If Only
Chapter Five
This was it, the day Kathy really got on with her vacation. No more cold showers, no more stale memories, no more dreaming of what could never be. Being Frank’s wife, she knew life was not all fun and games. Time to take over her life and get with it. “Enjoy this vacation, Katherine. Play with your art dreams. See what there is to see. Enjoy all the good meals you want and then get back to your real life.” There were things to plan, things to do, sell the car and start to make a good living for her. Maybe if she looked, there might be other single or widowed women with whom she could make friends. Probably some of the few divorced women of her age would make good associates. Not friends really, just acquaintances; a sort of support group who wouldn’t try to get too close. She wasn’t ready for that, not yet.
“There’s no reason you need to need or depend upon someone from the opposite sex or anyone at all. You can and will be solely independent. It’s about time you went forward with your life and do something. So just get with it.” Kathy was sure this would be one of many times she would have to talk to herself. Too many years, she had been dependent on Frank. She had allowed him to have total control of her life and now that he was gone, she had forgotten how to depend on the only one she could only depend upon now, herself.
Austerely dressed in a green pant- suit with a subdued tiny floral print blouse, Kathy walked down to the coffee shop, sketch- book neatly tucked in to the large black bag. Today she would explore, sketch, plan her painting time and just stay busy, too busy for memories that had no right invading her life. Peace, Kathy, that’s what you want for now, just a peaceful life without any upset of any kind. Somehow, she had to find a way to put him finally out of her mind. “He is gone, forever. You enjoyed a love to which your had no right. You’ve paid your dues for your mistake. Let go!”
As she had predicted, the coffee shop was almost empty and Kathy was afforded her choice of seats. There were a few secluded booths and several seats around the copper counter, but Kathy chose to sit next to the stained glass windows. So pretty to gaze out on to the flowers and fountains spraying water into the air, just relaxing.
Katherine ordered her usual coffee while trying to make up her mind about breakfast. That wasn’t easy with the bakery counter inviting her to sample some of the sumptuous pastries. Then there were the cakes in the dessert stand continuously turning around showing her that every piece was too much temptation. No, no pastries, she vowed. But she did order the baked Roman Beauty apple, something she had not enjoyed for many years. She did like apples baked with a hint of cinnamon, but never took the time to prepare them. What else wouldn’t be too much with that? Bagel and cream cheese? Perfect. No, it wasn’t the proper bacon, eggs and toast, but then Katherine had never eaten the “usual” meal, except when she was out with Frank, proper Frank.
Suddenly, that voice again. “Yes, I will have coffee. Let me take a minute to check out the pastries.” Kathy longed to jump right up and go around the carved wooden back of the booth that held the man with the voice. She couldn’t even see the top of his head or if he had a companion or two. Right in the middle of breakfast, what would be her excuse that wouldn’t make her appear foolish? What would Frank have said to that nonsense? She was sorry she had ordered an item that could take so long to prepare. If she were finished quickly, she would have her reason to leave, peek and settle her mind. It couldn’t be him. Perhaps she could push the food aside as soon as it arrives or she could tell the waitress to forget it as she was in a hurry. Forget the fact that she was no longer going to dwell on the “voice”. She had to find out. If she did jump up, who would care if she looked foolish? There was no one there she knew.
The waitress, her waitress dressed in the quaint costume, walked back over to the booth and queried as to his preferences. “I see you have pound cake and could you have it fried in butter for me?” he asked.
That was it. Katherine didn’t hear or care what the waitress responded. No one else in this world would even ask for pound cake fried in butter as he had done. Three thousand or thirty thousand miles away, somehow it had to be him. Kathy no longer cared whether she had an excuse or not. She had to see if the voice belonged to Charles. And if it did..., what would she do? What would she say? It didn’t matter.
As slowly as was possible under the circumstances, she rose and headed toward the voice. The waitress had apparently left to fill the order he had given. At least if it weren’t him, the embarrassment would be limited. Be him. No, don’t be him. I don’t know, she thought as she neared the booth. Dark curly hair with strands of gray appeared in view. Kathy gasped. The whole room can hear me. Everyone must be watching by now. She attempted to compose herself and appear nonchalant as she rounded the corner to face the single occupant.
