Esrever Doom

  Well, he would ask. “Plato, remember us? We visited your mother a few days ago. Zosi Zombie took care of you for a few hours while your mother was at a meeting.”

  The boy ceased bawling and looked at them. “Take me home!” he said.

  The Bogeyman made a menacing gesture. He was standing right behind the boy; he could snatch him up and bite off his head before any of them could get there.

  “In a moment,” Kody said. “First we need to know how you got here.” He was stalling, hoping for an insight into the solution to the larger problem.

  Plato was not bashful about it. “I heard something. I sneaked out. I found a dead thing. I made it live. Then I found another dead thing. I made it live too. I kept finding dead things. It was great! Then I fell into this pit and this monster came and said he was going to eat me. So I screamed for help, and Wenda came. The monster told her something I didn’t understand, and she went away. Now take me home!”

  Kody looked at the Bogeyman. “Isn’t that entrapment? You lured the boy here with pieces of meat. His mother didn’t give him to you at all!”

  Now the Bogeyman spoke. His tone was growly gruff. “He is legally mine. He is a naughty child who sneaked out against orders. I will eat him. Unless I get my price.”

  “And what is your price?”

  The Bogeyman gave him a straight look. “Give up your Quest.”

  That was a shock. “You know who I am?”

  “I don’t care who you are. That is my price.”

  Kody was outraged. “You snatched this innocent child in order to make me give up my Quest for the good of Xanth? That can’t be legitimate.”

  “Then I will eat the child.”

  Kody drew his sword. “Then I will cut off your head.”

  The Bogeyman laughed. “You can’t hurt me.”

  “He’s right,” Yukay said. “The Bogeyman is invulnerable. We have to deal on his terms.”

  “I don’t see it that way.”

  “Please,” Zosi said desperately. “I will pay his price. I can’t let the boy be eaten.”

  “I’ll be damned if I’ll let you pay that price,” Kody said.

  Wenda stepped forward. “I am the one who must pay it. I refused before, but I can knot let my friend’s child suffer.” She walked on into the pit, sliding down the steep slope.

  The Bogeyman grabbed her. “Well now! That’s more like it. You’re one delicious morsel of a woman.” One gross hand reached into her blouse.

  “She’s not the boy’s mother!” Kody called.

  The Bogeyman paused. “Not?”

  “He is the son of Princess Eve,” Kody said. “How is it that you didn’t know that?”

  “Then bring Eve to me,” the creature said. “Or pay my price yourself.” But he didn’t let go of Wenda.

  Another person appeared at the edge of the pit. She was absolutely beautiful, but she wasn’t Princess Eve. “Wenda, you are in trouble!” she said.

  “Eris!” Wenda replied. “I did knot want yew to get involved!”

  Eris. That was Wenda’s talented friend. “Who are you?” Kody asked her.

  The women looked at him, and he felt the shock of unfathomably enormous impact. It was like a cushioned sledgehammer. “I am the Demoness Eris, come to rescue my friend from distress.”

  “She’s a Dwarf Demoness!” Yukay cried. “A creature beyond any we know! Do not annoy her!”

  Kody might have argued the point, but that single glance had shaken him. This was indeed a creature of immense power. “I meant no offense, lady.”

  “You have no authority in Xanth, Eris!” the Bogeyman called. “Begone!”

  The Demoness considered. “I will return,” she said, and vanished.

  Now Kody addressed the Bogeyman. “You’re a fake! You’re not the real Bogeyman! The real one would have known that Wenda Woodwife was not the boy’s mother. And he would not have had to lure the boy here with a trail of dead meat. You’re an impostor, and I can deal with you myself.”

  “I am new to this region, but no impostor,” the thing said. “I merely don’t yet know all the families here. That will be remedied in time.”

  Could that be correct? Kody wasn’t sure. He hefted his sword.

  Eris reappeared. Beside her Princess Eve also appeared. Beside Eve was another sinister man. “Not so fast, dreamer,” the man said to Kody.

  “With all due respect, sir, who are you?” Kody asked.

  “He is my husband,” Eve said. “Dwarf Demon Pluto. Plato’s father.”

