What the Heart Desires

  He didn’t let her explain all the details. Not that telling him about the affinity would have made a difference. It would have made him angrier, or he would have accused her of fabricating the whole thing.

  God, it hurt so much. Each breath threatened to pull her under. And just when she thought the next would take her to the ground, a wave of heat consumed her.

  “Heaven?”

  Layne’s voice was laced with a frantic tone. His hand warmed her shoulder as he stepped around the tree and faced her. She didn’t have the courage to meet his gaze. Instead, she gaped at his chest.

  When she realized how rapidly he was breathing, she peeked at him. Concern burned within him. He looked as wet as she did, with flattened, rain-soaked hair. A few strands caught on the stubble lining his jaw.

  “Layne?”

  Just the sight of him eased some of the tension crushing her chest. So much confusion burned inside him, but she couldn’t form the words to explain what happened. His hands rose to her face. He tucked his fingers at the nape of her neck as his palms curved around her jaw.

  “What are you doing out here?”

  She shook her head then tightened her lips. The sadness spinning within her forced her chest to jiggle the longer she fought from crying. Telling him what happened meant accepting it as fact. She struggled enough with knowing. Didn’t he sense her anguish? Didn’t he sense how every time she breathed, her lungs filled with fluid? She was drowning in a bitter pool of pain.

  Layne refused to give up. He tilted his head toward something behind her. “Let me help you inside. We’re under a tornado watch. You don’t need to be out here in this weather.”

  “I can’t go inside.”

  Saying the words forced her to take a breath, and when she exhaled, the tears she fought against spilled over. It did little to deter him from holding her close or convincing her to seek shelter.

  “We don’t have to go in the main house. We can go to the garage.” A smidgen of hope sparkled in his eyes until she shook her head. “Fine. You leave me with no other choice.”

  All the warmth in his hands faded from her face. The ground shifted below her feet and then it disappeared. As his chest warmed her side, she stared at him, disbelieving he’d lifted her into his arms. He carried her toward the garage, or at least in the general direction. At this point, she didn’t care. Rain beat against her face. Reality continued ripping her apart with every breath.

  Layne’s breathing labored. His effortless steps grew jarring. The rain disappeared from above, but she didn’t care why. As if ignoring everything would make it go away…

  Her body swayed from side to side as a screen door creaked to life. Another door swept open. She smelled the familiar scent of lavender and vanilla but paid little attention to the door clicking closed.

  It wasn’t long before Layne placed her feet on the floor. She peered at her surroundings, not surprised to see the hallway of the garage apartment. A short distance behind her was the room Faith had claimed. The spare room was a few feet from where they stood.

  Layne opened the linen closet, then grabbed towels from the shelf. “You’re gonna catch a cold if you don’t get dry.”

  His arm stretched toward her as he offered one of the fluffy, white towels. She did little but stare at it before focusing on the floor. Catching cold or being cold or the water puddle collecting at her feet mattered little. She wanted to hold her daughter, wanted to end the heartache she’d caused her child and her soulmate.

  “Heaven, please.”

  “I can’t.”

  Her voice was little more than a whisper, but enough to cause his energy to pound with fear. He didn’t understand what had happened, and she wasn’t sure she could find the strength to tell him. What little he did know, he’d gathered from her emotions.

  Instead of bombarding her with questions, he draped one towel over his shoulder and unfolded the other. He stretched both arms wide so that he held the towel in front of her. “Your clothes are soaked. Take them off and wrap this towel around you. I’ll see if Faith has anything you can wear.”

  She studied the towel, even his hand, but not his face. How was she still on her feet when she wanted to give in to the ache pulsing in her chest? If she did fall, she wouldn’t get up. She’d lie against the floor in her wet clothes and cry herself to sleep.

  Layne didn’t back down. He placed the towel with the other and tilted her chin. “If you won’t do it, I’ll do it for you.”