“I...I am very sorry to disturb you,” Katherine began with her mentally prepared apology to the man she knew couldn’t be Charles. “I…” she stammered staring at the very handsome mature man smiling at her.
“Kathy, I was wondering how long it would take you to recognize my voice. I thought that fried pound cake might ring a bell with you. Do you remember me?”
Remember him; almost her every waking thought had been of him in the past few days. It was as if she had felt his presence. Her face blushed at the thoughts she did have in her mind. “I...how, when?” Kathy continued to flounder about.
“Sit down, Katherine, please. Give yourself a chance to compose yourself. I should apologize for shocking you like this.” Charles slid over in the booth to allow her to drop down beside him. “Shall I have your breakfast brought here or would you prefer to go back to your table. I noticed you enjoying the view from the window.” Did he have to be so composed?
So like him, giving her time to gather her thoughts. He knew how disturbed his appearance would be for her. “Yes,” she stated. “Have it brought here. We have the same waitress.”
“I know.” Kathy knew that somehow, some way, he had planned all of this, but how was that possible?
“Alright,” Katherine took a deep breath trying to regain her composure. “How long have you been here? Where did you come from? How did you know I was here? Did you know I was here? Well, obviously you did,” she answered her own question. “But how, why?”
“My turn?” his laugh hadn’t changed. In fact, he had changed very little. He was a little older, a few gray hairs, but the same build, those same muscular arms and oh, yes, those very same haunting blue eyes, just as vibrant as in her memory. “I’ve been here a few days as you have. Where did I come from? I no longer live in Miami. I travel a great deal as part of my business. My actual home is not too many miles south of here. Yes, I knew you were here and that is why I am here.”
“But how did you know? Why did you know?” They were momentarily interrupted by the waitress, who couldn’t suppress a smile, as she put down their breakfasts and quickly refilled their coffees.
As soon as the server had gotten far enough away, Charles continued answering her questions. “First of all, I have kept track of you for many years, during most of your marriage and after his death. I would have come to you sooner, but I wasn’t sure how you had felt about him. All I knew is that you were a sudden widow and I couldn’t interfere with your mourning. When you started telling your friends and neighbors about continuing with this vacation, I heard of it. I wasn’t sure that you would be ready to, at least, talk.”
“But what about….?” Katherine referred to his wife. Their relationship had been passionate, neither caring that each of them had spouses until after some time, his wife had discovered their secret. Kathy knew from Charles that his marriage was not the best. But they did have their son and each tried to make the best of what had been a youthful marriage for the sake of the child. The ultimatum was made that he had a simple choice, give up Kathy or give up his son when his wife would file for a divorce. Loving him as she did, Katherine had not allowed him to make the decision. She wasn’t even sure what decision he might have
made given the chance. The right choice would have been to stay with his family and give her up. She had already planned on leaving her husband. That part was relatively easy. Leaving her lover, that was the hard part, but leave she did. It wasn’t until later that she had discovered she was to give birth to his child, a daughter. They had never seen or spoken to each other again until that moment.
Kathy wondered how he had found her, if kept track of her, how, and if he knew about his daughter. What had happened to his wife? She was afraid to ask.
“No more questions now. I do believe we have attracted enough attention, my pretty princess,” his old name for her. “After we eat this great breakfast, you and I are going for a drive and we will talk… a lot. That is if you agree to accompany me. You will won’t you?”
Kathy nodded her assent and quickly put a piece of the delicious baked apple in her mouth to keep from saying anything, but her hazel green eyes betrayed her. All those years and all she could do was look at him with eyes of love. Her heart quickened as she recalled her dreams of the past few days. Would he still…did he care for her as he had done before? Heavens, how did she look to him after all those years? Why hadn’t she worn a prettier outfit? Had she taken enough time for her makeup? She knew better as she often skimped on makeup. So many unanswered questions. The only thing she knew was that she wanted to feel his arms around her once more, his lips pressed hard to hers and…stop Kathy. Stop before you make a complete idiot of yourself, but she was sure she was already in danger of that.