  Kody was silent, overwhelmed by the extraordinary ramifications this situation had taken on. Another Dwarf Demon? He sheathed the sword.

  Then yet another figure appeared. This was a dragon with the head of a donkey. The creature was so ludicrous that Kody had to stifle a laugh. Had this business dissolved entirely into farce?

  “No,” Yukay said, answering his unspoken question. “That is the Demon Xanth. The ruler of this land.”

  Kody was glad he hadn’t laughed. Why a powerful Demon should go about in such a form he couldn’t guess, but evidently rank had its privileges. It seemed that each Demon had a finger in this particular pie. Why weren’t they acting to abate the menace of the Bogeyman? The thing might or might not be a fake, but he still was a threat to the woman and the child.

  Then a fourth Demon appeared. Kody could tell by the aura of power. These things were assuming human (or dragon-ass) form, but their intense magic radiated out regardless.

  “And the Demon Earth,” Yukay said in awe. “What an assembly!”

  “Who has jurisdiction here?” Eris asked. “I do not believe this creature is from Xanth.”

  “It is not,” the Demon Pluto said. “It was somehow imported from some other magic realm.”

  “There are rumors of it in my realm,” Demon Earth said. “But it is not my creature.”

  That explained the Bogeyman’s unfamiliarity with the region. He had been operating elsewhere.

  “I’m not waiting for you freaks to make up your minds,” the Bogeyman said. “I’m taking what’s mine.” He swept up the child and tightened his grip on Wenda.

  Kody charged before he even realized he was going to. So did Ivan, Yukay, and Zosi, and Zap made a huge leap over all of their heads in an arc aiming for the Bogeyman.

  And the scene froze, catching them all in motion like a flash photograph. They were stationary, and the griffin was stopped in midair. The Bogeyman too was frozen, along with Wenda and Plato. Kody realized that this was the spell of the Demons, who had magic in a league beyond any mortals knew.

  “I claim jurisdiction because my friend Wenda Woodwife Charming is threatened,” Eris said.

  “I claim jurisdiction because my son Plato is threatened,” Pluto said.

  “I claim jurisdiction because the domain is mine,” Xanth said. It seemed he could speak when he chose to, despite his asinine head.

  “I claim jurisdiction because the protagonist, Kody Mundane, is mine, and is threatened,” Earth said. That made Kody take note: so the Demon of his own world was involved in this. That confirmed what the Night Stallion had said about honoring requests for dreams. Kody was another dream.

  “Then it seems we are at an impasse,” Eris said. “We need a decision on jurisdiction before we can deal with this situation.”

  “The mortal woman, the Maiden Yukay, is reasonably sensible and objective,” Xanth said. “Let her decide.”

  “Agreed,” the other three said together.

  Yukay, in the middle of their running group, spoke without moving. “Each of you has a valid claim, a personal involvement. This would not be happening without the setting in the Land of Xanth, Demon Pluto has a right to protect his son, Demoness Eris has a right to protect her friend, and Demon Earth—you sponsored Kody? How could that be, here in Xanth’s domain?”

  “I made a deal with Demon Xanth,” Demon Earth replied. “He knew there was Demon-level interference in his domain, but did not know who was responsible. He ne
eded an exterior investigator who would not reveal that he was searching for the miscreant Demon. One who would be immune to the effect of the Bomb. I provided that person in the form of a dream. Physical folk can be tracked, but not dream folk.”

  “But then is Kody really at risk? Won’t he simply emerge from the dream if anything happens to him here?”

  “If he dies here, he dies in Mundania. That provides him motive to make his best effort.”

  Indeed, Kody thought sourly.

  Yukay might have nodded, though she did not move. “Then he is at risk. Your claim is as valid as the others. I am unable to choose between them.”

  “Is there another reasonably objective and sensible mortal?” Pluto asked.

  “The man Ivan has no direct ties to the woman or the child at present risk,” Xanth said.

  “Agreed,” the other three said. Kody realized that their spoken words must be only part of their total communication.

  “What would each of you do with the Bogeyman, if you had jurisdiction?” Ivan asked without moving.