  When she didn’t respond this time, he moved behind her. The heat of his hands met her sides as his fingers went under her shirt. The wet fabric slid up her chest, pulling her arms in the same direction in one fluid motion. By the time he worked it over her head, the air had cooled her skin. His fingers tucked under the sides of her pants, tugging them toward her ankles. He waited for her to step out, but finally lifted each leg, tugging the pants loose.

  She stood before him, nothing but damp, shivering skin. If he wanted to take advantage of the situation, he could. Nothing prevented him from running his hands all over her body. Still, he didn’t. He rose to his feet and wrapped the towel around her.

  Once he refaced her, he tucked the corner between her breasts. His eyes didn’t linger. They met hers, holding her gaze while he grabbed the other towel from his shoulder. Tenderness filled him, tenderness she sensed in the way he worked the towel through her hair, wringing the water from her locks. He didn’t look away, didn’t speak, but his actions said more than words ever could.

  He was going out of his mind with concern.

  Sweeping the corner of the towel across her forehead, he worked it over her nose, each cheek, even under her chin. But he hesitated at her lips. He studied them for the longest time. Then he brushed his lips against hers.

  She swore she’d struck a match and kissed it, yet the heat searing her mouth didn’t burn like a flame would. There was no flame. Even if there had been, his fire wouldn’t burn her.

  The last of the raindrops were long gone after the first sweep of his mouth, but he made a few more before breaking the kiss and easing back.

  There was no way to deny that the ache in her chest had eased. It hadn’t disappeared, not by far, but it lifted enough that her next breath didn’t hurt as much. He deserved to know the truth, deserved to know why she was such a mess.

  “He knows, Layne. Dylan knows we made love. I told him.”

  The dimple in his jaw appeared as he grit his teeth. “What did he say?”

  Her lower lip quivered. She pressed it with the top, and breathed through her nose. It didn’t help. Her knees buckled, dragging her toward the ground, but Layne didn’t allow her to fall. His arms were at the back of her knees and waist, drawing her against him once more.

  The spare bedroom’s door hit against the wall, rebounding after he made it through. His quick strides brought them to the bed, where he eased her down and knelt before her.

  “Lie back and get some sleep. You’re exhausted. We can talk about this in the morning. You don’t need to relive it tonight.”

  A wave of panic squeezed her chest when he stood. She shook her head, unable to speak. Tears blurred her vision when she finally found her voice. “Please don’t go. Don’t leave me too.”

  “Leave you too?” He eased back to the carpet and leaned against her knees. “What are you talking about, Heaven? What the hell did Dylan say to you?”

  “He said I chose you over our happiness, and that Adalyn didn’t want me there. He said they were disappointed in me, and he told me to get out.”

  Layne leaned away, like he was going to push up on his feet, but she grabbed his arm. “Where are you going?”

  “To the cottage. My fist has a message for Dylan’s face.”

  “Layne, don’t. Please.”

  His jaw set in anger. “He shouldn’t have treated you like that, regardless. So you made a mistake. He’s made his share.”

  “You and I weren’t a mistake.”

  Whatever he’d p
lanned to say next disappeared from his thoughts, leaving his mouth gaping. He cupped her face and brought it closer to his.

  “Dylan doesn’t deserve you, Heaven. Maybe I don’t either, but I know one thing for sure. I will never leave your side. You can try to send me away, but I won’t go. I’m not supposed to. You’re my world, my purpose, and you will be ‘til the day I die.”

  He slid his thumb across her cheek as he stared harder. For a moment, nothing else mattered, nothing but him, her, and every emotion they felt for one another. It was powerful…breathtaking…undeniable…

  “I can’t ignore what’s between us, Heaven. I tried, and it almost got us killed. Denying you is impossible. You’ve awakened a desire in my heart, and no one can fight what the heart desires. You are my only desire, my only reason to exist.”

