The Child of the Dawn

  XXVI

  But all my speculations were cut short by a strange event which happenedabout this time. One day, without any warning, the thought of Cynthiadarted urgently and irresistibly into my mind. Her image came between meand all my tasks; I saw her in innumerable positions and guises, butalways with her eyes bent on me in a pitiful entreaty. Afterendeavouring to resist the thought for a little as some kind of fantasy,I became suddenly convinced that she was in need of me, and in urgentneed. I asked for an interview with our Master, and told him the story;he heard me gravely, and then said that I might go in search of her; butI was not sure that he was wholly pleased, and he bent his eyes upon mewith a very inquiring look. I hesitated whether or not to call Amroth tomy aid, but decided that I had better not do so at first. The questionwas how to find her; the great crags lay between me and the land ofdelight; and when I hurried out of the college, the thought of thedescent and its dangers fairly unmanned me. I knew, however, of no otherway. But what was my surprise when, on arriving at the top, not far fromthe point where Amroth had greeted me after the ascent, I saw a littlesteep path, which wound itself down into the gulleys and chimneys of theblack rocks. I took it without hesitation, and though again and again itseemed to come to an end in front of me, I found that it could be tracedand followed without serious difficulty. The descent was accomplishedwith a singular rapidity, and I marvelled to find myself at thecrag-base in so brief a time, considering the intolerable tedium of theascent. I rapidly crossed the intervening valley, and was very soon atthe gate of the careless land. To my intense joy, and not at all to mysurprise, I found Cynthia at the gate itself, waiting for me with alook of expectancy. She came forwards, and threw herself passionatelyinto my arms, murmuring words of delight and welcome, like a child.

  "I knew you would come," she said. "I am frightened--all sorts ofdreadful things have happened. I have found out where I am--and I seemto have lost all my friends. Charmides is gone, and Lucius is cruel tome--he tells me that I have lost my spirits and my good looks, and amtiresome company."

  I looked at her--she was paler and frailer-looking than when I left her;and she was habited very differently, in simpler and graver dress. Butshe was to my eyes infinitely more beautiful and dearer, and I told herso. She smiled at that, but half tearfully; and we seated ourselves on abench hard by, looking over the garden, which was strangely andluxuriantly beautiful.

  "You must take me away with you at once," she said. "I cannot live herewithout you. I thought at first, when you went, that it was rather arelief not to have your grave face at my shoulder,"--here she took myface in her hands--"always reminding me of something I did not want, andought to have wanted--but oh, how I began to miss you! and then I got sotired of this silly, lazy place, and all the music and jokes andcompliments. But I am a worthless creature, and not good for anything. Icannot work, and I hate being idle. Take me anywhere, _make_ me dosomething, beat me if you like, only force me to be different from whatI am."

  "Very well," I said. "I will give you a good beating presently, ofcourse, but just let me consider what will hurt you most, silly child!"

  "That is it," she said. "I want to be hurt and bruised, and shaken as mynurse used to shake me, when I was a naughty child. Oh dear, oh dear,how wretched I am!" and poor Cynthia laid her head on my shoulder andburst into tears.

  "Come, come," I said, "you must not do that--I want my wits about me;but if you cry, you will simply make a fool of me--and this is no timefor love-making."

  "Then you do really _care_", said Cynthia in a quieter tone. "That isall I want to know! I want to be with you, and see you every hour andevery minute. I can't help saying it, though it is really veryundignified for me to be making love to you. I did many silly things onearth, but never anything quite so feeble as that!"

  I felt myself fairly bewildered by the situation. My psychology did notseem to help me; and here at least was something to love and rescue. Iwill say frankly that, in my stupidity and superiority, I did not reallythink of loving Cynthia in the way in which she needed to be loved. Shewas to me, with all my grave concerns and problems, as a charming andintelligent child, with whom I could not even speak of half the thoughtswhich absorbed me. So I just held her in my arms, and comforted her asbest I could; but what to do and where to bestow her I could not tell.I saw that her time to leave the place of desire had come, but what shecould turn to I could not conceive.

  Suddenly I looked up, and saw Lucius approaching, evidently in a veryangry mood.

  "So this is the end of all our amusement?" he said, as he came near."You bring Cynthia here in your tiresome, condescending way, you liveamong us like an almighty prig, smiling gravely at our fun, and then yougo off when it is convenient to yourself; and then, when you want alittle recreation, you come and sit here in a corner and hug yourdarling, when you have never given her a thought of late. You _know_that is true," he added menacingly.

  "Yes," I said, "it is true! I went of my own will, and I have come backof my own will; and you have all been out of my thoughts, because I havehad much work to do. But what of that? Cynthia wants me and I have comeback to her, and I will do whatever she desires. It is no goodthreatening me, Lucius--there is nothing you can do or say that willhave the smallest effect on me."

  "We will see about that," said Lucius. "None of your airs here! We arepeaceful enough when we are respectfully and fairly treated, but we haveour own laws, and no one shall break them with impunity. We will have nohalf-hearted fools here. If you come among us with your damnedmissionary airs, you shall have what I expect you call the crown ofmartyrdom."

  He whistled loud and shrill. Half-a-dozen men sprang from the bushes andflung themselves upon me. I struggled, but was overpowered, and draggedaway. The last sight I had was of Lucius standing with a disdainfulsmile, with Cynthia clinging to his arm; and to my horror and disgustshe was smiling too.