should have walked away from you that day, but seeing as how we’re not legally married, I guess there’s still time to correct that mistake.”

  Disgust filled his eyes when tears ran over her cheeks. His jaw flinched. He made no attempts to still his anger, nor did any regret ripple through him. The reality of what that meant tore her apart. She reached for him, but he backed away.

  “Get out.”

  He mumbled the words so softly she wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. Admitting she had would mean one thing. She was losing him.

  “Dylan, don’t…don’t do this.”

  “Get. Out. Now.”

  He growled the words as he clenched his teeth tighter. He raised his arm behind him, pointing toward the door. She’d never seen him this angry before, not even in Aruba. Yet this secret was far more serious.

  “I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, but it didn’t affect him in the least. He wouldn’t look her way until she moved toward the bed.

  “What do you think you’re doing? The door is this way.”

  “I’m getting Adalyn.”

  His hand gripped her shoulder. A second later, she stumbled away from the bed. Had she not fell against the crib, she would have hit the floor. She couldn’t believe he’d pushed her or that he was now blocking her path to the bed.

  “You aren’t taking her anywhere. Our daughter is as disappointed in you as I am. She doesn’t want you here, and neither do I.”

  It was the cruelest thing he’d ever said. Every single word went straight to her heart, ripping it open. She deserved every ounce of pain quaking inside her.

  As the tears blurred her vision, she turned from the bed, from the sight of him and their child, and moved toward the door as fast as she
could. She didn’t wait for him to change his mind. He wouldn’t. The disgust pounding inside his energy continued to increase. Then the emotional connection between them faded as Adalyn’s block went back into place.

  He’d been right. Her daughter didn’t want her there.

  The pain of it all proved the driving force of her retreat. She rushed toward the front door and pulled it open. Once it closed behind her, she peered at it one last time. She’d give them what they wanted. Her departure. It was the least she could do after the mess she’d made. They deserved to be happy. She didn’t.

  Another round of tears filled her eyes. She focused on the heartache, focused on the way it consumed her as she ran away from the cottage in the pouring rain.

  CHAPTER 24

  Thunder rumbled in the distance, warning Heaven that the storm was about to increase in strength. Icy drops would keep pouring from the sky. They would rain down upon her shivering body, soaking her waterlogged clothes more than they were.

  She didn’t care much about the rain or the way it made her skin as numb as her insides. Though no sign of lightning lit up the sky, it wouldn’t matter if it did. She deserved nothing less than to be struck down in the very spot she stood.

  The willow tree branches provided no shelter from the current downpour. There were plenty of dry spaces she could have found, including the garage behind her. The water didn’t bother her. Nothing did but the hole inside her chest.

  The long trek down the cottage path remained a blur, as did the journey across the back yard. There was a vague memory of stumbling past the main house. Voices buzzed inside, but she hadn’t bothered listening to their words. Deciphering the muffled sounds would have driven her crazy. The topic at hand was of no importance. Not now, not after…

  Another round of sobs echoed in the air. This couldn’t be happening. Dylan had every right to be angry, but to hate her so much, to say their daughter was disappointed in her…it hurt like hell.