  His breath beat against her face, reminding her of the information she kept from him as well—the truth about the affinity. She was willing to tell Dylan first, but he didn’t care. Layne still deserved to know, though it didn’t seem like the right time. Not after Dylan threw her out of his life, as well as their daughter’s.

  “I don’t deserve you, Layne. I don’t deserve anyone.”

  “Don’t ever say that again. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve anyone, especially you. I screwed up your life in more ways than I can count. I’ve cost you everything.”

  “No, you didn’t.” She ran her finger over the comforter. “I shouldn’t have…”

  His energy pulsed harder. He waited for her to finish, but when she didn’t, he eased his head away. “I thought you said we weren’t a mistake.”

  “We aren’t, Layne, but I hate myself for hurting him like this. He and I haven’t made love since Adalyn arrived. I had to heal, and so much has happened since then. Now he knows you and I…”

  “He’s your soulmate. He’ll forgive you.”

  She tried looking around the room, at the walls, dresser, bedspread, everything but him. It didn’t work. Her eyes locked on his shirt, noting the definition of his abs when he breathed. They remained there as she mustered a response.

  “He can’t forgive me, Layne. How could he when I—”

  She glanced up. He’d never been good with waiting, nor was he this time. The quirk of his brow proved time had run out. She had to tell him the truth.

  “When you what?”

  “When I know you and I mean a hell of a lot more to each other.”

  He leaned closer as his lips crooked in a smile. Then something made it falter. “This morning, when he and I went to talk, I confessed that I’m in love with you. Please tell me you didn’t do the same…because you’re not, Heaven. You’re not in love with—”

  Her lips silenced the lie about to spill from his mouth. He hadn’t expected her reaction. His erratic vibrations proved that fact, but he didn’t complain in the least. Her bottom slid across the bed as he drew her closer, parting her thighs with his chest. His lips worked with hers, but he didn’t let it get out of hand.

  He broke the kiss a moment later. She knew she couldn’t avoid this anymore. There was nothing holding her back. Dylan made sure of that.

  “Remember when you found me and your mom inside the kitchen?” Her stomach flipped when he nodded. “She was upset because she found pages missing from the Tome of Souls.”

  “She’s crying over a book? What the hell?”

  “She wasn’t crying when I found her. She was pissed. The missing pages explain affinities.”

  A flash of lightning gained his attention, as well as hers. Both peered at the window facing the woods. She was lucky he’d brought her inside when he had. Rain pelted the window as the wind picked up. It bent the tops of the surrounding trees. She shivered at the thought of it whipping around her body, dousing her with the cold drops it had earlier.

  “It’s okay,” he promised, tightening his arms around hers.

  She relaxed in the heat of his embrace. Then she gazed up. “Layne, you need to know what I’m about to tell you is going to change everything. Are you sure you’re ready to hear it?”

  “I’m sure.”

  The sound of his voice vibrated her inner thigh, reminding her that he was between them. It distracted her to a point, but she didn’t complain.

  “It seems that we weren’t given the full story on what an affinity is. There is a reason it’s the strongest Seeker-Keeper bond to exist.”

  “What reason?”

  They stared at each other. All the emotions between them, both spoken and unspoken, ignited. Then she pulled his face closer to hers. “An affinity is a soulmate bond, Layne. It’s the ultimate soulmate bond because the Seeker and Keeper involved are original soulmates.”

  He didn’t say anything. Not at first. Judging by the way his eyes flitted across her face, his thoughts were spinning. She wanted to give him a time to process what she’d said, but something urged her to keep going.

  “Affinities occur when a Psi loses his birthright—his mate. I don’t know what causes this, but it happened with us. You were supposed to be my soulmate.”

  “How is this possible if you and Dylan are?”

  She knew she’d confused him because she felt the same way. They’d never know the full details of what their connection involved until they found the missing pages.

  Or another book…

  “I don’t have all the answers yet, but your mom said affinities right a wrong that’s been committed. Whatever caused you to lose your right to me was not your fault.”