  “I would put him in a vise and squeeze him until all his information relating to his appearance and action here in my domain emerged,” the Demon Xanth said. “Thereafter I might treat him unkindly, depending on my mood.”

  “I would take him to my domain of Hades and make him the servant-man of my son, on pain of losing a finger or toe any time he balked,” the Demon Pluto said.

  “I would take him to my domain, the chill planet Eris, and slowly freeze off that member with which he threatened my friend,” the Demoness Eris said.

  “I would take him to my domain of Mundania and throw him into a prison for incorrigible rapists and child molesters, and let them have their way with him forever after,” the Demon Earth said.

  Kody realized that the Demons were serious. They had the power and the ill will, and they did not fool around with wrongdoers.

  “These are all worthy punishments,” Ivan said. “I am unable to choose between them.”

  “Is there another reasonably objective mortal present?” Demon Earth asked.

  “The griffin, being nonhuman and possessing a soul, is about as fair-minded as any,” Demon Xanth said.

  “Agreed,” the other three said.

  “Squawk.”

  “Good point,” Demon Xanth said. “Technically, the mother has to give the child to the Bogeyman.”

  “I did not!” Princess Eve said hotly. “I would never do that.”

  “I will replay the sequence,” Demon Pluto said. “It occurred in our vacation residence in Xanth, Castle Windswept, an hour ago.”

  The scene appeared inside the castle. Princess Eve, dark eyed, dark haired, and breathtakingly lovely as ever, was hurrying to make arrangements for the reception of a royal visitor. Plato was playing with something he had dug out from the garbage. It looked like half a squashed toad. In a moment he had animated it. The thing leaped just as Eve was carrying a vase of flowers to the family room table, and she almost stepped on it. “Eeeek!” she screamed. “Plato, I’ve told you a hundred times, not in the house!”

  “Ninety-seven times,” the boy corrected her amiably.

  “Take it out! If you don’t behave, the Bogeyman may get you.” She shook her head. “What would Princess Wenda think if that rotten thing jumped into her lap? She’d never agree to take you for a play date with her youngest!”

  “Don’t want a play date with a girl,” Plato said truculently.

  Eve made a gesture as of tearing her hair out in handfuls. “Oh, I wish Zosi were here to governess you. She’d make you appreciate the value of girls.”

  “Never.”

  “Remember, she’s a zombie.”

  Plato reconsidered. “Yeah. She’s fun.”

  Eve looked at the squirming dead toad in his hand. “Now.”

  The boy knew better than to argue further. He took the undead toad out and let it go. Then he saw another dead thing lying in the grass not far away. He went to it and animated it. Then he saw another farther from the castle. He continued walking and animating, paying no attention where he was going.

  The sequence ended. “Now we have the answer,” Pluto said. “She did not give him to the Bogeyman. He lured my son away without cause.”

  “But she did mention the Bogeyman,” Demon Earth said.

  “She said ‘may.’ That’s supposition, not permission.”

  “It’s a technicality. It was a definite threat.”

  Demon Xanth glanced at Zap. “Verdict?”

  “Squawk.”

  “More indecision,” Demoness Eris said.

  “We need another suggestion,” Demon Xanth said.

  “Squawk.”

  “Now that will do,” Demon Earth said.

  “Let them settle it themselves while we watch,” Demoness Eris agreed.

  “And wager on the outcome,” Demon Pluto said.

  “So be it,” Demon Xanth said.

  Then the motion of the group of them resumed. Zap got there first, striking with beak and talons. The Bogeyman dropped the boy and let go of Wenda, who caught Plato before he hit the ground. He fended off the griffin and poised a fist to strike back. Obviously he was neither afraid nor weak.

  Kody was next. He caught the poised arm and hauled it back. It felt like a two-by-four rather than flesh and bone. Indeed, this creature was tough.

  The Bogeyman turned on him, poising the other fist.

  Zosi caught it. The stroke hauled her along, but was slowed enough to allow Kody to dodge out of its way.