  She debated on telling him how his mom admitted to being part of the reason, but decided against it. Layla deserved the right to confess. The fact that she hadn’t told him anything was bad enough, but now that he knew, he would definitely confront his mother.

  “Like I said, I don’t know all the details, but—”

  He placed his finger to her lips, silencing her words as he shook his head. Each slow twist built the disbelief brewing in his energy. He trailed his finger over the curve of her chin, down her neck, until he reached the towel.

  “Are you saying I have more of a right to you than he does?”

  “Yes.”

  It was the softest she’d spoken all night. She wasn’t sure he’d heard her at all until a crease formed above his nose. Though the information answered many of his questions, it also produced more. Those questions caused a ripple of doubt within him.

  “I want to believe what you’re saying, but—”

  “My mom confirmed everything your mom said. I spoke with her right after I left the kitchen. Believe me, she wasn’t in any state of mind to lie about this, and she had more to tell me.”

  “What did she say?”

  Heaven swallowed hard. “It seems you and I were fated to be intimate because of our Seeker-Keeper bond. Mom said all Seekers and Keepers are at some point, and they can choose whether to remain intimate or not. But with us…it will trigger our soulmate connection.”

  “Meaning?”

  Her eyes fell to his lips. “It means I’ll want you just as much as I want Dylan.”

  He glanced lower to the small amount of space between them and shook his head again. “So our lovemaking intensified our connection?”

  She nodded, but it didn’t change her feelings for Dylan. No matter how much he hated her, losing him still hurt.

  The more Layne tried to comfort her, the less her heart ached. In a way, it was as if he were healing her. He had to be. From the moment he found her outside, she could barely speak. It was the tenderness he’d shown that brought her out of her daze. Now that she could think, she had to tell him the rest.

  “You and I sense how much stronger our connection is, but it’s nothing compared to what it will be.” The raspy sound of her voice held every ounce of his attention. “We’ve made love, twice. If we do it one more time, it will fully restore our connection.”

  All the delicious heat he was inducing in her body came to a halt. He leaned back on his heels and rested his hands on her knees. She sensed a
wall forming between them, which sent her into a state of panic.

  “Why are you pulling away from me?”

  He exhaled as he rubbed his face. “You need to get some rest. I’ll crash on the couch and guard the door. If you need anything, just yell for me.”

  “Are you serious?”

  He nodded as he fought the urge to look at her. She sensed how much he wanted to. She even pulled at him through their connection so he’d know she was waiting. But he wouldn’t.

  “This all sounds great, but I don’t want to be your rebound guy, Heaven.”

  “My rebound guy?” What sounded like a chuckle intertwined with a question was induced from exasperation, not humor. “Layne, I just told you that we’re supposed to be soulmates.”

  “I’m not saying that I don’t believe you, but if I stay in here, I won’t be able to keep my hands off you. Dylan is still your soulmate and he just broke your heart. If our connection is restored, I want it to happen because you want it to, not out of guilt-ridden sex.”

  Her heart sank. She used what was left of her strength to scoot onto the mattress. As tears filled her vision, she turned her back to him and lay on her side. “I can’t believe you think…”

  “I’m sorry.” The mattress gave a moment later. Then his hand warmed her arm. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m just… I’m scared. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you. You’ve been hurt enough.”

  “Do you think you’re the only one who feels like that?” Her voice cracked as she glanced back at him. The sound made his face pinch, but he didn’t look away. Neither did she. “My heart is torn. I’m in love with you, but I love Dylan too. He and I have a child.”

  Her words hurt him. She sensed how much they did, but something else weighed on his mind. As he lay beside her, his head rested on the pillow across from hers. The heat of his energy swaddled her, much like his arms. And when he parted his lips, he spoke words that stunned her.

  “Then have a child with me.”

  He was serious. The beat of his heart said as much. So did the fire in his eyes. She wanted to lose herself in the fire, but the hurt over losing her daughter made her numb.