  Even with his arms encumbered, the monster was far from helpless. The Bogeyman’s face came up to Kody’s face. His ratlike mouth opened wide, wider than any mortal man could manage, showing horrendous pointed yellow teeth. He lunged at Kody’s face, those teeth snapping. But Kody, getting belatedly smart, flipped a chip into that gaping orifice.

  The face paused. Then the mouth snapped shut, as had happened with the dragon, its impetus reversed. The Bogeyman couldn’t bite his head off.

  Ivan dived for the creature’s legs. He hauled them up, and the Bogeyman was toppled to the ground. But still he fought with demonic strength. Kody feared the creature would not tire, and would overcome them all before long.

  Kody let go and drew his sword. He chopped at the thing’s exposed arm. The sword dug in slightly. He chopped again, but again made little progress. Two-by-four? More like concrete! The thing was truly invulnerable.

  Through it all the four Demons watched impassively. They did not help or intervene; they merely waited. Kody realized that this was part of their nature: to let mortals sort things out without interference, to settle some obscure wager. It was their way of randomizing the decision.

  “I think we have a problem,” Ivan said.

  “I’m not going to let this freak eat the child,” Kody said. “Or molest Princess Wenda. There has to be a way.”

  “There is no way,” the Bogeyman said, speaking through his shut mouth. “Soon you will all be mine.”

  Kody pondered. The Bogeyman’s body was odd in several ways, apart from its ugliness and invulnerability. It looked almost as if it had been assembled piecemeal, like Frankenstein’s monster. Then he got a notion. It wasn’t sufficient to light a bulb, but it was worth trying, just in case.

  He took hold of the creature’s arm again, holding it firmly. He still had the strength to do that, at least briefly. Then he flipped a chip at the shoulder joint.

  And the arm came off. The chip had reversed the connection.

  Well, now. Kody kicked the arm away from the body. It rolled and stopped, flexing at the elbow joint, like a severed serpent’s tail. Then he oriented on the other arm. In a moment he had reversed its fastening too. Then the two legs. The thing was now largely helpless. Still invulnerable in whole or in parts, but unable to move.

  “What about the head?” Yukay asked.

  “Don’t you dare!” the Bogeyman said.

  Kody flipped a chip at the neck. It disengaged and t
he head rolled free. “Bleep!” it swore. “When I get myself back together, I will make you utterly sorry! All of you!”

  “Then we had better see that he never gets back together,” Yukay said. “How can we best do that?”

  They considered, and decided that they should bury each part by itself, far from the others. “I can dew it,” Wenda said. “One by one.”

  Kody handed her an arm, which still flexed on its own, its fingers clenching spasmodically. That gave him the creeps, but he didn’t say so. Wenda took it and disappeared, doing her traveling thing.

  “We can bury the torso right here,” Yukay said. “That’s apart from the limbs and head.”

  “I will get together again,” the head said grimly. “In time.”

  “Maybe in several centuries,” Yukay said. “If we don’t find a way to destroy your parts first.”

  “My maker will come and make you sorry.”

  “Oh? And who is your maker?”

  But now the head was silent. That was too bad, because it could have been highly significant information. It occurred to Kody that the same person or thing that had sent the Bogeyman could have sent the Bomb.

  They used the legs as spades and dug in the ground. The work was slow, but steady. Wenda returned and took the other arm for distant burial. Then she returned for one leg, and the other. Finally, as they were ready to bury the body, she came for the head.

  “You’ll never get away with this, woodbottom,” the head said.

  “One more chance, before I throw yew into the sea for the krakens to play with,” Wenda said evenly. “Who sent yew here to consume innocent children?”

  The head was silent.

  Wenda took it and disappeared. The others dropped the torso into the hole and used their hands to push the dirt in over it.

  “The issue has been settled,” Demon Xanth said. “The Bogeyman did not get the boy.”

  Princess Eve ran to swoop up her son. “Oh, that scene reminded me,” she said. “About that play date—”

  “Of course,” Wenda said. “My little girl loves ooky things. That’s why she was unadoptable.”

  “She does?” Plato asked.

  “She sticks her fingers in and licks them off,” Wenda said. “Ugh! I’ve told her a hundred times it’s unprincessly, but she keeps doing it.”